Fifth street was empty, without a trace of life at all. The building complex stood silent and ominous over the many small run down buildings surrounding the road. Each of the structures looked like that with the smallest amount of wind they would tumble down like a house of cards. The only secure building was the five story, gray abandoned apartment complex. Nobody paid much attention to it anymore and it just stood there silent. That would all change that night.

Out of nowhere the apartment building exploded in one big blow and rocked the surrounding area. The blast hit almost all of the structures on that street and moved on to hit some nearby apartment buildings causing them to catch on fire. Instantly people were running out of their buildings by the hundreds and massed together in one big crowd in the street. Nobody seemed to notice three people appear out of nowhere, literally.

The three people looked like they have seen better days. All of them were quite shaken up and sporting countless scratches and burn marks.

The tallest, a red head, smiled and was the first to speak. "Well, we barely made it out alive once again." He turned from his companions and started to make his way through the crowd trying to help people out and calm them down.

"Of course Ron is the one with the smile on his face after we were seconds away from being killed." A girl of medium height answered. Her hair was frizzed out making her look like she had been electrocuted. She had soft features but they were covered up by soot and ashes. Her name was Hermione.

The third person did not reply. The man's piercing emerald eyes were unfocused and almost dead as he stared at nothing at all. His black hair was literally sticking up at all ends and his robes were slashed and frayed in many areas.

"Harry?" Hermione asked, but he did reply. "Harry?" she asked again raising her hand to touch his face, but she brought her hand back to her side when a couple of their supervisors showed up and wasted no time before hammering Harry and Hermione for answers about what had happened. Hermione started to tell them what happened when Harry just wondered off still staring into space.

I can't stand to fly

I'm not that naive

I'm just out to find

The better part of me

I'm more than a bird...I'm more than a plane

More than some pretty face beside a train

It's not easy to be me

Harry looked around and was shocked to see all of the panic and devastation he had caused. He, himself had caused all of this pain. Gazing from scene to scene he couldn't help but think that this was nothing like what he had imagined when he signed up to be an auror.

Reminiscing he thought about how Ron, Hermione, and him had been very naive. He had always thought the fantastic three would stick together through thick and thin solving mysteries. A younger him had thought nothing would change between the three of them while they went undercover and fought the bad guys. He could never have been so wrong.

Over the years Ron had stayed their friend of course, but he had other interests in mind now. Ron found something quite unexpected in the department of mysteries, love. He had fallen in love with Katherine Marie Taylor. Kat was a homely girl that was pleasant to talk to and hang out with. She was calm and laid back, something Ron really loved. The two hit it off a few years back and had gotten married. Ron had distanced himself the slightest bit at a time as he put Kat above everything else in his life. Recently he had requested to work with Kat and now he only worked with Harry and Hermione on major cases.

Hermione had changed very little over the years. She was still as studious as ever and kept close to Harry and Ron. Hermione dated very little finding it very difficult to find somebody that could keep up with her and be able to stomach the prospect that Hermione was the smarter person in the relationship. One thing that did change with Hermione, though, was that she almost always expressed her feelings now. After having so many close calls she found it is easier to cope with grief and fear by talking about it.

Harry was the exact opposite. He always steered away from deep and meaningful conversations and kept the topic light. Never talking about anything took a toll on Harry, but he kept trudging forward not wanting to burden anybody else with his feelings. Soon that took a toll on him and soon he thought it would be better if he stopped feeling emotions sometimes but that didn't work out exactly like planned.

Wish that I could cry

Fall upon my knees

Find a way to lie

About a home I'll never see

Harry wondered through the crowd aimlessly, not knowing what to do. He passed by a small family that was huddled together crying and hugging each other in thankfulness that they all made it out safely. Another group of people were praying for the people who might not have made it out of the buildings fast enough and the family of the victims. Yet a couple of families were sitting down on the ground laughing and telling jokes. Although the atmosphere was tense among them they passed the time and it helped keep their emotions in check.

How Harry wished that he could show emotions like that. Any emotion would be welcome after the stress and horror he had endured and witnessed. But, he could not. Somehow he had shut himself down to be in the super hero mode that would give strength to other people. He usually was thankful for the ability to shut himself down and give help to others, but lately he hasn't been able to evoke any emotions at all and has closed himself off completely.

