A Humorous World of the Transformers
Author: Boomer Kuwanger/Cyros
Disclaimer: I don't own Transformers in anyway. I just own this story idea, as well as a Nintendo Gamecube. Now on with the fic!
Sideways: Since Cyros didn't get to making any serious Armada fics yet for fanfiction.net, he's starting with his own style like in his Pokemon and Sonic fan fics.
Shadow the Hedgehog: SHUT. UP.
Episode One: Snow me the Way!
(Inside the Autobot base, Red Alert and Sideswipe are working on building the ship. Rad, Carlos, Alexis and their Minicons are watching them work)
Sideswipe: Um, anyone got a spare blowtorch?
Red Alert: Let me see... (looks in pile of tools) Strange, I thought I had it here an hour ago...
(Blurr comes into with the blowtorch)
Blurr: YESYESYESI'mhyper!Yes,mustdestroyallDecepticons,mustdestroy,yes!They'reallaftermyprecious,mine,mine!Noonewilltouchmyprecious,precious!!!! *Runs off*
Red Alert, Sideswipe: *sweatdrop*
Alexis: I knew we shouldn't have developed that sugar enfused Energon.
Sureshock: Yeah, and giving him access to all web comics on the web didn't help either.
Optimus: Have any of you seen Jetfire?
Rad: Wait, when did you come in?
Red Alert: I didn't hear you come in, sir. *Salutes Optimus*
Optimus: At ease, men...
Rad: So, how much more time needed to finish the ship?
Sideswipe: Well, judging by our-
OH NO, TOO SERIOUS! Must cause chaos!!!
(Billy and Fred rush in)
Fred: Hurry you guys, you have to check outside!!!
(Everyone else looks at them)
Alexis: May I ask why?
Billy: IT'S SNOWING!!!
Carlos: Say what!?
Sideswipe: But aren't we located in the middle of the desert?
(Jetfire comes in, all covered in snow)
Optimus: Jetfire, what happened to you?
Jetfire: I was just flying, minding my own business, when a blizzard came out of flippin nowhere, froze my engines and I had to land right into a glacier!
Alexis: ...but there are no glaciers near here...
Jetfire: Well, there is now.
(Everyone becomes silent)
Optimus: How could this area suddenly experience snow...
Carlos: Yeah, and it's not even December!
Sideswipe: *thinking* So many exclamation points...
(Just then, Smokescreen runs in with Scavenger)
Smokescreen: Optimus sir, we just got a signal.
Scavenger: It's Sideways.
Everyone else: SIDEWAYS!!!??? *Immediately run to the main control room* IT IS SIDEWAYS!!!
Sideways: ...You people sure do yell a lot.
Hot Shot: What do yah want!?
Sideways: It's simple, real-wait, where did you come from?
Hot Shot: What are you talking about?
Sideways: Whatever, just listen to me. Anyone notice that the High Desert community is now an icy snow plain?
Rad: Did you have something to do with that!?
Sideways: Well, duh... *Moves out of the way and shows many human sized robotic penguins making snow fall from the sky*
Red Alert: What in the world...?
Alexis: What are those things?
Sideways: Just carbon copies of the Maverick Chill Penguin, all programmed to make this entire community into a frozen graveyard.
Sideways: I know, evil isn't it? Fufufu, maw HAHAHAHA!!!
Optimus: I demand that you stop this at once!
Sideways: Um, let me just think about that-NO. See yah, freaks.
(The screen turns off)
Carlos: Oh man, this is way malo, dude...
Hot Shot: I say we just go out there and blast those machines into scrap metal!
Optimus: I fear that is our only option... *turns to the kids* We may need your help on this one, but be careful, okay?
Rad: You can count on us, Optimus!
Fred: But I'm hungry...
Billy: *thinking* Why do I put up with him?
Meanwhile, outside the High Desert community...
Wheeljack: How come we have to go after Sideways? I say let him freeze the Autobots to death.
Demolisher: Megatron wants us to capture Sideways in order to interrogate him. It's strange that he would suddenly show up here.
Cyclonus: But I'm hungry!
Wheeljack: We don't need to eat, jackass...
Starscream: Will all of you just shut up!!! _
Demolisher: Hey, they'll shut up when I say they shut up, and I say SHUT UP!!!
Wheeljack, Cyclonus, Starscream: ...-_-;
(Blurr comes running by with the welding torch in hand)
Blurr: SNOWBADSNOWBAD!Mustmeltallsnowbeforepreciousfreezesover!Myprecious!My- *Notices the Decepticons*
Demolisher: An Autobot! Get him! *Aims arms cannons at him*
Wheeljack: FInally, some...is he foaming!?
