Crossover: "Phantasm" Meets "Police Academy" Chapter 3 a.k.a. Don't Ever Touch My Balls Without Asking.BOOYY!

The crew on the mission to stop the murders in Morningside traveled along in a tight mini-convoy consisting of three patrol cars and two motorcycles side-by-side, one a Harley, the other a Suzuki sport cycle. They were careful to stay close together in a single file line, and the driver of the lead car made sure that the motorcycle officers were kept in sight. Since it was about a six-hour drive to the small town outside the lights of Los Angeles, the tiny fleet of vehicles did pull off the highway onto a service ramp at one point to make a pit stop and keep their energy level up with some fast food. The officers ate hastily, not wanting to lose too much time; while the others wolfed down their food in the parking lot, Jessica and Eugene had parked their cycles up on a ledge, near the crash barrier separating the service area from the main road. As they munched on cheeseburgers and fries, they maintained a close watch on the highway, looking for any suspicious vehicles.

"Wow. It's beautiful tonight," mused Jessica, focusing her eyes away from the road for a moment and looking up at the clear night sky. "Don't you think so, darling? I mean, look at all those stars."

"Yeah. It's the night of a new moon, though," Eugene said. "Meaning, there's total darkness, and that's the perfect setting for another death to occur."

"Well, we're right here near the crash barrier, so we'll be the first ones to catch anything unusual," his wife reassured him. At that very second, a distant roar was heard, and shortly a black car came screaming past. As it zoomed by, it actually created quite a strong breeze. "Whoa! What in God's name was that?"

"A muscle car, I'd say, judging from the power in that engine," Sergeant Tackleberry said. He and Jessica saw it make a sharp U-turn, then speed back towards the service ramp and pulled down into the parking lot. The two motorcycle officers quickly abandoned their bikes-and their food-to see who had come in like a bat out of hell. "Hey! Hey! What was that about?! You realize you were doing 85 in a 55 mile-per-hour speed limit zone, don't you?!" Eugene and Jessica ran down to the parking lot as fast as they could, pulling their handguns out of the holsters at their hips. Just as they reached the black car, out stepped the two people the group was heading to Morningside to give aid to: Mike, the one who had called them here, and his friend, a former ice cream vendor named Reggie. The teenage boy put his hands in the air at seeing the two officers in leather jackets with their guns trained on him and his partner, but Reggie whipped out his quad-barreled rifle.

"Okay, I'm warning you now. You shoot Mike and I'll blast your Goddamn heads off!" Reggie said, propping it up on the roof of the car. This time, it was the motorcycle cops' turn to "put 'em up", their handguns dangling from their gloved forefingers.

"Easy there, chill! We're here to help," Jessica tried to explain. "We've come from the Metropolitan Police Department in L.A." She looks at Mike, who has now dropped his arms.

"He was the one who sent for us."

"And how do I know you're telling the truth?" Reggie asked, still uncertain, keeping his rifle pointed at her and Eugene.

"Look, we'll show you our I.D.'s. Will you believe us if we do that for you?" offered Jessica's husband. To prove his point, the two of them pulled out their police identification cards and badges and flipped them open. "I'm Sergeant Eugene Tackleberry, Metropolitan Police Department. I was the one who took the call from this young man here." He indicated Mike, then after a long, hard look at Eugene and Jessica, the guy with his hair pulled back in a ponytail lowered the rifle, though he was still a little suspicious.

"Well.okay. Just don't try to pull anything on us," he said. "I'm Reggie. It seems you already know Mike Pearson here, so I don't think he needs any introduction."

Jessica gave him a smile. "Perhaps not, but it's good to meet you all the same anyway, Mike," she said, extending a hand. "I'm Lieutenant Jessica Tackleberry, United States Mounted Police Corps. I work for the Metropolitan Police part-time because they occasionally need another pair of hands to take care of paperwork." Mike grasped her hand in his and shook it, then he did the same for Eugene.

"It's nice to meet you, Lieutenant, Sergeant," he replied. "Thanks for coming to help me and Reggie out here." He turned to glance back over his shoulder at the other officers by the patrol cars.

"I see you got a whole crew with you," he said.

