First Cut

-So Lonely Inside

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Okay! I'm back with something 'different' for me........^___^;; I've got a cough from my brother *glares* Grrrr........ So since I'm hacking every other second.......

Anyway, I always wondered at the "Kagome cuts herself" fics because, why would Kagome want to cut herself? IF you follow the storyline of Inuyasha, you know that she has a wonderful mother, a funny grandpa, and a little brother that looks up to her and her feudal friends. So WHY would she want to cut herself?

On the other hand, Sango has all the reasons that Kagome doesn't. She has no parents-they're dead, and her brother is being controlled by her arch-enemy, whom she can't destroy just yet. And even when she does kill him, Kohaku'll die, because he can't survive without the jewel shard in his back. (Unless Naraku's lying......)

So here's my idea of a "Sango-cuts-herself" fic........ I haven't seen one of these yet, so if I stole your idea, let me know. ^-^;;

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Again.......again they had failed to save Kohaku from Naraku's grasp.......

Sango glared down at the little book she was writing in, eyebrows furrowed.  Putting the writing utensil Kagome called a 'pencil' into the middle of the book, she shut it and put it into her blue yard of cloth with her exterminator clothes.

She had once again failed Kohaku.......

She picked up the paring knife and took a spot beside Kagome to cut up some vegetables for that evening's dinner.

She didn't say anything to her companion, no conversation was needed.

It was her fault that Kohaku was still in Naraku's control.

Sometimes, she wished that they would just come out and say it, but other times she was glad that her companions refrained from telling her outright that it was her own fault.

Nobody was talking. Even the genki Shippo was resting quietly in the corner.

'Stop looking at me!' she wanted to shout. 'Stop it!'

But she kept her opinions to herself.

Though, she knew that they were looking at her. All of them were. Shippo was staring at her with wide eyes, licking a lollipop that Kagome had given him earlier. Inuyasha was looking at her from the corner of his eye, and Kagome stopped cutting vegetables every once in awhile to give her a sympathetic look.

And the houshi.......

He looked at her in pity.

'I don't need your pity!' she yelled mentally. 'I don't need pity from anyone! Especially when you all know that it's my fault to begin with!'

So she kept her eyes downcast, pretending she didn't notice that they were all staring at her. Pretending that four pairs of eyes weren't boring into her very being.

She felt something on her leg, and her gaze dropped to the ground to see Kirara purring against her. The little youkai kitten put her paws up on Sango's leg and looked at her questioningly.  "Mew?"

Sango picked up the tiny youkai and buried her face in the kitten's fur. She hugged her pet to her chest and let a tear run from the corner of her eye.

"Are you alright?" Kagome asked, concernedly. "You can always sit down if you're not up to-"

"I'm fine," Sango said in a firm voice, setting Kirara back down on all fours. Picking up the paring knife again, she chopped at the vegetables with more force than was necessary.

"If I were you I wouldn't cut them so quickly......." Kagome warned. "You might cut yourself."

But Kagome's  warning came too late, as the knife came down on palm of Sango's hand.

"Feh, serves you right, Kagome warned you," Inuyasha said, giving his two cents.

Miroku sent a dirty look Inuyasha's way. "Have you no compassion?" he asked dryly.

"Are you alright, Sango?" Kagome asked, and waved a hand in front of Sango's face.

Sango stared down at the knife that she clutched in her right hand. The blade sunk halfway through her left hand's palm. "Y-yeah," she stuttered. "I'm fine......."

"Are you sure?"

"Hai, I'm fine," Sango assured her, pulling the knife back out of her skin. Blood oozed down her arm when she lifted her hand up to inspect the damage done.

"Miroku-sama, get the bandages from my backpack, please," Kagome ordered. "C'mon Sango, sit down over here......."

"B-but, the vegetables need-"

"Shippo can help me finish them," Kagome told her. "You need to sit down. Now, hold your hand over your head."

'I.......didn't hurt.......' Sango thought, as Miroku and Kagome wrapped her hand in bandages.

She glanced down at the knife she still held in her right hand, her hand was fisted around the knife, the skin of her right palm barely touching the blade.

'For a minute, just a minute,' she thought to herself. 'I didn't hurt.'

She slipped the knife into her sleeve.

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Her eyes snapped open abruptly later that night.

'Huh.......?' she wondered to herself.

It was then, that she remembered the evening's happening's.

Kohaku.......

Staring.......

Pity.......

The knife.......

She reached into her right sleeve and pulled out the little red paring knife. She glanced around her, at Shippo and Kagome, who were curled up to her right; the houshi who was sleeping propped up against a tree, and at the hanyou who appeared to be asleep in the tree. Kirara was curled up at her feet.

She looked carefully at the little knife.

How could something so small....... take away the pain for so long?

~Come on, Sango~ her inner voice said sternly. ~Was it really that long of a period of time?~

'Oh yes,' she told herself. 'Those few minutes of forgetfulness were the best I've ever had.'

~Are you sure?~ her inner voice sighed. ~They were just a few minutes of time....... What about the other twenty-four hours in a day?~

'Oh....... Well, I think I could make it through the day if I could forget all of it's happenings for just a few minutes.'

~Forget what?~ the voice asked her. ~Forget the death's of your family?~

'Hai. To forget that their death's were my fault, to forget that it's my fault that Kohaku is in Naraku's grip, to forget my responsibility....... to forget, period.'

~Is it that important to you?~

'Well.......' she thought to herself. 'I suppose it is. What harm could it do?'

~.......Just.......be careful.~

'Oh I will....... It can't do me any harm. It's just a little knife.'

Sango turned the knife over in her hand and  the blade flashed in the moonlight that poured through the treetops.

She pulled her blue cloth bundle out from behind her, being careful not to disturb Kirara from her sleep. She pulled out her little book and set the knife under it. As she tied up the bundle, she smiled bitterly. 'Besides, even if I died, I'm sure nobody would care.'

She set her bundle aside and pulled the sleeping bag back up to her chin. The knife....... It promised a lot to her. And in return for so little. She was already grateful.......

If you want to, I can save you I can take you, away from here

So lonely inside, so busy out there

And all you wanted was somebody who cares.......

'I know you will,' Sango said to herself. 'Thank you so very much.'

She looked down at the kitten stretched across her feet and smiled.

'I think,' she told herself. 'That my life will be much more easy to live now that I have a way to forget everything.......'

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This is a teaser chapter. ^-^x If you like it, let me know. I don't want to start something that nobody likes, lol. This should run 15-20 chapters (no longer than 20 I hope) It will stay rather depressing and mostly from Sango's POV, 3rd person. But this will end up Sango/Miroku. ^_________^

Updates, if you want this continued, will be every Saturday, or every other Saturday....... excluding when I have writer's block.

I'm still working on "Destruction Derby Sango" but I'm going to try writing it all out before I post anything up. That way, if I get bored of it, then I won't have to feel bad by taking it down.

Thank you for reading this, that must mean that my summary seems at least 1/2 –way interesting. ^-^x