(A/N: Yo. Ok, a million people have told me to write another, so, blah. I doubt that this will be as funny, but I shall try my hardest!
Disclaimer: I disclaim that I own any rights to something that I have disclaimed before.)
Drizzt woke up the next afternoon, sprawled out over bales of hay, clutching the onyx statue of his pretty panther pet whose name I have temporarily forgotten how to spell. He was apparently in a barn, because several cows were staring at him.
"What're you lookin' at?" Drizzt asked. He had a bad headache and the mooing was cruel to his head. Then he saw that he had at least 12 gallons of his 'Mountain Dew' left.
Half an hour later, he rode out of the barn on top of one of the ponies that was in there. The pony was small, cute, and not very big. Drizzt's toes scraped the ground. Yet he didn't seem to notice, he was singing at the top of his lungs, and very off key.
"HERESSSS OUUUUR, JINGLE FOR GOLDFISH, YESH, BAKED AND NOT FRIED GOLDFISH! THE WHOLSOME SNACK THAT SHMILES BACK, UNTILLLL YOU BITE THEIR HEADS OUFF!" Here Drizzt cackled evily. It was time for him to find the maker of his beloved drink so that he could make it his own.
He tottered into the Tavern and faced the barmaid. "Ok, mish." He said menacingly. "Who is the creator of the greatest drink in the world?"
"NO! THE STRONG STUFFS!"
The barmaid ohed, and told him.
Twinkle in hand, Drizzt charged out of the Tavern and tripped over his pony.
"Cow!" He yelled furiously. "You tripped me! Come now, Cow, we must go find this man, a certain 'Kirby' to give us the recipe to my new favorite drink!"
The pony Cow looked at Drizzt innocently with its huge watery eyes. Drizzt cooed and hugged Cow. "You're the cutest little guy, aren't you?"
Cow neighed, and Drizzt leapt onto his back, "Charge forth!"
So Drizzt atop his cute steed Cow set forth from the random town to find a certain 'Kirby'.
15 minutes later they arrived in a random forest. "Cow, tread carefully, for Kirby lives in these woods… we must come upon him unaware and kidnap him. Then we shall take the recipe for my Beloved Mountain Dew, and we shall rule the world!" He cackled. Cow looked up at him with his watery brown eyes and neighed. Drizzt giggled, "No, dear Cow, you shall not be in any danger. I could lend you one of my swords if it would make you feel better! No…? Than maybe one of my boot daggers?"
They soon reached a clearing with a small hut. "Now Cow, take my boot dagger. I would feel better if my pretty panther pet could be here, but you will do." He giggled excitedly. "This is just so exciting! Let's go, Cow!"
Cow, holding Drizzt's boot dagger in his mouth, watched Drizzt skip up to the door of the hut. A middle aged elf answered the door. "Yes?"
Drizzt giggled again, "Hi there! Is Kirby home?" He looked so cute, giggling, and smiling…
The elf cooed, "Yeah, I'm Kirby."
The drow was suddenly on Kirby's back, "Muahaha. My name is Drizzt, I am here to steal the recipe for the Dew." He sounded menacing until a giggle broke out.
"Are you crazy?" Kirby asked, trying to brush him off. "I don't know what you're talking about, go away."
"Nononono! I must have the recipe for the drink! Theee driiiink…." Drizzt went limp on Kirby's back, turning himself into dead weight, causing Kirby to loose his balance and fall backwards onto Drizzt.
"ACK!" Drizzt acked, "COW! I'M BEING ATTACKED! CHAAAARGE!"
Cow stood in the doorway, looking cute. Kirby rolled off of Drizzt.
"The drink? You have had my drink?" Kirby asked in an astonished voice. Drizzt nodded cutely. "This is wonderful! How do you like it?"
Drizzt stood and paced about, "It is WONDERFUL! I must have MORE! I must make it MINE!" He started laughing evily, then giggled. "I even named it!"
Kirby was scribbling something on a notepad, "Tell me, how much have you had of my drink."
Drizzt looked thoughtful. "Ooooh, like… a small lake…"
Kirby's eyes went huge. "Did you take the town's ENTIRE supply?"
"Yessiree bobity bob, I sure as Cow did." Drizzt skipped over to Cow and grinned.
Kirby bent over, scribbling madly on his notepad. "This is utterly fascinating, we've never encountered effects such as these with our drink! It is non alcoholic, so it therefore does not cause drunkenness, but it increases hyperactivity in most humans! It seems the effect it has on a drow is multiplied by a hundred fold!"
Drizzt giggled, "What?"
"I am Kirby of the Pepsi Company." Kirby said proudly "I am the official Elf spokesman in the company, and I would like to recruit you, Drizzt, to be our official drow taster!"
"I need to taste drows?"
"NO! You would be the official spokesman of the drow for our company!"
Drizzt looked pondersome. He stroked his chin and looked to his cute pony, who had dropped the boot dagger and was chewing grass. "What do you say, Cow? Should I give up the life of a ranger to taste drinks and become official for some company that will probably go nowhere?"
Cow looked cute.
"You've got yerself a deal, Kirby." Drizzt said with a heartfelt giggle.