It may sound absurd...but don't be naive

Even Heroes have the right to bleed

I may be disturbed...but won't you concede

Even Heroes have the right to dream

It's not easy to be me

After walking around the crowd for a half an hour or so Harry came upon a crying little girl searching the crowds with urgency. She looked from person to person as if looking for a familiar face but is unable to find one. Finally her eyes laid upon Harry's face and looked the man up and down. Something clicked into the little girls features as if it dawned on her that this was the answer to all her problems.

Harry eyeballed the girl, that could be no older than six years old, curiosity seeping into his eyes. The girl wasted no time and instantly ran up to Harry. "Can you help me find my mom and dad. I lost them when we came out of the building."

Harry looked at the girl in wonder, trying to figure out what was going on and why she would pick him. He never found out why that girl chose him out of the hundreds in the crowd, but somehow he knew he could not refuse the girl. I mean how could he?

"What's your name?" Harry asked while crouching so he was eye level with the girl.

"My name is Alexandra, but everybody calls me Alex." She answered innocently.

"Well, Alex where did you last see your parents?"

"When we were running outside the building. The crowd pushed us apart and then I couldn't see them anymore."

"At least we know that they made it out of the building safe then."

"But, how am I supposed to find them. I can't see anything."

"Here," Harry said. "Why don't you climb onto my shoulders and you can see if you can see them above all the peoples heads?"

"Ok," Alex replied thoughtfully.

So Harry picked the girl up like she weighed nothing and placed her on his shoulder so she could see around at everything. She soon was calling out above the crowd. "MOMMY, DADDY!"


"Mommy, and Daddy." The complacent average man taunted. He stood in a plain gray room in which nothing stood out or made a distinct impression. His arm was out with his wand in hand ready to attack when ready. "Oh, does the famous Harry Potter wish he had his parents by him to help him out."

"You are not going to get to me through my parents. That doesn't work." Harry spoke coldly while circling around the man. He was by himself. He had run ahead while Ron and Hermione had stayed behind and fought the other men in their way. Ron and Hermione had urged Harry to go ahead and kill the leader of the criminal group that was a major supporter of Voldemort and had killed many innocent lives to try and gain power and take Lord Voldemorts place. His name was Lord Merrin.

"Oh is that a chill I feel? Nope that is just the coldness I feel from you. Why so angry I am an ok guy once you get to know me." Merrin joked.

"You are nothing more than a cold blooded murderer." Harry shot back. "You are not going to get to me. I have gone through more than my share of evil guys just like you that play the same old tricks about bring up my parents."

"Oh really? Maybe the reasons those tricks don't work is because you are no longer human." Merrin stated slyly.

"What are you talking about?"

"Maybe, just maybe, the famous Harry Potter doesn't feel much anymore. Maybe he has become a crime fighting robot."

Harry didn't know what to say. He was hitting close to home.

"Ah, so I am write. Yeah, happens to most heroes. What are you going to do eh?" Merrin shrugged. "What one must wonder is do the best friends know about it."

Harry could only stand as this man guessed his life. He no longer knew what to do.

"I am guessing the friends don't know. What about the little girlfriend character."

For the first time in a while some little twinge inside him popped up. "Don't go talking about Hermione."

"Ah, so you have a little soft spot for her. That is no surprise."

"If you know what is good for you, you will keep your mouth shut." Harry spoke through gritted teeth.

"Funny how when her name pops up you start feeling certain emotions. Mind you, I don't think they are as strong as they would be, but you still you show them. Fascinating, simply fascinating."

"I'm warning you." Harry stated menacingly.

"Or what? You are going to kill me one way or another. Why not play with your mind a little. I mean who else gets the opportunity to pick the brains of none other than the famous Harry Potter?"

Harry had no response for this. Merrin was so cool and calm. He had never witnessed any other of his enemies to act so indifferent to him. The man was smart as well. He seemed to know that their was no way out of this situation and he might as well enjoy and have a little fun before the moment was gone.

"Ho hum. You are really not one for company. I thought our meeting would be more exciting. Well, I just don't know what to do. We all know sending a death curse at you will not work. I know that you have two other agents ready to back you up in a few minutes and you probably have a millions of other aurors on their way as we speak. I don't think I am getting out of this. I could apparate out of here, but I am guessing that you have already thought of that." Merrin stated factually.

