The Super-duper Mega Ultimate Parody of Pokémon Mewtwo Strikes Back!
Disclaimer: I do not own Pokémon, Mewtwo Strikes Back, Mortal Kombat, Yu-Gi-Oh!, One Piece, Fushigi Yuugi (ie Tamahome and Miaka), or Digimon (ie Junpei). The only thing I own is Female Ash, my only inserted character into this thing. She actually makes the story BETTER as she's taking the place of male Ash.
Author's Notes: Obviously, you'll need a bit of a background to understand this. Read The Super-duper Mega Ultimate Parody of Pokémon, another story here on ff.net, to understand most of it. I'll also provide a little bit of background information on any characters that apply:
Ash: a bad-tempered, rude, tough girl who was dropped into the world of Pokémon because the forces of creation were in a weird mood. She favors the bitch-slap above all things. Her faithful favorite Pokémon is Squirtle.
Misty: Misty. Blah.
Brock: a lecher who followed Misty and Ash around until they finally decided to use him as their cook/slave. He's very perverted.
Gary: a sniveling wuss who was so overpowered from the beginning by Ash that he has now become Ash's slave of sorts.
As for the rest of the characters, Mew is Mew, Mewtwo is Mewtwo, Squirtle is Squirtle, ect. Tamahome and Miaka, my names for two of the nameless trainers that appear in this movie, are taken from the anime Fushigi Yuugi. Junpei, the third trainer, is taken from the anime Digimon. Try to guess why I picked said names for said trainers. ^_^
Oh, and I'm not bashing Pokémon the Movie: Mewtwo Strikes Back. I am simply mocking it.
The Super-duper Mega Ultimate Parody of Pokémon the Movie: Mewtwo Strikes Back!!
Pikachu's Vacation? Psh. Yeah right. Who wants to see what a bunch of retarded talking animals do in their spare time? I certainly don't. Let's get down to business!! Cue the music!!
I wanna be the very b-
Not THAT music you idiots! The cool music that is NOT retarded sounding!!
Oh, for goodness sakes!! No music, then, just start the *beep!*ing movie!!
Narrator: Life. The Great Miracle. And, the great mystery-
ArtikGato: %^%^*$^&%!!! WHO HIRED THIS FRICKING NARRATOR?! (destroys the Narrator MORTAL KOMBAT style!!)
Film Crew: Umm...
ArtikGato: Cue the stupid CGI bubble effects!
Mewtwo: *telepathically so it sounds cool in surround sound* My voice is actually Yami Yugi's voice from the dub version of Yu-Gi-Oh!. Both Yami and I are so damned cool that the dubbers couldn't bear to give us crappy voices! Though I sound kinda old in the beginning of this movie...umm... and stuff about a purpose and things like that. *blows up the laboratory*
Giovanni: I can help you focus your powers and become invincible.
Mewtwo: Not interested. Now run off, little man. I would end your life in a blue explosion of psychic powers, and I have every right to do so since you're a big fat *beep*, but I shall refrain since you have Yami Bakura's voice from the Yu-Gi-Oh! dub and Yami Bakura is damn cool. He eats raw meat.
Mewtwo: Leave before I kill you...MORTAL KOMBAT STYLE!!
Giovanni: EEP!! *flies off in his helicopter*
Mewtwo: True reason for being and all that good junk. Now the best line in the entire movie! *clears throat dramatically* The world will heed my warning. The reign of Mewtwo will soon begin! Well, except that I don't really like the name "Mewtwo" so much. Makes me feel inferior, like a cheap copy of Mew or something. Hmm...okay, from now on, my name shall be Bob! *clears throat again* The reign of Bob will soon begin!
