Once upon a time, there was a man named Steve. But he has absolutely nothing to do with the story. This story is about two crazy, CRAZY, girls: Monica and Kaze. Oh, where should I begin with this?
One day, Kaze was bored. She was talking to Monica who was talking to her about this anime called Hellsing.
"Hellsing is good," she explained, "It has a hot vampire guy named Alucard who is played by Crispin Freeman in the dub! Mm . . . Touga."
"Okay, why not?" thought Kaze, "Hot vampire guys are always fun." So Kaze went on a search for all things Hellsing. She searched the globe until she met Monica's love: Alucard.
"Hee hee! I am Alucard! I like to grin crazily and laugh at you!" cackled Alucard. Kaze thought that he was weird, but cute . . . so she wrapped him up in a bow to deliver to Monica. She continued searching until she found a beautiful figure with long blonde hair and steely blue eyes.
"Wow! What a hot guy!" explained Kaze.
"I am a woman! My name is Integra and what are you doing with my vampire?" exclaimed the figure.
"Master . . ." Alucard drooled.
"Oh, you must be that hot naked lady that Monica likes," realized Kaze. So she wrapped her up in a bow to deliver to Monica. So she continued searching for many days. Finally, she found a butler named Walter.
"Hey mister, why are you swiping and flipping around with thread?" asked Kaze.
"It's WIRE, damnit, WIRE!" he cried. Kaze felt sorry for him, and butlers were cool. so she wrapped him up in a bow to deliver to her boyfriend Kusanagi for no reason whatsoever, she just felt like giving her beloved a present. So she continued searching until she found a cute vampire girl.
"Wow, you're cute!" exclaimed Kaze.
"My name is Seras, and I'm a police-girl and a vampire too!" smiled the young vampire. Kaze got hearts in her eyes . . . so she wrapped up Seras to deliver to her boyfriend Kusanagi. Of course she knew that he would share her once in a while
"I can be selfish once in a while, can't I?" giggled Kaze. So she continued searching until she found two brothers.
"We're the Valentine brothers!" Kaze blinked as she looked at them.
"Oh! The blonde one looks like one of my friend's original characters!" Kaze wrapped Luke up in a bow to give to her friend Doom, before she threw Jan off a cliff. So, Kaze continued searching. And that's when she found him. Tall (6'7''!), rugged, wearing a cross, little round (sexy) glasses, and handsome to boot!
"My name's Alexander Andersong, and I'm on a mission from God to kill any and all undead," he said, his voice ringing with a Scottish accent.
"Oh my GOD you're fucking HOT!" screamed Kaze. The priest seemed taken aback by the use of the Lord's name in vain, but Kaze didn't care. Instead she put a collar on the priest and put a leash on him.
"Mine," she giggled.
"Burn in Hell, foul wench of the Devil!" Alexander held up one of his blades and prepared to cut down Kaze, but was taken aback by her secret weapon.

Her big puppy eyes of DOOM. Of course, he was a priest: so he was immune to the unholy cuteness. So Kaze had to resort to her final secret weapon. Kaze cackled crazily as she pulled out a large widescreened TV.