Summary: Rory and Lorelai reflect on the similarities between an inanimate object and a certain diner boy. –A pointless one-shot fic; based on an actual conversation I've had. Yes, I am certifiably insane.
Disclaimer: I just love disclaimers. They are so utterly pointless. -At any point in this fic do I claim to own Gilmore Girls? No. If you read my profile, would you find that I am only 14 and therefore extremely unlikely to own Gilmore Girls? Yes. If I did own Gilmore Girls, would I be sitting here posting FANfictions? Hell no.
Author's Note: Hey, all. You might recognize my penname, and yes, I am the same person. I had a pathetic cliché of a story on the site a while back, and after an extremely long hiatus, I have decided to try writing once again. This story is based on a conversation I had with my mother a few months ago. If you read my other story, you might recognize it, I am pretty sure described it in an authors note. Well, I will stop rambling now, and on with the story—
Rory and Lorelai had been in Hartford all day, and with nothing to show for it. Shopping for Luke was quite an ordeal.
"Mom, we're never going to find him a regular-person birthday present. Why don't we just call it a day, and go buy him a new coffee pot or something tomorrow?"
"My dear, as much as I love buying coffee related items, I don't want to buy him something that could be misconstrued as a present for us. We'll find something, I promise you, and if we don't, I will... bake him a cake."
"Ha! You, bake?"
"Are you insinuating that I am not capable for baking a simple birthday cake?"
"No, not insinuating, flat out saying."
"Hmpf! My own daughter..."
With a look of mock-hurt on her face, Lorelai quickly switched lanes and turned into a parking lot.
"Wal-Mart? Mom, what the heck are we gonna buy for Luke in a Wal-Mart?"
"Oh, the possibilities are endless! I just hope its open..."
The pair looked around the parking lot, which aside from a few cars parked near the entrance, was decidedly empty. The carts were haphazardly put away in their corrals, but put away nonetheless.
"I don't think it is, Mom. Look, the carts are all in the right place. It's gotta be closed."
"Darn it. Hey, have you ever wondered what it would be like to be a shopping cart?"
"A shopping cart? Uh, no, can't say I have..."
"Well, imagine with me for a second! I'd think it would be a rough life. Being pushed around all day, having to carry peoples crap for them… and ew, what if some old couple came in to buy hemorrhoid cream or something? You'd have to let that touch you..."
"And they're all so abused; I mean, people just shove them around, not caring if they get hurt. If I were them, I would just try to get away, you know?"
"Yes, what I wouldn't give to be a runaway shopping cart."
Lorelai glared at her briefly before continuing on with her rant. They circled the parking lot as she rambled .
"I'm just saying, it must be rough."
Then, she spotted a lone shopping cart, several hundred feet away from the corral.
"Look! There's a rebel, if I ever saw one."
Rolling down her window, she shouted a chorus of You Go Girls and a few Way To Rebels, eliciting strange looks from passerbys on the nearby sidewalk.
"Mom, roll up your window, people are staring."
Lorelai did as she wished, then pulled up along side the pond that was next to the parking lot. She got out of the car, and walked over to the edge to look around.
"Oh, no! Rory, look! Can you see him? The poor thing..."
"What are you talking about?"
"Over there, can't you see him? There's a cart halfway in the water. Poor thing… he probably had big dreams. Maybe he was headed for the big city, or Broadway..."
"Well, at least he died a noble death, trying to get away from the corporate slave driver that is Wal-Mart."
"Are you mocking? Because that would be very disrespectful towards the deceased."
"No, of course not. Hey, you know what would be respectful? A funeral!"
"Good thinking, I always knew there was a reason I kept you around! Now, what would one say at a funeral for a shopping cart?"
"Just... give a eulogy, or something. That should be enough."
"Alright, then. Ahem! We are gathered here today to mourn the loss of a dear friend, one who will be sorely missed. He was always there to help others. He was respectful towards management. He died while running away, perhaps towards a better life. Good luck, little shopping cart, where ever you are."
"That was beautiful. Now let's go, I'm starving!"
"Wait a minute! We can't lay him to rest without giving him a name first!"
"Fine, name him, just hurry please?"
"Alright, alright. Now, what on earth would you name a rebellious run-away that worked at Wal-Mart?"
After sharing a brief look, the two returned to the car, and drove off.
Rest in peace, Jess the shopping cart.
A/N: Haha… I'm so retarded. This story didn't come out exactly as I wanted it, but I might edit it a bit in the future. I guess it's not the best idea to right a story after midnight, is it? Oh, well. Please review, even if you think its craptastic..
Update- A big thank-you to Edward's Muse, for helping me with my formatting problems!