Wonderful

Disclaimer: I don't own the X-Men and am making no money of this. The song "Wonderful" belongs to Everclear.

Rating: PG-13

Summary: Takes place after my other fic "The Walk Down the Aisle," but it isn't really a sequel and you don't have to read that one first. All you need to know is Kitty Pryde has entered into a loveless marriage with Peter Rasputin. This story takes place years in the future, and is told from the point of view of their oldest daughter, Illyana.

Feedback and Archiving: Please leave me feedback and let me know what you think! My email address is addie_logan@yahoo.com and my screen name is RavenMarieLeBeau. You're welcome to archive this anywhere you'd like, just let me know at what site you're posting it.

Wonderful

By: Addie Logan

I close my eyes when I get too sad
I think thoughts that I know are bad
Close my eyes and I count to ten
Hope it's over when I open them
I want the things that I had before
Like a Star Wars poster on my bedroom door
I wish I could count to ten
Make everything be wonderful again
I hope my mom and I hope my dad
Will figure out why they get so mad
Hear them scream, I hear them fight
They say bad words and make me want to cry

They're fighting again. I'd that hoped when we finally left Russia that maybe it would stop. Mom had never liked it there, so maybe leaving would make her happy. Maybe I'd get to see her smile. She isn't happy. She doesn't smile.

My little brother and sister are asleep beside me. They always crawl into bed with me when the yelling starts. I guess being with their big sister makes them feel safe. I wish I had someone to make me feel safe.

Close my eyes when I go to bed and I
Dream of angels who make me smile
I feel better when I hear them say
Everything will be wonderful some day
Promises mean everything when you're little and the world's so big
I just don't understand how you can smile with all those tears in your eye
And tell me everything is wonderful now
Na na nana........
Please don't tell me everything is wonderful now

I hear the sound of glass shattering and I wonder who broke what. Maybe Mom threw her drink at Dad. Maybe he threw something at her. Maybe Mom was just too drunk to hold onto her scotch any longer. It doesn't matter.

Katerina whimpers in her sleep and begins to toss around a little. I stroke her hair until she settles down. I'm glad she didn't wake Nikolai. It's always difficult to get him to go to sleep.

My twin brother Kristof is alone in his room, and I know he won't come join me like he used to, when we were little like Katerina and Nikki. He used to come and talk to me, make me feel better when the fighting made it so I couldn't sleep. He tries to pretend now that he can't hear them yelling, that Mom doesn't drink too much, that our parents are in love. He buries his pain deep inside, telling himself that it isn't happening, that everything in our life is wonderful. I wish I could fool myself that way.

Go to school and I run and play
I tell the kids that it's all ok
I laugh a lot so my friends won't know
When the bell rings I just don't want to go
Go in my room and I close my eyes
I make believe I have a new life
I don't believe you when you say
Everything will be wonderful some day
Promises mean everything when you're little and the world is so big (so big)
I just don't understand how you can smile with all those tears in your eyes
When you tell me everything is wonderful now

Sometimes I hate my parents. I hate Mom for trying to drown the aching emptiness she feels with a bottle of liquor. I hate Dad for never trying to help her, only getting angry. I hate them both for letting whatever they may have had once become this. It's during those times that I want to leave, that I want to run away to a place that's calm and peaceful.

But I can never leave. I can't leave Katerina and Nikolai. They are so young, and without me, who would take care of them? They need me, so I stay, wishing I could become numb the way Kristof has.

Na na nana........
No. No. I don't want to hear you tell me everything is wonderful now
No. No. I don't want to hear you tell me everything is wonderful now
I don't to hear you say that I will understand some day
No. No. No. No.
I don't want to hear you say both have grown in a different way
No. No. No.
No I don't want to meet your friend
I don't want to start over again
I just want my life to be the same
Just like it used to be
Somedays I hate everything
I hate everything
Everyone and everything
Please don't tell me everything is wonderful now..
Na na nana....
I don't want to hear you tell me everything is wonderful now...
Please don't tell me everything is wonderful now..
Na nana..

The yelling has stopped, and my room is silent, save for the sounds of Katerina and Nikki breathing and my almost-silent tears. I stare up at the ceiling and finger the Star of David I wear around my neck. I pray for happiness, for a loving family, for my mother to smile.

I pray for everything to be wonderful.

Everything is wonderful now...