Not Pokemon, the cool Ash. I got this idea while I was playing Evil Dead: Hail to the King. I figured since 'Beldar's Fanfic' did so well I'd see how this went. Tell me what you think.
It all started on a sunny day in a small town in Nerima. Ranma Saotome stood overlooking the vast overpopulated city. It was like a giant donut shop, but without the cops and ugly waitresses. To say things were normal would be a bit of a stretch. You see, Ranma has this curse, he's cursed to turn into a girl. Kind of a bummer really, but not all that bad considering.
Anyway, he stood overlooking this vast donut shop that was Nerima, and had difficulty comprehending his current situation.
First there was his dame, her name was Akane. Neither of them got along pretty well, and this morning she had taken it upon herself to cook him a good old fashioned breakfast. Old fashioned in the sense that it looked to be from the Mezoic Era. You see, Akane wasn't too good at cooking, or anything crafty. Not exactly employee of the month material mind you.
The meal oozed fourth like a giant puss ball and he stared at it with disdain. Or whatever passes for that in Japan.
"Hey, I'm not gonna eat this crap!" Big mistake. Before he knew what hit him he was sailing across the sky, he narrowly avoided a few birds and landed in the yard. Akane was a cute dame, but not real high on temper. There were those who would call her a bit of a bitch. Not in front of him though, Ranma didn't take to things like that well. I doubt any man in his situation would.
That was when things went bad, real bad. Ranma stood up and dusted himself off. That was when he saw it, the tormented soul that had haunted him since he had unwittingly pissed it off. One Ryoga Hibiki, eternally lost boy, and vengeful rival for the teen.
I know what you're thinking. That he'd stand up and say something along the lines of "Come get some," or maybe "You want some of this?" He didn't though, that wasn't his style. You see, Ranma was a martial artist, trained from birth by his father in the Anything Goes School. Quite a bit different than my own style of ass kicking, I like to refer to that as 'Ching Ching Pao'.
Nope, the kid faced his opponent head on and glared at him right in the eyes. "What do you want?" he snapped. The pounding he had gotten hadn't done anything for his mood.
"How dare you treat Akane like that?" snapped his opponent. Not that he'd treated her any better, or any worse. I suppose that's not the point though. He was jealous of Ranma, I suppose that's a little understandable really, but it isn't really an excuse. He landed and attacked the young boy with a kick.
Ranma, not one to take things like that lightly, returned in kind. Soon the pair were fighting like two ugly whores over a blind man. They jumped around the yard like two ping pong balls fired from a shotgun, and inevitably, landed in the small fishpond in the yard.
Instant bacon bits, plus one really sexy redhead.
Ranma knew it was coming, it had happened to him enough times. He may not have been the sharpest guy in the world, but then again neither am I.
"Ranma! Why are you teasing my P-chan again?"
The cute redhead turned around and saw the angry chick staring him down with a huge wooden mallet in her hands. I've seen mallets like that, S-mart keeps them on isle fifteen. I know something like that would really hurt.
"He attacked me you uncute tomboy!" Sometimes he wished he could learn to keep his mouth shut.
"Ranma! Die!" said Akane as she slammed her weapon home. The unfortunate redhead was once again in the air.
The last thing she thought before she hit the pavement below was "Man, my life sucks."
All I have to say about that is, buddy, you don't know what 'sucks' is.
C&C to Carrotglace@juno.com