Title: Willpower

Author: Crimson Coin Crimson_Coin@yahoo.com

Summery: Chris Jericho and Lita have a heated confrontation.

Rating: High PG13 for dark angsty stuff

Characters: Chris Jericho, Lita, Matt Hardy

Disclaimer: These peeps aren't mine. WWE ... not mine.

Pairings: Really, really, messed up. But just work with me.

Archiving: Go for it.

TimeLine: Early October ... a few weeks after Lita's return.

+++

Chris Jericho winced as he watched the monitor. Watched as Lita's head was driven right into the mat, the tiny redhead bouncing almost sickly then curling into a limp ball, that fiery hair fanned out on the canvas. Damn it. Gail was going to kill her.

How much he just wanted to run out there and make sure she was ok. But ... well, needless to say that wouldn't go over to well. He pressed his teeth together when Gail applied a Dragon Sleeper. God, why did they have to work her neck? Granted she was fully recovered, but the girl had to be so paranoid about her neck, was it really necessary to work it, especially so soon.

He winced again as she was tossed around some more. More bumps, more submissions, more pain. He was grateful when the bell rang and her match was over. He watched as Molly Holly ran down and started to beat her some more. It wasn't bad with Molly though. She was a great athlete and he knew Lita was safe with her. As Lita walked towards the curtain, Chris debated whether or not he wanted to go check on her. His concern taking control, he walked out of his locker room.

And he knew exactly where she'd be. Practically dragging his feet, he approached the women's locker room and knocked. The door opened, a wide eyed Molly Holly standing there. "Chris?"

"Is she ..."

Molly pushed him back, stepping out with him. "Shh ... what the hell are you doing? Are you insane?"

"I have to see her."

Molly sighed. "Are you sure? She's gonna kill you."

"I don't care. Let me in. Please, Molly. I ... I have to ..."

Reluctant, Molly stepped aside. "I'll keep the other girls out."

Chris eased through the door, spotting her on one of the benches, hunched over, an ice pack to the back of her neck. She spoke. "Molly, who wa ..." she glanced up, her eyes suddenly ablaze. "YOU?!"

He tried not to flinch as he closed the door. "Are ... are you all right?"

"Like you fucking care," she spat.

"I do." He said intensely. "I saw your match. Are you ok?"

"Fuck you!"

"For fucking once in your life can you just god damn answer me?"

She stood, the ice pack on her neck as she stalked right to him. "I don't owe you a fucking thing. So don't look for it. Now get the fuck out of here."

"Lita ..."

"NO! I'm finished with you." She spat, turning from him. "I don't ever want to fucking know you're alive. I ..."

"I love you."

Lita paused, the hand with the icepack dropping slowly to her side. It was a long few moments of silence before she glanced back over her shoulder at him. "You certainly have a wonderful way of showing it."

His heart broke as he heard the tears in her voice. "I haven't stopped loving you. And I know what you must be going through ..."

She spun quickly then, viciously slicing the air. "You have no idea what I'm going through. NONE! So don't even begin to think that you do. Cuz you DON'T! Maybe ... maybe January of last year, I'da believed that you love me. But not now. You couldn't."

"But ..."

"NO BUTS! You don't. If you loved me, you wouldn't have left me when you did."

Chis flinched, ducking his head. "I know ..."

"You know nothing." She insisted. "Nothing. I loved you so much; you were my world. And then I break my neck. And ... and it killed me. I actually died that day, Chris. You ... and then you left me three months after my surgery. You ... you ..." she wiped her eyes. "You called me the day before I went under that knife and I don't hear from you until the phone call where you tell me it's over. You ... you know what you said to me? You said, 'I can't handle this anymore.' YOU CAN'T HANDLE THIS?! YOU WEREN'T EVEN THERE!"

She swallowed hard, the tears free flowing. "You fucking prick." She brought a clenched fist to her chest. "I needed you. Do you have any idea how much I needed you?" she didn't bother wiping her eyes. "I needed you, Chris. I needed you. I ... I ... it was hard for me, so hard. And I had Matt and Jeff and hell, even Trish. But I needed you. I needed love, I needed ..." she blinked a few times, looking to the ceiling to find her words.

