Head Master Cid's Birthday

By Shibaryou

It was a sunny day, everyone was happy except for one student at Balamb Garden...

"SQUALL!" Seifer shouted at the top of his lungs. His gunblade had been stolen and he suspected only one person... Squall Leonhart.

"What is it!" Squall shouted as he walked into Seifer's dorm.

"Where is it?" Seifer shouted, glaring at Squall and raising his fist in anger.

"Where's what?" Squall asked.

"MY GUNBLADE!" Seifer shouted. "You stole it!"

"I did not! If I stole your gunblade I assure you I would have destroyed something, probably your teddy bear, with it!" Squall said.

"Shhhh! Not so loud about Mr. Fluffy..." Seifer said, hoping no-one heard that. "If YOU didn't take it, then who did!"

"I don't know, but if I find out I won't tell you!" Squall said.

"Grrrr..." Seifer was about to punch Squall in the face when Zell walked into the room.

"Hi guys!" Zell said.

"CHICKEN WUSS! You took it, didn't you!" Seifer shouted.

"Took what?" Zell asked.

"His Gunblade, someone stole it." Squall said.

"If it's missing do what I do, grab a hotdog and look in the last place you would ever look for it first!" Zell said.

"Okay... Squall get me a hotdog!" Seifer said.

"And get me one too!" Zell said.

Squall walked to the cafeteria to get a few hotdogs while Seifer thought about where the last place he would look would be.

When Squall returned Seifer was still thinking, he handed Zell and Seifer their hot dogs and ate his own, "How about under the bed." Squall suggested.

"Oh PLEASE! What idiot loses a gunblade under his bed?" Seifer asked.

"I guess you, look!" Zell said, pointing to a gun handle that stuck out from under the bed.

"..." Seifer bent down and grabbed the handle... It was his gunblade. "...This moment never took place." he said.

"Forgetting!" Squall said as he walked out of the room.

"See ya, Seifer!" Zell walked out of the room.

"...How DID this thing get there!" Seifer shouted.


It had been an hour since the gunblad incident, and Squall had decided to wait in the cafeteria and eat some hot dogs, when Quistis ran into the room.

"HELP! HELP! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! HELP!" Quistis shouted.

"What happened! Did Ultimecia come back!" Squall asked.

"No! It's Head Master Cid's birthday tomorrow!" Quistis said.

"...So?" Squall asked.

"Cid CAN take away our SeeD rankings and make us students again if he wants to.. And not getting him a gift is a GOOD reason!" Quistis said.

Squall was silent, he took a deep breath...


Cid was in his office, watching TV when he heard a loud sound...


Cid frowned, he turned on the PA and said, "Would you people STOP screaming during Passions! Geez! I'm trying to watch TV here! That is all." He then turned off the PA and continued to watch Passions.


"No do you see why I'm upset!" Quistis asked.

"Oh God.. I don't wanna be a student... I wanna stay a SeeD... We've GOT to get him gifts!" Squall shouted, he then ran off to get the others and warn them but...

"Hold it, Squall! No running in the halls!" Seifer said, "Unless you have a 'get of the disciplenary comitee's cluches free card' I'll have to make you pay a fine and get a weekend detention."

"It's Cid's Birthday! We won't be SeeDs any more if we don't get him gifts!" Squall shouted.


Cid was watching TV, when the sound was heard again...


Cid frowned, he turned on the PA and said, "HEY! What did I just say about screaming during Passions!"


Later that afternoon the group that saved the world (+ Seifer and his posse) were in Squall's room, planning what to do.

"I saw we kill him!" Zell said.

"...You can't kill people on their birthday! That's sick, twisted and cruel!" Squall shouted.

"What do you mean! Remember what we did to Ultimecia?" Zell shouted.

Squall thought for a minute...

2 weeks agohundreds of years in the future...

"SeeD... SeeD... SeeD... SeeD! SeeD! SeeD!" Ultimecia shouted, "Have you kome bearing gifts for my birthday party?" She asked, happily, wearing a party hat and holding a slice of cake with a burning candle on it.

"Ultimecia, we're here to stop you! You can't take over the world like this!" Squall shouted.

