strawberry shortcake, blueberry pie and apple juice
disclaimer:: hey guys!! ^-^ i'm quite on a roll!! ^-^ i'm too lazy to update my website (which i will be doing this christmas) so i guess i'm back in the business! i still have to brainstorm about tears in heaven... so sorry people... another kurtty by yours truly.... x:men-evolution is not mine... so please don't sue me... ^-^
NOTE: before anything else, this is a PREQUEL to GHOST OF YOU AND ME... strawberry shortcake, blueberry pie and apple juice is a trilogy. i won't be updating ghost of you and me until i finish this... sorry guys... ^^.
~ Turn and walk away... that's what I should do... my head says go and find the door... my heart says I found you...~
Part One : Strawberry Shortcake
I looked down on the plate that was set in front of me. A white triangular- shaped cake with a strawberry on top. Strawberry shortcake. This was the only dessert that made me feel a whole lot better. I wouldn't want to spoil my whole day by contemplating on what happened... I just... I'll just let it go.
I was talking to myself again. I shook those things away and picked up my fork. I heard the chime on the cafe door ring. I looked over my shoulder and saw him. Kurt Wagner. He smiled as he spotted me and started to move towards my direction.
"Hi, Keety. What's up?" he asked as he took a seat across me. The waitress came over and offered a menu to him. He refused it and smiled. "I'll have a blueberry pie, please." he said as the waitress nodded and left the table. "Let's get this over with, Kurt." I sighed as I picked up a big German language book from my bag.
I opened the book to a certain page as he, too, did so. The waitress came over and placed a plate over at his side. "Would you like something with that?" she asked. He glanced over at me and I nodded, showing him that I'll have the usual. "We'll have two glasses of apple juice, danke."
The waitress left the table in a hurry. He looked down at his blueberry cake, picked up the fork and sliced it. I shook my head and looked down at the page of my book. The print on the book seemed to become harder to comprehend. The letters started to become blurry.
I shoved these thoughts away. I thought I was just imagining things. But when the events from a week ago flashed by my mind, I faltered. I sighed and somehow tried to hide my emotions... but the incident was still burned into my head... as if it won't go away.
I read the first few lines of his letter and felt a sudden throb of my chest. What was this letter all about? I flopped down to my bed and began to read.
'I hope that when you read this letter, you're safe, as you've always been. You know what? it was a while ago when I last saw your beautiful smile. And I hope that smile is still in your face when you read this. That cute, sweet smile that you always flash when you see me passing by. I've always said it, and I'll say it again, I love you.'
I smiled as I read further. Lance was such a joker. But joker or not, he still finds ways to make me smile. Lance... I sighed and read on, my curiosity deepening even more.
'You see, Kitty, you've always been there for me... And I want you to know that nothing's ever gonna change that. We've had our own shares of ups and downs, but we're still here. It's hard to stay in a relationship... but we're okay. I want you to know that I miss you, every second that I'm alone, every minute you're not with me, every hour without your voice ringing in my head, every day I don't see your smile.'
My eyes widened as I re-read the paragraph once again. This was getting confusing. My heart raced as my mind formulated different conclusions. What was Lance saying?
I bit my lip as I heaved all the courage to read more.
'You know me very well, Kitty. I don't write letters like this... to anyone. But if it's for you- I would do it. You know that I would do anything for you. Don't misunderstand what I'm trying to say. I want you to know that I'll always stand right by your side. I'll always protect you- your happiness... our happiness.'
My brow creased as I read between the lines, trying to search for words that were not written on that piece of paper. I tried to analyze the things that were going to happen at the end of this letter.
The Lance that made this- was different from the one I knew. He's changed somehow...
'Kitty, I knew that this moment would come... I knew because before I even tried to get you to know me more- tried to make you love me with all of you, I couldn't. There was this one thing that was always stopping me to become someone who was perfect- just like you.'
By this time, tears were streaming down my face like a waterfall's raging waters. I had predicted the right outcome. But... why? I asked myself, as my voice cracked, my throat hanging dry. I sniffed and allowed the tears flow down my cheeks.
I picked up the letter that had fallen down the floor and with all my courage, decided to finish it.
'I've always hoped that you'll love me back, that you'll love me more than I love you. I've always prayed that this moment wouldn't happen... But, Kitty, I'm not blind to see what's happening. It's not easy to say goodbye from a dream, a dream you've always wanted to have. But, a dream is always a dream. And dreams don't come true the way I want them to. I've always waited... I've always wanted to linger... on every moment that we're together. But I don't want to make myself stupid for hoping on a someday that won't ever come.
All I did was cause hurt to you. All I did was to cause pain. I know that a while ago as the very last time I'll ever see you smile at me. That smile that warmed my heart. I'll always be longing for that someday... dreaming of that someday... living for that someday... I'll see your smile.
I know that you won't come back to me. I know that you won't even love me again. But- if you tell him how you feel... and if that elf hurts you... I'll always be here to catch you... even if I'm not the one that made you fall... I love you, Kitty... at least for the very last time, I get to say that...
I was speechless... My line of thought dropped dead... He... Lance was...
