Disclaimer: Not mine. Please don't sue.

A/N: Just messing around, trying to work through my block. Let me know what you think. And no, it's not beta'd.

Dear Sir or Ma'am:

In odd little moments I think to myself, 'Why be evil?' and then it all comes back to me. What a silly question, it has always been my goal in life to rule the world. My therapist had this theory that it had something to do with my father abandoning me and my mother, but he took it all back as I held him over that cauldron of boiling oil. To bad I let my temper get the better of me. He was pretty ok, for a shrink.

It's that Harry Potter and his holier than thou attitude that's getting to me, making me second guess my goals in life. I mean, hell, the kid thinks that he can just almost kill me and that's ok. What kind of evil Dark Lord would I be if I just let that slide? In the Idiots Guide: 'How To Be An Evil Dictator' it clearly states that revenge is one of the prerequisites to being truly evil. There's an entire twelve step program laid out in the book, and I'm proud to say I've accomplished all of them. The last one was a little tough, I had to sell my soul. Can you believe the devil didn't want it? He seemed to think I'd attempt to usurp his throne. Well, no one ever said he was stupid.

I know, I've heard it so many times. I just keep letting the scrawny bespeckled boy get away. I always have to gloat. Yes, yes, no need to rub it in. Everyone has their weaknesses, mine just happens to be the need to torture and maim. One of these days though I'll accomplish my task, all though, thinking back it probably would have been wiser if I'd just left the whole prophesy thing alone. Ah well, hind site is better than foresight as they say.

I've heard rumors that people think I'm insane. Ha! If only. Little people thinking up excuses for my behavior, trying to understand something so completely outside of their understanding. I'm tellin' ya, if I were insane who would follow me? No, no, no. Insanity is not my problem, it's my total disregard for anyone or anything other than myself. You see, I never had a role model growing up. I think it has something to do with my total narcissistic behavior, but I'm just guessing, I'm not a shrink... poor guy, he was a rather attractive crisp though.

Just thought I'd get those few thoughts out of the way before I laid down my agenda for domination of the wizarding world. I have a few demands, listed in order of importance.

1. Harry Potter's head on a platter.

2. Dumbledore's head on a platter.

3. The systematic death of all muggle born witches and wizards as well as half bloods (excluding myself of course) and muggles.

4. A manor in the Lake District.

5. A post conquering vacation in the Bahamas.

Please note that my plan for total world domination is forth coming. I prefer to keep my goals small and work up from there. Don't want to get carried away.

All the best,

Lord Voldemort