Moonlit Reflection


Chapter Six

Dissociative Fugue

After an acute stress, the patient suffers severe memory loss, and adopts a different persona. They are unaware of their previous identity and may seem perplexed about the current identity. They can however role-play complex characters with little trouble.

"Yue, what's wrong with you?"

Amethyst eyes narrowed. "What do you mean by that?" the silver haired being asked icily. Keroberus' tail swayed from side to side, twitching with annoyance.

"You know what I mean. I haven't seen you for almost a month now." Keroberus kept his voice level and calm, even though the way Yue kept dodging his question was really getting on his nerves. "Not since your birthday actually."

Yue's lips curved in a thin smile. "Really? And somehow that's something to be concerned about?"

"Yes," Keroberus gritted out. "You always used to come out to at least see if Sakura was all right."

"And scared her if I remember correctly."

Keroberus shrugged. "Well, yeah. You don't have the friendliest faces around. And you aren't exactly encouraging of her efforts either."

"Then isn't it better that I don't come out as often?" Yue's voice was reasonable and calm, which was really annoying in Keroberus' opinion.


Yue pulled his wings closer to himself, and finally deigned to glare at his brother. "What is it that you want Cerberus? I'm protecting her, I'm not interfering unnecessarily, I'm not ruining Yukito's life. What more do you want?"

"I want you to start living. I want you to stop being this shadow. Even Tomoyo's noticed how little you've been appearing."

"You don't need me to appear."

Keroberus growled deep in his throat. "Yes I do."

"No you don't."

"Yes, I damn well do."


"Stop being so damn stubborn!" Keroberus finally yelled.

Amethyst eyes narrowed in anger. "It is not necessary that I appear regularly. And that's the end of this discussion."

"N – YUE!"

Yue shifted back into Yukito, not brothering to wait for his brother to finish. Keroberus clenched his teeth in frustration as the confused youth appeared in place of the Moon Guardian. Unlike Kero, Yue was the type to avoid confrontations and he was a master at slipping away at the worst times.

Yukito blinked, a little frightened by the angry winged lion. "Kero?" he asked tentatively, "What's wrong?"

With obvious difficulties, Keroberus toned down his anger. "Nothing Yukito, nothing at all."

Dissociative identity disorder

Formerly known as multiple personality disorder, patients with this disorder feel as if they have at least two personalities within themselves. Beginning in childhood, it is a possible response to abuse and is replete with symptoms such as anxiety, depression with suicidal impulses and acts, trances, and amnesia.

"I'm going to kill him. Why does he have to be so damn STUPID! It's not enough that he's moping about Clow, he starts being more of an anti-social prick as well. Is it too much to ask that he just say something meaningful to me, his brother? Of course not, but he's just so damn unreasonable."

Sakura stared at her Sun Guardian. Kero was scary as a fire-breathing lion, but he was even scarier when he was an overprotective older brother. "Um, maybe he just didn't want to talk?" she suggested tentatively.

"I KNOW HE DOESN'T WANT TO TALK!" Kero roared. Sakura squeaked. It was then that Touya's head appeared around the door of the room.

"OI! Don't yell at my sister you stuffed toy," Touya snapped.


Touya immediately grabbed the winged bear and cover his mouth. "That made no sense and you might want to shut up before the neighbours come around. It's not Sakura's fault so stop blaming her." When Kero glared at him, he glared right back, there was no way a toy was getting the better of him.

The girl in question was looking back and forth between the two and hesitantly spoke up, "Ano…It's all right, oniisan, really. I know Kero didn't mean it."

Touya's glare swung to her and she squeaked again. "That's not the point. You don't yell at someone when you're upset with someone else." Meanwhile, Kero was struggling to get free of his gag, and finally managed after some wriggling and pushing.

"He's right," the Guardian said reluctantly, sparing a glare for Touya, "And I'm sorry I yelled at you."

"Good, you'd better not do that again, Stuffed Toy." At the nickname Kero spat out a word that made Touya almost smile in amusement, and made Sakura blush pink. "Now, what was it you were yelling about?" Touya continued calmly.

Sakura and Kero shared a look, wondering what exactly to say. "Yue," Kero finally answered, "Y'know how he's been disappearing for long periods of time? It's been worrying me."

A frown appeared on Touya's face. "Why? It's not like he talks to us very much in the first place."

Kero shrugged uncomfortably. He was simply not used to talking about things like this with his Mistress' brother but then again Touya was friends with Yue's false form so perhaps he knew something. "Well, yeah, but this is worse than usual. The last time he was like this was almost two hundred years ago. He just clammed up and wouldn't talk to anyone."

"Okay, what happened to make him like that back then?"

The Sun guardian froze, a frown wrinkling his face. "I…I can't remember…"

"Huh? What do you mean, Kero?" Sakura spoke up, concern written all over her face.

The Guardian shrugged again, this time in confusion. "I know something bad happened, because of the way Yue was acting, but I can't remember what."

"Why not?" Touya demanded.

"I don't know," Kero snapped, his concern making all the more sort tempered, "But if I had to take a guess I'd say Clow must've used Erase to wipe our memories. All the signs of that are there but I just don't know why he'd do that."

Sakura settled back in her seat. She bit her lips as she ventured forth an option that had leapt into her mind as soon as Kero had finished speaking. "Maybe he did that because it was so bad. I mean, maybe the thing that happened was really, really horrible and he knew that neither Kero nor Yue would be able to handle such a memory."

"I – maybe." By now all three of them were wondering the same thing. If Clow had indeed done as Kero suggested, what was it that had happened? And what did it have to do with Yue's current behaviour?

Depersonalisation disorder

Periods in which patients have a strong and unpleasant sense of their own unreality, often coupled with the sense that the environment is also unreal. May feel mechanical and separated from his own thoughts, emotions, and self-identity.

Conversations with Kero were always hostile but this…this was worse than before. I'm not even sure why he's so insistent that I come out so often. It was hardly as if they needed me around. Yukito is more than enough company and he can warn me if something does happen. I do know when I'm not wanted.

I'm happy here, in this empty world of my making. This dream world of mine is far more real than anything out there. Reality is what one perceives it to be and it is obvious that the world they live in will never be my reality. It's too loud, too vivid, too much of everything. My reality is quiet, serene, empty. There is no one here but myself and I do not have to pretend to feel anything. My false form can feel all those emotions that people think are a part of a sentient being. He can pretend to be embarrassed when people compliment him, he can pretend to be sad when people hurt him, he can pretend to be angry when someone provokes him. He can be the one to feel all those things. I will exist here, in this world of mine. Where I have no identity, save the one I want.

I wonder if Yukito could ever live in such an existence as mine.


1. This is what happens when you start immersing yourself in original fictions and lose contact with the fanfic world.

2. See all those definitions? Sound like anyone familiar we know of?

3. Fire Emblem: Path of Radiance is such a cool game. And so full of shounen-ai implication.