"Actually I have. I have put an anti-appating spell on this building. Thought I would forget that little precaution?"

"Nope, just hoping."

They both stood silently facing each other gauging each others strengths. Both had their wands out ready to attack at a minutes notice. The doors in the room banged open as Hermione and Ron came charging in. They stood by analyzing the situation.

Merrin leaned over to Harry and whispered into his ear so only he could hear. "So, that is Hermione. I know one way of really making my life complete. Killing her and knowing that I caused you the ultimate pain. Well, you probably couldn't even feel the pain of your love being dead."

"You wouldn't dare." Harry hissed menacingly.

"Lets find out then." Merrin stated factually.

Something bubbled up deep inside of Harry and in that one moment he let it all come out. Just for a brief moment. "Hermione and Ron get out here. NOW!" In that moment his power surged through his veins and out through his wand. Neither Merrin or the building stood a chance.

*********End flashback***************

Up, up and away...away from me

It's all right...You can all sleep sound tonight

I'm not crazy...or anything…

"I have to find mommy and daddy." The girl cried to herself and Harry.

Harry set her down and brought her over to the road curb and brought her down to sit next him on it. "Don't worry. I bet they will find us. It is better to stay still and hope they will come and find us. I bet they are searching for you right now."

"I bet they are. Do you have anybody looking for you?" Alex questioned.

"Nope, I don't really have many people close to me anymore."

"Why not?"

"I don't attach myself to people. I seem to be not capable of feeling emotions." Harry had no idea why he was confiding in this small child, but he saw no harm in it and it felt natural to spill his guts to this six year old.

"That is so silly. Of course you can feel things." Alex smiled.

"I don't think I can. I can kind of feel some anger when this guy threatened a friend of mine and sometimes I feel something tingly inside when I think of that friend but that is it. I just run through life as if I am a zombie."

"But, you said it yourself. You can sometimes feel things around this girl friend. You have feelings and emotions. They are just down deep. You have to dig for them. I think you are afraid of feeling things."

"I am not afraid." Harry denied half heartily.

"Whatever you say. But, I think that you are just afraid. What you need to do is just accept life and want to feel emotions. You have to find them and use them. But, you can't do it by yourself. Something has to trigger them to come up or how else will they show themselves."

Harry sat and pondered what this amazing young girl advised him. She sounded like a wise adult rather than some small child. "Are you sure you are just a kid?" Harry smiled at the girl. Maybe one of the first smiles in a long time.

"Yup, I am going to turn seven in two days. Although I don't know what we are going to do about my birthday. Our building is going to be all burned up. But, just finding my mommy and daddy would be enough of a birthday present for me."

Harry couldn't help but think of how mature that is of her. Many children would whine and complain about not getting any presents or party but Alex would be content to just have her parents. He had to do something for her. "Well, since it is almost your birthday how about I give you a little early birthday present?"

"But, you don't even know me silly. You couldn't have a present for me." Alex laughed.

"It's a magic trick." Harry picked a dandelion from the grass they were sitting by. He waved his hand over it and instead of a dandelion, in his hand was a never wilting yellow rose. He handed the rose over to Alex.

"ooooh. It's so pretty. I love it. Thank you."

"No thank you."

"Alex!" Two figures came running up to the girl sitting on the curb. The mother reached the girl first and scooped her in her arms squeezing her tightly. The father soon joined his wife and started kissing the girl frantically.

Harry stood up silently and walked away from the scene. He looked back at the family and saw them all hugging each other. A family restored. Harry was glad.

I can't stand to fly

I'm not that naive

Men weren't meant to ride

With clouds between their knees

Harry was not able to walk long before Hermione caught up with him. She grabbed his arm to stop him and to turn him so she looked her in the eyes.

"Where have you been?" Hermione asked urgently.

"Just wondering around."

"Oh, just wondering around eh?" Hermione spat out sarcastically. "No mind to tell us where you were heading for. We have been looking for you for over an hour. You didn't have the decency to stick around."

Something broke inside of him. "Lay off it Hermione." Harry whispered in a voice barely audible.

"What did you say?" Hermione unsure of what Harry had spoken.

This time in almost a yell. "Lay off it Hermione. You don't know anything about what I am dealing with."

