Metal Gear Gas 2: Sons of their mother.

I don´t own any of the Metal Gear characters, Konami does, but Im sure you already knew that...

(Black screen)

Snake: The Hudson River, two weeks ago.. We had been stupidly informed by an anonimous font that

a new type of Metal Gear was scheduled for transport, and we were stupid enough to believe

the information even knowing there´s a price on our heads...

The whole thing stank, ´cause our noses have been out in the garbage too long...

(The screen shows George Washington bridge, a cloacked figure walks across the bridge, then it

starts running, activates Stealth camouflage and drops out of the bridge using a rappel rope.

Suddenly the rope breaks and the figure falls into a ship landing on its face)

The camo gets damaged and the figure is revealed, it´s Elvis! Eh.. I mean, it´s Solid Snake!

Snake: Oww... Darn! (Calls on Codec) Do you read me Otacon?

Otacon: Kinda, wazzzaapp?

Snake: Kept you waiting uh? Im at the "Snake point"

Otacon: Eh?

Snake: Eh.. "sneak point"

Otacon: Oh, kickass! Snake, do you know how the specifications of Metal Gear were sold

in the super markets after Shadow Moses?

Snake: All Ocelot´s doing.

Otacon: Yes, and now every state, group and dotcom has it own version of Metal Gear!

Snake: And we are part of an Anti-Metal Gear organization, right?

Otacon: Not quite, what Philantropy really wants is to recover all of the Metal Gears so they can

rule over the world.

Snake: And we are helping them.

Otacon: That´s right.

Snake: .......

Otacon: ......

Snake: ........?

Otacon: Anyway Snake, I want you to investigate where that Tanker is headed.

Snake: Why?

Otacon: Dunno, but I have the feeling you will have your first boss battle up there.

Snake: Cool, Im ready to go.

Just then, an army of misterious soldiers gets into the ship and kills all the stupid and defenseless

Marines, but nobody noticed ´cause they are complete idiots.

Snake gets behind one of the soldiers and points his weapon at his head.

Snake: Freeze!

Soldier: (Moans like a little girl)

Snake: Hehe, toss some bullets, @$$hole.

Soldier: Don´t have any!

Snake: WHAT!? Do you know who the hell am I?!

Soldier: Eh... Osama Bin Laden?


Soldier: Terrorist? What are you talking about? We are here to destroy Metal Gear and prevent the

end of the world as we know it!

Snake: Eh... So Im the bad guy here...

Soldier: Seems like it.

Snake: Anyway, let me get this straight, you are the good guys who want to save the world from

Metal Gear, right?

Soldier: You got it.

Snake: Then why kill defenseless Marines?

Soldier: ´Cause they are a bunch of idiots, they lack Artificial Inteligence!

Snake: .....?

Soldier: Look, we asesinated them because they were a waste of polygons in this game!

Snake: Nice point man.

Snake shoots the guard with his M9 and keeps going to the Tanker´s bridge. After a few minutes he

gets there and informs Otacon about the ships direction.

Snake: (On the Codec) Otacon, the ship´s going to Acapulco, Mexico.

Otacon: Now that´s something. I don´t have any comments about that.

Snake: Thought so.

Snake then sees a female soldier outside the deck and goes there to investigate.

Woman: (Talking on her radio) The explosives are in place, just behind Metal Gear.

??: (Voice in the radio) Cool, anyway, I want you to leave the ship.

Woman: No! That is were I belong! to Acapulco!

??: You swore this to me! That you would leave the unit once the mission was a failure!

Woman: I have nowhere else to go!

??: Go home and buy some eggs and bacon for your mom, or she will kill us both!

Woman: Maldicion! Me lleva la.... (Turns off the radio)

Snake gets out of behind a box and points his weapon at the woman.

Snake: Freeze!

Woman (Olga): (Raises hands)

Snake: Hey! I haven´t told you to raise your hands!

Olga: (Puts down her arms)

Snake: Good, now, hands over your head!

Olga: We are nomads, wanderers.

Snake: Oh really, Im Elvis then!

Olga: E.. ELVIS!? THE KING?!

Snake: Oh no, here we go again..

Olga: Rock stars... so you shoot women too?

Snake: Im a nomad too. Now, toss your gun overboard, slowly...

(Olga tosses her gun to the water)

Snake: Now, turn around and get naked!


Snake: Hehe.. just kidding..

Snake stares off into space doing nothing while Olga runs behind a box and takes out another gun.

Olga: Elvis! Your life ends here! ...For the second time...

Snake: I was kidding about being Elvis, you idiot! Im Solid Snake! The legendary hero of Shadow


Olga: ......?

Snake: The man who infiltrated Outer Heaven and destroyed the first and second Metal Gears..?

Olga: ........?

Snake: The guy who appears in the cereal boxes..?

Olga: Oh! That´s right! I recognize you now! You are the guy of the Lucky Charms!

Snake: Wha...!? I meant the "Solid Snake" cereal!

Olga: Oh c´mon, nobody buys that crap.

Snake gets pissed off and shoots his M9 at Olga´s neck, the girl falls asleep.

Snake calls Otacon again.