*cue the stupid CGI scene of the 3D Pokéball and junk*
Narrator #2: Today, Ash, Brock and Misty are taking a short break from-
ArtikGato: WHO THE *BEEPING* *BEEP* ARE YOU?! GO AWAY!!! *destroys him in a very similar fashion to MORTAL KOMBAT style but not exactly the same way so not really*
Ash: Remember me? I'm the hot-tempered girl from the first two chapters. This movie is COMPLETELY Alternate Universe but I'm still in it because the actual Ash is just way too idiotic for the authoress to bear writing in.
Misty: I'm Misty. I'm just here for no apparent reason at all other than to go "Ash!", "Oh no!", and worry constantly over Togepi while neglecting my poor Psyduck.
Brock: I'm Brock. I'm a lecher.
LA: (Lechers Anonymous) HI BROCK!!
Brock: My purpose in this story is to stand around in the background and give my tens of fangirls something to keep them interested in this pointless movie.
Pikachu: Hi, I'm Pikachu, and- *a piano drops on him, and he is replaced by Squirtle, who is female Ash's faithful companion instead of the insane electric rat.
Ash: Damnit, Brock! Where's my freaking food? And where the hell is that knave Gary? He's supposed to be my slave for the extent of my stay in this pathetic world!
Misty: Gary ran off when you weren't looking.
Ash: Damn him...
Brock: Be patient a little, Ash! I'm cooking as fast as I can!
Ash: Would a few bitch-slaps help you go faster?
Brock: Probably not?
Ash: Good, because I don't feel like exerting the energy to slap you.
*Random Pirate Guy, from now on called Luffy since Luffy is also a Random Pirate Guy, only from One Piece, randomly with Yugi's Grandfather's voice from the Yu-Gi-Oh! dub walks up. He opens his mouth to say something about a battle with Ash, but he spontaneously combusts, as the authoress hates his guts. Tremendously.*
Film People: Umm...
ArtikGato: Move on to the scene with Team Rocket!
Team Rocket: *standing on a hill nearby* We're going to try another stupid plan to capture that pathetic Pik--er, Squirtle!
Ash: MY SQUIRTLE ISN'T PATHETIC!
Team Rocket: YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE ABLE TO HEAR US!
Ash: HOW CAN I NOT HEAR YOU?! Jesse couldn't be quiet if her life depended on it!
James & Meowth: She's got a point...
*Suddenly a Dragonite slams into Team Rocket and sends them flying. Sadly, they do not spontaneously combust as their presence is required further in this movie.*
Dragonite: Yo. *hands them the random little circle thingie and a hologram appears above it. It is Nurse Joy, only dressed in a tacky Vampire-esque brown dress*
Joy: *flat voice* Greetings, Pokémon Trainers. I bear an invitation.
Ash: DEWD!! THIS HOLO-JUNK ROCKS!!
Brock: She's clearly a Nurse Joy but I'm going to overlook that and pretend I don't know who she is for the rest of the movie.
Joy: You have been selected to participate in a gruesome and bloody MORTAL KOMBAT tournament on New Island, hosted by my master, the world's greatest Pokémon trainer.
Joy: Excuse me?
Mewtwo, voice off stage: Lance? LANCE?! HOW DARE THEY!!!!
Ash: A bit touchy, huh?
Misty: Well, you sent a Dragonite, so I figured-
Mewtwo, voice still off stage: WELL YOU THOUGHT WRONG!!
Joy, voice still flat: A chartered ferry will leave from a wharf somewhere that appears to be near Pallet Town for all intents and purposes but actually isn't because we're knaves. Er, you'll find it, and it'll take you to New Island. Have fun! And we expect you there...or else we'll hunt you down and kill you MORTAL KOMBAT STYLE! HIYAH!! *Holograph Joy suddenly vanishes*
Ash: That was disturbing.
Misty: That "World's greatest Pokémon Trainer" sure is rude!
Brock: I have nothing to say. Meh.
