Why the world is die-shaped
Warnings/notes : Otogi/Honda, Seto/Joey, Yami/Yugi, Bakura/Ryou, insanity fic (including major oocness), authoress insertions, character-bashing (it's supposed to be funny -_-;), bad language
Disclaimer : I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh. Discworld is written by Terry Pratchett, who is more brilliant and funnier than I'll ever be. '... for Dummies'-books aren't my idea either.
For Gangsta Videl, who requested something with Tristan and Millennium Elephants (a term copyrighted by Lethe Seraph)
written at 28th october 2003, by Misura
Note for the linguistically obsessed : Serenity, Duke and Tristan are called by their japanese names, which are Shizuka, Otogi and Honda.
"The world is a disc!" Honda declared with all the excitedness of a hungry Joey discovering there is yet another cookie left in the jar.
Three pairs of eyes blinked. Well, two actually, since Yami had learned never to blink anymore at the madness that made out the modern society.
"What makes you say that, Honda-kun?" Yugi asked politely.
"It's all in this book!" Honda pulled a book out of his bag, with a picture of Otogi on the cover, on a yellow background. The title proclaimed it to be 'Dungeon Dice Monsters for total dummies', behind which someone -presumably Otogi- had scribbled : 'that includes you, Honda!!!!'.
"Uhm." Yugi said, unwilling to say something inpolite, but unable to think of something nice.
"What does Otogi know about anything?!?" Joey exclaimed. He hated Otogi as much as he'd hated Seto (before he discovered he actually was in love with him, which is a long story that's not going to be told here), especially after he'd stopped trying to date Shizuka, thus robbing Joey of a perfectly rational reason to dislike him.
"Huh?" Honda blinked, staring at the book in his hand. "Oh. Wrong book, sorry!" He fished another book out of his bag. "Behold!"
The book was small, with a black cover.
There was no title on it, or anything to indicate what it was about or who had written it.
"The world isn't a disc at all!" Joey scoffed. "And no silly book is going to convince me differently! The world is a globe, everyone knows that."
Yugi nodded in agreement.
"But ... but ... " Honda stammered, "it's all in here! How the world is a disc, carried by four elephants."
Two pairs of eyes blinked again.
"Don't you think that would be ... a little bit heavy for them?" Yugi inquired softly.
"I ... I hadn't really thought of that." Honda admitted with a frown. Then he cheered up again. "I got it ; they're not ordinary elephants! They're *special*! Like ... like Millennium Elephants!"
[The authoress decied this would be a perfect moment for Yami Bakura to drop by.]
"Did someone say 'Millennium Item'?" Bakura, who could hear the word 'Millennium' (or Sennen, if he was in Japan) from a thousand miles distance, sauntered into the clearing.
"Tomb-robber." Yami growled. "You're not welcome here."
"Two things, *ex*-Pharaoh." Bakura smirked, momentarily forgetting his eternal quest for power to indulge in the pleasure of Yami-pestering. "One, this is a public place. Everyone is free to come here. And two, this is a park, not a tomb. So stop staring at me like a criminal."
["I didn't know we were in a park." Yugi remarked. The authoress ignored him.]
"Now, is someone going to answer my question?" Bakura continued.
"I wasn't talking about the four Millennium Elephants that carry the world at all." Honda replied hastily. "So you can just go back to wherever you came from."
"Ryou's bed, now that you ask." Bakura grinned. "Not that's it's any of your business."
Yami worriedly handed Yugi a handkerchief against his nosebleed.
"Well, guess I'll be leaving then." Bakura strolled off, mumbling something about a handy method he happened to have seen on TV to transport elephants.
"Don't worry, Honda, Ryou's never going to let him go on with it." Yugi said comfortingly to Honda who seemed crestfallen at the idea that someone might try stealing 'his' Millennium Elephants.
"You really think so, Yugi?" Honda asked hopefully.
"Positively." Yugi nodded.
"Pretty hard to steal elephants that don''t even exist." Joey added. "I mean, even Bakura's not *that* good a thief."
"He's not a thief at all!" Yami snapped. "He's only robbing tombs, dead people."
"Yeah, and what do you mean 'elephants that don't exist'?" Honda demanded. "Are you saying you still keep holding on to that silly thing they taught you at school about the world being a globe? I didn't know you were such a wimp."
"The earth being a globe's a lot less silly than the earth being a disk carried by elephants." Joey shot back angrily. "I mean, that's just crazy."
"I agree." Honda replied. "But that's not all. You see, these four elephants have to be standing on something, right? Well they do. They stand on the back of a giant turtle! I bet now you don't think it's such a crazy idea anymore, don't you?" He looked around triumphantly.
~dare I ask tbc?~