"Yeah. Want me to bring you over and introduce them?" asked Eugene. "They're kind of a crazy bunch, but you'll get used to them. Heck, they may even grow on you after a little while."

"Maybe we can do that later. Right now we got more important things to think about," Mike answered, quickly interrupting before the sergeant could say any more. "I don't mean any disrespect, Sergeant Tackleberry, but we've gotta come up with a way to get rid of the Tall Man. He's constantly coming after me and I can't make him go away. We tried killing him, but it didn't work."

"Why can't you kill him?" inquired Jessica, then immediately she remembered how the Tall Man came to be. "Oh, yeah. He came out of your nightmares. I don't think something that was created out of bad dreams can be killed, because it's formed by unconscious thinking. But.what if there was a way to make him cease to exist?"

"I dunno. How do you stop something from existing in a dream?" Reggie questioned her. "It just don't seem possible." He was just as confused as she was.

"I'm not sure," muttered Jessica, a troubled look on her face. "It's difficult to get inside a person's mind and know what's going on in their subconscious. We'd need somebody who's a psychoanalyst, or a person who works in any of the fields of psychology. But we'll work on that in the near future. Right now, we need to get to Morningside."

"If you'd like, we could escort you back to where you live," the sergeant said. "Should anything happen, we'll be there to protect you." Mike nodded.

"Thanks, both of you," he replied. "I just hope we don't run into, well.you know who I mean."

"I understand," Lieutenant Tackleberry said. She yelled over to the other officers, who were by their patrol cars. "Pack it in, people! We're moving out to Morningside. Let's go!" Just as she and Eugene were turning to head back to their bikes, another car went flying past; there was a squealing of brakes as it made a turn onto the other side of the road, then came into the service area.

"Great. He just had to show up," Eugene whispered in disgust. Jess rolled her eyes.

"He's the officer in charge on our assignment, remember?" she said wryly, then she strode over to the driver's side window of the unmarked car. "Captain Harris, you're a little late getting here. We're heading out now."

"Blame this dimwit over here," said Harris in annoyance, jabbing his thumb at Proctor. The officer in question flushed red, embarrassed as only a yes-man could be for failing his boss. "I don't think I need to give a full explanation as to why I'm late. Also, Lieutenant, who put you in charge of this operation? Perhaps you've forgotten just who the captain AND commanding officer is here, am I correct?" The auburn-haired young woman looking in at Harris smirked.

"Don't flatter yourself," she said. "You'd better come with us, unless you want to end up driving all over the state of California." When she said this, Jessica slanted her glance over to Proctor. "I don't think you'd want to get lost, knowing that this poor excuse for a land navigator is behind the wheel of your car, Harris." A look of muted horror appeared on Captain Harris' face. Just the thought of Proctor getting them stranded in the middle of nowhere was too scary for him to imagine. Lieutenant Tackleberry's voice suddenly snapped him out of his trance.

"So, are you going to come with us? If so, you have to promise to behave. Are you up for it or not?"

"Alright, ALRIGHT!" Harris shouted, finally caving to her will. "As long as I get to be lead car."

"Deal. But you'd best stay behind me and Sergeant Tackleberry, since- " Here she had to stifle a giggle-"we at least know our way to Morningside." She called out to the rest of the crew, as well as the two civilians, as the captain sighed indignantly.

"Let's roll, now!" Everyone got back into their vehicles, Jessica and Eugene swung back onto their motorcycles, and soon the fleet pulled out of the service area back onto the main road. As they traveled along, two of the police patrol cars pulled out and one rode on either side of Mike and Reggie's muscle car, a protective diamond formation. There were no other motorists out this late at night, so the officers did not have to worry about head-on collisions. The small line of cars, led by the two motorcycle officers, moved down the road silently without sirens or flashing lights. They weren't ready to draw the Tall Man's attention, at least not just yet. Four hours passed, and finally the convoy reached a point where the wider lane of the highway narrowed and merged into a local street, forcing the cars into single file once more, with Mike and Reggie in the very middle. Instead of having a cliff face off to the left and a crash barrier on the opposite side, there were trees, street lamps, and houses. Jessica switched on the small radio clipped to the shoulder of her leather jacket.

"Attention all units, we are not in L.A. anymore. I repeat, Elvis has left the building and is now in Morningside. Over."