Title: The Adventures of Ferret Boy and Weasel Girl
Author: Tiny Q
E-Mail: one legged lesbian seagull hotmail com (Please add 3 underscores, one "at" sign, and a period)
A/N: Well, I didn't get a chance to work on PaO, and since I was threatened with my life I thought that perhaps a little appeasement was in order. So here is a story that I haven't updated in over a year! Yay! Ok, not yay. I found it kicking around in my folder and decided it was time to edit it... I sort of forgot where I am going with this, but I think I have reworked it in my head, so it's all good now... I hope. Anyhoo, enjoy! And don't kill me!
Disclaimer: I own nothing. All references to movies, which you think you know what they are, probably are and I don't own them either, well, except on DVD...
The Adventures of Ferret Boy and Weasel Girl
"Well, that went brilliantly," Draco sneered, trying to glare at the girl that was lying on the ground behind him. All he really managed was to glare at her annoyingly red hair. If it wasn't so short already he felt he would have had the urge to cut it all off, jut to spite it.
"Well, it's not like you had a better plan," the Weasel sneered in response, squirming about behind him. Her hand kept brushing his and it was beginning to get on his nerves.
"No, but I would have thought of one," he declared, beginning to squirm himself, if not to get out of his restraints, then to get away from her stupid flailing hands. "And it wouldn't have made my entire left side feel like it just suffered through a stroke."
"Whatever," she hissed, stopping her squirming. Draco almost sighed in relief. She didn't speak again and he did not feel inclined to break their silence. Instead he moodily lay on his side, staring at the wall. The wall, I might add, that had what was left of their belongings resting against it. To Draco it seemed so very far away. Oh how he longed for his wand. He shifted around, becoming more and more uncomfortable by the minute.
He wondered how it was possible that the Weasley was not squirming around any more, but then he heard it and it all made sense: she was humming again. It was like she was going to some damned Happy Place that took her away from everything. If Draco hadn't been who he was, a properly bread Malfoy, he might have wanted his own Happy Place. Lucky for him though, he was who he was and was above such silly things. But then he wouldn't feel quite as uncomfortable as he did in that moment.
"What now?" he finally demanded, the hard floor finally motivating him to speak. He mentally swore and kicked at himself for letting the stupid girl win out again, but he told himself to roll over and die.
"Why are you asking me?" she demanded, pausing in her humming. He felt her shift next to him and he knew she was trying to stare at him. He did not move to meet her eyes. If he couldn't beat her at the silence game, he was damned well going to rebel at anything else he got the chance at rebelling at.
"Because it was your stupid plan," he snarled, starting to squirm as his arm began to fall asleep. "And I am sure you can come up with some stupid way to get us out of this stupid predicament."
She let out a "harrumph" which Draco took to mean that she was not going to come up with a stupid solution for their stupid predicament. She shifted once more, and Draco hopped she was finding the ground as uncomfortable as he was.
"We wiggle," she finally said, catching him slightly off guard.
"Wiggle?" he asked, not quite sure he liked the sound of it. It surely did not sound like the sort of thing a Malfoy would do. Or any other self respecting human being for that matter. But then, that definitely cut the Weasleys out so it could have been very plausible that she meant what he thought she meant.
"Yes, wiggle," she confirmed, squirming about in her ropes once more. "We have to wiggle towards our stuff, and take the chairs with us."
Draco once again stared across to the wall. It seemed even farther away than it had before. He darkly cursed walls and their seemingly impossible ability to move themselves at will. Oh how he hated walls.
"Fine," he grunted, thinking that anything would be better than having to lay there on his side, attached to the stupid chair by ropes.
"Ok," the red head shrugged. "Let's wiggle." And with this said the red head began to squirm about, like some twisted worm, towards the wall. With a long suffering sigh Draco began to wiggle as well, pointedly ignoring the fact that he was ruining his clothes.
It took them a total of five minutes of wiggling before they were close enough to the wall that Draco could actually see the stitching on the girl's side bag. And may I say that it was five minutes of unnatural and rather rude sounds and comments, which I do not want to mention at this point in time. Come to think of it, any point in time. So let's all just pretend that they never happened and Ginny and Draco wiggled towards their belongings in blissful silence.
It took another three minutes to maneuver themselves so that they were facing the other way, which was a rather awkward task in Draco's case. You see, his pants kept ridding up and twisting in unfortunate places that, I believe, he would rather go unmentioned. They made it though, and soon Ginny was straining against her ropes, groping through her bag, gleeful at the prospect of it actually coming in handy during an adventure.
"Will you hurry up already?" Draco demanded. "I can't feel my hand anymore!"