Dragonite: Yo. I'll be headin' off, peeps. Later. *flies off*
*cut to a cool scene of Mewtwo as he merely waves his hand around in a circle and makes the clouds swirl around in circles and the sky get dark and all that good stuff.*
*cut to an equally cool scene of Mew waking up in a bubble underwater and taking off from some rainforest.*
*Ash, Misty and Brock run through the storm into a building by...lemme guess, a wharf!! Random Pokémon are hyperly bouncing around.*
Random nameless skinny guy we'll call Tamahome: What?! The ferry's cancelled?!
Random nameless girl we'll call Miaka 'cause we can: But I've got to get to new Island!
Jenny: It's too dangerous! This blue haired Spanish chick thinks it's too dangerous!
Spanish chick: The prophets-
*Spanish Chick implodes right on the spot.*
Jenny: *sweatdrop* Well, you still can't go!
Miaka: Sucks to that! *runs past Jenny and throws a Pokéball*
Tamahome: Good idea! *repeats what Miaka did*
Random nameless chubby guy with Gary's voice who we'll call Junpei: Wait up! All my Pokémon are Water Types! Well, all but Nidoqueen...
Ash: *looks down at Squirtle with a sweatdrop* Why don't you EVOLVE INTO SOMETHING BIGGER YOU USELESS TURTLE!! *Squirtle bitch-slaps Ash once* Thanks, I needed that.
Misty: Relax, we can ride on my Lapras.
Brock: Since when have you had a Lapras?
Misty: Since the authoress didn't feel like writing that stupid underwater scene that we'd get into if I didn't have one.
*Tamahome flies off on a Pidgeot, Miaka rides off on a Dewgong, Junpei rides off on a Gyarados, somebody takes off on a Fearow, and Ash, Misty and Brock ride off on a Lapras.*
Jenny: COME BACK YOU IDIOTS!! *sigh* Oh well.
*eventually the trainers arrive at New Island and Joy greets them. Mew flies up and sits on the blades of windmill-esque propeller things until he/she/it falls off, then does the same thing again. And this is relevant why, you ask? Because it's cute, that's why!*
*The trainers and Nurse Joy emerge through these extremely huge double doors into a banquet area/main area type thing.*
Nurse Joy: Only you three and the other three trainers braved the storm, so you're the only ones worthy in my Master's eyes. Let your Pokémon out of their Pokéballs, and feel free to get as drunk as you want on the wine and saké, okay?
Tamahome: What took you guys so long?
Ash: Misty's damned whale is a slow swimmer. How'd you get here?
Tamahome: I flew over. It was easy! Hurricane winds are a breeze for Pidgeotto here!
Ash: Isn't that a Pidgeot?
Tamahome: Silence, slave!!
Everyone: *stares at him*
Tama: Er, my bad. Hey, guys, say hello! *his Pokémon respond in various ways.*
Junpei: Meet my Pokémon! All but Nidoqueen are Water Types!
Misty: *already glomping Golduck and Vaporeon* Huh? Howzat?
Miaka: *already being glomped by Brock* Gah!! Sick 'im, guys! *her Pokémon beat Brock into a bloody, lecherous pulp*
Joy: Just thought I'd tell you, my Master is about to descend. Time to meet the most powerful Pokémon Trainer on Earth...and he's not Lance, I'll tell you that much!
*Mewtwo descends from the ceiling in a dramatic scene*
*Team Rocket breaks into Mewtwo's palace and Mew demonstrates it's ability to Teleport*
Joy: Yes, the most powerful Pokémon Master is also the most powerful Pokémon on Earth. This is the ruler of New Island and soon the whole entire world: Mewtwo.
Mewtwo: DANGIT JOY!! MY NAME IS BOB!! GET IT RIGHT FOR GOODNESS SAKE!!
Joy: *coughs* Er, Bob.
Ash: *eyebrow raised* Bob? What a foreboding name.
Bob: *scoffs* Then what do YOU think is a foreboding name?
Ash: How about Dark?
Mewtwo: ...okay, then I shall from henceforth be known as...DARK!!! *evil laughter*
Misty: This might be a "duh" question, but how are you talking...umm, Dark?
