- The Most Amazing Resident Evil Story Known to Man -

~ By Nazi Janitor


Billy Coen felt sweat dripping down his legs.. or it could have been piss, whatever. Billy stared forward at the monstrousity. It appeared to be Colonel Sanders, except more mutant like and at least seven feet tall. Billy quickly reloaded his hunting rifle and fired the two shots he had left at Colonel Sanders. He then realied he had no more shells left.

"Time to resort to the pistol."

But before he could equip his pistol, Colonel Sanders threw a box of explosive popcorn chicken at Billy's eyebrow, which strangely gave him toenail cancer.

"Damnit! Now I have toenail cancer.."

Billy looked at Rebecca, playing Yu-Gi-Oh with a mutated leech. He either thought she had been brainwashed, or had a sudden case of "Retarditis". Billy struggeled to get up, but was kicked in the ribs by Colonel Sanders. Billy couldn't get enough strength to stand up. He had thought it was over, until.. Jesus Christ burst through the doors in his Impala with several Nazi gangsters.

"What in the hell.." Billy said.

"Yo Billy, word. We owez joo one from when you saved meh from dose evil Satan worshipping strippers. Ok boyz, fire yo' AK's at Sanduz!!" replied Jesus.


Colonel Sanders quickly was vanquished and melts into Insane Clown Posse, and starts singing songs no one can tell the lyrics to.

"GAHHHHHH!! Make it stop!" screamed Billy.

"This defiuhtely be frum hell, dawg." said Jesus.

"Gah! Mein earz bleedein! Mein run!" screamed one of the Nazi gangsters.

Jesus and his Nazis drove off in their Impalas and eventually drove into a 7/11 and died. (You think Jesus was killed on a cross? YOU'VE BEEN PROVEN WRONG. IF YOU DISAGREE WITH ME, YOU ARE DEFINATELY ON DRUGS.)

Billy couldn't bare another word from those Gary McConnie's. (THAT'S AN INSULT, FOOLISH ONES.) Billy barely pulled out his trusty bananna and realized it was out of ammo!!