So You've Got a wacko for a Math Teacher? Author's notes: Hey, minna-san! I had writer's block on my Sailor Moon story "Anniversary", so I did this instead. Much of this is actually true, believe or not. Amai-chan's new math teacher is really a wacko, and Bejiin, who's hair is pink, really does cook wonderful food for me and Amai-chan. Yum! This is a random insanity fic about me, Bejiin, Amai-chan, and the characters in Sailor Moon, Fushigi Yuugi, Bakurestu Hunters, and Revolutionary Girl Utena and Raven Sable. However, I don't own any of the anime characters, and I hope their owners won't sue me. I also don't own Raven Sable, and I hope Moth, who does, won't kill me. Umm other notes...Sore wa himitsu desu! means 'That's a secret!'...a Makou is a monster...and ummm I think that's about it. Please review it. And now...the fic!


So You've Got a Wacko for a Math Teacher?

Ekaterinn and Amai-chan sit at Ekaterinn's kitchen table...

Amai-chan: So I've got a wacko for a math teacher. Now what?

Ekaterinn: Well...what makes him so wacko?

Amai-chan: He folkdances.

Ekaterinn: *shudders* Could be worse. Could be folksinging.

Amai-chan: *shudders* True.

Long silence ensues.

Ekaterinn: You could learn something.

Amai-chan: About folkdancing!?! That's almost as scary as learning math!!!!!!!

Bejiin: *shakes head* Something as scary as learning math? That's terrible!

Ekaterinn and Amai-chan exchange blank looks.

Ekaterinn: Anou, Bej-chan...how did you get here?

Bejiin: I followed the sound of Amai-chan's high-pitched wails.

Ekaterinn: Oh.

Amai-chan: Grrrrrrrr.

Ekaterinn: Anyway, back to our discussion of wacko, folkdancing teachers.

Usagi: I have a wacko teacher. Haruna-sensei is so mean! She grades so hard and assigns so much homework!!!

Ekaterinn: Does she folkdance?

Usagi: Ummm...no.

Ekaterinn: Then shut up.

Bejiin: *as Usagi looks likes she's about to cry, Bejiin asks her a question* Hey, aren't you Mamo-chan's girlfriend?

Usagi: No one's allowed to call him that but me! *bonks Bejiin in the head*

Bejiin: *glares at Usagi* Ow! That hurt!

Mamoru drives up, concern on his face.

Mamoru: Is my love alright? *walks toward Usagi and Bejiin*

Usagi: Mamo-chan!

Bejiin: Mamo-chan!

Mamoru: *hugs Bejiin* Bejako!

Usagi: WHAT?!?

Bejiin: *shows Usagi piece of shocking pink hair* Mamo-chan always did like pink hair better...or have you forgotten Chibiusa already?

Usagi: *starts sobbing* I WANT MY MAMO-CHAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bejiin: Too bad.

Mamoru: *kisses Bejiin* Bejako!

Ekaterinn: Aren't we supposed to be talking about Amai-chan's wacko math teacher, NOT stealing other people's boyfriends?

Amai-chan: *thoughtfully* Shouldn't it be baka instead...I mean baka means silly, stupid, foolish...and this IS the anime section.

Ekaterinn: No, this is MY fic, and I say it should be wacko!

Amai-chan: Baka!

Ekaterinn: Wacko!

Amai-chan: Baka!

Ekaterinn: Wacko!

Amai-chan: Baka!

Miaka: I had a baka teacher once..I had a bad dream and he woke me up and then I hit him with a desk!

Amai-chan: Doesn't that make you the baka?

Ekaterinn: Did he folkdance?

Miaka: No.

Ekaterinn: Then shut up.

Miaka: *walks over to Usagi* Hey, why are you crying?

Usagi: *points at Mamo-chan and Bejiin* Bejiin took my Mamo-chan!!!!!!! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!

Miaka: *grasps* Bejiin! She's the one who stole Tamahomme! *whirls around and points at Ekaterinn* And she took Hotohori!

Ekaterinn: *smirks* They're perfectly safe and very well taken care of!

Bejiin: And if you're very good, I'll make teriyaki chicken and rice for all of us.

Usagi and Miaka:*stomaches rumble* Umm..Okay!

Amai-chan: *arches an eyebrow* You're going to be nice for once, and cook for them?!?

Bejiin: *shrugs* Better than eating their cooking!

Amai-chan: True.

While Bejiin moved to the stove to cook, the Bakurestu Hunters and the Slayers appeared in the kitchen...

Tira and Chocolate: *holding down Carrot to stop him from going after the girls*

Ekaterinn: *drooling* Marron...

