Reasons Why


Anessa Ramsey

Disclaimer:  I own nothing.

Spoilers:  Post 'Destiny'

Summary:  Angel reflects on Spike and just why exactly he thinks Spike is the vampire in the Shanshu prophecy.

         I don't think I've ever really understood him.  Don't get me wrong.  I can't stand the little brat, but I've never gotten what makes him tick.  I remember what he was before Dru made him.  He was nothing, a little insignificant speck of humanity clinging to his thin link to society like a lifeline, hoping that a good marriage would save him from a life dedicated to the care of his poor, sickly mother.  He was so sweet in his sadness, tears streaking down his cheeks, pages of poetry flying into the night on soft scented breezes as he stalked away from those who ridiculed him.  I would have been one of those people, had I attended the party.  He was nothing and yet, Dru wanted him. 

         I know what you'll say.  Drusilla's insane.  And she is.  I made her that way, but sometimes she saw things in the stars that no one else could.  Her visions have never been wrong.  That night she saw something in William.  Something about how he walked in worlds that others couldn't imagine.  Something about his greatness and glory.  I didn't know what it meant at the time, but she would not listen to my orders to choose someone else, someone better looking and more worthy.  Not some scrap of a man with his tears and his poems surrounding him as he cried in an alley.

         She didn't listen and she turned him.  William the goddamn Bloody, the bane of my entire existence.  He was everything I despised.  If I didn't know better I would say that some of Dru's madness infected him.  He was loud, brash, bold.  He didn't care for subtlety or the art of killing.  We got run out of cities time and again, a mob on our trail because he was so insistent on being so blatantly ruthless.  And yet I never killed him.  I was never able to.

         It's still that way, even now.  There are days when I wake up and want nothing more than to drive a stake right into that smooth pale chest.  More like everyday really, but some days more than others.  He's annoying and constantly under foot.  I've thought about giving him something to do, but he'd manage to screw it up somehow.  That's just how he is.  Everything he touches, every idea he has, ends screwed up one way or another.

         One hundred years and a newly acquired soul and he's still the same as he ever was.  He doesn't feed on humans anymore, but that's the only difference between what he was then and what he is now.  He is still loud and more annoying than he ever used to be.  And if I didn't hate him so much, I'd envy him.  Because despite all of his horrible attributes he has always done one thing better than me.  He can love…unconditionally.  Most people don't see it, Buffy surely never understood, but he has an incredible capacity for love, soul or no soul.  He got the soul because of love and that's the difference between us.  It's why everyday, no matter how annoying he is or how much damage he causes, on purpose or by accident, I won't stake him.  It's what makes him better than me.  He may not know it, but it's also what makes him the real champion in this whole game.  The others don't realize it, but I do.  Spike's the One and it's just a matter of time before he knows it.