Chapter Five...and we're moving right along. (pause) Yes, we're getting to Titanic. Enter That Ship With the Stupid Name, a temper tantrum throwing green monster, a psychopathic killer with eight adamantium claws, and a mutant with six more and a very bad attitude. (pause) Oh yes, and a few people who are just dying to get their hands on some really stylish Naval Uniform coats. (grin)

Time for some nice Vitamin L, and I'll get right to the typing.

CHAPTER FIVE "LEFTENANT, RIGHTENANT, WRONGTENANT, MIDDLETENANT"

On the docks, Becca, Silver, Emmy, and Mid stood behind Norrington and the other officers. The group didn't notice them until they spoke up, also watching the new ship.

"What's that again?" Silver asked, looking confused.

"Indefatigable." Mullroy informed her.

Silver frowned, trying to say the name. "Indy.....um....Inde...."

"I've got it!" Becca shouted, triumphantly. "Indy.....fat.....igable."

Next to her, Murtogg started choking again.

Norrington rolled his eyes, knowing the group was obviously part of the visitor's group. "Why don't you just call it the Indy?" He suggested.

Silver's eyes widened. "Indy?!" She exclaimed. "AAAAAAHHHHH, THE INDIANS ARE COMING!!!!!"

The others started screaming as well, and Norrington was forced to cover his ears at the shriek.

"NOOOOO THE INDIANS ARE COMING!!!!" Emmy shrieked, panicking.

"Quick! Put your scalp in your pocket!" Mid cried, yanking the wig off of Murtogg's head and stuffing it in the front of his coat. "Run for your lives!!!!!"

With this, the group ran off down the docks screaming.

Norrington stared at Murtogg for a second, then he turned away quickly biting his lip, trying not to burst out laughing. That last was very unexpected, and surprisingly very amusing.

Elizabeth, looking over her husband's shoulder as he was kneeling in front of her, stared at Norrington. She herself was laughing so hard her side was starting to hurt, and that last comment had been nothing short of hysterical.

Mullroy was not even making an effort to hide his laughter. He was nearly sliding down a post, with tears streaking his face.

Norrington swallowed, recovering his composure before he turned back around to face his men. "When that ship gets in, let me know immediately." He ordered Mullroy. "I have to change clothes. Mr. Turner."

Will looked up at him. "Sir?"

"Get Elizabeth out of here and find somewhere safe for her until we can figure out this mess." He told the blacksmith, before he headed toward the fort.

Elizabeth gave a unladylike snort. "If you think you're putting me away, and not letting me help, Will, you've got another thing coming." She stated, looking him in the eye. "I will not be locked away while you and everyone else--"

"Elizabeth, look at yourself!" Will argued. "What can you possibly do?!"

"I can help!" She insisted.

"Sure she can." A man spoke up behind Will.

Will jumped and turned to see the man with the white blond hair dressed in the Naval uniform. "Who are you?"

The man gave a wicked grin. "Julian." He replied. "I was looking for Cassi. Have you seen her?"

"Who?" Mullroy asked, frowning.

"You can't possibly miss her." Julian informed them. "About this tall, strange clothes, tattoo, lip ring, and a skunk stripe in her hair."

"That way." Will answered, remembering the woman who'd been talking into the box. Then he frowned. They had mentioned the name Julian, he mused. "You're the one who brought that ship here." He spoke up, quietly. "It was you she was talking to then."

Julian arched a dark eyebrow. "You heard that, did you?" He asked, impressed. "Congradulations. Yes, I'm the demon who brought the ship here."

"You're a demon?" Elizabeth retorted, rolling her eyes.

Julian gave a sinister grin. "Wouldn't you like to know?" He smirked, walking off in the direction Will had pointed. "Oh," he went on. "If you see Sven, she's the one with the cat, tell her that her contact mentioned her large green monster is on his way."

After he walked away, the pair exchanged a glance, and looked up at the two officers that stood next to them. "I don't think that sounded very good." Elizabeth commented, shaking her head.

Will frowned. "I wonder if it has anything to do with that singing green horse." He mused, in thought.

Murtogg stared. "What singing green horse?"


Warning: Warning Signs ahead. Proceed with caution.


