Nothing There Anymore- A GW fanfic

Nothing There Anymore- A GW fanfic

Author: masamune

Warnings: Yaoi, angst, (this part will have a little blood and language)

Disclaimer: Think… how logical is it to believe that someone that goes by the online writing name of masamune could possibly own a show like Gundam Wing? So obviously I don't own it. Don't sue me.

Archive: Open to anyone that wishes to archive this fic or any of my other fics.

Chapter 5

The sun was shining. The flowers were in bloom; the grass was green and lush. The air was pure and refreshing to breathe. All was well, like something out of a dream…

Quatre sat on a porch of one of the Winner family estates. He gazed on the long backyard that stretched for miles as children played in it's vast space, running and chasing each other, living the innocent happy days of childhood.

/It's amazing how fast they grow. I can't believe I'm an uncle/ Quatre thought to himself, smiling as one young girl stamped her foot and shouted as a larger red haired boy ran off with her bonnet. /But I guess having 29 older sisters guarantees that sort of thing/

"I thought I may find you here," A soft voice came from behind him.

Quatre turned around and an immediate smile appeared on his face as he laid eyes on Heero. The handsome Japanese boy was leaning against the doorway to the kitchen, his eyes flickering with strong emotion. Quatre kept his eyes fixed on Heero, not gazing off into the darkened kitchen, which was such a terrible contrast in comparison to his lover. The wind seemed to blow a little colder.

"Ohayo Heero!" Quatre cried jubilantly, getting up from his chair.

/Gods he gave me a scare though/ Quatre thought. Heero walked forward and Quatre reached out his arms, his pink shirt fell back a bit. Just as Heero got to Quatre a sudden gust of wind blew again, except it didn't sound like wind, more like a voice.

Heero wrapped his arms around Quatre and him to his chest. Quatre loved the feeling of Heero's powerful arms around him, holding him this way. He in turn wrapped his arms around Heero's back. He felt himself sigh as Heero nuzzled his ear and softly whispered.

"Ohayo koi," The words fell like sweet rain in summertime.

"I love you so much Heero," Quatre said, his head falling to rest on Heero's shoulder. He closed his eyes and said, "I wish we could always hold each other like this. I love you so much and I'm so glad you love me. I want to stay in your arms forever."

"You're so deluded…"

/Nani? What the hell? / Quatre's eyes fluttered open. He looked into the dark kitchen; cold air escaped from there. /Who's there? / A figure was shrouded in darkness, just past the doorway.

"Who's there? Who are you?" Quatre called out to the figure, a dark premonition overcoming him. It was almost like he was being drawn to the door and the figure.

"Iie!!! I don't want to go in there!" Quatre yelled, the dark kitchen scared him in an unknown way, but he was moving closer to it every second. "Heero!!" Quatre called frantically.

"He's in here too," The voice said. It sounded depressed and miserable, like a sad kitten lost from her mother. "You'll come here whether you like it or not. It'd be easier if you didn't resist."

Quatre could almost make out the mysterious enigma, and the voice sounded so familiar. He was very close to the door now.

"I don't want to go!" Quatre yelled, tears coming to his eyes.

The warm sunshine of the porch was faint, not gone, but distant, teasing, as if mocking Quatre with its warmth from afar. The children's playful shouts and cries were impossible to hear now. Everything, including Quatre was caught up in a stretch of cold, silent black. Quatre opened his eyes…though he couldn't remember closing them…


/Where am I? / He thought, seeing nothing but pitch black. /What is this place? Am I alive or am I dead? Am I awake or is this a dream? This can't be real, whatever it is/

"It may be."

The sudden voice made Quatre spin around. His mouth gaped as he faced a boy, the only sign of life in the endless void, though it was only a hint of life. The boy was skinny, almost shriveled, and wore dressy elegant clothing that seemed sizes too large. The young boy was clean and well groomed, his blonde hair was combed and his clothes, though large, were clean too.

The horror came from the bruises that seemed to be everywhere. A cut by the nose, a busted lip, a gigantic evil bruise on the neck and marks, scrapes and cuts all along the poor boy's arms. This and the sad, pathetic stare that came from the boy's sky blue eyes pierced Quatre like a stake.

/My Gods! / Quatre thought, never taking his eyes off the boy. /He looks just like me/

"I am you," The words slipped out of tightly drawn lips like ghosts. Floating and snaking across the void, they made Quatre shudder as he listened. "And yes, you are dreaming."

"T…this is my dream?!?" Quatre sputtered in horror. He looked around at the vast, cold black.

"This is what you dream when you don't know what to dream," The other Quatre replied

/Nonsense! Dreams are happy things that give you comfort in the dead of night. I've never had a dream like this before and I want to end it now! I want to go back to my other dream! Where I'm with Heero and everything's good and right again… that's what I want/

"You can wake up now. You can dream more, but pick carefully what you choose to dream. Dreams only last while you sleep, there's much more in the real world, but there you can't choose."