Snake: Otacon, the ship appears to be under their control.

Otacon: Did you find anything about their origins?

Snake: The soldiers are heavily armed, and they have Mexican accent.

Otacon: Mexican troops? That´s new.

Snake: I guess the russians are tired of being villians in all the games, so they put Mexican

troops instead.

Otacon: Oh.

Snake goes to the Tanker holds, where Metal Gear is supposed to be.

After passing around a group of Marines, Snake realizes what the soldier said about the IQ of the

Marines, and blasts them using a USP he got from Olga. The Marines didn´t hear the noise of the

shoots because they are a bunch of dumbasses.

Snake gets to Hold 3, where the Marine commandant was giving a speech to a group of Marines.

The important and dynamic speech caused a singular effect on the Marines (they were all asleep)

Snake takes photos of Metal Gear´s front, front left, front right and a "GAY" lettering in

Metal Gear´s leg.

Scott Dolph (Marine commandant): Metal Gear GAY was called that way after the great "Michael Jackson!"

We the Marines will lead the world to a new order with Metal Gear GAY!

Marines: Zzzzzz....

Snake reaches a PC and sends the photos to Otacon.

Just then, Revolver Ocelot comes from behind Metal Gear´s leg.

Ocelot: Excelent speech, my friend. Gift of the silver tongue, they say it´s a mark of a good

officer.. and of a dumbass...

Scott: Identify yourself!

Ocelot: Im Shalabastard! Also cal...

The Marines wake up at the sound of "Shalabastard" and begin laughing.

Ocelot: Ahem! Also called Re..





Marines: ..........

Ocelot: Im Revolver Ocelot!

Marines: ......?

Ocelot: .....

Marines: Revolver who?

Ocelot: Oh, fine, Shalabastard..


Ocelot: Anyway, I came to take Metal Gear GAY back.

Scott: What are you planning to do, steal this thing?

Ocelot: No, I came to take it back.

Scott: What are you planning to do, steal this thing?

Ocelot: ......?

Scott: What are you planning to do, steal this thing?

Ocelot: What the hell´s happening to you?!

Scott: Im repeating myself, ´cause of the old age!

Ocelot: ......

Then someone takes the commandant hostage, it´s Sergei Gurlukovich, leader of the Mexican troops.

Otacon: Snake, we´ve ID that old man, his name is Sergei Gurlukovich.

Snake: Gurlukovich? That´s a russian name!

Otacon: Konami decided to keep the names intact.

Snake: Good.

Sergei: We are stealing GAY so Mexico can rise again!

Ocelot: I regret to inform you, that I have no intention of giving Metal Gear to an idiot like

you, colonel.

Sergei: Ocelot! Have you sold us out!? Are you still in league with Solidus!?

Ocelot: No hard feelings colonel, "Father Mexico" can rot for all I care.

Sergei: DAMN YOU!

Ocelot takes out a Nerf gun and kills Dolph and Sergei even before he can use his gun.

Ocelot: Show´s over!

(The Marines give an applause)

Ocelot detonates the C4 that was planted in the ship.

Snake: Ocelot!!

Ocelot screams in pain because of his arm, after a few seconds he is back to normal... Well.. kinda


Ocelot: It´s been a while, brother! *Fart*.

Snake: Who are you?

Ocelot: You know how I fart! *Fart*

Snake: ....Gas...?

Gas Snake: Not so young anymore, eh Snake? *Fart*

Gas: Few more years and you´ll be another dead clone of the old man! *FAAARRRTTTT!!!*

Snake shoots at Ocelot´s arm, but nothing happens.

Snake: WHAT THE!?

Gas: But I, I live on trough this ass! (Holds his ass with his hands)

Snake: Gas´ ass!?

An explosion below Snake sends him to fly, then Gas gets into Metal Gear GAY and sinks the Tanker.

Inside GAY, Ocelot talks with someone by radio.

Ocelot: (Back to normal, yeah, this time is really normal) Yes, at the location we discused.

Ocelot: Yes, I have photografic evidence of Roy Campbell in the nudist camp, the Cypher was most


Ocelot: No, Im not hungry sir.

Ocelot: No, my birthday´s not tomorrow...


Ocelot: What´s your point, sir?

Ocelot: Yes, I´ve washed your underwear well, sir.

Ocelot: Not at all sir! NO! WHAT A THING TO SAY!! NO! ARE YOU ON CRACK, SIR!?

Ocelot: Oh crap, yeah, Im sorry about your fish´s death... (rolls eyes)

Ocelot: Yes, I´ll buy another one in the way home...

Ocelot: This conversation is getting annoying and longer than expected, sir...

Ocelot: .......

Ocelot: Yes, I´ll be sure to buy some eggs and bacon for tomorrow´s breakfast..

Ocelot: Yes, of course, Mr. Solidus.. Eh, I mean, Mr. Third Snake Brother.. Eh.. Mr. George Sears..

........... Oh YEAH RIGHT! Mr...... President....



Whatever No Dunno Don´t care [End this chapter already!]


(Well, that was it, I hope you´ve enjoyed it cause I really did!

Any comments, suggestions or ideas to, please R&R!!!)