Dot's Poetry Corner:

There was an old woman who lived in a shoe.

And boy, did it stink in there.

The End


On the 'Indy-fat-igable,' Captain Pellew was looking through his spyglass, eyeing the goings on at the dock." He shook his head, and gave a strange look.

"What is it, Captain?" Mr. Bracegirdle asked, frowning.

"Well, our visitor has already reached the docks and walked off into the town." The Captain replied, sounding relieved that the man was no longer on the ship. "And I think I just saw four young women start screaming and run away."

"Screaming, sir?" Kennedy inquired, raising his eyebrows. "Did you happen to see why?"

Captain Pellew shook his head. "No, I did not." He replied, still a bit confused. "They didn't look as if they were from anywhere around here."

Down on the lower decks, Hornblower was helping to get his men ready to go ashore when Matthews suddenly tapped him on the shoulder. "Sir, I think you ought'a come look a' this." He remarked, looking as if he were going to start laughing at any second.

Horatio frowned, and followed Matthews. His eyes widened at the sight of the dead pirates hanging in the harbor. Ordinarily, this would not phase him. It was what was draped all over them that made him stare. They seemed to have long strips of paper hanging all over them, and there was a sign that read something he could not quite make out. He squinted, trying to read the sign, then he blinked. "'Trespassers will be persecuted, survivors will be eaten. Come right on in. Ask for Steve.'" He read.

Archie, who had walked up behind him to relay a message from the Captain, stared at the sign. "What's that hanging off of them?" He asked, causing both Hornblower and Matthews to jump.

"Can't you warn a person before you sneak up on them?" Horatio demanded, shaking his head. "And I have no idea what it is. It looks like some kind of paper." (they didn't have toilet paper back then...ew)

Archie moved closer to the rail and looked down, squinting to read yet another sign that had somehow been placed above the water, and seemed to be floating in the air. It was blinking on and off. "Port Royal: Population undetermined right now. Wait until we get finished killing people." He read, causing more worried faces.

"I don't even think I want to know about that one." Horatio murmured.

"Another one, sir." Styles cut in, pointing.

"'Parking in the red zone is for pirate ships only. Do not park your ship here. You will be given a ticket.'" Archie read out loud. "What's a red zone?"

"I haven't the slightest idea." Hornblower remarked, shaking his head. "But there's another one."

"'In my attempt to kill a fly, I ran into a telephone pole.'" Styles read, trying to hold back laughter. "Wha's a telephone pole?"

"'See the One Ring. Five pounds.'" Archie read, pointing at another one. "'Touch the One Ring. Ten Pounds.'" He paused, thinking about this. "I don't know what the One Ring is, but I don't think I can afford to see it let alone touch it."

Most of the crew that was looking over the side, reading the various signs, were now desperately trying not to laugh out loud, and choking on their hands.

"What is going on here?!" Captain Pellew demanded, walking up behind them.

"Eh . . . we were reading. . " Hornblower began, motioning over the side at the signs.

"'Wanted: New actors and officers. No intelligence required. Apply at the dock.'" Archie read out loud, biting his lip.

Pellew stared, speechless. "Where did those come from?" He asked, quietly.

"I have not the slightest idea, sir." Hornblower answered, shrugging. "We just happened to see them there."

"Another one, sir!" Matthews called, pointing. "'Pira'e Ship ahead. Do no' board. Curren' crew eats people.'"

"I expect that would be the ship our uninvited guest was referring to." Captain Pellew commented, scratching his chin, then he stared, seeing the name on the back. "That is the Black Pearl." He mused in awe.

The crew, having heard of the notorious ship, all gave gasps of shock.

"Should we fire on it, sir?" Kennedy asked, quietly, remembering the warning Julian had given them in reguards to the ship, however, the Black Pearl was well known as a dangerous enemy ship.

"Tha' said th' crew eats people." Styles pointed out. "And that demon mentioned we were no' te go near i' or we would not like the consequences."

"I heard him." The Captain snapped, still watching the ship. "Do you see any crew on her?"

Hornblower, looking through the spyglass, gave a report. "She's flying a white flag, sir." He informed them, then his mouth dropped as he saw the creature in the Captain's hat at the wheel. "What in God's name is that?!" He managed to get out.

