New Author's Notes: In honor of the one year anniversary of the first chapter of 'The Confessions Trilogy' I have decided to perform a massive edit of this story, and will be going over every single chapter. Below you will find all the original author's notes from the story, because I hadn't the heart to part with them, and then beyond that the new and improved story. Maybe this will become a tradition...we'll just have to wait and see!
Though not described in detail, this story does deal with rape so be warned if that sort of topic bothers you
Original Author's Notes: Well, it's finally done. I've truly loved writing this story, and I'm glad you all enjoyed it too. I hope this is a satisfactory ending for you, with enough fluff to be enjoyed, but not so much that it spoils your appetite!
In response to some of your questions, I can certainly see where one could make a sequel out of this, so if you have any ideas then feel free to let me know. And for the sake of not making the epilogue too confusing, lets just assume that Kagome's rapist was put away in prison for what he did.
Anyway, thanks for all your reviews...I received more then I could have ever hoped for in the beginning. And so now, without further adieu, I present to you the final chapter of the story 'Confessions of a Broken Heart'. It's been a wonderful experience writing this, and until we meet again, I bid you all good night (bows elegantly and leaves stage).
Title: Confessions of a Broken Heart
Rating: PG-13 (rated for violence, language, and implied sexual situations)
Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha.
The afternoon was beautiful, with a light breeze penetrated by sunbeams, which were streaming through the trees that surrounded the small village and giving the air a surreal feeling. If one looked close enough they would have even sworn that there were rainbows across the hills courtesy of the rain shower that had come the night before, making everything about the world seem fresh and clean.
It was the perfect day for a wedding.
Unfortunately, compared to the pristine, beautiful day, the bride-to-be was a nervous wreck, and Kagome had to resist the urge to run her fingers through her carefully curled hair to ease the tension coiling up in her body. She had to do something, or she was going to snap! Honestly, why was Sango worrying so much?
"What if it starts to rain?" The exterminator, who was usually so calm and collected about everything, commented nervously, wringing her hands as she paced up and down the floor of the small space that was Kaede's hut, her feet soft against the ground.
Kagome just rolled her eyes and glanced out one of the windows. "It already rained last night, and besides Sango, the gods would really have to desire rain to ruin this beautiful day. You have nothing to worry about."
That didn't seem to help. "But...but what if something goes wrong today?" She asked frantically. "What if..." She gasped. "What if he leaves me?"
"Sango," Kagome had a frustrated edge to her voice as she spoke. "The man has been chasing you around for the past three years. Somehow I doubt that he'll leave you now that you've finally agreed to be his for the rest of your life." She softened her gaze. "He loves you."
Unfortunately, the comment didn't make the woman feel any better, because she started pacing eve faster, causing her gown to bunch in strange places as she would abruptly change direction to accommodate the small floor.
Deciding it was pointless to argue with a nervous bride, Kagome instead decided to admire her friend's appearance on that day. Sango was always beautiful, with her mature air and almost tragic sense of wisdom, her body solid as a rock from years of training as an exterminator, but today, for the first time, she didn't just look strong, she looked extremely soft, her gown making her looking like a delicate white lily.
Spun of the purest silk from a nearby village, the gown was different from anything Sango had worn before in that it was much more form fitting, revealing her curvaceous hips as they swayed back and forth, the skirt flaring out gently after reaching her upper thigh, giving her just enough space to walk comfortably. The sleeves draped elegantly over her shoulders in virgin modesty, revealing nothing in the front, and only slight skin in the back, the sleeves covering her arms and flaring at her wrists so that her hands were hidden.
To complete the image of the beautiful blushing bride, Kagome had brought over one of her portable curler sets that didn't require being plugged into a wall, which had successfully set Sango's long brown hair into elegant ringlets falling over her shoulders and down her back. And finally, the look was sealed when Kagome had woven fresh flowers into the small braids near the top of her friend's head.
Without meaning to, Kagome sighed, imaging what it would be like on her wedding day, when she got to wear the white gown and get all dressed up. "Sango, you are so beautiful today, you know that?" She felt suddenly in awe of her friend as a beam of light coming through the window illuminated her friend in a ray of sunshine.
Sango just blushed and looked down at herself critically. "Really Kagome? I mean, do you think Miroku will like the dress?"
"How could he not? You look like you could be an angel from heaven in that dress." She smiled. "All you need now are the big, feathered wings!"
"Thank you, Kagome," Sango replied softly, taking her friend's hands in her own with a smile, and Kagome sighed, hoping the gesture meant that her friend had finally calmed down.