Mewtwo: Quiet human! The authoress can bend the rules!
Brock: No, no, I think it's because you're psychic.
Mewtwo: ...that too. Hey!! No one challenges my authority!! *randomly levitates Junpei and sends him flying into the pool that his Water Pokémon are in.*
Ash: *blinks* O-kay...remind me not to get on HIS bad side anymore!
Junpei: ME MAD!! GYARADOS, USE HYPER BEAM ON THAT KITTY!!
Gyarados: *shoots Hyper Beam*
Mewtwo: *laughs diabolically as he reflects the beam back at Gyarados.*
Junpei: Holy Pancakes!! Gyarados!! *rushes to Gyarados' aid.*
Mewtwo: *also speaking through Joy* Child's play! *looks at Joy* Stop saying what I'm saying. Hey!! Oh, that's it! I'm through controlling you! *the shiny white part returns to Joy's eyes and she stumbles around drunkenly before collapsing dramatically into, conveniently enough, Brock's arms*
Brock: Hey, pretty lady! What's say we ditch this Mewtwo creep and sneak around back...
Ash: *WHAM!!* *whacks Brock with her Baka Mallet of Doom*
Joy: Where am I? Hey! This isn't Vegas!
Mewtwo: You have been under my control. I found you passed out in the street in Vegas and took you in, manipulating your brain so that you did whatever I said. Now the game is over, and I don't need you any more. So sad.
Brock: How dare you control a beautiful...*blink blink* Say, can I ask you a favor?
Ash: *WHAM!!* *hits him again with the baka mallet*
Brock: AIIIIEEEE!! MERCY! MERCY!
*Team Rocket continues to break in and stumbles upon Venusaur, Charizard and Blastoise suspended in green fluid. Then, they accidentally activate a replication sequence for Pokémon which clones Meowth. Then they learn about Mewtwo's past and all that good junk.*
Mewtwo: I hate humans. I have no purpose. My storm will wipe out your damned human world. And the Pokémon world. Only the clones will survive. Did I mention I hate humans?!
Tamahome: I'm stupidly going to try to capture you with Rhyhorn.
Mewtwo: Yeah right. *throws Rhyhorn back across a table*
Ash: NO!! THE FOOD!! AIGH!!
*The three cloned Pokémon in the lab wake up, emerge from their tubes (dry, fyi), and stomp off to do battle, commanded by who? Mewtwo of course!*
*back with Mewtwo and the hapless humans...and Ash...Mewtwo ushers them into an outside stadium, where Miaka's Blastoise, Tamahome's Venusaur, and Ash's Charizard will do battle with Mewtwo's clones. Since we haven't gotten to the part with Charizard in the actual series, let's just say that Ash's Charizard WOULD disobey her, if it weren't for her considerably powerful bitch-slaps. Oh, and Mewtwo commands the three clones with attacks, and they completely destroy the three trainers' Pokémon.*
Mewtwo: Wooh!! I won, I won!! Lah-ooz-ers!!! Oh, and I'm gonna take your Pokémon with my special black Pokéballs! Nyaah nyaah nyaah!
Ash: Holy Crap! *Charizard is captured* Oh, that's it! You're getting a bitch-slap!! *runs at Mewtwo but of course Mewtwo throws the hapless mortal back, and into Brock sadly enough*
Brock: *dazed* *to Ash* You're pretty cute. Wanna bear my children?
Ash: *twitch* *WHAMP!* *the Baka Mallet strikes again!*
Mewtwo: And since I'm feeling particularly evil, I'll just get the rest of your Pokémon! This is my world now! *sends out about a gazillion of the black balls*
*the Pokémon and trainers fight off the Pokéballs. Ash is bitch-slapping the balls away.*
Ash: I know! Mewtwo can't get them if they're inside their retarded little balls! Raichu and Haunter return! *calls them back, but two of Mewtwo's black Pokéballs just capture her red and white retarded Pokéballs* Aww, dammit Mewtwo! Can't you let me have even ONE brilliant idea?!