Amai-chan: *disgusted* He looks like a girl! 'Sides, aren't we supposed to be talking my wacko math teacher?

Lina Inverse: We don't have math teachers in the Slayers universe because we don't have schools!

Gourry: What's a skool?

Amai-chan: Oh shut up! *twirls to face Ekaterin* Ekat-chan! *whine*

Ekaterinn: Oh go deal with your wacko teacher yourself! At least you don't have to take calculus this semester like me! *grabs a hold of Marron* Right, Marron-sama?

Amai-chan: Grrrrrrrrrrrr.

Gateau: Damn! *I* wanted Marron!

Marron: ...

Amai-chan: Grrrr! That's all I can take! I'm going to get Yaten-kun and Chichri No Da and have a little fun of my own! *she snaps her fingers and two very confused bishonen appear*

Everyone: AMAI-CHAN!

Amai-chan: *turns bright red* Not like that!

Bejiin: Yeah, right.

Amai-chan: *glares at Bejiin* Hentai fangirl! *snaps fingers, and she and the bishonen disappear in a puff of smoke*

Everyone looks blank for a moment.

Gateau: Damn, that's a nice trick!

Xellos: I can do that.

Gateau: Really? How?

Xellos: Sore wa himitsu desu! ^_^

Zelgadis: Is that all you ever say?

Xellos:Sore wa himitsu desu! ^_^

Zelgadis: Damn Makou.

Bejiin: Yeah, but..umm..will Amai-chan be alright?

Ekaterinn: Don't worry, Amai-chan will be back in time for leftover teriyaki chicken. She's got a stomach like Miaka's.

Miaka: I resent that!

Bejiin: *ignores Miaka* Okay.

Carrot: *breaks free of Tira and Chocolate and goes over to Lina* Hey pretty red-haired girl! I'll go out on a date with you even if you have a flat chest!

Tira and Chocolate: CARROT!

Lina: Crimson beyond blood that flows, darkness beyond twilight...DRAGON...!

Gourry: *holds Lina down* You'll destroy Ekaterinn's kitchen! And Bejiin's making food!

Lina: Grr...alright, alright...I won't Dragon Slave him...even though he deserves it!

Carrot: *too busy running from Tira and Chocolate to notice*

Zelgadis: *watching scene...shrugs* I don't care about any of this...all I want at this point is coffee. *goes into cooking area and starts making some*

Amelia: Ohhh, isn't Mr. Zelgadis sooo cute with his rocky skin and his coffee?!? And he fights for Justice with me! For the Hammer of Justice that will build Peace by smashing all that is Evil in the way...!

Zelgadis: I hate my life.

Lina: *sweatdrops* Y'know, Amelia, you sound waytoo much like Sailor Moon sometimes.

Usagi: Hey! I'M Sailor Moon! No one else! *looks threateningly around the room* GOT IT?

Everyone except Gourry: *sweatdrops* Got it.

Gourry: What's Sailor Moon?

Usagi: AGGHHHHH!

Lina: *points to Usagi* She's Sailor Moon.

Usagi: Thank you.

Gourry: Umm..alright..but what's Sailor Moon again?

Lina: AGGGHHHHHHHHH!

Zelgadis: *sips coffee* I don't know why you bother.

Lina: Never mind, Gourry.

Gourry: Umm...Okay.

Suddenly Raven Sable walks through the door to the kitchen. She is carrying a wide assortment of "instruments"...

Raven: I'm looking for subjects to make beautiful for my art.

Bejiin and Ekaterinn turn pale, while the rest of the group looks blank.

Ekaterinn: *whispers* Those who are subjects for Raven's "art"...

Bejiin:...usually do not survive. *shivers*

Raven: *evil smile* What's wrong with being artistic?

Carrot: *waves hand in air* Ooooh! Raven pretty lady! I'll help you with your art!!!!

Raven: *sizes Carrot up and gives yet another evil smile* You'll do.

Tira: *holds Chocolate back* Chocolate! No!

Chocolate: Damnit, Tira! LET ME AT HIM!!!!

Ekaterinn: *hurriedly whispers in Marron's ear*

Marron: *turns pale* Brother, we are going now!

Carrot: But Marron! *whine*

Marron: *glares dangerously at Carrot while looking wonderfully handsome...sigh* NOW!

At a glance from Marron, Gateau picks up Carrot by his shirt. While Chocolate and Tira threaten Carrot with various punishments, Ekaterinn walks the group to the door, pausing only to say goodbye to Marron.

Raven: *sigh* You people always spoil my fun!

Ekaterinn: *glares at her* Shut up! Marron-sama had to leave because of you!

Raven: *shrugs* I can't be held responsible for my victims' stupidity.