Captain Pellew moved him over and looked through his own spyglass, spotting the creature, and gave an equally shocked stare. "I'm not sure." He whispered. "But there are more of them there."

"What do we do, sir?" Kennedy asked, as he saw the monsters on the black ship.

"No one goes near that ship." Pellew ordered the crew. "Don't fire on it, and for God's sake, don't board it."

"Good idea, sir." Mr. Bowles put in shaking his head.

"Ready the men." The Captain went on. "We're going ashore. Mr. Bracegirdle will remain on the ship. I want that pirate ship watched."

"Aye aye, sir." Mr. Bowles replied, saluting and heading up to relay the order.

"Do you see anymore of those signs?" Pellew asked Kennedy and Hornblower, who were still looking over the side.

"Just one." Answered Kennedy. "It says, 'Beware of the Jigglypuff,' whatever that is."

"Sir!" Mr. Bowles called from the helm. "There's a few more of those signs over here, and I don't think this looks very good."

The group ran over to the other side of the ship to read the new series of signs.

"One two, we're coming for you. . ." Archie read.

"Three four, you can lock your door, but that won't save you. We can pick locks." Captain Pellew read.

"Five six, grab your crucifix. Give me a break, we're Jewish." Matthews read.

"Seven eight, you can stay up late, but we have insomnia and that won't save you either." Hornblower read, frowning.

"Nine Ten, we'll be back again." Styles finished. "Tha' don' sound very good, sir." (these last signs are for Archie as he'll be acting for us soon)

Hornblower frowned, considering it. "They're playing with us." He stated, realizing what was going on. "Trying to get to us."

Pellew nodded, realizing his leftenant was right. "We'll anchor near the Dauntless." He decided. "Get the boats ready to go ashore."

"Aye, sir." The crew answered, in unison, before they got to work.


Moment of Happiness # 7,859,323,495,826,346,545,945,832,904,395,893,209 and a third

ARDETH: How do you know they're all female? Do you go out and pull up the dinosaur's skirts?

NICK: Get fresh with my wife, and I'll maul you to death and eat you.

RUFIO: No thanks. I'm not checkin'. Anyway, we control their chromosomes. All embreyos are female to start with, they just require a certain hormone given at the right time to make them male. We simply deny them that.

NICK: (holding the baby) It's a BOY!!!!

ARDETH: (to Logan) Well, I'm convinced.

PETE: The chef's prepared a delightful meal for us. Chili and Sea bass, I believe. Shall we?

ARDETH: I'd rather have what the raptors are eating.

The End. (Jurassic Spoof By Cassi & Sven #17 Season 3)


Meanwhile, as all this was going on near the docks, a different scene was going on at one of the saloons. Minutes before, there had been the noise of a rather large fight and several screams, that made most people try to avoid the place. The pair that was walking out of the saloon was a most unusual one.

Both men, wearing neat fedora hats, were picking their teeth with what appeared to be metal claws. Their clothes were covered in holes as if they'd been shot at, but their bodies revealed no such damage.

"That was great." Logan murmured, retracting his claws. "These people really know how to have a bar fight."

Freddy grinned, retracting his own claws. "Definitely loads of fun." He agreed. "We should find Dor to make the food and drinks scream next time. It's always more fun that way."

Logan nodded. "I wonder if they have another bar around here." He went on.

Freddy shrugged. "We can easily find out." He replied, adjusting his black shirt, that was now littered with about five bullet holes. "We'll have to stop going places dressed like this. This was my new shirt."

"Tell me about it." Logan retorted, holding out the sleeve of his jacket. "I just had this fixed after the last bar fight."

Freddy shook his head. "You'd think they'd be considerate of a man's clothing." He muttered. "Some clothing ain't cheap for pity's sake. Wait until they fall asleep. I'll show them a thing or two."

Logan stopped short, sniffing the air. "No, she didn't." He remarked, looking around.

"Didn't what?" Freddy asked, confused.

Logan sniffed again. "She did." He grumbled.

"Did what?" Freddy prompted.

"Banner." Logan groaned under his breath. "She brought him to Port Royal."

"Banner who?" Freddy demanded, still not knowing what his friend was talking about.

"Bruce Banner." Logan grumbled. "She's brought in the flammin' Hulk!"