*Misty's Psyduck and Brock's Vulpix are captured. Ash and Squirtle run from the black Pokéballs for a while, including stupidly climbing up the spiral staircase thingy Mewtwo descended from, but a barrage of them captures Squirtle.*
Ash: Oh well. It was a good run while it lasted. *shrugs* *Slips and falls off of the staircase* AY CRAP!!! *manages to grab onto Squirtle's ball, and falls into the fountain at the bottom, surprisingly not killing her or even severely wounding her.* *climbs out of the fountain* Great, now I'm all wet... *Pokéball in her hand takes off for one of the holes in the floor, and she is dragged along with it and down the tunnel that leads into the cloning room.*
Team Rocket: *inside of the cloning room* There goes...Alakazam!
ArtikGato: Can I please point out the considerable number of things wrong with this statement? First of all, a picture of a SCYTHER, which is NOT an Alakazam, is on the screen when they say this. Scyther is a Bug type, and doesn't look even slightly like Alakazam, a Psychic type. Anyone who is not high on some crazy shit or extremely braindead can understand this. Second of all, I didn't see an Alakazam ANYWHERE in this movie. Just thought I'd say that.
Team Rocket: Are you DONE?!
ArtikGato: Yeah, I think so.
Team Rocket: ...Dewgong! Vileplume! Sandshrew! Ni-
ArtikGato: And descending into the tube? A SandSLASH, NOT a SandSHREW.
Team Rocket: SHUT UP!!!
*Ash lands on the conveyor belt and stumbles around dizzily, before falling into the mouth of the machine and getting probed at by random metal...things.*
Ash: OWW!! CRAPPIN' MACHINE!! THAT HURTS!!! *bites the random metal...things...and the machine randomly combusts, fortunately not hurting Ash, who is just thrown out of the machine and against a random wall.*
Squirtle: *appears from the Pokéball along with the other Pokémon.* Well, that was special.
*the clones start to "hatch" at this point.*
Raichu: Dude, I am SO not doing that again.
Clone Raichu: You are inferior.
Raichu: YOU WANNA SAY THAT AGAIN, FAKE?!
Ash: NO FIGHTING!!! ...yet. Damn, did I just say no fighting?! Crappin' script!
Haunter: *swirly eyes* Gaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh.....
Mewtwo: *back in the other room* You, mere mortals, have served your purpose. Time to die... MORTAL KOMBAT STYLE!!!
Ash: HEEEEEYYYYY!!! NO ONE BUT ME AND THE AUTHORESS CAN KILL OR THREATEN TO KILL SOMEONE MORTAL KOMBAT STYLE!!
Mewtwo: *raspberry* Well, I just did! And I did it a couple of times before! So HA!!!
Mewtwo: Make me.
Ash: OH I MOST CERTAINLY WILL, KITTY CAT!
Mewtwo: BRING IT ON, HUMAN!
Ash: *rushes madly at Mewtwo to try for one more bitch-slap, but Mewtwo sends her back towards a bunch of spikes coming out of the wall/ceiling a hundred feet in the air. But Ash suddenly stops, hitting a pink bubble and bouncing back onto it. Mew suddenly floats up.*
Mew: *pops the bubble and sends Ash tumbling onto a ledge a few feet below. Mew giggles cutely and bounces around on another pink bubble hyperly, only to go flying as the bubble is destroyed by a dark energy ball.*
Ash: *screaming many profane curses at Mew, who ignores them.*
Mewtwo: Mew, I was cloned from you. You are sickeningly hyper and I hate you. Let's settle this with a gruesome aerial battle of...MORTAL KOMBAT!!!
Ash: *swears loudly in many languages*
Mew: Dude, dude! I've got a better idea! Let's let the clones and the originals fight to the death but without their special powers! Makes for an interesting MORTAL KOMBAT, ne?
