Summary: Weird humor. Armed with a pump-action air rifle tranquilizer I have managed to intercept the owl mail of the four founders!! MUAHAHAHA!!!
//It is a bright and sunny day\\
Salutations and high greetings to all! I hope this letter finds you all in a good and cheery mood (that includes you snake-boy!). On to business, as you well know Hogwarts is no longer safe! We can no longer discuss things out in the open without the odd student bumping into us! Honestly, how are we supposed to plan our Extra Secret Exams if they keep trying to eaves drop on us??
Sincerely, Godric Gryffindor. Head of the house of Gryffindor Where the noble and courageous of heart dwell!
Perhaps we should cast some password inducing spells on our chamber doors? I just read this most magnificent book by Opirol Locknock (a most respectable gnome from Ilse Emerald Mud), and the possibilities are most promising. Compared to a journal I found by Cistern "The Unfortunate" Camshire which recorded his last few drastic raids on ancient wizard tombs I find the idea of password doors fascinating! Why do you think?
My friend Godric,
This is a rather odd idea. Will sending letters really make things easier? Anyway, I seriously feel the next potion test should be about Healing and Rejuvenation. Those poor children are always hurting themselves (pranks are such AWFUL things!) and it would be good if they knew how to heal themselves and not come crying to me.
Yours truly, Helga
Again you never cease to amaze me at your sheer use of 'intelligence'. Sending mail indeed! We can still meet as usual and discuss the material at the dining hall. Just add another rule (I know Hufflepluff is so fond of adding rules) saying that all students who eaves drop shall be turned into a spotted slug for a week... or make that two, I don't like being eavesdropped on. However, since I am graciously taking the effort to reply through this most inefficient method I would like to propose that the next Charms final be about Projectile Fireballs and Wilting Death spells. The students performed disappointingly on my last mid-term about Blood Freezing and Poisonous Acid Attacks. Especially yours.
Salazar Slytherin Head of a far better house Where those with sense enough not to go charging at a fully grown dragon armed with only a wand, a sword and a pretty hat dwell.
P/S Don't call me 'snake-boy'. Ever.
To everyone again (especially my beloved Snake Boy!!),
Thank you for replying so quickly. I do declare dear Rowena that your idea of using owls to deliver mail is excellent. Just shove it into their beaks and off they go! Such a clever woman you are, with intellect that is only surpassed by your grace and beauty! Do not lie and deny that many a men have fallen prey to your exquisite perfection... for I know of one and he knows who he is doesn't he?? SALAZAR, you should take heed of ROWENA'S ideas. On a serious note, I did not relish wrangling with your pet snake, Venom for my letter. It was quite reluctant to give it up and seemed more keen on biting me. I DO wonder why. But the leather wings were a cute touch.
So far this is what has been planned: Transfiguration: Transfigure your best friend into a spotted slug! Salazar will aid in demonstration. Potions: Healing and rejuvenation. History: Complete history of gnome culture and mines. Charms: Random havoc and mayhem curtsey of the Head of the house where they'd rather scream like a girl and duck behind a rock.
Sincerely, Godric Gryffindor Head of Gryffindor house Where we stand our ground and face our challenges!
H-How dare you speak such things is public?! Salazar and I are merely friends that is all! Stop trying to imply something that is... is... oooh I am too furious to collect my thoughts!
There is NOTHING between us! STOP IT! Why are you still clinging to that incident?! Rowena wanted to learn Parseltongue! I was teaching her! That is the reason she was in my chambers! And we were... in that odd position because she had tripped! That is the truth! Why can you not believe it you rock headed maroon fool! She had stayed too long and was tired and she tripped so I caught her; plain and simple!!!
P.S I do NOT scream like a girl! And if the 'Head of the house where we stand our ground and face our challengers' remembered; his standing his ground would have been short lived if a certain unsung hero had not RETREATED to a safe distance to cast his Chain of Lighting spell!
My friend Godric,
I sense tension in the air. Stop teasing Slytherin, he does not have the best of patience among us. But I must protest to his choice in subject matter! It is always offensive magic with him, destroying and attacking. I strongly feel more 'defensive' magic should be taught - like Elemental Shields, Mind Blocking, disarming spells... you know. Furthermore, those spells are far too hard! He always expects so much from these children, pushing them to their limits just to see how far they can go. If they are content to become plain housewives and farmers then let them be! Honestly that wizard...
Yours truly, Helga
P.S Why were Slytherin and Rowena's name in capital letters???