Hermione looked a little taken back at what Harry said but she quickly regained her composure. "That's right I don't know who you are anymore. I am tired of it. You have acting differently for ages and I am tired of it. We are settling this tonight." She grabbed Harry's hand before he could make a run for it and dragged him over to their supervisors. "Excuse me sir, Harry and I are wiped out and we were hoping we could leave."

The supervisor did a quick once over and seeing their conditioned immediately approved. "Of course. Good job tonight. This is really going to hurt the dark forces. Take a few days off and get rested and come back fresh and rested to start a new case I want you two on. Don't worry nothing as heavy duty as this, but I want my best aurors on the case." The supervisors patted them both on the shoulder before walking off to attend to some other situations.

"You heard the man. Come on and apparate to my house. And I swear to you if you are not there when I arrive then all hell will break loose. Understand?" There was no sarcasm or humor in her voice.

Harry did not want to test her powers and immediately apparated to her house. She lived in a tiny house outside of London. It had two bedrooms, two bathrooms, living room, dining room, and kitchen. The necessities. But, a few years back Hermione decided to add a library to her house surprise surprise. So on this tiny house their was a large appendage which held all of her books.

At the moment Harry stood in the living room that had a couch and a few chairs. It was painted a light blue. It opened into the dining room and to the side was the door to her bedroom and the library.

Right after Harry ,like promised, was Hermione. "I am glad you decided not to test my patience. Harry what is going on?"

"Nothing." Harry knew she wouldn't believe that answer but it bought him some time to think of an answer that wouldn't lead him to not spilling his guts out. He didn't want Hermione to know the conflict inside of him. He just didn't feel comfortable telling people about his personal feelings or lack there of. The only reason he could tell Alex was because she seemed son innocent and not involved. Not to mention she was a six year old girl that he would never see again.

"Harry I am not dumb and don't even think for second that you are going to give me some moronic answer that you will hope to satisfy me. I don't want the tip of the iceburg, I want the whole damn thing."

"Where do you come off acting like this. Like you are miss queen of the world and that you can control me and that my problems are that complicated where I will need to talk my bloody mouth off for hours." Harry yelled at Hermione harshly. "My problem is simple. I got so caught up in being the super hero that I forgot how to feel. That's right bloody Harry Potter can't feel a damn thing. Well, guess what I am just a man and I can't keep this up." Harry's voice softened, "I can't keep this up.

"Oh Harry," Hermione sighed as she walked up to him and gave him a quick hug and took him into the kitchen where she started heating up some water. "I don't care what you say about not having much to say about the topic. I want you and I to talk over a cup of tea and I want to know all about what has been going on inside of you."

"But, haven't you been listening Hermione. There has been nothing going on. I feel nothing. Did you not hear me. Can I not be any clearer than that."

"No, I think, actually I know there are things you are not telling me. And you have feelings inside. You just need to look for them and open them up."

Harry resigned and new that arguing would be futile. "Do you know you sound like a physiatrist?"

Hermione smiled a sweet smile that lit up her golden eyes. "It was the months of therapy I had to go through after being around you and Ron so long." She joked. Harry made a small laugh which was a major improvement. "Now you and I are covered in soot and dust and not to mention a bit sore. How about while the water is warming up we each both take a shower and meet back up in 15 minutes and if you dare leave I promise you will be incapable of having children after I get through with you. You take the main bathroom and I will grab you some extra clothes of yours that I snuck from your house in case of emergencies like this."

Each walked their separate ways and took a shower and cleaned up. They recollected themselves and thought what they needed to say through. Harry especially knew that Hermione wasn't going to buy any of his crap.

Harry came out after Hermione and found her waiting on the couch with tea on the coffee table. The living room was warm and inviting as there was a fire burning in the fireplace. She had a steaming cup filled in her hands. Her hair was tied back in a ponytail, magically dried. She wore a plain tank top and sweats. She gazed up at Harry standing in the doorway. He stood in a pair of old jeans and black t-shirt. His hair still damp from the shower.

"Come sit down," Hermione spoke kindly patting to the open space by her on the couch.

Harry complied silently, postponing the inevitable by waiting for her to speak. He would just wait until he had no other choice but to answer her questions.

The two sat in silence for a few minutes. Hermione leaned over and poured Harry a cup of tea and passed it to him. She finally spoke. "You know what Harry? I am tired of forcing you to do everything. So you can choose for yourself to talk to me about what is going on with you and you can choose what you want to say to me. But, I am not going to force you to say more than you want. I am just so concerned about you lately. I don't know what is going on with you and I am tired of being in the dark."