Gourry: *whispers to Lina* Is she talking about me?

Lina: No, I think for once, she's talking about someone else's stupidity.

Gourry: Oh.

Suddenly a shiny red car with two men in it smashes through the house, collides with Zelgadis's leg, and stops. There is a dent in the bumper.

Zelgadis: Ow! That hurt! *glares at driver*

Amelia: Oooh..Did my poor Mr. Zelgadis get hurt?!? Let Amelia make it all better!

Zelgadis: I hate my life.

Amelia: *attempts to tend to Zelgadis*

Zelgadis: Why me?

Xellos: Sore wa himitsu desu! ^_^

Zelgadis: Damn Makou.

Raven: *drools at the driver in the car* Akio-san!

Bejiin: *stares at the man in the passenger seat* Ekat-chan, do my eyes deceive me or is that...

Ekaterinn: *breathing hard* ...Touga-sama!

Bejiin: The playboy president!

Ekaterinn: The most handsome bishonen in Utena!

Bejiin: Better than Mamo-chan!

Mamoru: Hey!

Ekaterinn: As good as Hotori-sama...and the same voice actor!

Both: Touga-sama!

Touga: Ladies...

Both: *sigh*

Raven: Screw this! I'm getting in the Akio-car and driving away with my Akio-san! *hops in the car, dumps Touga in the back seat, and tells Akio to drive. He does.*

Bejiin: No! She didn't even leave Touga-sama for us!

Ekaterinn: How cruel...

Bejiin: Mamo-chan!

Mamoru: Bejako!

Ekaterinn: Damnit! Where's Hotohori and Marron when I need them!?!

Gourry: Umm..not here?

Ekaterinn: *glares at him*

Zelgadis : That really helped, Gourry.

Gourry: Uh?

Ekaterinn: *moves closer to Zelgadis* Thanks, Zel-kun!

Bejiin: *gives Ekaterinn a Look*

Ekaterinn: *glares at her* You have Mamo-chan!

Zelgadis: *blushes*

Lina: *looking to fill the awkward silence* Anou...has anyone heard from Amai-chan lately?

Everyone gets silent. Far off, a high-pitched shriek of "Chichri No Da!" can be heard.

Bejiin: I don't think I want to know...

Ekaterinn: *shudders*

Everyone else, even Gourry: *nods quickly in agreement*

All at once, Usagi's, Miaka's , Lina's , Gourry's, and Amelia's stomachs all growl.

Miaka: Bejiin! Is the food ready YET? *whine*

Bejiin: Shit! I forgot all about it! *quickly rescues chicken from burning by turning off the stove*

Xellos: *leaning over chicken* Only slightly charred.

Bejiin: *glares* Why are you always so nosy?

Xellos:Sore wa himitsu desu! ^_^

Bejiin: Damn Makou!

Zelgadis: Hey! That's my line!

Ekaterinn: *glares* Don't use Zel-kun's line!

Bejiin: *shrugs* Umm...Whatever. Anyway, LET'S EAT!

Ekaterinn: Hai!

Usagi: ME HUNGRY!

Miaka: NEED FOOD!

Lina, Gourry, and Amelia: Triple portions for us!

Zelgadis: I suppose I can have some teriyaki chicken and rice with my coffee.

Mamoru: Anything that you make will be wonderful, Bejako.

Xellos Sore wa himitsu desu! ^_^

Amai-chan: *reappearing with Yaten and Chrichi* Bejiin's chicken! Yummy!

Yaten: Sounds wonderful.

Chichri: No Da!

And so our heroines and heroes set down to a fantastic meal of teriyaki chicken and rice. This included sake, of course, and Ekaterinn's cookies for desert. During the meal, Ekaterinn and Bejiin discussed sharing bishonen with Miaka and Usagi, and Ekaterinn flirted shamelessly with Zelgadis. Amai-chan promised to keep everyone updated on her wacko (or baka) math teacher. No one asked where she went with Yaten and Chichri. Lina almost Dragon Slaved Xellos when he mentioned her flat chest, and Amelia kept making justice speeches, but other than that, it was a pretty peaceful meal. (We won't mention the fact that Usagi, Miaka, and Amelia got into a raging catfight over who would make a better Sailor Moon...) Gourry didn't make any dumb remarks, and Raven didn't show up again. (Of course, neither did Marron and the others...but you take what you can get^_~). Overall, it was a pretty successful evening. No one got killed, there was a lot of bishonen, and everyone got fed. Of course, it didn't help Amai-chan with her wacko math teacher problem, but, hey, you can't have everything! ^_^
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So what d'ya think of my random insanity fic? Rants? Raves? Give me a review or email me.

Ja ne!
Ekaterinn