"But, it's my birthday! Kan't we fight tomorrow?" Ultimecia asked.

"But, it's my birthday!" Squall mocked, "Come Ultimecia! Let's finish this!" He said, dramaticly.

"Fine... But this really wasn't the happy birthday I expekted." Ultimecia said, she then fought Squall, Rinoa and Zell and lost becuase each one of them had 100 full cures and 100 auras, with 100 Ultima's junction to their HP level.


"...Well, Ultimecia WASN'T our head master!" Squall said.

"But you still killed her on her birthday!" Zell argued.

"But she was evil!"

"It was her birthday!"






"STOP IT!" Rinoa shouted.

"Sorry!" Squall and Zell said in unison.

"How about we throw him a surprise party in his office?" Irvine suggested.

"YEAH! That'd be cool!" Selphie shouted, excitedly.

"Great idea, but, how the heck do we get him out of his office to get to the party?" Seifer asked.

"Yeah, he, like, never leaves that place, ya know?" Raijin said.

"AFFIRMITIVE." Fuijin said.

"We could have the party in his office!" Rinoa said.

"...How?" Irvine asked.

"Get someone to distract him! He goes out of there when something important happens!" Rinoa said.

"...I got it!" Squall shouted.

The group discussed the plan and agreed, it would be easy...


The next day at 2:00 PM...

"Ah... Time for another good episode of Passions..." Cid said, reaching for his remote to turn on his TV... But he noticed something... His remote was gone. "...No... No. No! NO!"


Squall and the others were waiting outside the elevator.


"I think the plan worked!" Squall said, "Zell, you drew the shortest straw. Go on up."

"Oh GOD... I can't believe I have to watch Passions with Cid..." Zell said, he then went to Cid's office.


"No... No! Sniff Why do these things always happen to me..." Cid said, crying on his desk.

"Sir, I couldnt help but notice your remote is missing and you can't watch Passions, I'd be glad to let you watch it on my TV." Zell said.

"...THANK YOU!" Cid then ran into the elevator and pressed a button, and then ran into Zell's room.


"Hold it Head Master," Seifer said, "You know running in the halls is a punishable offense, even for you."

Cid glared at the teen who stopped him, he then picked him up and...


Zell was waiting for the others in Cid's office when he heard Seifer's screams of pain, he then turned on the PA and said, "HEY! No yelling when Head Master Cid is watching Passions! That is all." He then turned off the PA and went down to his dorm.


"Fuijin... ow... Take this memo... ow... Never... eek... under ANY circumstances... ow... Prevent Head Master... ow... Cid from watching Passions... ow..." Seifer moaned in pain.

"AFFIRMATIVE." Fuijin said.


"NOOOOOOOO!" Cid shouted at the top of his lungs.

"YESSSSSS!" Zell shouted in joy.

"SHERADEN!" Cid shouted, almost crying, "They can't kill her! Curse Hank!"

"Woo hoo! Sheraden is dead! Thank God for Hank!" Zell shouted.

"You dare be happy when Sheraden Crane is dead!" Cid shouted, glaring.

"Yeah! I hated her!" Zell shouted, "Look at what she put Luis through when he was TRYING to save her from the French drug dealers!"

"But they patched things up! And they WERE a couple until Hank killed her!" Cid shouted.


Rather then continue the argument about the importance of Sheraden Crane's life, the fic will now continue in Cid's office, where everyone was working on the party.

"Irvine, we're NOT going to hang lights! We only have an hour to do this!" Squall shouted as Irvine walked into the room with a box of lights.

"Awww... But these have to have some use BESIDES christmas!" Irvine shouted.

"I don't think Cid would want to have Red and Green lights that spell out "Merry Christmas" at his party." Quistis said.

"I would!" Irvine shouted.

"Becuase you were born in DECEMBER!" Rinoa shouted.

"Fine! We'll get rid of the lights!" Irvine said, tossing the lights out of a window, a loud crash was then heard.

"RAGE!" A voice shouted.

Everyone looked out the window and saw Fuijin, glaring at them... next to her car... Which had a box of Christmas lights through the windshield and in the front seat.