To the Three Other Founder of Hogwarts,
It has come to my attention that my past letter had contained certain 'sensitive' issues; therefore I humbly expresses my most profound apologies. So Helga, I must decline to answer your question from your previous letter, though my conscious begs me to tell.. Of the secret dealing and stolen kisses!
I am firmly warning you! I have never kissed Salazar in my entire life! Not on the lips anyway...
My dear friends Godric, Rowena and Slytherin,
'Secret dealings and stolen kisses'?? Am I the only one who suddenly is unable to understand Godric? Someone PLEASE tell me what is going on! Anyway, the weekend is almost up and we really should start planning for next week. Dinner has already been cooked so please join me in the dining hall. Beef Noodles with Pepper Furtim dressing. Hurry! The food is already starting to cool.
Yours truly, Helga
//The four founders have joined Helga for dinner and are sitting at a small square table, eating
Why so shy?
I am eating Godric! Stop sending me mail! The students are watching!
Why don't you sit closer to dear Rowena??
//No reply mail from Salazar\
Ignore my mail if you will! But I shall continue sending Nightshade to bombard you with letters!
Nyahahaha! The last one landed in your soup! Wonder where this one will end up??
AH! You kicked me!
You deserve it. Now stop sending me mail and let me eat in peace! Nightshade is a real annoyance, swooping around my head! It is unsettling Venom most greatly. She hates owls.
//Dinner is over and the founders are back in their rooms\
That was a fine meal was it not? Helga is such a wonderful cook, small surprise she makes an excellent Potion Master! Rowena finally gave me Nightshade back after confiscating it during dinner, so I can continue sending you mail! Ha- hah!
Leave me alone, I have to prepare for my class tomorrow. Helga is forcing me to teach them 'defensive and protective' spells. Bah! Does she not know that the best defense is an offense?? Maybe I shall teach them Ring of Fire? It can be considered protective for it creates a fiery shield around the caster and therefore anyone who comes near will be horribly burned! I rarely use it. It is too troublesome to get in such close contact with your enemy. A good Horrid Wilting ranged attack usually works for me. However I am not optimistic, the students cannot even conjure a simple candle flame let alone a fiery shield. Helga is too soft on them.
She is too soft or are you too hard? You are such a scary and demanding man at times. I wonder what Rowena sees in you. Is it your silky black hair? The way you swish your pretty phoenix wand? Or is it the adorable way you scowl? Or your pouting? Or that deep, dark, the world is doomed to despair persona you put on??
Rowena is simply a FRIEND!!! Get that into your blasted skull!!
Temper, temper. Sending Venom to bite my hand of was not at all pleasant! Luckily I have lightning quick reflexes. Your snake is currently still biting the rim of my hat, and she won't let go. It is getting rather hard to write; her body keeps on getting in the way of my face.
But truthfully Salazar, do you not like Rowena at all?
Godric Gryffindor (who now has a strange ornament attached to his hat)
She is... special. That's all I am saying! Now leave me be!
Special? So you do not love her then? Not at all? Not one tiny little bit? Are you sure?? Then explain to me why your perfectly pale face always shifts to the color of my robes every time you see her eh? Eh? Come on, what is the harm in telling me??
Godric, your friend and you know it!
It... It is not that I do not love her... it is just... My feelings, I cannot understand them. I do not know how I feel for her. All I know is that my limbs freeze and I there is a strange tightness in my chest when she is near; when I see her, smell her. Does she feel the same? What if she does not?? I cannot face that Godric, I cannot. No, I cannot tell her...
P.S And YOU shouldn't either!!
Oh all right! Good night Salazar
Dream of ROWENA!!
GODRIC!!! DON'T MAKE ME COME UP THERE!!!!
Yes, from you dark dungeon to my elegant tower is quite a distance. Your un- athletic body may falter. Sleep well.
//A few minutes later\
Godric Gryffindor! Stop making so much noise up there! Did you know the whole castle is shuddering?! You sound like you are having some wizard duel with all that blasting and shouting! The children are trying to sleep. Be quiet!
//The next day. Classes have started and Salazar is teaching charms\
I am very sorry to disturb you during your lecture but I - I found a rather peculiar letter delivered to me this morning. It was from Nightshade and the envelope was of Godric's handwriting but when I opened it, a letter fell out and it was written by another hand. It appears to be yours. I have included it with this letter:
It... It is not that I do not love her... it is just.. My feelings, I cannot understand them. I do not know how I feel for her. All I know is that my limbs freeze and I there is a strange tightness in my chest when she is near; when I see her, smell her. Does she feel the same? What if she does not?? I cannot face that Godric, I cannot. No, I cannot tell her...