"Poor baby," the red head cooed, causing Draco frowned at her. "But I am sure you are used to that sensation seeing as no one would ever want to be near you anyways."
"You're a little pervy Weasley, aren't you?" Draco sneered, feeling rather queasy at what she was hinting at. And a tiny little part, which we will be ignoring in this story from now on, was rather intrigued.
"What do you expect when I live with six older brothers?" she sighed.
"Manners?" he offered, trying to shift his weight off his arm. He suspected that the silence that greeted his ears was filled with a glare on her face, but he couldn't see it so he just ignored its probable existence. "Oh, just hurry up!"
"Got it!" she said happily, and he felt something cool and metallic brush against his hands. He would have kissed it if it would get him out of his awkward position, but that would just be odd so he decide he wouldn't. "Now, to just burn through these ropes..."
Draco heard a flick and he was suddenly aware of a very hot sensation near his fingers. It took him a moment to realize that the red head was burning him and not the robes that she was supposed to be burning.
"Hey!" he cried out, jumping slightly. "Burn the ropes! Not my bloody hand!"
"Sorry," she muttered distractedly, and he assumed that she was using all her brain power just to do her simple task. He suddenly feared as to whether or not it would be enough to complete the task properly, what if she burned his hand off by accident? He probably would have continued along this line of though if it hadn't been for the acidic scent of burning rope that met his olfactory system. The Weasley was actually managing to burn through the ropes.
In a matter of minutes Draco's hands sprung free and he busied himself with untying the rest of his ropes. Glancing over at the girl beside him, he saw her doing the same, the lighter lying forgotten between them.
"See, that wasn't so difficult," she said with a patronizing voice. Draco glared ruefully at her, massaging his sore, and rather swollen, ankles. Perhaps he would transfigure her into a footstool as well...
It took a good five minutes for the two of them to function properly once more, much to Ginny's distress. In all the movies where people got tied up for hours yet they could leap into action the moment that they were released. However, when she had tried to "leap into action" she had fallen right back down, her legs tingling painfully as the blood rushed back into them. She internally frowned; adventures were beginning to seem more and more unpractical. The movies made them all out to be so much easier and much less painful.
"So what is the next part of your stupid plan again?" Malfoy asked her, leaning against the wall while swatting at his filthy clothes.
That was another thing that bothered Ginny, adding to the ever growing pile. Her clothes had gotten dirty and nearly ruined from the wiggling. The strap on her tank top had nearly been torn off, and it wasn't from being caught on some conveniently pointed thing so she would have an excuse to show off a bit of skin. No, it had nearly been torn off just from her body wriggling against the ground and her shirt catching under it. Surely the movie makers knew that? You wriggle through anything and you are going to get filthy. Yet Ginny could only think of a handful of movie where they actually did get dirty...
"I told you," she hissed, grabbing her side bag, the one filled with everything she would need for an adventure, and throwing it on over her shoulder. Its weight reassured her that perhaps not everything that happened in the movies was going to go all wrong for her. "We have to shimmy down the drainpipes."
"And why would we be doing that when we could simply walk out these doors right here?" he drawled, gesturing towards the double doors with his pointed chin.
Ginny stared at him appalled. They never ever did that in movies! It would be too simple! There would be something on the other side like a booby trap or a poisonous snake or something equally as dreary. She told Malfoy as much and he looked at her as though he thought she was insane. Which, might I say, is very near possible at this point in time. I mean seriously, are you listening to what this girl is thinking!
"You seriously believe that those gits, the ones who kidnapped the wrong kid, are capable of anything devious or in the least bit dangerous?" he asked incredulously. Ginny scowled at him.
"Maybe it's all just an act?" she offered, though as soon as the words left her mouth she knew that it couldn't be. Bad guys were always stupider than the good guys, and they never had any aim whatsoever. How else did the good guys always come out on top? "Maybe they are just trying to lull us into a false sense of comfort?" She thought she had seen a movie where the bad guys did that. Or maybe it was just that they were pretending to be good...
"And why in all that is magical would they want to do that?" he sneered, his face twisting around into a very nasty look. Ginny glared and her hands landed on her hips. She knew she resembled her mother when she stood like that, her brothers always made sure to inform her of this when they caught her, but she didn't really care. She opened her mouth to tell the blond boy off when something on the other side of the door began to make noise. A lot of noise, come to think about it.
"Is that what I think it is?" she asked him after a moment, eyes wide with horror, or perhaps it was wonder that her not so ideal adventure was working out in some ways after all.