I snapped out of my reverie as I felt a tear roll down my cheek. "Keety?" I heard the elf's German accent. "Is there something wrong? Am I going too fast?"
I lifted my eyes from the book that I was supposed to be reading and wiped the tear away. I looked at him and he smiled. "You weren't listening to the crap I was saying, were you?" he asked.
I shook my head as he rolled his eyes. "You won't be passing German if you don't listen to the fuzzy dude..." his sentence was cut as he looked into my eyes. "Is there something wrong?" he asked. I put up my defense and shook my head again. "No... I'm sorry, Kurt. It was just something I was thinking about... Nothing important."
"Eyes don't lie, Katzchen. If you don't want to tell me, you're free not to. Just... don't lie." he said as he turned his attention to the almost finished blueberry pie he ordered. I picked up the half-full glass of apple juice and sipped it.
I again stared at the plate that once held my 'strawberry goodness' and sighed. Something in me just couldn't resist. Something just couldn't hide anything from him. Sighing, I asked, "You really want to know?"
I stared at the ground, looking at the leaves that flew with the blowing wind that passes by every now and then. My hand fell limply on my side as scenes again flashed right before my eyes.
'There was this one thing that was always stopping me to become someone who was perfect- just like you...'
I felt so stupid. I felt so stupid because I kept blaming myself- for what happened... for things that I should have done... for things that I didn't do. Regret... it was such a deep word... a word that was almost as dense as the word love itself. How would you know if you're giving too much of something... if you don't know how to give too little?
How would you know if you're hurting, if you don't even know what it's like to be hurt? How would you know what it's like to cry, if you haven't cried yourself? How would you know much about waiting, if you haven't experienced doing so?
I felt like a total loser. Finding things on my own, and learning the hard way was much more difficult than it really is. So, it was true... that words were such dense things that are easier said than done. Lies... these lies are packed up on top of the other... but then... how would you know truth if you don't even know lies?
'I'll always be here to catch you... even if I'm not the one that made you fall...'
There it was again. I imagined his voice speaking to me. His words made my heart sore like sharp daggers aimed directly at it. I needed to be strong. But the thought of me pondering on one thing that I passed by a week ago, made me think twice.
I felt my knees weaken. What were beliefs for if no one respected them either? I was simply talking rubbish. I was again looking for a way out. An escape route... to a someday that I've always dreamt of. I shook my head, trying to drive thoughts of mere hope and pleasure away. I wanted to stop the mental torture and chaos that was happening in me. But how can I stop it, if I'm the one causing it?
I felt my line of thought snap as I stared at the ground again. But it wasn't a lump of dried leaves that was before me, but a pair of shoes. I looked up and I saw him, offering me an ice cream cone.
I felt my whole body falter. The one and only person that was interrupting me from loving Lance- from giving my whole heart completely... was standing before me, smiling and offering an ice cream cone. I felt tears rimming my eyes. I no longer had the strength... nor the will to even contradict what my actions were to show next.
I threw myself in his arms. He let the ice cream cones he was holding, go, as I buried my face on his chest. "I want this to stop... It's so... difficult, Kurt. It hurts." I whispered. I felt his hand support me, he picked up my face with his hand and stared at my tear-stricken face. I could tell the concern... the worried expression on his face.
"Keety... what's wrong?" he asked in a whisper. I again buried my face in his chest. Overwhelmed with emotion, I couldn't speak. But then, there was this something... it was my inner voice... telling me that... I have to tell him.
"Kurt... Lance said-" I began, my voice creaking. I stopped in mid-sentence, as a hiccough escaped my lips. I heaved all that was left in me and whispered. "He broke up with me."
"Keety... I'm sorry..." he said. I figured that he didn't know what to say either. "Don't be." I said. I should've listened to my heart... when it told me... when it screamed out the name of the one it really loved...
"Kurt..." I sighed, tears flowing down my cheeks. "Hush, Keety. Don't worry... It's gonna be okay. It's gonna be alright. I won't leave you, I promise."
I was left speechless. But for that same moment in time, as I watched the sun set before us, I felt better. Maybe because of him. Maybe because of strawberry shortcake. Or maybe-
I watched as the sun set on the purple horizon. And as I did, I leaned next to him. And it felt good... to have someone beside you as the night fell... to have someone beside you... as you hope for a tomorrow that's a whole lot better than today.
hey peepz!! i finally finished the first part of the strawberry shortcake, blueberry pie and apple juice trilogy!! ^^. yey! the title may be a little bit stupid, but i assure you that all of these things will play a huge part on the story, okay?
anyway, may i reinstate that this is a prequel to my other fic, GHOST OF YOU AND ME... ^^. hehehe... this is gonna be good...
onto the credits...! peepz, you know who you guys are... i won't mention your names because my hands are exhausted from all that typing... ^^. ill be sure to thank you guys in the next chappie, blueberry pie, i promise!!
oh, yeah and before i forget, please do R&R! ^^. God bless!!
[this fic is dedicated to my twin, Ria, i'm sorry... i know you don't like the word, but i don't have anything more to say... and to Tainz, i hope you deal with your loss... my condolences...]