P.S And YOU shouldn't either!!
I - I know it is not my place to ask... but who is 'she'? Strictly curious that is all. She must be a wonderful person. You seem very fond of her. Is it love? Do you love her? I know, I am ranting. Silly me, I... I had thought your heart was unclaimed... that you... you had feelings for m...Oh such a stupid, stupid person I am. Rowena Ravenclaw, blinder than a bat and dumber than a rock! I hope you will find joy and happiness with your newfound lo... (word is smeared by some sort of water droplets) I HOPE YOU WILL BE HAPPY
Dear Master Hufflepuff,
This is Nimbus! I managed to coax Nightshade to roost on my table and I hope this letter reaches you. We were having our normal Charms class (Master Slytherin was trying to make us conjure fire! But we haven't even learned how to light candles yet!!!) when suddenly, Nightshade swooped into the room and passed Master Slytherin a letter. I thought it was odd but he told us to continue casting while he read the letter. Evan almost got his Ring of Fire to a decent size when Master Slytherin jumped right out of his chair! It was quiet a sight Master Hufflepuff; he looked so mad! Then Master Slytherin started yelling all these words which I did not understand but I did hear the word Gryffindor a few times. That's when he ran out of the room with his wand in his hand! We all followed him. Soon he bumped into Master Gryffindor but before he could say anything Master Slytherin pointed his wand and fired! It was SO exciting! Master Gryffindor dodged it and whipped out his own wand and they started fighting! Walls crumbled, glass shattered and all sorts of debris started flying around us and Master Slytherin conjured this HUGE snake and Master Gryffindor fought it off by transfiguring into a griffin!! AMAZING!!! Oh, Evan is yelling at me to finish this. So Master Hufflepuff, please come quick! You're missing a LOT OF GREAT ACTION!!!! GOT TO GO! MASSIVE LIGHTNING STORM IS BLASTING ALL THE TABLES! THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE!!!
This is a general announcement. No classes for this afternoon while your teachers discuss anger management issues. While rebuilding of the castle's left wing continues, I strongly discourage students from approaching that area. Any magically summoned snakes that you may discover within the vicinity however, should be turned over to Master Slytherin immediately. To make up for lost time, all students are required to write a 28 feet long paper on the Ethnological and Anthropological Assessing of Gnome and Gnomish Inventions and their Relation to the Mass Production of Gubroot Goblin Potions. You will have plenty of time since you have no classes. Extra credit for those who can prove that Gubroot is actually a diffused product of Hackley Bittersprout.
Did ya see the announcement?? Just typical of Rowena eh?
I'm not talking to you
Well you're not speaking to me now because this is not exactly 'speaking' per se
I guess you have a point. but I am still mad at you! How could you?! That was a letter to you! Letters are supposed to be private! Not carbon copied and sent off to other people!!!
You sound like some brushed off lover Salazar... get a hold of yourself. What did Rowena say?
Wouldn't you like to know.
Of course I want to know! I practically concocted the whole plan all by myself without the cunning Salazar Slytherin to aid me!
Cunning? Me? Who exactly is the cunning one now??
What can I say? You are rubbing off on me old friend. Back to business: what did ROWENA SAY???
Nothing! Well. lots of things but nothing in particular. A lot of ranting... She sounded... upset.
Ahahah!! The fires of jealousy burn in the heart of the Eagle!
What are you babbling about? Sometimes I get the impression you are a sappy romance novelist waiting to burst out.
You think so? Well actually I. WAIT do not dare change the subject you slippery snake! Now this is what we are going to do. Tomorrow we shall all have a visit to the One Broomstick! The flowing beer, the crowded bars, the smell of lard and pipe smoke filling your nostrils! It is the perfect romantic scene for you to confess your undying love to the fair Rowena Ravenclaw!!!
If that is your idea of a romantic setting I take back what I said earlier.
P/S No, I will not go and you cannot make me.
Come on Salazar. You said yourself Rowena is most distressed. A fine beer with great friends will cheer her up in no time - if you do not want to admit your love at least express your friendship.
//A long hour goes by\
Fine. Tomorrow. Not promising anything.
End! Please review if you want to! Should another chapter come out? Is this an interesting method or should the story revert to dialog form and not letters? ;p REVIEW!!!!!