Mewtwo: I am truly your clone. I like the way you think! But I'll still have to kill you.
*And so, the gruesome and sad fight scene ensues when the Pokémon and their equally-matched clones fight to the death with physical attacks. Mewtwo and Mew form blue and pink energy balls around them and slam into eachother for no apparent reason.*
Misty: And now for the message of the entire movie: Fighting is wrong!
Meowth: And another message for the kiddies: We all live on the same Earth! Differences like how you were born, strength, and *coughskincolorcough* shouldn't make a difference!
Ash: And yet another important message: jumping from high places onto hard stone is NOT a good idea, kiddies!
ArtikGato: And here is my favorite scene from the actual movie! Clone Pikachu is bitch-slapping Ash's retarded Pikachu! Wooh!!
Joy: I wish there was some way to stop all of this fighting!
Brock: They look like they'll keep fighting to the death!
Misty: Duh, that's the point of MORTAL KOMBAT!!
Miaka: Someone please stop this!
Ash: *runs out into the middle of the battle field, right into the place where Mewtwo and Mew's energy attacks are going to hit* STOP!!
Misty: Gah! Idiot! Not like that!! Great, now she's gone and killed herself!
Brock: Such a waste. In a few years she would have been cute!
Mewtwo: Fool! Trying to stop the battle!
Ash: Whoa! I see myself! Hey, why the heck am I stone?! What the *beep* is *beeping* wrong with this *beeping* cartoon?!
Pokémon Obsessed People IT'S NOT A CARTOON!! IT IS ANIME!! THERE IS A DIFFERENCE!
ArtikGato: Oh...shut up. *they randomly explode*
Film People: Umm...what now?
ArtikGato: I guess we cut some onions and make all of the Pokémon cry.
*and so they do that, and all of the Pokémon cry and Ash is revived.*
Ash: Ay, crap! Was I revived by Pokémon Tears?! I'd rather have stayed dead!!
Misty: She's right, that has got to be the STUPIDEST thing I've ever seen!
Brock: *sniff sniff*
Misty: Cry baby...
Mewtwo: The mortal sacrificed herself to stop the battle. That was pretty stupid of her. She must be on something. Something good...I need to find out what. Hmmm...come to think of it, can I get high? I must find out. Ah! A new purpose in life! Oh, and, umm...the moral of the story! She sacrificed herself to save the Pokémon. I pitted them against eachother, but not until they set aside their powers did I see the true power they all share. That and my cloning process forgot to factor in the fact that I needed a boost in PHYSICAL power too! Grr...
Mew: *rolls eyes* Mew!
Mewtwo: Okay, okay! Warning, this next sentence will contain big words, philosophy, and a cliché moral: *clears throat* The circumstances of one's birth are irrelevant, it is what you do with the gift of life that determines who you are. And stuff. Okay, now I'm gonna take the clones and fly off dramatically with them.
Misty: Mewtwo, where are you going?
Mewtwo: To find a stiff drink! Oh, and to find my purpose in life. And I'm gonna erase your memories since I feel sorry for you. Bye!
*Everyone's cluelessly back at the wharf.*
Miaka: Why am I getting deja-vous?
Why are my clothes wet?
Junpei: I'm hungry.
Ash: Why are we at the wharf?
Misty: You don't suppose some big purple psycho kitty transported us here?
Brock and Ash: ...yeah right.
Ash: *sees Mew* Dewd!! A flying pink kitty!
Brock: I think you've lost it.
Narrator #3: Many strange-
ArtikGato: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!! WHERE DO YOU NARRATORS KEEP COMING FROM?! *destroys Narrator #3 in a gruesome-- and, sadly, the last --MORTAL KOMBAT!!
Team Rocket: We're stranded on an island. Uncool.
*cue the random songs and the pictures in the background with the credits! Yes, finally, it's over!*
ArtikGato: Hope you liked it!