Unfortunately the moment was ruined, because Inuyasha suddenly pushed aside the cloth covering the door, his usual arrogant smirk in place. "Kagome, Kaede wants to know where you put the rolls she baked earlier." He stopped short when he saw the two elegantly dressed women before him, and was only broken out of his trance by Sango's sudden cry of alarm.
"Inuyasha! Get out! Get out!" She started throwing the curlers at the hanyou desperately, which he artfully dodged. "You're not supposed to see me yet! None of the men are supposed to see me yet!"
Sighing in exasperation that the calm she'd worked so hard to achieve was ruined, Kagome pushed the stunned hanyou out the door without so much as a hello, trying desperately to ignore how handsome he looked in the cream colored kimono Miroku had picked as the color for the occasion. It was the only time anyone had ever convinced Inuyasha to take off his red jacket.
Turning around, Kagome watched as Sango started pacing again, muttering desperately. "That's bad luck, isn't it? He wasn't supposed to see me, was he?" She looked up at the roof. "Oh Buddha, my marriage is over before it's even had a chance to begin!"
Kagome took the frantic woman by the shoulders and shook her firmly. "Sango, if I recall correctly it is only the groom who cannot see his bride before the wedding." She winked. "And the last time I checked, you're not marrying Inuyasha."
Sango blushed at the very thought and looked away. "Oh...I'm sorry, Kagome, I'm just so nervous. This is the day my family planned for me my whole life, and now that it's finally happening I want it to go right, if nothing else, then to simply honor their memory..." Her eyes clouded over in brief pain, and Kagome knew she was thinking about Kohaku.
They had gone searching for him almost immediately after Naraku's defeat, while Inuyasha and Kagome had been in the modern era, and Sango had soon found him in a quite part of the forest, dead now that the shard was gone. She'd taken him back to the exterminator village to bury him with the rest of their family, and still felt an immense sorrow whenever she thought of his tragic end.
Kagome put a comforting hand on Sango's cheek and wiped away the solitary tear on her creamy skin. "He wouldn't want you to be sad today, Sango. He'd want you to be happy, and enjoy the time you have with the man you love."
She looked away. "I know...I guess I just never thought I'd get married without my family at my side."
"I'm your family," Kagome replied gently, knowing she meant it, and Sango looked back at her friend, managing a smile.
"I know...and I thank you for that, Kagome." She cleared her face, and was once more a happy bride on her wedding day. She rose to her feet and, after touching her hair, giggled. "You know, I could never marry Inuyasha, not since you're his mate. After all, demons mate for life." She had a playful grin on her face, and it was Kagome's turn to blush.
Reaching up, she touched her neck, feeling the slight scar near her collarbone. It was true; she was now officially marked as his mate. He'd asked her after the successful opening night of 'Romeo and Juliet', which had been almost a month ago, and she'd joyfully said yes. They planned to marry in her time for the sake of Kagome's family, but were making sure the date was set for a night wedding during a new moon so that the Higurashi family and friends could all come without fear of seeing Inuyasha in his hanyou form.
At first Mrs. Higurashi and her grandfather had not been happy about the idea of Kagome marrying so young, before she was done with college, but after much pleading from both their daughter and future son-in-aw they had finally relented and agreed, though it had been with the stipulation that Kagome promise to go to college.
The pieces of her life were finally falling into place, and both she and Sango were beginning to feel their lives settling into a normal routine...at least, as normal as was possible with a girl who could travel between the past and the future.
Kaede appeared in the doorway with a smile on her face, and both Kagome and Sango looked up from where they were kneeling and holding hands. "Are you ready, child?" She asked Sango, who nodded and slowly rose to her feet, looking suddenly very dignified. "Very well then, let's go."
"Wait!" Kagome leapt to her feet and ran to the corner of the hut, retrieving a bouquet of fresh flowers that she'd picked earlier, holding it out to Sango, who gave her a puzzled stare.
"What's this for?"
"It's a tradition in my time that the bride carries flowers. Then, after the wedding, you throw it to the women and whoever catches the bouquet is supposed to be the next to marry."
Sango seemed to think for a moment before smiling. "I like that tradition."
Now holding her flowers, she nodded to Kagome to proceed, and so, at last, the wedding train, if one could even call it that, moved out of the hut and towards the village with Kaede, who would perform the ceremony, in front, Kagome in the middle with her own smaller bouquet, and finally followed by Sango, her head held high with a blush of excitement on her cheeks, looking positively radiant.
