Title: Forget Everything

Author: Diva Stardust

Pairing: Dawn/Spike

Rating: PG-13

Summary: Set during "Tabula Rasa". One little thing can change everything. Randy and Umad wake up next to each other in the Magic Box.

Disclaimer: All characters belong to Joss Whedon, Marti Noxon, Mutant Enemy, FOX, UPN, etc. I'm not making any money off this!

Distribution: Just ask first if you want to archive this somewhere, please. I will most likely say yes!

Acknowledgements: Thanks to Spikeyvamp for the beta!


Randy was having a very strange night.

Not knowing who you were was bad enough but it was even worse when you had creatures, actual vampires, after you. He didn't know why they'd want kittens from him. Maybe he owned some sort of pet shop. He'd given them back their spikes but that hadn't been good enough for them. It was probably useless to try and reason with vampires.

There was one bright spot to everything, though. The girl he had woken up next to, their bodies pressed close and her arm thrown across his chest, was obviously his girlfriend. That's what they'd decided, anyway. His father had made a rude comment about her age but he'd told the old man he shouldn't be throwing stones, not when he was engaged to some young thing he'd probably left poor old mum for.

Randy was supposed to go and take Dawn somewhere safe. That girl, Joan, had told him she needed him to keep her safe. He'd agreed, her being his girlfriend, and he felt a fierce need to protect her but ... they got sidetracked along the way. Once they were a safe enough distance away from danger he pressed her up against the nearest tree and started kissing her.

Something didn't feel right.

The way she kissed was awkward and unsure, like she hadn't done it very much before. That was strange considering she was his girlfriend but maybe they had just started dating. The kisses felt new and fresh, the beginning of something. Although he couldn't help the feeling that there was something wrong about all this, something he couldn't put his finger on, he didn't want to stop.

"Dawn," he murmured as he kissed along her neck, moving her long hair out of the way so his lips could move freely. The name didn't sound strange on his lips, which made his fears about this not being right disappear for a moment. Also, as her hands pulled him closer to her, he felt somewhere deep inside that they belonged to each other. He didn't know how he knew, but he did. He felt more certain about this than anything else.

Randy was amazed at how heightened his senses were when she grabbed his head and brought him back to her lips again. Her heart was beating loudly through her chest, rapid- fire drumbeats that excited him. Even the blood that was pumping through her body, singing through her veins, seemed to be calling out to him. She was so receptive, so open and giving, and that made up for her lack of skill and finesse. For some reason that he wasn't aware of he felt that this was more important than anything.

Time meant nothing against that tree. The kisses went on and on, their lips finding a new way to press against each other each time. Hard and frantic, slow and sweet, and every way in between. Dawn kept taking hurried breaths in between them, seeming to need air desperately while whispering "Randy" over and over like she was trying to get used to the way it sounded.

Suddenly everything clicked into place.

Everything he knew came back to him, all his memories of who he was and who they were, flooded back into his head.

He was kissing Dawn.

This was wrong.

He didn't want to stop.

Dawn made a squeaky noise before pulling back and looking at him, her face covered in confusion. "Spike!"

Without saying anything he pulled her back to him, needing to taste her lips again.

She tasted better than Buffy.

He didn't want to think about that.

Her body was rigid and tense for only a moment before she relaxed, her arms going around his neck as he kissed her just the way he wanted. Soft and tender, his lips moving as slowly as the faded leaves that rustled in the autumn wind behind them. He moved his hand to her cheek, letting himself touch skin so young and delicate that he feared his caress would tarnish it. She sighed against his lips with such contentment that it caused him to feel lightheaded and dizzy.

Dawn's hands moved slowly through his hair, messing it up to her liking and he never wanted her to stop. He did the same, only moving his hands through her hair like he was touching something sacred and holy. With his eyes closed he ran his hands deftly through the strands like a silent prayer. He teased her tongue with his own, letting the feel of their tongues dancing together become etched in their memories.

Never mind the countless people he'd killed; he wondered if this was what he'd really burn in hell for.

He kept flashing back to Buffy denying what was between them, denying what their kiss meant, and his heart ached. If only he could let this girl take her place. This girl who never hid her emotions, who loved with everything she had, whose heart was so open that everyone could always see the people she loved reflected in her eyes.

But he couldn't.

Spike still loved Buffy even though he prayed to God he didn't. Was too painful, her giving him the cold shoulder but he was still attracted, still drawn to her, regardless. Stuck in her web that she didn't even realize she created and he didn't know if he'd ever be free. Loving Buffy hurt like hell.

He couldn't hurt Dawn. Couldn't make her feel the way he did.

Spike pulled back from the kiss sharply, tried to make his face look as disorientated and confused as possible.

Dawn looked confused too but for a different reason. Wondering why he had stopped. "What, why did you-"

But before she could say anything he knew would just hurt her later remembering it, he interrupted her. "Sorry about that, Bit. Just got my memory back. Is yours back yet?"

Her face looked like she was trying to figure something out. "Yeah, mine's back. You mean yours just came back now?"

"Yeah, exactly right. Hit me like a ton of bricks it did."

"Oh," she said quietly, her face looking crestfallen. "Mine just came back now too," she lied.

He pretended her look meant something else. "'S'alright, pet. 'S'not your fault what we did. We didn't know who we were just now."

"Yeah," she said, looking down at her feet and kicking at some dirt.

Spike wanted to touch her, to comfort her, but he didn't want to chance never letting go so he kept his hands firmly at his sides, unmoving.

They walked back to the Magic Box; Dawn's body language saying everything as she kept her distance, walking a few feet apart from him that felt like miles.

He concentrated on thinking about Buffy. He had to keep thinking about Buffy. Couldn't think about Dawn and how it had felt to kiss her, how her lips felt against his.

Spike decided he'd go find Buffy wherever she was. Help sort her scattered memories out; help her forget about heaven.

Maybe she could help him forget about Dawn.