Warning! The birth will be a bit graphic.

So here we are, at the end of the story. It took me longer than I had hoped, and because it was taking me so long, I ended up making it a bit shorter. I wrote this last installment on vacation, on my mother's computer, who has a basic word processing program which means - no spell check. I also do not have access to a beta at this moment. Someday soon I hope to have the entire story completely edited and put together in a more cohesive structure, until then, I hope this is still enjoyable.

I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that there will be people disappointed in the story resolution. Part of me feels bad - I wish I could write this just the way you all wanted it, but in the end, it's my story and it has to come out the way I want it to. I will issue this challenge, however: Don't like the end? Wish I had made certain pairings? Then take this story premise, of Ron and Severus accidently having a baby, and rewrite it, making it come out the way you want. Or better yet, or at least, more of a challenge, write a sequel to this one, and see if you can manipulate what's already happened to work in your favor. Hell, it might come out better LOL. If you do, let me know, cause I want to read it! LOL Thanks so much for the support! And remember, I am going to start a new project after this one. If you'd like to find out when it's going to be posted, check out my home page and join my update group!

Chapter 8 - It's the End of the World - As They Know It

Ron sighed and rubbed his stomach. He was uncomfortable. He was sore, tired, huge and uncomfortable. He sighed again and glanced towards the floo. His mother had gone to visit a friend a few blocks away and his sister was also at a friend's. His father was at work. He was alone at the Burrow, and though he had two weeks to go until his due date his back hurt, his side hurt and he just felt... wrong. He wondered if he should floo someone and ask if he might be going into labor.

Course I'm not,he thought in disgust. There's supposed to be rythmic pains and that sort of thing. I'm just uncomfortable. Bloody uncomfortable at that.

Two hours later, as he was placing a paniced floo call to his mother, he was more than just 'bloody uncomfortable.'


One moment he had been, in the peace and solitude of his rooms, reading. Next moment, his book was somewhere on the floor behind him where he had thrown it in surprise (something that had been happening all too frequently for his taste and he needed to do something about it) and he had spilled wine down his front. Cursing a blue streak, he turned to the impatient head of Molly Weasley in his fireplace.

"To what do I owe this pleasure," he bit out.

"Ron's in labour!" she practically shouted. "Get to the Burrow as soon as possible!"

And then she was gone. Snape rolled his eyes, waved his robe clean, retrieved his book and sat back in his chair, once more getting comfortable.

"I'll be damned if I run off for the birth," he muttered to himself. "She can just floo back when it's born. Probably going to take days, anyhow. Well, if he can give natural birth, it might take days. They might just take it out manually, then it will be born while I was on my way anyhow and I'll have wasted time."

Scowling when he realized he was holding an entire conversation with himself, out loud, Severus settled in to read his book. Unfortunately, he discovered that he couldn't read it. His concentration was completely shot. He couldn't stop himself wondering what the baby was going to look like, if it would look more like a Weasley or a Snape, if it were going to be a boy or a girl or how it was going to be born at all. That was the one thing that was truly perplexing him. He had never gotten around to asking Poppy how, exactly, Ron was supposed to be delivering the child.

"Fine," he groused. "Fine! Bloody, fucking fine! I'll go! I'll do what they want and be there to see it born! But I'm not holding Weasley's hand!"

"You did this to me!"

"I most certainly did not," Severus replied calmly even though it felt as if Ron were about to break every bone in his right hand. "As you well know, we were both in the wrong place at the wrong time. If you want to curse anyone, curse Crabbe and Goyle."

"Fine! I hope they die slow, horrible deaths!"

"Now, now, Mr. Weasley, I'm sure you can be more creative than that. Use the pain and chanel it into something truly monsterous. I'm sure even you can come up with a horrible torture scenerio."


"Please, Poppy, you said to help him keep his mind off the pain. That's all that I'm doing. I would, however, like to know what you're doing."

Once he arrived, Snape had been grabbed by Mrs. Weasley and shoved into the room where Ron was in labor. Before he could even be allowed to make a token protest, Ron had grabbed his hand and started squeezing with each new pain while the medi-witch was bustleing around the room, setting up supplies and putting Ron into various positions until she had him the way she wanted him. Now, she was crouched at the foot of the bed, looking for god only knew what between his legs that had been splayed open beneath a sheet.