Freddy raised an eyebrow. "The Hulk?" He replied, looking interested. "Well, we were looking for a fight."

Logan sniffed again. "That ain't all." He went on. "I think they brought that nemisis of yours, too."

Freddy's eyes narrowed. "You're not saying they brought in that Mama's boy, Hockey Puck, Jason, are you?"

Logan sniffed, turning another direction. "Yep." He replied, following the scent.

Freddy glared, and quickly ran off after Logan. Obviously someone was wanting to have a big fight.


Warning: Beware of the Orphie Pest.


Warning: Don't say we didn't warn you.


At the docks, Cassi and Sven stood back, watching the boats make their way to shore. "Send Leon, Marcus, Kenny, Petey, Rosa, Sluth, Nick, and Sara to That Ship With the Stupid Name." Cassi ordered Julian, who was beside her. "I believe Steve's command is on the Pearl."

Julian nodded. "As far as I know." He replied. "I saw Denny at the wheel again. What do you want them to do with the crew that stayed behind?"

"As long as they don't eat them, there's no objections." Sven told him. "We can bring them back later."

"Aye aye, Ma'am!" Julian complied, giving a salute, and walking off to get Nick.

"I think he was in the Navy too long." Sven commented to Cassi.

"Yep."

As the three boats reached the docks, Norrington was back, hastily bottoning his vest. He was not wearing his coat, as it was sure to be taken again, and he'd only had one left. Unfortunately, he was also without his wig as he'd only had the one. His current state of appearence would have to do.

Sighing, he walked over to the dock, giving a smile as he recognized Captain Pellew, who was getting out of the boat. "Captain Pellew." Norrington spoke up, giving a nod. "I haven't the slightest idea as to what you're doing here, but we are certainly glad to have the extra hands."

"So we've already been told." Captain Pellew responded, waiting for his men to exit the boats. "We had a rather uninvited guest on the ship, who brought us here."

Norrington nodded. "I should be surprised at that, but after what I've seen here, I'm not surprised in the least." He remarked, eyeing the officers.

"Ah, forgive me." Pellew replied, remembering most his men had never met the Commodore. "May I present Leftenates Bowles, McMasters, and Hornblower. Acting Leftanant Mr. Kennedy, Midshipmen Cleveland, James, and Cutter, and the rest of the crew. We've left a few others on the ship to keep an eye on that Pirate Ship."

Norrington nodded, looking annoyed. "Yes, I've already been told I was not to be going near it." He admitted, looking disappointed.

"We recieved the same warning, sir." Captain Pellew informed him. "I believe the men found a few signs reguarding it."

"If he's the leftenant, who's the rightenant?" A voice asked, loudly from the dock.

The group turned to stare at the two young women standing on the end of the dock. It was the ones with the strange hair, and the man, Julian was standing behind them, still in uniform.

"While we're at it, what about the wrongtenant?" The one with the cat on her shoulder --Sven--went on.

"Is there a middletenant?" The one with the black and white hair --Cassi-- inquired, walking over the line of Officers, where she stood, eyeing Hornblower and Kennedy. "Nice shoes." She commented to Hornblower. "Do you have the matching purse?"

Kennedy started choking, and Mr. Bowles leaned over to whack him on the back, while Hornblower simply stared at her in shock. He wasn't sure if it were her comment or her appearence that was more distracting.

"Who is this woman?" Captain Pellew demanded, glaring at her.

"We're insane." Sven informed him. "Shh, don't tell."

Cassi walked around Hornblower, surveying his clothing and seemingly making him nervous, as he watched her. Finally she came back around in front of him. "Nice coat." She commented.

Norrington, knowing what was coming, opened his mouth to protest, but was quickly silenced when Julian appeared beside him, holding a gun to his head. "Go ahead, make my day." The Shadowman sneered.

"He's got a really nice coat too." Sven added, looking Kennedy's coat over.

As Sven circled Kennedy, the cat leapt off her shoulder, and onto Kennedy's digging her claws into the back of his neck.

Kennedy jumped and yelped, trying to get the cat off, but the cat hung onto the coat with her claws, and purred in his ear.

"Aww, she likes him." Sven remarked, looking impressed.

