Disclaimer: I do not own any trademark, nor do I own any of those funny little creatures that write Mary-Sues.


*A bedroom. A swirly purple patterned notebook on a bed opens up to pages of writing, flapping in the breeze. We see the cover snap shut again by a girl with long green fraudulent fingernails. The girl picks up the notebook and puts it on the shelf, going to her laptop to write more of her smashing fiction, "There's a New Girl at Hogwarts." There's a high pitched scream as she opens the file. The purple notebook falls off the shelf, opening at page 1. And so begins the Diaries of a Mary-Sue Author. *


March 14.

Dear Diary,

Chloe here. I have just registered at this website, fanfiction.net. It's mega-funkeriffic. Anyway, I should probably write a story for the website. I have already seen some truly smashing ones, but my favourites are the Romance ones. They're so cute. I have heard some people on the site talking about something called a Mary-Sue. Not quite sure what that is, probably nothing important. Oh, I have to go out now. But I'll write when I get back. Promise.

March 23.

Dear Diary,

I'm sorry, I didn't write before. But I will once I come up with a really smashing storyline. I re-read The Order of the Phoenix today. I swear, it gets better all the time. I wonder if the characters were real, would they be hot? Oh my lordy lordy lord. I've got it. I'll write a story about a girl that goes to Hogwarts. Um . . . a new girl, oh, bum, why is she new? Um . . . she was . . . Oh, I know! She got expelled from her old school! Oh bummer, what for? And what school? Um . . . well, she has to be sassy and sexy and beautiful to make all the boys fall head over heels for her. So . . . she can be expelled for blowing up a turret! Yeah! And . . . she used to go to Fairywings Academy. Oh that's so gorgeous! I'm so excited. I'll start right away. Hang on. Who do I pair her with? But I love Draco AND Harry! Oh, I know, she'll fall for bad-boy Draco, then realise she loves Harry! Duuur! There is no end to my brilliance! She must be RADIANT. Everyone will love her simply because she is RADIANT. Oh crud, what's her name? Something flowy! I know! Summer! Summer Woods. It combines flowy and elegant, with simple and cute! What an amazing combo! There is really no end to my brillo thought processes. I must go write!

March 39.

Oh crap. I just realised there's only 31 days in March.

April 8.

It's awesome. She gets sorted into Slytherin cuz she's a BAD GIRL, who just happens to be simply RADIANT. I wish I were like my Summer Woods. Shiny hair of red with electric blue streaks . . . very thin but not up where the chest area is . . . every boy wants her . . . I wish I wasn't so fat like I am now. I put on 2 kilos in the past week. I must be at least 46 kilos now. Oh god, I've made myself cry. I have to write. Put in something angsty, like her parents dying when she was at a young age or something. I've gotta write. It's the only thing keeping me alive these days. *sigh* whatever.

April 17

I got my first review! I'll write it in here so I remember it forever.

"This is a Mary Sue. Stop writing now."

I bet Mary-Sue means something good. I think the chick must have missed out the 'Don't' in the 'Don't' stop writing now.

April 24

I found out what a Mary Sue is by looking through the Parodies. It's a 'story where the writer projects themselves into Harry Potter-land by creating a new character, sometimes sharing the same or similar name or appearance, or personality.' It is NOT a Mary-Sue. Summer is not I, and I am not Summer. We are two separate people. Hang on, Summer isn't a person. She can be a metamorphmagi! Wicked! Hooray! Oh by the way, Summer is together with Draco.

April 31

I got a review today. It was mean.

"This is a crap, typical Mary-Sue with an old, overused storyline. Stop writing now or I'll get my friends at the Glenorchy Mafia to cut your legs off. I mean it. You'll never be this . . . Autumn Forest or whatever her name is."

I think that's what's classified as a flame.

May 22: (my birthday!) (A/N this is my actual birthday)

I finished my fic! It took a while, but I did it! Summer is with Harry, they all live happily ever after. It makes me happy to know that I made people's lives better for them reading my story. There were one or two, who disliked it, but I said that if I didn't get 5 new reviews I would stop, and you'd be surprised how many people don't read and review romance stories. I ended up keeping on writing anyway. It rules.


That's it. It's really short. I'll write the actual Mary-Sue for you to point and laugh at. Ok? Stand back for Mary Sue time!