A/N: Ah, That's what I'm talking about! Thank you so much to xtremediva. You rock. THIS IS FOR YOU! I actually listened to the song last night before I wrote this and it's such a cool song! Thanks for the inspiration and I hope you like it! But man, I almost wrote a het fic here!!

Disclaimer: I own no one. The song belongs to 'Smile Empty Soul' What a great name ... :)

Contents and Warnings: This fic contains SLASH (m/m relationships) and deals with aids and adult themes. You're warned, it's your fault if you don't read this. Also contains Character Deaths



i waited for you

i died inside my own head

and i'd die again for you


Jeff sighed and put his head in his hand, looking down at the table.

"Are you sure?"

"I'm possitive."

Another sigh. This couldn't be happening. Not now! Not when they had everything going for them!

"You're just getting your push ..."

"I know, Jeff. But what else am I supossed to do?"

"But you're sure?"

"I'm absolutley sure. The tests all came back possitive."


i'm faded and tired

completely uninspired

and i'd die again for you


"But, you just had a cold."

"Obviously not."

Jeff looked up in to the green eyes in front of him. They were slightly shined over and he could tell that Shannon was trying not to cry. But it was hard not to.

"It was a cold ... the flu maybe ..."

"Jeff, please. Don't make this so hard."

"Hard/ Shannon, you have AIDS!"

The smaller blonde flinched. There was such anger in his best friends voice.

"Jeff, it's not like WE did anything."

"I know, but .. who the hell did you get it from. Who'd you sleep with?"

"It could be a lot of people, Jeff. Irvine, Helms, Matthews, ..."

"Don't you even say my brother might be in that category."

Shannon looked down. "You know I haven't been with him for a long time."


so kill me with the love that you won't give to me

and pack the wound with salt i want to feel it bleed

i'm searching for reasons

to keep away the demons

and i'd die again for you

i wish you were near me

could feel it when you hear me say

i'd die again for you


Jeff sighed and sat abck in the back seat of the car. It had been three years since that day in the restaurant. Three years since that confession from Shannon. He had sworn that he had been careful with everyone he had been with.

Jeff believed him. Shannon was just that kind of guy. He knew the risks, but ... you never know. Everyone that Shannon had been with had been tested and no one else came up positive. Shannon must have been right when he told him he hadn't had sex with anyone for along time.

Must have been some ring rat or something. Believe it or not, Shannon had a lot of guys following him around and who was he to deny a good time when he was drunk?

He spent two and a half years going through therapy. He lost over fifty pounds, had to quit wrestling, gave up on singing and recording. He even sold off all of his guitars and possesions. Jeff had kept hsi favourite of Shannon's guiter. A zebra striped one that he had gotten right after his WCW debut.

"Jeff, are you ready to go? The funeral is starting."

Jeff looked up at his brother and headed off with him.


so kill me with the love that you won't give to me

and pack the wound with salt i want to feel it bleed

you wanted me to crawl so now i'm on my knees


Jeff ran his fingers over the words on teh tombstone after everyone had left. So many times they had spent together. It was crazy that this had happened to them.

Never had Jeff ever guessed that one of them would die. It was always in the future, but the waaay future, not the near future. Not this near. They weren't even in their prime yet! Shannon wasn't even thirty!

Jeff sighed again and pulled his pocket knife from his pocket.

He had decided right when this whole thing started that he couldn't live with out his best friend. Yes, he had his brother and his father and his friends ... but he didn't have the love of his life.

Shannon had remained optimistic the whole ordeal. He always told Jeff that no matter how bad things got that they would pull through everything. Then, they would get married and move in to that house that they always waned. Maybe even adopt a kid or two. Shannon loved kids.

Jeff shook his head again and flipped open the blade.

If Shannon couldn't be down here with him ... Jeff would be up there with him.

"I'm sorry, Matt. Daddy, Shane, everyone." he whispered before pulling the bladeover his wrist.

He watched the blood run over his arm and layed down on top of the grave.

"Coming, Shann."


why's it always have to be me

that's always left out to burn and

i'll never learn