Hornblower eyed the blood on his friend's neck and winced. "If that's how she reacts to the people she likes, I'd hate to see the ones she hates." He commented before he could stop himself.

"Be afraid." Cassi retorted. "Besides, that's nothing. She only got him twice. We have permanent scars from her. . . amongst others."

"Not to be rude, but can someone get this off now?" Kennedy asked, wiping blood off his neck.

The cat instantly snarled, and growled before smacking Archie across the face, leaving three more scratches on his cheekbone before leaping over to Hornblower's shoulder, also digging her claws into his neck, while yanking on his hair as if it were a cat toy.

At this, the other officers quickly stepped away for fear the cat would jump them next, while Pellew watched his leftenant fight the cat off his hair with an amused look. The cat was still jerking on his ponytail with a mischievious look, using both teeth and claws.

"Tiny found a new cat toy." Cassi murmured, pointedly. "Good looking one too."

"This is Orphie Pest." Sven intruduced, petting the cat, who snarled at being interrupted with her newfound toy, before she returned to jerking on the leftenant's hair.

"Your pest is killing plants." Julian commented.

"Yeah, she does that." Sven answered, unphased.

Hornblower, with Archie's help, was trying to disengage the cat from his hair, as she clung to his neck. As Archie pulled her free of the hair, the cat let out another snarling growl and gave Hornblower a smack in the ear, resulting in another scratch.

Sven retrieved the cat from Archie as his friend wiped the blood off the side of his neck and ear.

Cassi's eyes widened. "Argh!!!! What are you doing?!" She cried in horror. "You'll get blood all over the coat!!" She gave Hornblower a brief brainduster, before walking around to look him in the eye. "I like your coat."

Unsure, he stepped back.

"Can I have it?" She asked sweetly.

Captain Pellew stared at her as Norrington groaned.

"No, you can't have it!" Hornblower responded, indignately.

"Oh....okay." Cassi answered. "I guess we'll have to mug you for it then. And if you don't believe me, ask Mr. Norrington over there. Lucy got his coat, and I didn't get one."

Hornblower looked her in the eye evenly. "No."

"I'll shoot you for it." Cassi offered.

"Captain Pellew." Norrington whispered under his breath. "I don't know who they are, but they will shoot him for that coat."

"Mr. Hornblower." Captain Pellew cut in, walking over. "Take off your coat."

He stared at the Captain, aghast. "But sir. . ." The leftenant protested.

Cassi gave an evil grin. "Rob?" She spoke up.

"Over here." Came the response.

The officers on the docks turned to see a man holding what appeared to be a rather large gun. In fact, it almost looked to be a cannon.

"The coats, or we blow your ship up." Sven warned.

Pellew frowned. "You can hit the ship from here?!" He asked, before he could stop himself.

The one called Rob grinned. "This is a rocket launcher. From here I can blow your ship sky high, and take the Dauntless with it." He informed them.

"Now, I believe you were going to give us your coats." Cassi remarked looking at Hornblower. "So cough it up, Mr. Horror Show."

"Can I have the Captain's?" A voice spoke up from the end of the docks, and Becca came forward, eyeing Captain Pellew's coat.

Reluctantly keeping his eye on Rob, Hornblower slowly shed his coat, and handed it to Cassi, who tried it on.

Cassi straightened herself out, and turned around. "I like it." She mused, then turned back to the leftenant. "Don't take it so hard. You look really cute without it." She paused, before yanking the hat off his head and throwing it in the water. "And lose the hat. It makes you look like a total dork."

Sven gave Archie a pointed look, and he too, removed his coat, handing it to her. "Here, hold this." She told him, handing him the leash attached to the cat, and setting a large bag on the dock.

Archie yelped again as the cat leapt back onto his shoulder and settled down, after giving his hair a satisfied yank.

After Sven had the coat on, she picked the bag back up, and pulled her pest off Archie's back, causing the cat to once again snarl at being moved, although this time, she did not smack him. "You should put some alcohol on those." She suggested to the two men. "She actually uses the catbox, so I know where her claws have been."

In front of Pellew, Becca cleared her thoat loudly.

He eyed her then turned to look at the man with the 'rocket launcher', before he slowly took off his coat and handed it to her.