"I needed the man I love to be with me. I needed that comfort." She licked her lips. "I needed to feel wanted and you weren't there. You left me alone when I needed you most." She shook her head. "You left me at the worst time." She ripped the wrist guard from her arm, stalking to him and thrusting her arm into his face. "Look. Look at me."

She pointed to various scars. "I did this one three weeks after surgery .... and this one the week after and this one the week after that. I wanted to die. I was incomplete. And then you left me and I did this ..." she pointed to the longest deepest scar. "I was alone. Truly and totally alone. I almost succeeded you know. If Matt didn't come by for a surprise visit, I wouldn't be here."

She sniffed, staring him down. "You never loved me. You never cared. And you left me when I needed that love most. When I needed a motivation to get up every morning. As if it wasn't difficult enough for me you ... I hate you, Chris Jericho."

When she would walk away, he grabbed her arms, keeping her in front of him. "Can I talk?"

"I never stopped you before."

Chris pulled the wrist guard down from his arm then pointed to a scar. "I did this when I heard you broke your neck, and this the day after and this the day after that." He pulled a flask from his coat pocket, unscrewing the top. "And this ..." he took a swig. "The day after." He chugged the rest of the flask then dropped it to the floor.

"You know why I left?" he exhaled. "Because I couldn't handle it. I couldn't handle the woman I love, the free independent spirit who was now caged. I couldn't help you. I couldn't fix anything. I couldn't save you. Every night I would wish that I were in your place. I turned into an alcoholic mess cuz I was so helpless, I didn't know what to do."

"If I didn't break away, I knew I'd have to see you and then you'd see what a wreck I was." He pressed a hand to his eyes. "And I didn't want you to see me like that. I stopped shaving and I just didn't care about anything anymore. After that phone call ... after that night ... I knew I could never face you again." He brought his face centimeters from hers, his eyes intense. "I swallowed an entire bottle of aspirin. Christian saw me as I was finishing it off. He knocked me out and dragged me to the hospital."

Chris blinked a few times, drawing out the eye contact. "Every single day since the middle of July, I regretted what I've done. I've debated whether or not I wanted to call you. To try and fix something ... anything. But I could never ... ever gather the courage. I knew I blew my chance and I know that there's no way I'm getting another shot. And I'd be content just to hear you ... just me asking, if you're all right from that match."

He loosened his hold on her arms, one hand reaching up to cup her cheek. "Are you ... all right?"

Lita closed her eyes, a tear slipping out, dancing on her lashes a few moments before finally letting go, and falling down her cheek. "Don't ask me, Chris. Please don't ask."

"Well, I'm asking you, Lita. I'm asking if you're all right?"

"Of course, I'm not all right." She blinked furiously to keep back the tears. "How could I be all right? How ..."

"Shhh ..." he hushed, gently wiping the tears from her eyes. "Shhh, don't cry. It'll all be ok."

"How can you say that?" she cried, the floodgates finally open. "It's not gonna be Ok. It just ... it can't be OK!"

"Hey, hey hey." He guided her eyes back to his. "Yes, it will."

"I can't forget. Chris, I just can't."

"I don't want you too." He said softly. "I don't want to forget. I want to remember what it was like without you. I want to remember how I felt day after day because that's how I know I love you so God damn much."

"I missed you so much." Lita admitted, though with difficulty. "I loved you and every day I wished it was different and you were still mine."

Chris smiled. "See, Baby, we can do it. We can move on together and get past this and you and I can be happy. You have no idea how long I've been waiting to hear you say that. There's nothing stopping us now, we can do this together."

Lita took two steps back. "No, Chris, we can't."

His face dropped as she distanced herself. "But I love you."

She shook her head as the door opened. Chris's eyes widened as he saw Matt Hardy poke his head in. Matt had a smile on his face. "Hey, Li, are you almost re ..." his eyes darkened. "Is everything all right?"

Lita smiled at him, her eyes actually brightening at the sight of the elder Hardy. "Yes, sweetie, everything is fine. I'll be right out."

Matt seemed to almost frown, looking distraught. "Uhm ... ok. I'll ... I'll wait for you out here." He backed out the door.

