Author's Note:

In a fit of hysterics, I put myself up for a challenge. Considering that most of my fanfics belong to the 'drama' and 'romance' genres, I thought I should try other genres. So I took pieces of paper, wrote a different genre on each of them, mixed the scraps together and drew out one to start off with, meaning each chapter of this fic will belong to a different genre if things work out.

On the next page, you'll see the first chapter is parody. !@#$% Not that I don't like parody, but I'm lousy at writing it.

The list so far:

1) Parody (thou knowest mine sentiment)

2) Spiritual (not fun, but it can't be helped)

3) Humour

4) Mystery

5) Suspense

6) Action/Adventure


The Search for Severus Snape


Twice upon a time (because once upon a time was not enough), a dark lord, had risen in the wizarding world. He named himself Lord Voldemort, because Tom Riddle did not have that certain ring, that oomph that the other one had. The first time He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Too-Powerful rose and struck terror into the hearts of all the magical folk, he was defeated by a puny boy called Harry Potter.

Harry was then hailed as the hero though no one knew quite how he did it. He was later named the Boy-Who-Lived, because he performed the miracle of surviving eleven years with his not-so-nice relatives, called the Dursleys. The Dursleys were positively dreadful in their treatment to Harry, forcing him to wear hand-me-downs that were heavier than he was and eat meager leftovers.

But there in Privet Drive, Harry remained, for it was there that he was presumed safe. Most of the non-magical folk, you see, did not know about the existence of magic. They were not imaginative enough, or if you observed the Dursleys' behaviour, were not calculating enough to know that if they accepted magic as a part of the world, life would be much simpler. Dudley, Harry's cousin, could possibly shed all those pounds if he went to seek magical treatment. St. Mungo's, the wizarding hospital, had food that reduced weight instead of increasing it, hence defying all manner of physics and gravity.

Harry was alone and helpless, until he discovered he could take the mickey out of Dudley when ever he was angry with Dudley's attitude. So Harry made sure he was angry a lot of times. Later, when he was eleven, he realised his true family background and the significance of the lightning scar on his forehead, which he always thought he had because he had been struck by lightning. Not a very original idea. One must forgive him. Even a wizard who lived under dull circumstances could be affected.

Harry attended Hogwarts, the school for magical children, witches and wizards. He learnt a great deal of valuable lessons, mostly outside school curriculum, furthering the advocacy of zealous people who insisted students should think out of the box.

The second time You-Know-Who rose after going through a ritual was witnessed by Harry himself. These dark arts were gruesome. Evil wizards require such dramatic gestures for people to notice them, to inspire awe in them. It is a well-known fact and the first step to take if you want to become famous.

After Voldemort's resurrection, the world fell into multiple chaos and suffered many casualties to prove how serious the war truly was. Somehow, our main heroes and heroines managed to go through scrap after scarp without much damage. With the help of the Order of the Phoenix, set up by the benevolent and more or less immortal Albus Dumbledore (after all, he was on the wrong side of 150 but was still able to dance the hula, so he said), Harry Potter defeated He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Very-Clever once more, this time for good.

The world rejoiced. It seemed everything could start anew again. Everyone was happy. Except one.

Her name was Hermione Granger. She was the heroine at the center of our story, no? Duty called for her to be paired up with the hero of the same story, either Harry or his best friend Ron Weasley. Alas, Hermione was not am ordinary heroine. Sure, she had the necessary attributes. She was once not very pretty when she was young. But now, she had blossomed into a beautiful lady at the age of seventeen. She was also kind, intelligent and courageous. An irresistible combination. So lovely was she, that Harry and Ron became her protectors, fighting against the onslaught of betrothal proposals and magazine offers. The latter amused Hermione, for editors wanted her to model new robes for them, but Harry and Ron were outraged at what they saw were insults by asking her to dress scantily. It did not stop them from buying the magazines and ogling over the 'It' model on the cover of the season. They were loyal friends, but they were also boys and Hermione forgave them when she caught them guiltily trying to hide their latest issue under the bed-sheets, after laughing red in the face when she overheard Ron whistling and drooling over a picture.

Ah, yes. Life was good after Voldemort was destroyed in a poof, conveniently leaving only smoking shoes, so no one had to clear up his demise. Everyone had watched in amazement as Harry stared at the smoking shoes. His first words would forever be archived in the history tomes. "Hey, this will be a very nice spot for Quidditch."

But like we said, Hermione was not very happy. Nor were some from the Order, but especially Hermione. This was due to the disappearance of one of their brothers-in-arm, who had been missing since the war ended. For the sake of conventionality, we shall endeavour to place him in a suitable category, one that belonged to anti-heroes, so that he would be worthy of Hermione's affections.

Yes, Hermione was in love with one Severus Snape, Potions Master of Hogwarts, Death-Eater to Voldemort, spy for Dumbledore… You name it. Snape had been there and done that. You could speculate and reason that that was why tormenting students was his way of care to them, not that they would appreciate it. But he was an anti-hero, so he did not care for anyone's opinion. He was cold, nasty, double Hermione's age and not at all handsome, so his creator, a woman who paraded by the name of J.K. Rowling, kept insisting. Although Merlin knew why the woman also emphasised so much on his silky voice and dark, penetrating eyes.

Obviously, there had to be an allurement to Snape, or Hermione would not love him and there would not be Muggle shippers secretly (or not too secretly) rooting for them to be together. So, to sum up, Snape was a tall, dark and brooding individual who shunned everyone but at the bottom of his tainted soul was goodness. There. The very embodiment of a man whom women could rightly swoon over and say, "He's a good man. He just doesn't know how to show it, the poor dear. He just needs a hug." Thankfully, they did not say it to his face. It was rumoured that one had dared to do it before, and she had to rest in her house to recover from varied hexes, including a quietus spells for good measure.

Unfortunately, none of the spells Snape had unleashed were fatal or wholly injurious, so Snape still could not shirk his newfound reputation of being a sweetheart when Dumbledore 'innocently' let slip of all the heroic deeds and sacrifices Snape had done. It was later reported that Dumbledore received what Snape believed he deserved when Dumbledore, after a typical dinner, returned to his office, only to discover that it was filled with socks. Fawkes, Dumbledore's pet phoenix, was eventually rescued from under the monstrous pile.

Whatever life Snape may have had enjoyed after his former master, the dark lord, fell, no one knew, for he was missing. Many tried to search for him but to no avail. The problem, too, was that it was not only the good guys who were looking for him; there were others… seeking him for motives unknown.

A year passed, and Hermione was now eighteen. Still, she rejected more offers and pined for Snape.

A year, for pity's sake. This commentator must say Snape was very heartless.

So, where was he?


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