Cologne knocked on the door of the Tendou home, feeling somewhat more relieved that this nightmare was close to being finished. All she had to do was tell the freak that she found a way to revert his ailment, and not to do anything stupid like jam a pencil into his full frontal failure, and then she can drink and smoke herself into a stupor that would last until the package arrived.
It wasn't long before the door opened, "Oh, hello Elder Cologne."
The Matriarch found herself standing before Ranma's mother, "Hello Nodoka, I'm here for your so-, er, it… um… how should I refer to it in a way you would be comfortable with while remaining properly descriptive?"
Mrs. Saotome's expression darkened and the reminder of her child, "That thing is not my child."
The Matriarch tilted her head to the side, "I take it you're not happy with your son's antics this time? Why, you look mad enough to kill!"
"It's fast at running," Nodoka admitted, feeling somewhat morose over her failure at demon slaying.
"Well, if you would like me to try…" Cologne had to quickly remind herself what she really was there to do, "I mean, if you can point me in the direction it went to…"
"Well, last I saw the demon it was heading west, sooooo," Nodoka perked up, "Oh! I know where it went!"
"And that is…"
"To hell, it definitely went to hell!" The Saotome wife beemed at her deductive skills.
"Is there someone else here that perhaps isn't suffering from manic delusions brought on by psychological shock?" Cologne enquired, "Even if that is a stretch…"
"My husband went to look for it under the bridge, Soun decided to check at Ukyo's, Nabiki went to your restaurant, and Kasumi's heavily sedated right now."
"Then perhaps I shall ask the young Dr. Tofu if Ranma's come to him for advice," the Amazon Matriarch considered, before turning away. "Until another time, Mrs. Saotome."
"It's going to be okay, Ranma, I promise everything will be okay," the good doctor Tofu kept chanting, most likely more to himself than his current ward, as the ambulance broke traffic laws as if it were a matter of life and death.
"Really, doc, this is just getting asinine," Ranma insisted, unable to move with the hundred and fifty kilos of chains, coupled with the chi suppression shiatsu points Tofu activated. Why did the damn doctor have to be that damn fast when hysterical?
"My poor boy, my poor, poor boy, I just need you to be brave, okay? Just stay with us, and this'll be over soon." Tofu spoke as soothing as possible, "DAMN IT, CAN YOU MAKE THIS THING GO ANY FASTER?!?"
"Doc, I think they're going too fast as it… is that an old lady plastered against the windshield?" The frantic ambulance drive turned on the wipers to remove the visual obstacle.
"No, Ranma, every second counts," the doctor said with a steely resolve, "I won't lose you. You hear me? I. WILL. NOT. LOSE. YOU!!!"
Ranma felt every punctuation in his tone, as each syllable was pounded into his gut like two fists. "Not if you kill me first!" the atrocity in God's eyes shouted, getting its breath back. "Geez, whatta week…"
Cologne glared down at the laughing fanged boy with a hooded gaze, "If you could perhaps find a moment or two between your hysterics to tell me what transpired?"
"S-sorry, e-e-elder," Ryoga responded, attempting to get himself under control, "But you wouldn't believe this one! I mean, Ranma, and his penis, and garden (snicker) garden hoses! And then Tof-snort-Tofu went all like 'OH MY GOD' and then he ran into the wall trying to get to the phone, and then, then…" Ryoga couldn't continue anymore, falling into hysterics once again, simply holding out the script he had been writing.
The Amazon Matriarch took it from him, quickly skimming through to the end, before hanging her head with a resigned sigh "Of course, an emergency sex change operation, of all the things that could happen next?" Rolling her eyes to the heavens, "Seriously, which one of you did Ranma piss off bad enough for all this?" At lack of any divine signs, Cologne shrugged, "It was probably that fool father of his that brought this upon him, I wouldn't be-"
At that moment, the small Shinto shrine to Amatseru in Tofu's office fell from the shelf, The painting of Venus fell from the wall, The baas relief of the Virgin Mary on the wall seemed to glow brighter, and the porcelain statuette of the Norse Goddess Freyja fell onto its side, and an inn table book of Egyptian deities was opened up by a gust of wind to a picture of Bastet, then spontaneously combusted.
The elder looked around her, as Ryoga began to laugh harder, "Well, now that we know where blame is due…" The matriarch dashed for the door, then leapt to the rooftops, "Blast it all, hopefully I'm not too late. If I only I knew what direction they…"
The matriarch came to a stop at the edge of a roof, and looked at the path of destruction before her, "I suppose it wouldn't be too much to presume that this trail would lead me to Ranma." She followed the disaster trail, ignoring the agonized pleas and wails about asshole ambulance drivers.
"HURRY, WE NEED THIS PERSON PREPPED FOR SURGURY, STAT!" Tofu nearly screamed, rolling the gurney with Ranma chained on it into the emergency entrance.
Two nurses quickly came to intercept the Neriman doctor, what's the emergency?" The male and female nurse ran frantically to keep pace with Tofu, and looking down at the apparently annoyed pigtailed, androgynous young man chained onto it. "There doesn't seem to be anything wrong with him."
"NOTHING WRONG?!?" Tofu flipped up the front of the hospital smock Ranma had been hastily wrapped in. The two nurses didn't find an apparent wound.
They found something much worse.
The female nurse let out a shrill scream, as the male nurse hunched over to vomit. When it was noted the first two nurses couldn't keep up, another set joined Tofu, while keeping their eyes diverted from the emergency in order to remain professionally cool. "Get a nurse an operating room ready ASAP! WE DON'T HAVE TIME TO LOSE!"
"But we don't have an anesthesiologist available!" One of the nurses insisted, "They're all busy or off duty!"
"Damn it, we don't have TIME to wait for one! This boy's life is on the line here!"
"I'll go call a surgeon," One of the nurses began to run off, only to have his arm caught.
"No," Tofu said in a grave voice, "Not just any surgeon will do…"
Tofu's raised his face, causing the halogen lights to reflect off of his glasses ominously, "We need… the Kiseki Chiimu Gekai Senshi!"
Everyone gasped, as Tofu nodded, and pushed his glasses further onto his nose. "It's the only way."