"Well, this is a special case, and I'm not sure how the baby is going to be born."

"Are you thinking there will be a birth canal opening up?"

"What?!" Ron asked in a panic. "No one said anything about any birth canal! Where is it supposed to open up? Will it go away?"

Severus rolled his eyes and shook the hand in his as if he were throttling someone.

"No one spoke to you of this? Of course not. How stupid of me to assume that the person giving birth would have been given all the information needed."

"Just like you, who also knew how males have babies, told him everything you know," Poppy replied with biting sarcasm from her position at Ron's feet.

"Well, yes," Severus shrugged, refusing to acknowledge he'd been caught out, and turning his attention back to Ron. "You see, in some cases when a male wants to have a baby he takes a potion that gives him all of the necissary parts. He gets pregnant that way and he gives birth that way, and it is reassorbed into the body once on longer in use. Though I would think you would have already had the birth canal if that's how it was to happen."

"I'm pretty sure I don't have one of them," Ron panted, and suddenly clenched.

"Breath," Severus demanded.

"Fuck off and die," Ron demanded back.

"There are cases of wizards using another potion that requires the blood of both parents," Snape continued as if had not been interrupted by a contraction. "Drinking the potion is what triggers the pregnancy, not sex. Poppy, Ron drank the potion with my blood in it. Do you not think it would be prudent to simply preform a cecarian? That's how the original potion works."

"Yes, please, make it stop!" Ron cried out, the strongest contraction yet gripping him.

"Screaming will not help. Breath," Snape coaxed, the bite completely absent from his tone.

"Oh, I think I may have to," Poppy sighed, admitting defeat. "It's a quicker recovery with the birth canal method, but what can I do? Oh, wait! He's opening!"

"Is that what that burning sensation is?" Ron practically screached. "Oh my god! My balls are ripping in half!"

With what most people would call a morbid curiosity, Snape peered under the sheet. He shook his head and came back up to head level with Ron.

"They are not. It's the space just below your testicles that an opening is forming. It looks much like a woman's vagina; just the opening, none of the other parts."

"As if you'd know!" Ron all but howled.

Severus smirked. Evilly.

"Ron, you are open and fully dialated. On the next contraction I want you to push."

"Ok. Ah!"

"Ah!" Severus yelled out along with him. Ron crushing is fingers even harder than before having everything to do with it. He didn't, however, say anything to the young man about it.

"Keep going, keep going!"

"I'm going, I'm going!"

"He's going, he's going! Ah!"

"That's it, Ron, push again. Rest. Now push. Oh! That's it! I see the head!"


Completely forgetting himself, Severus leaned down and stuck his head around the sheet again. There in front of him was the oddest sight he had ever seen: sandwhiched between testicles and an anus that all looked like they were being painfully stretched, a scalp covered in black hair matted in things he didn't want to cotemplate was peaking out of the brand new opening in Ron's body. The hand behind him was squeezed painfully and Ron let out another loud grunt. More hair, then a tiny face came out. Severus was astounded by what was happening in front of him. His child was being born.

The wonder turned to horror as the head came the rest of the way out and a wave of blood came with it.

"That's normal," Poppy crooned when she saw the look on the potion master's face.

"I know," he blanched. "Knowing, however, had not prepared me for the actuality."

"What?" Ron panted above them.

"The fact that birth is disgusting," Snape replied, straightening back up to be on the side of Ron that wasn't spewing bodily fluids.

"You're not the one actually doing it, though, are you?"

"No," Severus conceded, "and you're not the one watching it, which is the disgusting part. You're going through the painful part."

"Well, at least I'm being acknowledge. Stop rolling your eyes, they're going to stick like that."

"Ron! Push!"

Severus walked very slowly into the living room of the Burrow. For the first time in his life, he was truly terrified. Of all the important missions he had been sent on for the Order, he had never been so worried about failing as he was at that moment worried about dropping the new born baby cradled in his arms. Despite his grace and his years of practicing his robe swirling glide, he just knew that if Fate were going to choose any moment to make him trip over his robes it would be the moment he was to present his child to the rest of the family. Luckily, Fate had always been kind to Severus Snape, at least when it really, really mattered.

