Part 15 - Sexual Tension / Halloween / Whipped Cream?

Welcome ladies and gentlemen. I am afraid the show is coming to a close. The guests on the stage smiled. The hell was almost over! Since topics have dried up I have decided to quit while I'm ahead. Nicola looked sad, but then she beamed. "But we still have this last part of the show and that means I have something special planned for everyone. I will just say this as a hint of what's to come. Whipped cream. Everyone looked very confused. Brian looked at the notes he had in his hands on how the show had earlier been planned on ending. Whipped cream? That was not what he had written down. Anyway now topic number one for the final part is a question. Why the hell do none of you want to resolve the sexual tension? I mean, Mulder and Scully, you waited nearly eight years to get it on. I don't think I'm the only one who feels this way, but I don't understand how you managed to hold off the urge to just throw each other on top of the desk and do the dirty deed! Nicola exclaimed.

We were partners and it's against bureau procedure to boink your co-worker, Mulder explained.

But still nearly eight years. Nicola looked towards John and Monica. And you two! The fans still have no idea where your relationship stands. I mean, Monica when you whipped the mustard away from the corner of his lip, why didn't you just lick it off? I bet he would have loved that!

I... he... Monica stuttered.

And you! Nicola yelled turning to look at John. You're even worse! After the car accident you just let her walk into her apartment with a 'good night'? And in the car she practically told you she wanted to kiss you and make love to you and you just blew her off! Oh and then the thing with Tommy and his monsters. Hello to whatever is inside your head but you believed in something unexplainable to save her life, you took the leap. Why didn't you take the next? And then when you find out what happened to your son, she was there for you and you just gave her a hug! That was the ultimate perfect time for you to make some kind of move, I mean you had your release, let her in! And then all the stuff that happened with the Brady Bunch guy. She held your hand for Gods sake, that's when you're supposed to sweep her up in your arms and kiss her. And my all time favourite ending the two of you had. When you just drove off into the desert. Fans didn't know what had happened to you guys! And if you two aren't in the next film and what happened after you drove off isn't explain Chris Carter will be receiving some very angry fan mail!

Nicola stopped and started to catch her breath. Everyone looked at her shocked, they were speechless. Then someone in the audience started clapping, followed by someone else and eventually the entire crew, audience and cast were applauding.

Thank you. Nicola bowed.

We all would have liked to of relieved the sexual tension but that really horrible guy Chris Carter wouldn't let us, Dana explained.

If you could do anything to him this very moment, what would you do? Nicola asked.

Lock him up in a cage full of hungry lions! Mulder yelled.

Lock him in a tank full of partners! Dana yelled.

Shoot him! John yelled.

Beat the crap out of him! Monica yelled.

Well everyone please welcome out, Mr Chris Carter! Nicola yelled as Chris came out on the set waving. The audience were 'booing' and throwing rotten fruit at him. Chris looked very nervous. He could feel all the death glares people were giving him. And Mr Chris Carter we have a surprise guest for you. BRING OUT THE SUPRISE ... GUEST!

Everyone turned their attention to the side of the set where someone came out in full protective clothes and on a leash they had a fully grown lion. Chris gulped the mass which had formed in his throat.

Mulder yelled out as he saw the lion.

A security guard went up to Chris, took his hand and cut it with a knife.

Ow! What the hell was that for? Chris yelled as blood started running down his hand. No one answered him as everyone saw the lion lick him lips and very sharp teeth at the sight of the fresh blood. Oh shit! Chris yelled as he ran off stage. The person holding the lions leash tried to keep hold of it, but the lion was to strong and broke free, running in the same direction which Chris had previously ran in.

There you go! Nicola yelled and everyone smiled at the sight of the man who had tortured them all running like a scaredy cat. Next topic which was a request made by Rach yet again, halloween costumes! Everyone groaned. Cue the cheezy inspirational music! Nicola yelled. Horrible music which you would hear when on hold on the telephone started playing. Also on the screens around the studio photos started showing. Mulder dressed as an alien. Dana dressed as a clown and crying her eyes out. Doggett dressed as a police officer, when he accidentally put the hand cuffs on himself and lost the key. Monica dressed as a vampire, while she choked on the fake teeth which kept falling out of place. Brad dressed as Uncle Fester, electrocuting himself when trying to light up the light bulb and finally Skinner as Cousin It, when he choked on the giant wig. And then the music stopped. Everyone on stage were red with embarrassment. Everyone turned their attention to Nicola. There is still one more photo. The camera showed the last photo to everyone.

OH MY GOD! I thought I burned that!" Mulder yelled. Being shown to everyone was a picture of him, when he was extremely drunk and decided to borrow him Mom's clothes and makeup and dressed like a girl, who had no fashion co-ordination.

And now the final topic before my mystery suprise. Facts and Fiction. Is there really a difference when it concerns them? Nicola indicated towards the guests on stage. I will now give out a load of facts which no one ever wanted the public to know. She cleared her throat. Fact: Fox Mulder likes to dress up like a girl on a regular basis.

I do not! Mulder yelled.

Fact: Monica Reyes secretly fantasises about having a threesome with John Doggett and Brad Follmer.

John yelled in disbelief.

I only thought about it once!... twice ... occasionally ... a lot, Monica admits as John is still in shock and Brad looks kind of turned on.

Fact: Dana Scully secretly fantasises about what it would be like to have a giant orgy with Fox Mulder, Monica Reyes, John Doggett, Walter Skinner, Brad Follmer AND Alex Krycek!

Everyone on stage yelled in horror.

I only thought about it a couple of times! She defended.

Fact: John Doggett once shot his own brother in the butt.

He asked for it! Everyone looked at him, not believing him. No I mean it he really asked me one day to shoot him in the butt, he wanted the scar to show off to the girls.

Fact: Walter 'Baldy' Skinner actually isn't bald, he shaves him head. Everyone gasped in horror.

It looks cool and sexy! He defended.

Fact: Brad Follmer is actually a good and decent guy. Everyone burst out laughing.

He yelled, not really expecting an answer.

Well that's all the facts I have, but I do have one for fiction. Nicola cleared her throat. Fiction: This show is actually based on real event! Everyone laughed harder. And now at the request of someone who wanted to be known as 'Remus Is Dodgy' we have the long awaited whipped cream surprise!

The room was suddenly filled with whipped cream. It went everywhere, all over the audience, all over the crew, all over the cast. Everyone laughed and screamed as they played around in it, eating it. Nicola looked around at everyone from her seat. She laid her head back in her seat and closed her eyes. The sound of the room and everyone slowly fading away.

Nicola? Nic? Nicola felt someone poke her cheek. She looked up and saw her friend Alex (Alexandra) sitting next to her in English class. I can't believe you fell asleep! You missed the entire lesson, Alex told Nicola as she stood and started packing away her English books, Nicola followed her actions.

Did I miss anything interesting? Nicola asked.

Just more reading of the worst book ever written. At one point you started whispering in your sleep, I had to put my hand over you mouth to shut you up!

I guess I should say thanks.

What the hell were you dreaming about? Alex asked as they walked out of the room. Nicola didn't answer her question, she only produced a huge grin.


Authors notes: I would like to say the biggest thank you to all the people on www.fanfiction.net who reviewed and requested topics! Without you guys this fic wouldn't have lasted this long and it would have seriously sucked! THANK YOU!