Author's Notes: Hey, yeah, this fic is a tribute to Teash, my dog that we had to put down yesterday. I'll miss her, but in tribute, I wrote this fic. Oh and this is a soliloquy, which is in first person, in Seto's point of view...
A Soliloquy of Missing Tears
Why? Why does this have to happen to me? Of all the people in the world, they take my happiness away...
Yes. I was there.
I saw it all. I watched as his cheerful steely-blue eyes became dull lifeless pits of ash. I was there as he cried out in pain; when he called out my name. But what eats away at my soul is his face when he looked at me for the very last time...
He was smiling.
Smiling as he said his last words to me! How?! What part of dying is there to be happy about?! A great feeling of remorse spread across my body as he breathed out his final thoughts.
"Seto, I'm sorry that I can't stay with you like we promised. Thank you for always being there for me. I know other people may think you don't have a heart, but I know that's not true. Deep inside, you have a heart as pure as gold. Don't ever lose that, Big Brother. Don't worry; I will always be with you; no one can ever break the bond we share.... Goodbye, Seto...I love you."
Then just like that, the brother I loved so dearly faded away.
Why? Why are the one's closest to you always the first to be taken away?
The pain of loss; it's like a heavy weight that's been put atop my shoulders. The weight is so heavy, it's almost unbearable for some, and they end up falling into darkness under its load.
I'm carrying this huge pain on my shoulders and yet...
...I can't cry a single tear to ease my suffering.
I can't find a way to let out my pain. This unremitting pain that slowly eats away at my soul; that hangs over my body like a dark blanket, binding me in it's horrible intensity. A pain that burns inside my throat, but can never be quenched.
Have I forgotten how?
Am I unable to release myself from this agonizing ache? Now that I've wrapped my heart in a thick layer of ice, an ice that is unyielding to all emotion, can I not release emotion from inside?
I've sealed my heart away, blocking everyone and everything from getting in...
"Seto, I'm sorry that I can't stay with you like we promised."
Only he knew how to melt that defensive layer of ice, but he's gone now, and he didn't leave his secret behind.
I don't know what to do anymore. Now that he's gone, I don't have a purpose in life. He was the only reason I kept on going. What should I do now that he's gone?
Is this the end?
I don't have all the answers anymore; not like before. Mokuba always looked to me to guide him, but in actuality, I needed him more.
"Thank you for always being there for me."
Why did he idolize me so much? He was my number one fan, but I didn't deserve such praise. I was always busy and I hardly ever spent time with him. Then why is it that he looked up to me so much?
"I know other people may think you don't have a heart, but I know that's not true. Deep inside, you have a heart as pure as gold."
Those words still echo in my mind. Do I actually have the ability to show emotions? Are Mokuba's words true? Is that why he admired me so much?
"Don't ever lose that, Big Brother."
Oh, what? I can cry now? All those years of keeping my emotions locked away; keeping a wall of ice around my heart; now after the only one I cared about is gone; now I can cry?!Life is ironic; it's just a big game, nothing but a cruel game.
"Don't worry; I will always be with you..."
Yeah, Mokuba, I know you care, but now that you're gone, who's there to share my emotions with? Is it really worth it?
"...no one can ever break the bond we share...."
That's right, I have you; you might not be here physically, but you will always be with me. You're what keeps my heart from freezing in the brutal ice I've wrapped it in. So, maybe our bond will help me get through this pain, and help me go on.
I know now; it's your light that will open up my heart. I promise you this, Mokuba; I won't ever forget what you did for me, and I know that with your support; I'll be able to live again. Thank you for that, Mokuba.
"Goodbye, Seto...I love you."
I love you too, Mokie...