"If you are thinking that it is several large dogs, most likely starved nearly to death, then I think you would be right," Malfoy said flatly, stepping away from the wall and gingerly placing his ear against it.
"Oh," was all that Ginny could manage, her heart nearly overflowing with happiness. Now all they needed was a fire that roared around them and a battle with swords. She quivered at the mere thought.
There was a banging on the door and Malfoy leapt away, looking as though he had definitely not been expecting that. Ginny had gasped in surprise as well, clutching at her chest. But then really, who expects things to go barreling into doors while you have your ear pressed against them. Well, I suppose an audience encouraged by creepy/suspenseful music would, but Ginny and Draco had no such helpful music to aid them.
"Perhaps the drain pipes are a good idea," the blond said, his voice sounding a touch higher than it usually was.
All Ginny could do was grin at him like the Cheshire cat. She knew that all her practice in climbing trees would come in useful some day. Her heart began to pound at the thought of it. This was turning out to be a real adventure now, despite the discrepancies. First they were kidnapped and now they had to sneak out, steal their wands back from under the noses of their captors and ride off into the sunset. She had a feeling that she was missing something in there, something important, but she would deal with that when she came to it.
Ginny nodded in agreement, and watched as the blond walked over to the nearest window and pulled it open. He stuck his head out, looking around then leant back and began to lift his foot over the ledge. Then something occurred to her that hadn't occurred to her before.
"Oh no you don't, Malfoy," she hissed, hurrying over to him and stopping him from leaving the window sill. "You are not going to go first so that you can look up my skirt!"
"Like I'd want to," he hissed back, but he pulled out of the window sill anyways. "It's not my fault that you can't dress properly, Weasley. Though I suppose I shouldn't say such things because that scrap of material was probably all you could afford, wasn't it?"
Ginny gave the blond the middle finger. She had had to save her money for a long time to buy this skirt. It wasn't very well her fault that it was in fashion at the time. But then what did Malfoy know? His idea of good fashion was Gap clothing. She knew she was just being bitter because she could never dream of shopping in that store. She would have to save forever just to buy a two piece outfit, let alone a summer dress.
The blond simply sneered back at her and she turned and glanced out the window. There was a convenient ledge a foot below the sill that was wide enough for her to stand on, keeping her from falling the six stories to the ground. From there she could shuffle her way across the foot's distance while still holding onto the window sill until she could latch onto the drainpipe.
With a little breath she began to work her way out, holding onto the windowsill with all her might. She had never realized exactly how intimidating it was to walk along the ledge of a building like she was now, the ground looking so far off. Not that she was walking at the moment, more just standing there and looking down. It was far more intimidating than sitting on a broomstick, and was it just her or was it windier as well?
"Don't look down Weasley," Malfoy called from behind her, and she could hear him snickering. She frowned then took a shuffled sidestep towards the drainpipe, reaching out for it with her right hand while holding onto the window frame with her left and all of her strength. Now she began to realize exactly why Neo was scared shitless of walking across the window sill as she was. But then, Leeloo could do it, so she could too.
With a final deep breath, she latched onto the drainpipe and clutched onto it was both hands. It felt oddly comforting. But then, anything that could fight against the feeling that you could be blown away by a great gust of wind should be comforting.
It was at this moment, as though someone in charge had a very sadistic sense of humour, that a gust of find blew at Ginny, causing her skirt to fly up, short as it was. Ginny let out a frustrated yelp, pushing it back down into place just as the blond's head poked out, probably to see if she had fallen or not.
Ginny glared at him as he began to snicker once more. Perhaps skirts really weren't practical to have adventures in after all...
A/N: Well, there you go. Have your homicidal tendencies gone away? No? Damn. Anyhoo, I really want to finish all of my HP stories so I can move onto other things that might get me a bit of money. Blah. Money... But yes, so if stories that seemed dead are suddenly being finished, do not be surprised...
Many thanks to: Hplov4eva, Laiannon-fae-elf(Glad you're so excited about this one. I love them too and I'm so excited that they're making a 4th one. How bout you?), shelly2, sabacat, Oracle10, MilleniumFalcon(Love the name), Lallie(Wigo! Wigo! Wigo! Is that how you spell that? I'm doing the movement part too... I go now...), storm079, StAlKaHoLiC(Sniff), Queen of Night, Mo the Deatheater(Your name rocks!), Jenn(Oh, it will be finished. Eventually), orange-ad, readingfreak742, vixenfairy, Wander Aimlessly, kitti, Iced Faerie, Laura Riddle, EsmeeSqualor, grr-krissy-grrr(Well, it was 14 before I actually got around to it...) and Hyper Bee.