Irvine said nothing, he just looked innocent and pointed at Squall, "He did it!" He finaly shouted. Suddenly Squall was roped around the neck with a strand of christmas lights, and pulled down to the ground.

Everyone cringed as loud kicking, smashing, snapping, crunching and screams were heard.

After the attack was over, Seifer summed it all up in one sentance, "That's gonna hurt in the morning!"


"NO! STAY DEAD! STAY DEAD!" Zell shouted as Sheraden started to move her hand... While she was at her own funeral.


"No way! She should stay dead!" Zell shouted. Suddenly her coffin was carried out to be buried, "All right!"

"Hey... What's that letter Julian got!" Cid shouted as Julian Crane got a letter from Allistar.

"Probably something stupid..." Zell said.

"My GOD! Ethan... Ivy and SAM BENNETE!" Julian shouted.


"No... way!" Zell shouted.


"...Seifer, what the heck are these?" Rinoa asked, holding up a Pikachu party hat, and a Squirtle party plate.

"Well... Um... The party store was out of "So you're 37" plates... And um... It was either that or Barney." Seifer said.

"...This is not going to be good..." Quistis said, she sighed and looked at a box of balloons, "Blow these up, Selphie-- WHAT THE HECK!" She shouted as the saw what was written on the balloons... It said, "Happy 75th birthday!" She then looked at the others, they all said the same, "Okay... Forget the balloons... Cid may be older than us but he's NOT 75..."

"Looks like we can't rely on Seifer when it comes to getting party supplies." Irvine said.

"...Get rid of these before Cid comes back." Quistis said, handing them to Irvine.

"Okay!" Irvine said, tossing the balloons out the window..

"RAAAAAAGE!" A voice shouted, everyone looked back down from the window... Again, Fuijin's car was dammaged, this time the box knocked off the driver's side rearview mirror, and shattered it on the ground. Fuijin looked up at the group, glaring and her face showed a slight red.

"...She did it!" Irvine shouted, pointing at Quistis.

"Huh!" Quistis shouted.

"DIE!" Fuijin shouted, using a balloon like a rubber band and shooting it into Quistis' eye.

"OW!" Quistis shouted, falling to the ground.

"...That's gotta hurt!" Squall shouted.


"Darn it! I hate those stupid cliff hangers!" Cid shouted as Passions ended. He then went back to his office.

"I just hope one or two French drug dealers are left to knock of Sheraden..." Zell said, going to the office.

"She's alive! Now deal with it!" Cid shouted, "Besides, I think she and Luis will be happy together!"

"Not if Julian, Ivy and Allistar have anything to do with it!" Zell shouted.

The two continued arguing about Soap Operas as they walked into the elevator.

"By the way, what do you think about Days Of Our Lives?" Zell asked as the elevator went up.

"Eh... Not that good." Cid replied. The elevator then made a ding sound and the doors opened. Cid froze, seeing a happy birthday banner over his desk. He walked over to his desk, checking for anyone behind it, "Everything seems to be okay... They must have left.. Darn it!"

"SURPRISE!" Everyone, including Zell, shouted as they jumped out of their hiding spaces.

"EEEEEKKKK!" Cid shouted, jumping back... Out the window Irvine was throwing things out of, "AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"...We killed him!" Squall shouted.


Everyone looked out the window, seeing Head Master Cid alive and rubbing his head... Next to Fuijin's car... Which had a large dent on the roof, and next to the car was Fuijin... Who was jumping up and down in anger.

"...He did it!" Irvine shouted, pointing to Zell.

"Wha!" Zell shouted.

Suddenly a rearview mirror bounced off Zell's forehead, knocking him to the ground.

"Ouch... I think it dented his skull." Seifer said, looking at Zell's forehead... Which actualy had a dent on it.

In the end, the party continued.. Cid got a bunch of gifts (including a tie rack motor from Zell, which he seemed slightly excited about), and the students kept their SeeD ranks. Irvine was stuck with the bill for Fuijin's car repairs, and Zell got plastic surgery to remove the dent from his forehead... And whenever Squall was asked to comment on the whole thing, he said,


The End