Molly couldn't be kept on the couch. She met him halfway across the room, holding her arms out for the baby. Severus walked by her, pulling the baby a little closer to himself, and glaring. Instead of being angry, she gave him a pleased smile and leaned over to pull the blanket off the infant's face.

"Oh," she sighed. "How beautiful. Well?"

"Well, what?"

"We're waiting to know what it is."

Severus looked at the people gathered in the living room. Albus, Minerva, Arthur, Ms. Weasley, the twins, the annoying Weasley with the glasses, Ms. Granger, even Potter, who looked like he had just arrived. They were all looking anxiously at him for the information they wanted badly and he held, literally, in the palm of his hands. He relished that power for all of two seconds before annoyance over took it and left him physically stopping his eyes from rolling.

I wonder if they truly could stick that way? I've had so much cause to do it lately.

"For the love of Merlin, what do you think it is? It's all wrapped up in a pink blanket!"

It was Molly's turn to scowl.

"Poppy asked for a blanket. I handed her the first one I grabbed. The color means noth... oh! Are you saying it's a girl?"

"Yes, it's a girl."

That seemed to be the cue for everyone else to gather around, oohing and ahhing.

Ron laid back and held the baby close. It was over. Well, that part was, at least. The rest of his life as a father had just begun. The rest of his life in single fatherhood. He looked over at the overstuffed chair his father had levitated into the room earlier, placing it on the other side of the bassinet which was beside Ron's bed. The dark, brooding potion's master was snoozing away, looking almost kindly with his stern face relaxed in sleep. Of course, that could have been more the teddy bear that Harry had put on his chest when he noticed him asleep and that the man was now clutching, than anything else.

"Well, fatherhood," Ron whispered to his little girl.


"How's my little princess? Have you been having a good time with your other daddy? Does he play the toesies game you like? Yeah? Yeah?"

Two very different men sat at a table in front of a cafe in Diagon Alley, surrounded by the wastes of a recently eaten lunch and all the things a six month old baby needs. One of the fathers was lifting the black haired child with the blue eyes and freckled nose up into the air, blowing on her belly just to make her giggle, and talking a stream of words, everyone of which she hung on, a look of adoration on both of their faces. The other father sipped his tea and rolled his eyes at their antics.

"Has he been giving you good stuff to eat? Poppy said no adult food, like tea and stuff with butter, just good old baby food. Nummy stuff in jars. Strained carrots are our favorite, yep!"

"Emily has been eating exactly what she's supposed to," the father with the tea shot back with very little force and a twinkle in his eye for good measure. "Honestly, Severus, you act as if I feed her nothing but junk."

Severus blew one more raspberry on his giggling daughter's tummy before primly tucking her onto his lap and picking up his tea, carefully holding it out of her grasp.

"It wasn't you that had to stay up with her after the 'jelly donut incident.'"

"For the last time, that wasn't my fault! Harry didn't know babies aren't supposed to have sugar. He thought letting her have a little of the jelly wouldn't hurt. He didn't know it would give her gas."

"He finger fed her half the contents of that donut before you caught him. He should have been given explicit instructions on the do's and don't's before she was left in his care."

"You know that's practically impossible. Besides, it was three months ago. Are you about ready to drop it?"

Severus just cocked an eyebrow in reply. Ron groaned, knowing that they'd be discussing the 'jelly donut incident' during Emily's graduation from Hogwarts. Snape put his teacup down, riffled through a bag he had beside him and turned back to the baby in his lap.

"I have bought you a new dress," he announced, holding aloft a yellow thing absolutely covered in ruffles and lace. Emily tried to grab it, but her father's arm was too long for her to reach. Despite his showing her the dress, he knew her interest in it went no further than 'can I put it in my mouth'. "Yes, I think it will look precious on you. You are the most beautiful baby in the world, after all."

"She's going to be as conceited you," Ron laughed. "God, that thing reminds me of my Aunt Agnes' kitchen curtains."

"Lovely," Snaped scowled, causing Emily to burst into a peal of laughter. "You've ruined the dress. Congratulations."

"Oh, stop, you know you'll put her in it, anyhow."