Lita's eyes focused on Chris again and he swore he felt his heart fall somewhere around his knees. "Lita?"

"I'm sorry, Chris." She said, sadly. "But a lots happened."

"Seems so." His voice was tight, as if he were struggling to keep control.

Lita sighed. "I'm sorry. It's just ... you proved to me that when things get hard, you ... you'd run. I need a man who'll be there for me. Like Matt was."

"But I love you. I ... I never meant for things to be like this. If you just didn't break your neck ...""

"That's it though, Chris." She stepped to him. "I did. I did break my neck and it was a traumatic thing in my life. You weren't there for me. Matt was. He was there when I needed him, when I needed a man's arms around me for comfort, when I needed to feel wanted and beautiful and loved. Matt gave that to me. He loves me."

Chris's eyes darkened. "Do you love him?"

And in that single moment, complete surprise flashed in Lita's eyes ... her heart exposed.

Chris shook his head. "I know you, Lita. You love me. Just like I love you. I love you more than he ever could. And I can see it in your eyes. You love me. I know it."

"Of course I love you." Lita gave in. "I love you more than anything else."

Chris smiled, stepping to her with open arms.

She shook her head, slipping under his arms and to the door. Turning to him she hugged herself. "Don't. Don't, Chris. Because I can't go back to you. And I won't. You know maybe I don't love Matt like I love you. Maybe I never will. But I know that Matt won't hurt me like you did. He never could." She walked out the door.

"Lita!" Chris called, running after her. He stopped outside the door, watching as she walked towards Matt Hardy. "DON'T DO THIS TO US!" He took a few steps, opening his arms. "ANGEL, PLEASE!" he cried.

Lita stopped, her hands dropping to her sides, tears welling up in her eyes again at the use of his pet name for her. The look of joy fell from Matt Hardy's face. Lita swallowed hard, closing her eyes.

Chris watched. Simply watched, crying himself as Matt took Lita in his arms. Though the Hardy didn't walk away with her. No. Matt eased her back, whispering something too soft for Chris to hear. Then the darker man leaned down and kissed her lips every so lightly. Matt turned his back, walking away and down the hall.

Lita looked over her shoulder, glancing at Chris. In that instant, Chris understood. Could see everything. Matt had left her, telling her to go to the man she loved. The Hardy let her go, had read her eyes and seen where her heart lies. Chris felt the pure pangs of happiness rising in his heart when she turned to look at him. "Angel." He breathed, loud enough for her to hear.

Lita took a few steps closer to Chris and she swallowed hard again, tears still falling from her eyes.

Chris smiled, everything finally falling into place. All his depression raced from his mind, from his soul because she was coming back to him. They could finally be together again. He could hold her and kiss her, make love to her and take care of her no matter what. He would never run, not again. He needed her, just like she had needed him.

Then Lita shook her head.

And Chris felt his heart rip clean from his chest. The ever present vice around his heart making it's present known as it clamped the very last bit of emotion. As it pressed and extinguished everything.

Lita turned her back on Chris, running after Matt.

And Chris watched as Lita grabbed the Hardy's arm, spinning him to face her. Watched as Matt's eyes widened and he tried to speak. Watched as Lita placed her fingers over the Hardy's lips to silence them, and then replaced her fingers with her own lips. Tears fell, Chris watched as Matt wrapped his arms around Lita. His shoulders slumped, Chris watched as Lita's hands tangled in the Hardy's hair, just like they had his own so long ago.

Chris swallowed the lump in his throat as the kiss grew passionate, as the Hardy bent the woman over slightly, as they kissed so fiercely and deeply. His body growing limp, Chris watched the display. Watched Matt's hands travel over Lita's back, watched Lita clutch to the man who was now embracing her. Watched as the couple's kiss deepened, transfixed on the fact that her mouth, her lips ... that tongue. She wasn't kissing him. She was kissing Matt Hardy. Chris couldn't stop any tears, the free fall of sorrow making it's mark on his face and he watched, helpless, rejected, defeated. He closed his eyes. The love of his life had just chosen another man.

- End

*** Matt/Lita. Bet you never thought I'd write one. Though granted it's not totally, but you know. Please Read and Review.***