"Nani? You can hear my thoughts?" Quatre said, almost embarrassed that all of his secrets and feelings were accessible by this other him, this alien. Shaking his head Quatre yelled, "You're not like me!"

"I am you. Except you're denying the facts, you choose to dream instead," The other said, his unblinking crystal blue eyes flashing suddenly. "Chase your dreams, don't embrace them, they aren't real. Once a dream becomes reality it isn't a dream anymore. Dream at night, hide in your mind, seek refuge in your happy imagination, it will do nothing to change reality."

"I hate reality!" Quatre cried out, biting back his tears. "I hate the real world with all its evils and dark sadness. The real world took away father, the real world fights wars, in the real world Heero doesn't love me!!!"

Quatre shook with sobs. He felt sick, he felt smothered, it was cold all around. This was much like reality. He fell to his knees and began to shake it was so cold. Quatre yearned for someone's comforting touch, a kind word or gesture or anything.

"Do you want to see what a realistic dream is like?" The ghostly image of Quatre inquired softly. "You can wake up in reality and wallow in the sadness it brings, or you can do your best to find the good things in life, the good things in others…"

"What good will it do to see any of this?" Quatre said, rising slowly.

"You may not become like me," The second Quatre responded, and pointed to yet another door with his bruised arms. "If you try to live your dream it will be that way." The image of himself flickered, and was gone, like it had never been.

Quatre stayed still for a very long time. He was almost getting used to the cold chill.

/Should I wake up? / He asked himself. /Or should I see what's behind that door? /

Almost by his free will the door swung open, creaking loudly at its hinges. Soft noises floated from the open entrance. Shaking his head with firm confidence Quatre stood up and strode to the door. He stopped short and tried to make out what was on the other side, but it was useless. He took a deep breath and entered.


It was cold. Not the biting, stinging wintry cold, but a dull, numb frost. It was as if there had never been summer, never been spring, never been fall, only the icy winter. Quatre didn't even shiver. He looked around; he seemed to be in his kitchen, back at the Winner estate on L4. The huge, beautiful room was steeped in darkness, the only light coming from a hallway.

There was a figure, kneeling down on the floor, scrubbing away at something or other. Quatre approached silently, not wanting to make a noise. The person was crying and as Quatre got closer he could tell it was another image of himself. Blond hair, his pink shirt, his slacks, everything was the same as the clothes he had worn yesterday. The other Quatre looked up to wipe his brow and Quatre gasped.

/My Gods! He's been beaten up! / Quatre saw in horror. A black eye, cuts on the side of his gamin face, and tear stained eyes, all signs of terrible abuse. /Who could have done this? / Quatre asked himself, for the phantom reflection didn't seem to notice him.

The broken Quatre's head suddenly snapped up, as if sensing danger. A look of dark dread crossed his face and terror shined in his bright blue eyes. But quickly he went back to work, scrubbing the floor vigorously. It was blood he was cleaning off the floor.

Something obstructed the light, and Quatre felt a familiar presence in the room, familiar but distinctively different. Heero stood in the doorway, his arms folded over his chest, looking on as if all was well and normal.

"I thought I may find you here," He said, and stepped into the kitchen, flicking on one of the lights.

"Ohayo Heero," The other Quatre said, standing but not making eye contact with Heero. "I… I was just cleaning down here. I'm sorry if I woke you."

"Cleaning with the lights off so Rashid doesn't see you?" Heero asked coldly. "Don't want anyone to see you on your hands and knees cleaning your own filth? You're just still too fucking proud for that aren't you?" Heero's voice turned into a low, angry snarl. "So damn proud aren't you, you slutty faggot?"


Heero's hand struck like lightning, almost completely knocking the smaller blond boy to the ground. Quatre wanted to rush forward and help, but he found himself paralyzed. He tried to shut his eyes but couldn't. Heero walked over to where the other Quatre lay, beginning to cry and picked him up by his shirt collar. Lifting the poor boy to eye level Heero's brought his left hand back to strike again. The abused Quatre didn't even cringe or struggle.


The sickening sound of bone cracking bone made the real Quatre cringe. He tried to avert his eyes from the disgusting sight but still saw every detail as blood started to drip from the poor blonde's nose. Heero sneered and struck again.


Again, almost in the same spot Heero pelted the poor boy. Then releasing his collar and letting him sink to the floor he looked back at the broken Quatre and laughed. The true Quatre had never heard anything so vile or terrible in his life. It sickened him to the core and his mind raced like wildfire.

/This is the man I love? / He asked himself, staring wide eyed at Heero. /He's so mean, so cold hearted, he's more of a monster than a human being… can this be the Heero I know? The Heero I shared beds with and told all my dearest secrets and hopes and fears? Will this happen to me if I stay with him? /

"There's some more blood for you to wipe up," Heero said, his voice calm and even. "I'll bet you don't feel so high and mighty now you worthless shit. You'd better stop putting on airs like this or you know what'll happen. Not only will I tell the whole goddamned Earth Sphere that you're a good for nothing fairy, but I'll beat you so senseless that you'll be lucky if you understand the curses they'll all shout at you."

