Why don't we fall in love?
Warnings/notes : Yohji/Ken, first pov (shifts), heavy flirting, bits of language
Disclaimer : I don't own Weiss Kreuz. The song 'Why don't we fall in love' belongs to Amerie, the lyrics have been altered in some places.
written at 23rd july 2003, by Misura
//So many things I'm going through
So much that I want to do//[Ken]
I'm staring at him again. I try not to, really ; he's bound to notice sooner or later if I keep doing this. That would be ... embarrassing, to say the least.
Still, a part of me nearly wishes he would catch me, confront me about it.
I know *I* will never find the courage to confront *him* about the way he makes me feel, so perhaps it truly wouldn't be such a bad thing to have him press me up against a wall, demanding why the hell I'm looking at his ass all the time.
I feel my face grow hot at the mental images. I could admit him I love him and he'd ...
Uhm, yeah right. Like my answer wouldn't make him back off at once. If I'd be able to give any reply at all, that is.
I'm not so blind to think he only likes women ; that's not the problem. It's more like, well, he's Yohji and I'm Ken. Kenken the klutz. Siberian. Even if he'd have a shred of attraction towards me, he'd never risk ruining our 'professional relationship' for it. Plenty of others he can get.
//(Why don't I do them then?)//[Yohji]
Ken's ogling me. I have felt his eyes on me quite often the last weeks, even if I've never managed to catch him at it yet.
Of course he isn't really ogling me ; I have no idea why I'm so interesting to him all of a sudden, unless that's a daydream-fantasy too, but it's definitely not because he likes me.
Not in the way I'd want him to, anyway.
The first time it happened I thought there was something wrong with my clothes. I had Omi check it, but he assured me everything was in perfect order.
Then, already, I didn't have the courage to ask Ken directly. Now, it's only grown worse.
I wish he'd just speak up and have it done with. Even if it would kill my illusions. They're hopeless anyway, so why bother keeping them intact?
Only he's shy, and for once, I'm shy too.
//It's starting to become clear to me
Tomorrow isn't really guaranteed//[Ken]
It's hardest to keep quiet about it on missions. When someting would happen to him, I have no idea what I'd do. Probably, I'd ignore anyone and anything to get him to safety. Not good.
I mean, what if Omi'd be counting on me to give him cover and I'd just run off? On the other hand, what if I confessed to Yohji, and he'd be so upset by it that he'd be distracted and make a, possibly fatal, mistake? That would be even worse.
I should fight this feeling, smother it with images of his constant flirting with girls, of his laziness, his drinking and smoking ... he has so many bad habits, it's hard to determine his worst.
The girls probably. I'm beginning to hate them. At least they get his attention. What does he ever give me, but taunts and insults?
Well, he sometimes acts as a friend, when I really need one. It makes him harder to understand, and also harder to stay angry at for very long.
I mean, I've told him things I never told anyone else. Silly things, things you normally wouldn't want anyone else to know about since they'd probably laugh at you.
But he knows. And he didn't laugh at me.
//(No, there's only today)//[Yohji]
Maybe I should go on a date tonight, to get away from things for a while and just enjoy myself.
The problem with that is that I can't imagine having a good time around anyone else but him ; it probably wouldn't work out. It might even damage my precious reputation, or even worse, the feelings of the girl nice enough to date me.
I'm not being sarcastic here ; I do appreciate people appreciating me, even if I may sound like I take it for granted sometimes.
It gives you a good feeling when someone you hardly know walks up to you and tells you she likes you. I bet it would feel even better though if it was a person who did know you said that.
Someone like Ken.
I honestly can't remember how we ended up as friends, talking for hours on lonely nights. Or why I tease him as much as I do. Our bond runs deeper than the ones I have with Omi and Aya, who don't know another Yohji than the womanizer. The lazy Balinese, who only takes missions with pretty girls in them, forever searching for some sort of redemption.
//So many days I've thought of you
(Too many days I've thought of you)//[Ken]
It's been a long day, since I traded the morning-shift with Omi to make sure I'd have time for soccer coming Saturday, while I already had the afternoon-shift.
I guess that's why I've become a bit snappy. Good thing we don't have a mission tonight.
One of the girls walks up to Yohji, a note with something -a phonenumber probably- written on it in her hand. Call me childish, if you want, but all of a sudden I feel this overwhelming urge to make sure Yohji'll never date her.
"Hey, Yohji!" I call out, at the same moment she touches his arm to get his attention. Which probably means I'll be ignored, as usual, in favor of the girl.
It's so unfair.
She's probably never met him before, while I'm, without exaggeration, one of his best friends. Yet she's the one who comes first, only because she happens to be female. Because Yohji happens to like his image of playboy too much to admit openly he dates guys as well.
It's *his* fault, yet I blame it all on her. I'm unfair too.
//It's about time you knew the truth//[Yohji]
As I turn around to see what Ken wants, I notice the girl I talked to earlier this afternoon. She holds out a piece of paper, a hopeful look on her face.
Back then, it seemed like a great idea to get to know her better during a romantic candlelit dinner, but at the moment, the idea makes me ill. It's not what I want. *She*'s not what I want.
"Sorry." I smile apologetically. "My co-worker's calling me."
I could add a 'perhaps later', only that would be a lie. She deserves better.
Ken probably deserves more than half-truths too. More than some guy who cries on his shoulder in private and makes fun of him in public.
Maybe I should simply go for it, toss caution to the wind and ask *him* for dinner tonight.
If he drinks enough after rejecting me, he'll probably forget all about it in the morning, or consider it some weird dream. And if he doesn't reject me ...
//I got to act quickly now
Before another day has passed//[Ken]
There's a flash of something predatory on Yohji's face when he turns to me, whispering some words to the girl, without accepting her note. It's gone too soon to be sure it's meant for me.
"What's up, Kenken?" He grins.
I swallow uneasily ; I didn't expect him to come over to me. It's always harder to think when he's close to me, harder to move smoothly.
His eyes wander over me, discretely enough to make it look like nothing. Perhaps it *is* nothing to him, just some other habit he's grown into.
"I ... I ... " Great. I can't even *talk* properly with him around. How pathetic is that?
If I keep this up, he'll never ever ask me ...
"Would you like to go out with me tonight? Maybe have some dinner first?"