Title:  Without You

Author:  Star

Rating:  PG-13

Dedication:  To Carla and Charisma, for not ramming stupid advice down my throat.

Feedback:  Hit me!  Go on!  I love it!

Disclaimer:  Disney et all owns 'em and I'll have 'em back before they even notice they're gone!

Distribution:  My site, Queertet.net  Anyone else:  Want.  Ask.  Take.  Have.  I'd be beyond thrilled.  By the way, I have a Ducks List, to join, go to my site and the sign-up box is on the first page.  I would give the direct url, but ff.net eats them.

Summary:  Connie and Guy angst again.  Doesn't follow any of my other C/G 1-shots, just read it if you want.  Guy's POV.

Notes 1:  If you think Guy's pain comes from my heart, you're so wrong.  That's fictional, it's the anger that's real.  This is unbeta'd, I want it to be raw and disjointed, if possible.  I don't want it to flow prettily.

Notes 2:  Kieran's new f**k is called Elizabeth, which almost amuses me, given that Estranged is my song.  Consequently, I have named a character Mayne.  Hardcore Gn'R fans will get it.  The title 'Without You' comes both from Estranged and the story of the same title by Del James.  I can direct you to the story if you want, but it bears no relevance to this story.

Notes 3:  The world and his wife knows that Connie is not my favourite Duck, however, if you read the books and think about the way Connie treated Guy in D3, it's plausible that she would cheat on him, or treat him like crap if she felt justified.  This isn't character bashing, this is progression from cannon.

I'll never find anyone to replace you

Guess I'll have to make it through

This time

Oh, this time

Without you

            Guns n' Roses, Estranged

            It's been one week since we broke up.  Or since our most recent break up, anyway.  Averman says the count is eleven now, and I'm too drained to do anything other than take his word for it.  The difference is that this one is forever.  We've broken up several times over the past few months, but this one is different.

            The difference is that Connie has someone new to love.  Not Dwayne, Dwayne may adore Connie, but he's got an amazing sense of loyalty, he would never steal her from me.  Although he's trying to win her now, from the new boyfriend.  Dwayne asked my permission first, which just shows that he's a decent guy.

            Connie's new love is called Mayne, which is just about the dumbest name I can think of.  Well, actually he's called James Mayne, but prefers to go by surname.  If you say it fast and you've almost got Germaine, which Averman pointed out, mentioning that at least it will make life easy for Connie, during the throes of passion, should she call out the wrong name there's a chance he won't notice.  Luis hastily stood on Averman's foot, and Charlie clouted him around the head for his tactlessness, while Adam changed the subject to our upcoming game against the Pumas.

            I laughed.  Then choked.  Then made a hasty exit.

            What makes life more difficult is that Mayne is my roommate.  I'm so pathetic that I've taken to showing up for hockey practice half an hour early, just so – should I need to cry – I can get myself together.  I can't cry in my room, because he'll know.  I can't cry on the shoulder of a Duck in case it gets back to her.

            I'm trying to act like I normally do, but it's hard, having Connie on the team.  I lose my head sometimes and can't help letting comments slip, "You look tired, Cons, Mayne keeping you up all night?" which make me feel so damned pathetic, she just gets angry in return.  She doesn't care any more.

            And what really annoys me is that I broke up with her twice in the past three months, and she begged me to come back.  She gave me a heavy guilt trip about how I was her first love, that there's no-one like me, and all that bull.  Against my better judgement, I went back to her.  But a couple of weeks ago, she started acting really secretive, and breaking dates with me.  She claimed she was studying with Jules, but the next day when I innocently teased Julie about keeping my girlfriend busy all night, she told me that she'd been out with Goldberg that night, and hadn't seen Connie until the morning.

            Then I realised that Mayne had been out all night too.  And it occurred to me that Connie was often in my room with Mayne, supposedly waiting for me to get back.  It also occurred to me that on most of these occasions I had already told her what time I would be back from this detention or that study group or where ever it was I had been.

            Even in a strict boarding school like Eden Hall, there are places to go if you want to be alone with someone.  Disused rooms, the attic in the second dorm block, the woods on the north side of the school, the lake… there's a myriad of places to go.  And teachers aren't that bored that they patrol them in the hopes of giving out detentions.

            It's not the first time she's cheated on me.  Last year she dumped me for some guy named Sean.  It didn't last long, she came back to me within a month.  I later heard that as soon as she slept with him, he lost interest.  He just wanted to see if he could break up the 'cutest couple in Eden Hall'.

            That was different though, at that time I hated him for being such a bastard.  Part of me resented Connie, but it was Sean that my hatred was directed at.

            This time I hate her.  I really do.  Because she keeps doing this.  Cheating.  She's always been a flirt, and I feel sick that she's kept tagging me along for security, but all the while on the lookout for a new and better boyfriend.  She begged me to stay with her only a month ago, saying that she loved me more than anyone in the world, that she needed me, that there was no-one for her but me.  Maybe that was true at the time, she says this thing with Mayne is very new – but I know the idea has been building in her mind for at least a few months at least, because that's how long they've been 'accidentally' hanging out while 'waiting for me'.

            So I draw my own conclusions, because Connie would never admit it.  To admit it would be to accept blame, and Connie could never do that.  It would always be my fault.  And I was moronic enough to accept blame all those other times.  It gets me riled up just thinking about all those times I apologised to her for being inattentive or being late for dates, when all the time – for our entire relationship – she's been looking out for something better.

            I hate Connie Moreau.

            I hate her for ruining all of my beautiful memories.  The times, that up until now, seemed perfect.  Now they just seem like a cheesy movie where you know that it's just acting.  Sometimes the best acting in the world, but it's still only acting.

            I hate what she's done to the team by behaving this way, and the strange way that people keep telling me about it.  Most of the team have sided with me, I didn't ask them to, but they have.  Fulton and Portman have threatened to beat up Mayne, which I'm supposed to thank them for, but secretly resent, because they used to be fairly good friends with him.  I hate that my emotions rule theirs and I'm supposed to be grateful.

            Luis keeps trying to set me up with his girlfriend's friends.  Averman tries to keep up a running commentary on my life as it is.

            Charlie, Adam and Goldberg turned up at my dorm and threw all of Mayne's possessions into the hallway (Charlie even threw some out of the window).  Then they forcibly removed me from the dorm room, so that Mayne wouldn't beat me up when he saw his stuff hurled about.  Which he didn't.  He beat me up the next time he saw me.

            When they saw me all bruised, they instantly raided his room and gave a load of his possessions to Goodwill via Adam's brand new car.  Mayne reported me to the Dean, then 'accidentally' knocked my computer off the desk and smashed it.  I didn't tell Charlie what had happened, just in case he decided to take even more retaliatory action.

            My entire life has been screwed up because of what Connie did.  My ex-girlfriend won't talk to me because of the hate campaign against Mayne, Mayne either beats me up or tells me that it's only been x amount of minutes since he touched Connie when he sees me, the Dean thinks I'm a basket case and my friends think they're helping… if it wasn't my life, I'd find it hysterical.

            Strangely I hang out with Ken and Dwayne the most.  They don't try at all for me.  It makes me feel human.

            For awhile, but I can't seem to forget that I hate Connie Moreau.