The other Quatre stated to cry. Long, choking sobs escaped his parched throat and he shook like an animal out in the cold. He held his sleeve to his nose, trying to stop the blood that flowed freely all over his pink shirt and the white kitchen floor.

"Gomen nasai Heero," He whispered, barely pushing the words out between sobs. "I'll clean it up. I... I... gomen nasai Heero, onegai…onegai…" His voice fell away to sobs as he bowed his head, no longer able to look at Heero, who loomed over him.

"You know I don't like to hurt you, I only do it because it's good for you," Heero said, the lie escaping his lips as easily as leaves on a fall wind. "You wouldn't want me to leave you would you? Now don't cry, just clean up and get upstairs." He walked to the kitchen door and turned around, "Goodnight Quatre koi."

/This… this can't be! This is so wrong! It's terrible. Heero? Could Heero ever really be like this? /

The only answer was the sobs and cries of the other image of Quatre, huddling on the floor.

And then his alarm rang loudly, snapping him awake to reality.


The morning dawn had nothing special in it. Duo had woken prior to his alarm. No matter how much Duo could sleep at times, he liked the mornings. Just the way the sun rose over the horizon and cast its warmth and light over everything. But today was just like any normal one; cloud cover half marred the dawn. It was also bitterly cold…

Duo walked down the stairs to the living room. Even though the morning was nothing special it wouldn't stop him from watching from his favorite spot on the couch. He stretched and yawned a little. He was only wearing his black silk boxers with chibi Deathscythes, but figured it wasn't important because he was usually the only one up at this time in the morning.

He reached the couch and threw himself over the side, expecting to flop onto the nice, soft cushions. But instead he was greeted with a grunt as he landed on Trowa. The tall green-eyed boy just stared at Duo, who he was the last thing he'd expect to fall in his lap wearing only boxers.

"Ohayo Trowa!" Duo said cheerily, finding his position slightly embarrassing but also rather funny. "You took my spot man, didn't expect you to be up this early."

"I couldn't sleep," Trowa answered, "I didn't mean to steal the couch for you. Here, I'll get up, you can have it." And he made a move to get up but Duo shook his head and placed a hand on Trowa's chest.

"Don't worry about it," Duo said, his violet eyes flickering with a deeper feeling. "I'm actually pretty comfortable," As he spoke he rested his head on Trowa's shoulder, his long hair falling all over the two of them. "And you make a nice pillow."

Duo looked up and stared into Trowa's eyes, no longer beautiful emerald pools of indifference but filled with passion. Duo could even feel Trowa's heartbeat on his naked chest. It was beating fast.

"Du…Duo, I," Trowa sputtered, the right words escaping him. He wanted this too, but, it was so unexpected and sudden, it was almost too good to be true. "I…"

"Shhh," Duo whispered, putting his mouth to Trowa's ear and blowing in it, loving the response as Trowa literally squirmed underneath him. "You don't have a problem with me laying you do you?"

"You mean laying on me?" Trowa said, so innocently that Duo laughed out loud.

"You know exactly what I mean," Duo whispered, moving so that his face was less than inches from Trowa's. Their bodies so close that the chilly morning was long forgotten. "Don't hide your feelings. I know how you feel about me, and I feel exactly the same about you."

Trowa was touched; nobody had ever confessed his or her love for him that way. It had so much feeling and raw emotion behind it that again; Trowa was at a loss for words.

"Duo… I … I... I…" He sputtered, hopeless. Duo's hot breath on his face had a tremendous effect on him.

"Shut up, just follow what you want," Duo whispered. "Cause I know what I want."

Duo pressed his mouth against Trowa's and quickly ended any possible sentence that Trowa could have formed. The two let their mouths speak for them, Duo's mouth hungrily capturing Trowa's, searching, and probing eagerly. Trowa couldn't stop himself from instinctively opening up his lips and soon it was a full, open mouth kissing fest that would have given anyone a prodigious nosebleed.

After what seemed an eternity of wonder and joy the two broke their kiss. Duo's eyes scanned Trowa's, all of his emotions and desires open and returned in the eyes of the other. A smile broke out across Duo's face suddenly.

"So what you wanted," He whispered, moving to kiss Trowa again, "Was to kiss me?"

Their mouths met again, but in a shorter, more intimate connection. This time Trowa smiled.

"And you didn't want to kiss me?" He replied simply.

-end part 5

Note: 2X3!!!!! I wasn't sure if I'd make Duo the seme or not but it just seems so RIGHT with Trowa! And I'm really, really terribly sorry to all the 1x4 fans out there; this must be hell for you… But if everyone will just stay calm, I'll make sure that in the end it turns out OK for him. Oh yeah! FEEDBACK, C&C, whatever you want to call it, I seek it desperately! If you've got the time please just give me a yell at Arigato minna-san!