The villagers were lining the sides of the road dressed in their finest clothes with smiles of pleasure upon seeing the bride, and they all nodded their heads respectfully, their faces full of well wishes for the future. But Sango wasn't even paying attention to any of them, because she'd spotted Miroku at last, standing beside the shrine that had been built to honor Kikyou, looking very handsome in his cream colored Kimono, his posture straight and a look of pride on her face. Inuyasha was at his side, his arms crossed in his usual fashion, and Shippou stood before them both looking adorable in his own matching kimono. Kirara sat beside Miroku patiently, and all together Kagome thought they made quite a handsomely expectant picture...except for Inuyasha. He just looked bored.
Blushing, she felt the hanyou's eyes suddenly land on her, and looked up enough to make eye contact and give him a slight wink, noting with surprise that he winked back as he admired how beautiful she looked.
She was wearing a dress from her own time spun from a deep midnight blue, the skirt falling to the ground, the top strapless with a transparent scarf wrapped around her shoulders. Her hair fell elegantly over her shoulders in tight ringlets, much tighter than Sango's, making it look shorter than it actually was, and she wore no makeup, just the way he liked it, with her skin glowing on its own accord.
His chest swelled with pride as he watched her move towards him, and he sighed.
She was his mate.
That was a reality he still couldn't quite get used to. Never in a thousand years could he have guessed fifty years ago, when he had felt so alone as he'd stumbled across a lonely miko just like him, that things would turn out the way they had. Kikyou had seemed like the woman he would be with, her stoic demeanor and tragic personality matching perfectly with his, and he'd thought that was love. How wrong he'd been. He'd never loved before Kagome...at least, not the way he loved her. With Kikyou it had always been that he was willing to die for her, but with Kagome he wanted to live.
His eyes continued to roam over her body, and he stopped as he saw the mark, still somewhat fresh, on her neck from where he'd marked her as his. Sometimes he still had a hard time believing that she had so willingly said yes, knowing that he was a hanyou.
They still hadn't consummated their promise, but that was only because Kagome said her family wouldn't like her doing it before she was officially married in her time. Even though he'd been disappointed, Inuyasha hadn't pushed the subject, respecting her wishes, but secretly hoped the wedding would happen soon because now that he had officially marked her, his demon instincts were kicking in and demanding that he lay claim to her completely...in every way.
Kagome finally reached his side, her scent surrounding him, and together they moved back to allow room for the featured couple as Sango accepted Miroku's hand while Kaede moved to the place of honor in between them both. The villagers all moved in to watch the ceremony, and the air suddenly acquired a sense of peace as Kaede began to speak.
"These two young people come together today to join in marriage," she began with a soft smile on her face. Sango and Miroku glanced at each other, and it was clear to everyone else that their world had suddenly been narrowed down to two people.
Kagome smiled. "They are so perfect for each other," She commented softly, watching the ceremony with a combination of joy and anticipation, knowing that her own wedding would come very soon.
Inuyasha smiled and put his arm around her waist, pulling her against his chest securely. She didn't protest. "Like we are perfect for each other," he commented, speaking into her hair, and Kagome smiled as she felt his voice rumble in his chest.
"Have you heard from Kouga?" She asked suddenly, wondering what had happened to the wolf after she had told him about the fact that she was Inuyasha's mate. She felt the man beside her stiffen.
"Keh...why would I know where that stupid wolf is?" The hanyou felt slightly bitter that she had insisted on ruining the moment by mentioning that annoying man.
"He's my friend, Inuyasha," Kagome retorted, feeling her usual temper spark the way it always did when Kouga was mentioned. She had never meant to hurt the wolf man, though it had been obvious that she had, and now was worried about where he'd gone and what he was up to.
Inuyasha softened at her tone, not wanting to argue with the wedding ceremony taking place close by. "No, I don't know where he is," he finally commented, his voice gentle, "But I have no doubt that he'll be back to check on you. He just needs time to get used to the idea that you're not his woman any more." Inuyasha stopped and thought about what he'd said. "Not that you were ever really his woman."
Kagome giggled, her voice playful. "Because I'm your woman?"
"Damn straight," The hanyou replied seriously, pulling her tighter against his body...if that were even possible.
Feeling the usual stirring of desire that had become common whenever she was against Inuyasha's firm body, Kagome smiled, feeling her heart flutter as she glanced once more at the romantic scene that was unfolding between Miroku and Sango before looking up at the man she loved again, his handsome profile for once soft and at ease. Perhaps, she thought with a thrill of excitement, she was ready to take that next step after all...