(Foam is seen coming out of Blurr's faceplate)
Blurr: Decepticons... must...destroy...protect precious... *ignites welding torch*
Starscream: That doesn't... look to good.
Demolisher: HA! We outnumber him four to one! It's not possible to take out all of... *looks back and sees that his team mates are running toward the town* uh...guys?
Blurr: MUSTDESTROYDECEPTICONS!!! *Pounces at Demolisher*
Demolisher: O_O; WHA!!! MOMMY!!! *runs toward the town as well, Blurr just behind him.*
Back in town, with Sideways...
Sideways: Jingle bells, Megatron smells, Squid Head laid an egg...
(Sideways sings as people run from his army of Chill Penguins)
Sideways: Yes, freeze them all, turn them into ice sculptures!
Optimus: NOT SO FAST!
(Optimus and all of the Autobots [minus Blurr] ride up and transformer into robot mode. The kids ride up right behind them)
Sideways: Well, look who it is...
Optimus: This is you last warning. Stop this now and leave, or we will use force!
Alexis: Yeah, leave the town out of this!
Sideways: Hmm... you shouldn't have let the humans here, Optimus...
Chill Penguin #1: LOOK! HUMANS!!!
Chill Penguin #2: Humans... enemy...
Chill Penguin #3: I shall eat their innards!!!
Fred: Oh no!!! *hides behind Billy*
(The Chill Penguins begins marching toward the humans, but the Autobots block the way)
Sideswipe: We'll never let you harm them!
Sideways: Eh, whatever. Penguins, freeze them so we can smash them later with baseball bats.
All Chill Penguins: WOO-HOO!!! *Charge up their Shotgun Ice's*
Jetfire: Aw nuts...
(Just then, Wheeljack, Cyclonus and Starscream come running by)
Wheeljack, Cyclonus, Starscream: RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!
(Starscream pauses for a second then turns to Alexis)
Starscream: Heya Lexis, after Sideways is toast would you mind giving you home address or something?
Alexis: *left speechless*
Demolisher: RUN! RUN AWAY!!! *Grabs Starscream as he runs by*
Starscream: ARGH! Let me go!!!
(Blurr comes running up as well)
Blurr: Must...destroydecep...ticon...must protect... my precious... *falls down on top of his blowtorch*
Red Alert: I was wondering where he went.
Sideways: Alright, enough stalling already! Time for you all to-
(Suddenly the blowtorch explodes from underneath Blurr, spreading fire all over the ground and hitting all the Chill Penguins)
Chill Penguin #2: AH!!! I'M ON FIRE!!!
Chill Penguin #4: WAH! Why was I programmed to feel PAIN!?!?!?!?
(All of the robots explode from their weakness to fire)
Optimus: Looks like you plan's fail, Sideways. Now LEAVE.
Sideways: ...fine, but I'll be back one day. I make you all pay, hehehe...
(Sideways turns into a data beam and blasts into space)
Scavenger: Well, that was short and pointless.
Red Alert: Beside that, we did stop the army of robots. Well, technically Blurr did.
Blurr: *charred* Destroy... destroy... precious... *faints*
Optimus: Remind me to lock up the spare sugar-infused Energon cubes we created.
Rad: Good plan.
Highwire: *thinking* I didn't get to say anything here. WHO'S RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS!?!?!?!?
Meanwhile, in a tower fortress...
Boomer Kuwanger: Crappy hell, he's onto me.
Shadow: Well it was quite obvious. Just do the self insertion and-
Boomer Kuwanger: NEVER!!! *Gives Shadow the look of Death*
(Just then, Cyclonus flies up outside the tower)
Cyclonus: Hey guys, check out what I found!
Starscream: Whoa! Now that's interesting!!!
Boomer Kuwanger: EPP. O_O
(As Starscream and Cyclonus try to enter the tower, Demolsiher and Wheeljack are left ont he ground.)
Wheeljack: COme on guys, give us a lift! WE WANT TO SEE TOO!!!
Demolisher: Ah, let's just ditch them and say they disobeyed orders when we return, okay?
Wheeljack: ...aw, what the hell. *Warps back to the base with Demolisher*
HOLY KUWANGERS! Starscream and Cyclonus have found the author's lair! And what will become of them once Megatron heroes of their Will the High Desert community return to normal anytime soon? And just why did Starscream hit on Alexis? And Sideways, how did he get Mavericks to help him!? Why am I still stalling with the first chapter!?!?!?
Sideways: Cause you're a loser who has no girlfriend, freak. *Laughs at Cyros's expense*
Me: SHUT UP!!! I'm warning you... *sniffles*
STAY TUNE FOR EPISODE TWO: JOURNEY TO THE CENTER OF TERRA!
Sideways: For anybody who doesn't know, Terra is the latin word of Earth.