"Thank you." She replied, walking off.

"Just be fortunate she didn't decide to poke you to death." Cassi quipped, starting to walk off.

"Eh, Cassi?" Sven called out. "There was that one last thing we wanted to do."

"Oh right." Cassi replied, pulling out a small pistol. "Shall we?"

"Defintely." Sven agreed, pulling out her own. "Smile, boys."

Pellew stared in horror as they aimed the pistols at Hornblower and Kennedy and fired. The two officers dropped to the dock as the streams of water hit them in the chest, and before anyone could figure out what had happened, they were faced with two children in Naval uniforms, laying on the deck in shock.

The rest of the crew jumped back, in surprise.

"Aww, they're so cute!" Cassi exclaimed. "Look at how cute they are!"

"Can we keep them?" Sven asked, eagerly.

"No." The one called Rob answered in a flat tone. "We need to get going now."

"Why?" Becca demanded, disappointed.

"Because there's something we need to discuss." Rob responded, giving Cassi and Sven an annoyed look.

"Like what?" Sven remarked, indignately. "We didn't do anything."

"Jason." Rob stated, through narrowed eyes. "And that green monster you've brought here as well."

Sven gave a guilty look. "We were going to have them changed so they didn't cause too much damage." She defended.

"What are they talking about?" Pellew asked Norrington, who shrugged, looking confused.

"Something I have yet to see." The Commodore answered, as the group walked away, arguing.

"Not to be a burden, but what are we supposed to do with Mr. Hornblower and Mr. Kennedy?" Mr. Bowles asked, pointedly. "They can't fight like this."

The two children on the dock exchanged a look. What did he mean by that? They could see in each other's faces that they still at least had the brains of adults, and neither of them was about to be pulled out of a battle because of this.

"What are you complaining about?" Julian retorted, with a snort. "The Pirates are all five year olds anyway. It isn't even a fair fight unless we change the officers as well. Think about it. As you are, you may as well surrender now."

"And what would you know about this?" Pellew demanded.

Julian snickered. "We've done this before." He told them all. "And last time, the five year olds were confined but all escaped, and they all won the battle. See, they're not stupid. They have all the brain compacity they had as adults, and yet they can get where you can't. I would say that this gives them the upper hand, wouldn't you?"

The Captain frowned and looked down at the two children on the dock, who looked up at him. He could easily see they knew exactly what was going on, and exactly who they were. He could also see that neither of them were about to be taken out of the battle. "Leave them alone." He ordered Mr. Bowles.

"But sir, what if they get hurt?" Mr. Cleveland asked, surprised at the suggestion.

"You heard him, Mr. Cleveland." Captain Pellew put in, watching Julian walk off. "The pirates are all children."

"So we're taking orders from children?" Styles asked, looking indignate.

The Captain and Norrington exchanged an amused look. "Indeed." Pellew answered. "Mr. Hornblower and Mr. Kennedy, take your men into the town and see what you can find out. If we can't fix it, we may as well take advantage of it."

Kennedy and Hornblower flushed red, and looked at each other, wishing they could crawl under the dock and hide.

"Mr. Hornblower!" Pellew shouted, making them jump. "I gave you an order!"

"Aye aye sir." He replied in a nervous childlike voice, that made his men snicker and himself and Archie cringe. Not wanting to speak anymore orders, he motioned for the men to follow, as he and Archie scampered off.

Pellew grinned, and he and Norrington started laughing, causing the other officers still on the docks to burst out laughing as well.

"I must admit, I rather enjoyed that." Pellew murmured, as the children lead the men out of their view.

"Glad to know that." A small girl spoke up from behind them.

The officers whirled to see the little blonde girl. She gave a wicked grin.

"Since you're laughing already, you'll really love this one." She replied, evily, walking over to the other officers, and looking up into Mr. Bowles' eyes. "Smile." She told him, snapping her fingers.

The next thing anyone knew, Mr Bowles, Mr. McMasters, Gillette, and anyone else within six feet of her was instantly wearing frilly pink dresses, and the girl dashed away.

Norrington, relieved that it was anyone but himself, burst out laughing, as Pellew and the officers stared in shock. "Well, at least it wasn't me this time." Norrington managed to get out between gasps.