I'm only a man in a silly red sheet

Digging for kryptonite on this one way street

Only a man in a funny red sheet

Looking for special things inside of me

Harry sat in thought for a moment pondering what she had told him. She was right. She only cared for him and worried about him. She deserved the truth about what was going on with him. So he took a deep breath and started. He started at the beginning. "I don't know when it began but I started slowly shutting myself down to be the super hero that everybody wanted me to be. I wanted to be as strong as possible to help people and to make it easier. I only shut myself down when I was working on an important case and I would be normal around everybody else. It seemed to be going well, but then the whole plan started back firing. Soon, the total shutdown spread to the rest of my life. I started going numb and I didn't stop it. I thought it can only help me be stronger for everybody. It is so hard to be the hero that everybody wants me to be and I didn't know how to stop it. So I welcomed not being able to feel the cold pains of life. I have been in this state for God knows how long. Lately I have been wanting out of it, but I don't know how."

Hermione gave Harry a pitying look and put her hand to his cheek and held his face. "Being able to feel can only make you stronger not weaker. This gives you emotion and passion into your work. You shouldn't be so centered around what other people think anyways. Who cares if they want you to save the world. You have to have the will if it is going to happen. Without feelings you are pretty much a useless shell." Hermione took her hand from his face and placed it on his chest over his heart. "This is what matter. Nothing else."

"But, everybody is counting on me."

"That doesn't matter. If you want to help them, then help them, but not the cost of your happiness and well-being."

"But, how do I feel again? I just don't know what to do?" Harry sighed.

"Maybe I do ." She stated softy then she took his face in her hands and forced him to look in her eyes. They stared into each others souls with their piercing eyes. Neither could tell anybody how long they stayed like this. Ever so slowly she leaned forward closing her eyes.

Harry felt within himself something stirring inside of him. He knew that he had to hold onto and dig down to that feeling as Alex said. He welcomed the feeling and focused on it as he leaned forward as well closing his eyes.

Their lips met in the middle in softest sweetest kiss anyone had ever known. At the moment of contact that small feeling in Harry exploded through his body and he instantly recognized it as love. A pure love that was so intense he did not know how he had ignored and bottled it up. It just hit him so hard that it was hard to breath. He did not want to lose it.

Hermione felt Harry's kiss become more intense and frantic. He pulled her to him and held his arms around her tightly not wanting to let her go. Finally taking a breath they parted the tiniest bit.

"Hermione I love you so much. I can't thank you enough for helping me. I would be lost without you."

"I love you too Harry. I have loved you for a long time now."

"I know and I was blind to yours and my own feelings. But, not anymore." He leaned closed the gap once again and kissed Hermione softly but with so much passion behind it. Without breaking the kiss he leaned back, laying down on the couch and pulling Hermione with him.

Kissing Hermione was so mind blowing that Harry's mind was slowly falling into bliss. But, before he totally left reality one last thought went through his mind. Maybe life was hard for him, he didn't have to go through it alone and he never would be.

It's not easy to be me.

A/N So woo freaking hoo I finally finished this after starting on it and then having writers block for months. You can not believe the weight that is off of my chest for finally finishing this and I have to say I am proud of it except that I wish the ending would have been better but I couldn't think of anything else. So first and foremost I am so sorry about not updating the married life. I feel terrible especially after the person reviewed telling me that they wanted me to update. I swear I was going to cry I felt so bad. I am sorry. I wonder how many times I am going to say that? So anyways. I have an idea as to what is going to happen in the next chapter I have just been totally occupied with this songfic. I really wanted it to be good. I just hope it gets more reviews than 'let it be' which I felt and still do is my best work. So wow I am rambling a lot. I hope you like this I worked really hard on making it just right. I love writing songfics because they are so much fun. On top of writing the next chapter to the married life I hope to be writing more songfics. I have about 20 story ideas written in a spiral at home. So please read and review it makes my day. I live for it. Love you all and thank you for reading.

Also, for your info that song of course was superman (its not easy to be me) by five for fighting. I don't think I did the song justice so go check it out if you haven't heard of it already. Also, sorry for the couple damns…I usually like to keep it clean but I couldn't help it. I needed them. So sorry.