Granted, Kagome knew her mother wouldn't be happy if she knew her daughter had sex before her wedding, but then again Mrs. Higurashi didn't have to know either.
In all honesty, the real reason Kagome had been so adamant about waiting until the wedding to consummate their relationship was because she had wanted a little more time before being with a man that way again. In all honesty she'd thought she might never be ready, deciding that the pain of that night would always come back to haunt her, but as she noted her body's reaction to Inuyasha at that moment she knew that she had been wrong yet again when it came to her soul's ability to heal despite what had happened.
She wanted him, she realized suddenly, and felt her cheeks grow hot with a blush of desire and embarrassment. She'd never wanted a man like that before, but now, suddenly she did...but didn't know if it was appropriate for her to say something. Would he think her too bold if she spoke up?
Sighing, she decided to put such feelings aside for the time being, after all she couldn't exactly jump the poor hanyou right in front of her friend's wedding, and watched instead as Kaede finally proclaimed Miroku and Sango married, followed by the new couple kissing for all to see, blushes bright on both their cheeks. When they broke away, Sango wore a beaming smile and made eye contact with Kagome as she winked and tossed the bouquet of flowers to her friend.
Surprised, Kagome dropped her own bouquet and caught the more elegant arrangement of flowers, looking up with questioning eyes to see Sango simply nod meaningfully towards Inuyasha. Understanding, she smiled back at her friend, her sister, and watched as the demon exterminator returned her attention to her new husband. "Thanks, Sango," she whispered.
Inuyasha gave her a strange look. "What's that all about? Why'd she just throw you her flowers?"
"Hm?" Kagome looked at him and just shrugged. "Oh, it's nothing...just some girl stuff." She smiled dreamily, hoping the feeling of pure joy in her breast would never go away. "You know, we'll be getting married soon, legally, in both my time and yours."
Inuyasha's eyes softened. "I know." He tilted her chin up gently so that her eyes met his directly. "Does the thought make you nervous? I mean...do you have any regrets?"
"About marrying you? Never," She was so quick to respond that Inuyasha could only nod and feel, yet again, extremely lucky for having such a wonderful woman in his life.
They both glanced as one back at the crowd, which was applauding excitedly as Sango and Miroku moved about, thanking everyone for coming and sharing a few words with those villagers who were more familiar. The demon exterminator's hand was locked with the monk's, and it was obvious that they had no regrets about getting married either.
As Kagome watched them move about, a familiar sight caught her eye, and she found herself turning suddenly, sure that her eyes were playing tricks on her, and yet...she'd know that face anywhere, because it was practically the same face she saw in the mirror every day. Fixing her gaze more directly on the woman in question, Kagome finally saw the defined features of her face, partially hidden by a cloak, a kind smile on her face as she met Kagome's eyes.
Kagome couldn't resist smiling back slightly, and felt that, for the first time, they'd at last come to a true understanding of one another. She also noticed that Kikyou's arm was looped through that of a man, handsome but simple, with short brown hair and warm eyes.
It was a heartwarming sight, to be sure, but as Kagome moved to approach her incarnation Kikyou put up her hand, and so she stopped short, a quizzical expression on her face. Mouthing 'thank you' and smiling one more time, Kikyou turned and, with her new love, vanished into the crowd. Kagome made no move to follow, and assumed that would be the last time she'd ever see the miko.
"See someone you know?" Inuyasha asked, coming to her side after having gone to offer his own congratulations to their friends.
Kagome just smiled and shook her head. "No...just my reflection."
Giving her a puzzled look, Inuyasha finally just shrugged his shoulders and decided it would be best to drop the subject, instead watching as Kagome ran up to Sango and threw her arms around her neck. "I'm so happy for you, Sango! And you too, Miroku!" Her smile grew wider. "May your marriage be blessed with much happiness!"
"And many children," Miroku added, to which Sango blushed, but this time she only squeezed his hand tighter, rather than slapping him for being a lecher. Yes, things had definitely changed for the better.
Finally the demon exterminator looked at her friend. "I only wish I could come to your wedding as well, Kagome," She spoke fervently, taking Kagome's hands in her own.
Kagome just smiled. "Maybe, with my new powers, I can figure out a way to get you through the well. I want you to be my maid of honor, after all."
Remembering the term from before, Sango just grinned. "I'd be honored."
"And speaking of questions and weddings," Miroku glanced over at his friend quizzically. "Don't you have something to ask me, Inuyasha?"