Pellew turned his stare toward Norrington. "This time?!" He asked.

"You don't want to know." Norrington retorted, motioning for the men to follow him. "You can find some more uniforms in the fort, and we may want to get the men there before they draw a crowd of people."


Dot's Poetry Corner:

Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet

And what a big tuffet she had.

So if you're feeling insecure

Just stand next to her

And then you won't feel quite so bad.

The End.


Lucy grinned, triumphantly as she ran up to Captain Jack, who was now wearing the shrunken Commodore's coat. "How was that?" She asked, eagerly.

Jack grinned and returned the hug she gave him. "Tha' was beau'iful, luv." He praised her, laughing. "I think I've 'eard tha' Captain's name, an' I can' quite place i'." He went on, frowning. "'Owevah, lovely job on the Commodore, I must say."

Lucy grinned. She'd given him the Polaroid shot as soon as he'd found her, and he'd nearly died laughing so hard. "I thought it was." She agreed. "I told him you'd have it framed."

Jack grinned slyly. "Good idea." He remarked, grinning. "Now 'ow's about we go off and educate a few small Navy officers?"

"Right by your side." Lucy smirked, grinning, as the two took off.


End Chapter Five......

Rest assured the five year olds number WILL continue to grow, as we've got major plans to change the good Commodore as well as the Captain "Pillow".

(Pause) And he DOES look dorky in that hat! So there!

Reviwer Responses...and we have not done this yet for this spoof, so there will be quite a few here.

Destiny's Dragon: That was actually a last minute thought. (grin) But it made for a great way to get the ship all the way from England. Currently working on the Two Towers Spoof where Archie has been drafted to play Faramir. (have you seen them together?) We compared pix of the two of them and it's so close a match it was incredible. Anyone wanna see? Email us and we'll send them to you.

Becca: Hey, the French Drag Queen was not their leader! He was a real jerk they were forced to ferry around to France so he could go on his spree of beheading people. No, the Officers didn't like it, but had no choice bot to go along with it. The end result? The people of France chopped the French Drag Queen's head off with his own guillotine. (no I don't care if it's spelled wrong) For those curious, we're referring to the Hornblower movie "The Wrong War" which was actually previously called "Frogs and Lobsters" If you haven't seen these movies, FIND THEM!!! They are FABULOUS!!!! (check the library Becca, they may have them there) About the Drag Queen...that French guy was wearing so much make-up, he looked like a drag queen, and Becca's seen the pix, so she knows what we mean!

Kekelina: No problem! You're not quite into the spoof yet. We are getting there and you should be in by the next chapter. Carter and Ardeth are also more than likely already five as well, so do you wanna be? (grin)

About ER, that doesn't surprise us. That whole series went down the toilet about the time Romano lost his arm. We were reading a list of the top TV shows, and ER was not even on the list anymore. They mentioned that there was gonna be at least three more seasons, but I don't think they'll make it that long. Acc. to our sources, Alex Kingston (Lizzie) is also leaving the show because they felt she is "Too old". So they'll probably send her back to England, we're assuming. Unless they decide to kill her off too.....

Megeara Angela Nicole McGuire: Sorry about the very long delay! Hope you have not lost your interest in the story! We were having a very bad year, and a very bad case of Writers Block. But hopefully, the updates will start coming faster now.

Huinesoron: Are you still reading this? As I said, I know people get frustrated when there's long delays. Anyhow, we did apologize and hope to make up for the delays with loads of insanity.

rhapsody-child-of-the-sky: Where've you been? We really miss you around here. Is your new computer okay?

Prince Chameleon: Hey! I used to be a split personality! (Cassi) I had to get rid of it though, because it was bad for my health. Now I just write spoofs to get rid of excess insanity. Oooh, almighty FEATHER DUSTER!!! NO NOT THAT!!! We had the trusty CRAYON!!!

Lady Deb: Haven't heard from you in a while. However, we know you get busy. Hope you're enjoying this! Because there's more fun to be had!

I believe that's all of them! We decided it was easier to respond this way then making another chap at the end. seems to frown on Author's note chapters, so it was easier to just respond to the reviews as we get them!

Anyhow, give us more reviews. We must have more. We believe they could be made out of heroin.