Freddy vs. Fanfiction

Ok. This is my first "Nightmare on Elm Street" fiction. And yes it is humor. I realize that some things in this story may not make that much sense, such as the fact that Freddy owns a computer (Hey, you never know) and the fact that it's possessed.

Also, if you review, please don't flame. It's extremely rude, and gets nothing accomplished. Constructive Criticism is, of course, always welcome and appriciated.

Other than that, I don't own any of this. (Except the idea) All characters belongs to Wes Craven and other people I don't know. Enjoy!


Cackling manically into the night air, the notorious mass child murderer known as Freddy Krueger made his way to his "house" in the dream world. Fresh from a recent slaughter of a 15 year old, he smiled sinisterly as he came upon the replica of his real life home, 1428 Elm Street.

His hearing rejoiced upon the familiarity of the creak of the door as it opened and he went in. His thoughts turned to his home back in reality, and again he grinned, as last he checked it had been unoccupied, thanks to his legend. He then pondered over the strangeness of that night.

Hardly anyone had been asleep, and it made him reminiscence to the period when he was "forgotten" about. He shivered. He hoped he'd never be in that situation again. He didn't even want to think of Jason; and the mess he had made. Ok, so it had been entirely his doing. What did it matter? At least he had the balls to plan something as evil as taking over another mass murderer.

But that was not the point. The dream world had been empty, an oddity unheard of since that era. Then again, it was New Years Eve, so the lack of dreams wasn't all THAT surprising. So he had been left to wander aimlessly around...nothingness. And man had he been bored.

He struck lucky with one girl, a teenager who, oddly enough, had fallen asleep reading. (Something I myself do all the time ;P) It had struck him as odd, seeing as today's generation had many new ways to entertain themselves; more than he ever had.

Other than that, that was his only satisfaction that night. He sighed to himself as he logged onto the computer. Pop-Ups, instantaneously, began to clog his monitor screen. "F*&%$ Dammit." He muttered in annoyance, shaking his bladed gloves at the screen.

"Enlarge your breasts? What the hell?" He scanned one screen to another, occasionally grinning at the...more graphic ones. He surfed one site to another, always finding something to complain about. Grrr...what the hell was it with that damned Pirate movie? He wondered as he came across the 50 thousandth site advertising the newly released DVD.

That one in the middle looks waaaay too familiar. Kinda like the older version of that kid I killed by sucking him through the bed. He pondered some more. The young chick caught and held his attention, though. He smirked. Wonder what she'd be like in bed? (All males think alike. And Freddy, being the pedophile that he is, is no exception)

Eventually, he became so bored, he went to a site he had observed thousands of teens visiting: Straight forward, he went right to Movies and clicked upon "Nightmare on Elm Street".

His grin faded into a frown as he silently read the titles and summaries. What the hell? Since when did he go to group therapy sessions with other horror peers? (I don't mean to insult any author writing this. This is just what I think Freddy would think of certain types of stories) Just as that thought crossed his twisted mind, he found himself fading from the computer.

He looked around to see that he was in one of those church basements where they held AA meetings. He shuddered. Church to him was like garlic to a vampire; fatally ill. He realized, as he glanced around, that he was not alone. He found himself in the company of Jason Vorhees, Leatherface, Micheal Myers, and Chuckie.

He was curious as to why there weren't any female villains around; he knew plenty that were just as infamous as him. (Though he was STILL number 1 ;p) Entering through a side door came one creepy looking chick. Or was it a guy? Freddy had no clue as he stared at the muscular figure with the shortened hair, wearing a dress. (It seems to me that the "shrinks" or "doctors" in these stores are sometimes just as insane as the characters, if not more.)

"Welcome." He (definitely a he, by the rich timbre of his voice) greeted them all. "Come on Freddy, take a seat, join us." he coaxed in a hypnotizing way. As much as he did not want to be there, he figured, What the F*&^%? His first fatal mistake. (Bing! Point for Freddy!)

"Please, tell us more about you." The doctor, whose name happened to be Dr. Goodwin, gestured. "Well, my name's Freddy." He started off rather hesitantly. "Hi Freddy." The rest of the group replied in a monotone unison. Dear Satan. Freddy thought, knowing it was going to be a long, long, night. "And.." Dr. Goodwin motioned for him to go on.

"And I've been the cause of countless deaths." He continued awkwardly. "Right then..." The doctor droned on, but Freddy wasn't one to pay attention. He felt the eyes of someone on him, and turned to see Jason staring at him heatedly (No, there isn't slash. Yet. ^_~).

I wonder if he finally got the brains to get pissed off...Freddy smirked. A split second later, Jason's eyes returned to their normal state of ignorant bliss. Then became angry again. Freddy was a little unnerved . That kid has some serious ADD issues...

"Mr. Kruger?" The doctor interrupted his train of thought. "Hm?" The demon looked up. "Please pay attention!" It reminded Freddy of one of his old school teachers, and he groaned inwardly at the connection. As he was forced to listen to the rest of them, it suddenly dawned him he could just get up and leave. And never come back. (He's a little...slow today. ^_~)

And so he tried to leave, but found he couldn't move a muscle. What the f&%#$!?! He thought, confused. Poor Freddy had yet to realize he had no control over a fanfiction, or what being a fanfiction victim truly meant. Until now.