Severus just shrugged, knowing Ron was right, and continued to play with the baby. He was playing peek-a-boo by throwing a crib blanket over her head and snatching it off just as Hermione walked up.

"Hey! Fancy seeing the two of you here. Doing the baby trade off?"

"Yes, it's time for Severus' weekend."

"I only get her on the weekends," he did not pout. "I still think it's unreasonable that you get her five days out of the week while I only get her two."

"Severus, it's three and four."

"Two and a half and five and a half."

"Alright, but I'm the one who carried her for nine months."

"And it's my turn."

"That's not..."

Ron stopped, and looked at the man who was currently cuddling his daughter. There really was no other word for it. They were cuddling. He heaved a sigh.

"We'll work something else out. How about we start by you keeping her an extra day?"

"That will suffice," Snape replied, not revealing an iota of his pleasure. "For now."

"Well, now that that is settled," Hermione broke in cheerfully, finally daring to take a seat, "let Aunt Hermione have her Emily Vespa Snape."

Ron forced himself not to cringe at the sound of his daughter's middle name (an old Snape family name, he had been assured) while Severus handed over the child, forcing himself not to cringe at his precious little girl being raised to think of the annoying young woman as her aunt.

"Ron, have you heard from Harry, lately?" Hermione asked as she sat bouncing the baby gently on her knee while Severus watched her like a hawk.

"Yeah," Ron smiled, pulling a letter and photograph out of his jacket. "Just got this in today, was going to take it over to show the twins after lunch. His team may be going to the championships. With Harry on the team, they might even make it into the World Cup."

He handed over both the letter and picture. Hermione glanced over the letter, but it didn't tell her as much as the picture did. A very happy Harry was grinning from ear to ear at her, his arm slung around the shoulders of a man a couple of years older than him with laughing blue eyes, a mop of shaggy red hair and freckles sprinkled across his nose. The redhead kept glancing over at Harry, a look of deep affection and contentment in his eyes. The back of the picture had printed on it 'Harry and Adam, October.' She handed the letter and picture back, smiling, glad that Harry seemed happy with the chaser.

"I've been doing some reading on child rearing," Hermione began, completely changing the subject, and ignoring the groans from the other occupants of the table. "Most of the books I've read have been against the idea of only children. It seems that a child with even one sibling has more social skills than a child with none."

"I was an only child," Severus scowled, and took Emily away from her, as if she had just been insulted.

"Don't take it as an insult," Ron laughed. "Hermione was an only child, too. Course, with the two of you, that does explain a lot. Maybe she has a point."

"Oh really?" Severus smirked. "And how do you propose we solve this problem, then? I do not like the idea of having children with multiple partners, if I can avoid it."

"Well, neither do I, but.... No."

"You just said she had a point. Emily needs a brother or sister. Based on this discussion we would both prefer that that sibling not be a half sibling. Therefor, you need to get pregnant again."

"Me?! What about you? You're not too old to still have children."

"You've already been through it. You know what to expect. Why should both of us deal with that knowledge?"

"I can't even believe we're having this conversation. Severus Snape, no matter how wonderful our little girl is, that pregnancy was a complete accident. I am never having another baby with you! Never! So you just forget about it!"

Severus didn't reply. One side of his mouth went up in an evil little smile, he scooped up Emily's things and rose to leave.

"I will bring her by the Burrow in three days. Do not forget you agreed to an extra day and come looking for me in a panic."

"And don't you forget I said 'no way' to any more children. You better spend the weekend brewing formula, not potions."

"Say bye bye to daddy," Snape cooed as he walked away with Emily.

"What was that?" Ron asked Hermione. "What is going on in that man's mind? He's just trying to drive me crazy, right?"

"Probably," Hermione did her best to reassure Ron, even though she wasn't entirely sure herself.

"Yes, that's it, he's just wanting to push me over the edge so I'll let him have Emily for an entire week like he's been asking. Snape could not possibly want to knock me up again, on purpose. He just couldn't. Right, Hermione? Right?"

The End

Final word: The poll was no help in deciding the gender of the baby LOL. However, I had several reviews asking for a girl, and I liked the review (sorry, don't remember how it was!) who said it would be great to see Severus wrapped around her finger. So it's a girl and he is. Ta da!