The hanyou simply raised an eyebrow. "Eh?"
Miroku rolled his eyes indulgently. "About your wedding! Don't you have something you would like to ask me to do? A certain honor...?"
As Inuyasha sighed and shrugged his shoulders, Kagome saw a twinkle in his eyes that had never been there before, and she realized that for once he was deciding to be somewhat playful. "Why would I have anything to ask of you, monk?"
Miroku looked genuinely hurt. "Oh...I see..."
Unable to take it any more, Kagome burst out laughing and threw her arm around Miroku's shoulders, unable to bear his frown any longer, sending an imploring gaze towards Inuyasha. "Oh come on now, Inuyasha, stop playing around or I swear I'll say the word...even in your nice kimono." She roamed over his body momentarily with her eyes, and he blushed, but then managed to smile.
"Alright, Miroku...would you stand at my side for my wedding...if we can figure out how to get you on the other side of the well?"
"I would be honored!" The reply was enthusiastic, and Kagome couldn't help but smile even more.
Inuyasha eyed him with a playful warning. "Indeed. Well, monk, if you'd like that offer to still stand then I suggest you let go of my mate."
Miroku instantly released Kagome's waist, and Inuyasha moved to claim her as his. She rolled her eyes slightly at the gesture, but somehow managed to reign in her temper, knowing it was just the hanyou's nature, and that she'd have to learn to cope with his possessive mentality.
"Just think," she commented finally. "Before long, we'll be living next door to each other, and we'll have little children who can play together." Her voice was full of joy and promise for the future, and Inuyasha looked at her then with such tenderness that she thought her heart would burst. She loved him so much, and could still hardly believe that he was hers for the rest of her life.
"Did my heart love till now? Forswear it sight.
For I ne'er saw true beauty till this night."
Kagome blinked several times as she heard Inuyasha once again recite words from the play...her favorite line, actually...and felt tears come to her eyes as she smiled. He continued to speak.
"If I profane with my unworthiest hand
This holy shrine, the gentle sin is this:
My lips, two blushing pilgrims ready stand
To smooth that rough touch with a tender kiss."
He touched his hand to hers, as Hojo had done in the play, and Kagome felt a spark and inclusive shiver run through her body at the contact. It was amazing that such a simple contact could create within her such sudden passion, and yet it did, and without thinking, she began to recite her own lines in reply.
"Good pilgrim, you do wrong your hand too much,
Which mannerly devotion shows in this;
For saints have hands that pilgrims' hands to touch,
And palm to palm is holy palmers' kiss."
"Have not saints lips, and holy palmers too?"
"Ay, pilgrim, lips that they must use in prayer."
"O then, dear saint, let lips do what hands do:
They pray: grant thou, lest faith turn to despair."
"Saints do not move, though grant for prayers sake."
"Then move not, while my prayer's effect I take.
Thus from my lips, by thine, my sin is purg'd."
Inuyasha leaned down and kissed her lips lightly, causing a zing to run straight to Kagome's belly, pooling into a puddle of warmth that caused her to absolutely melt. Sango and Miroku had faded away from her mind, and from reality, leaving the couple completely alone, and she smiled, continuing to play along, though she wasn't sure exactly how much of the play the hanyou had actually managed to memorize.
"Then have my lips then the sin that they have took."
"Sin from my lips? O trespass sweetly urg'd.
Give me my sin again."
This time the kiss was not so delicate, or light, as Inuyasha pulled her against him, his body searing her own with a passion that left Kagome dizzy and gasping for air as he lifted his head, causing the hanyou to smile in triumph. He observed her hazy eyes, full of desire, and felt his own blood stir.
It was in that moment that Inuyasha came to realize that he was happy, truly happy, for the first time in his life, and saw that same joy seeping out of Kagome in waves. For a few moments of silence they just stared at one another and then, without warning, Inuyasha swept his mate into his arms, smiling as she gasped in surprise.
"I love you," he whispered into her ear, and Kagome lifted her head to rub her nose with his. It was a strange experience, but one that Inuyasha decided he liked nonetheless.
"I love you too, Inuyasha," She replied softly, and touched her hand to his cheek. "My Inuyasha..."
That was her last coherent thought before Inuyasha carried her into a secluded part of the woods, where no one else could find them, taking her to a place she had never thought she'd go confidently again...at least, not willingly. And, at long last, Kagome felt the final wound in her heart heal, allowing her to put what had happened behind her, the balm being the reality that she lay in the arms of the man she loved, and would remain there forever.