Uh, to do this charm, (why do you always start that way in these books?) you yell "Pi pika pi pika pi pika pi chu pi" at the top of your voice in a quiet room so you won't be mistaken for a sick heron.
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Draco was rolling on the floor. He hadn't laughed so much since his fourth year, when he'd stripped Ron Weasley of everything he was wearing except for his flourescent pink boxers. "What kind of charm is 'pi pika pi pika pi pika pi chu pi'?" Poor Draco. Sadly, he didn't notice the fine print:
The charm only works without a wand.
Poor Draco again. He got up on all fours and had the strange urge to go downstairs, kick the house-elves aside, and eat every apple there was in the refrigerator. Yummy. He perked up his ears and padded downstairs, wondering where his father got that pretty green carpet and the pretty green wallpaper and the pretty green smokescreen and the pretty green windows... Draco munched on an apple, holding it between his front paws and pausing every now and then to sniff the air. It smelled weird. Maybe his father was doing something stinky. On the way downstairs, Draco noticed that everything looked bigger. Maybe he shrunk. That gave him an idea. Sneak up on his father and scare him out of his wits! Smiling, he padded back upstairs and walked through the slightly-open door to his father's study. Actually, all he was doing was writing. Nothing stinky. "Father?" asked Draco. He wondered if he was sick. His voice came out very squeaky and small. "Yeah?" answered Mr. Malfoy, not paying attention to the fact that his son had just sprouted yellow fur and had electric sockets in his cheeks. "Are you sick? You look a little green." "No, I'm not, and if you think I turned green, maybe you need glasses." Now a little puzzled, Draco padded over to the door and reached up to close it on his way out. But he stopped. "HEY! Since when did the doorknob get three feet higher?" Lucius Malfoy turned right around to look at Draco, who was staring balefully up at the knob, his precious little furry yellow ears flattened. "HAHAHA! Uh, Draco?" Draco turned around, hoping for an explanation. "You've been up in your great x17 grandma's room, haven't you?" Draco nodded and bit his lip. OW! Since when did he have fangs? Uh-oh. Something was seriously wrong here. "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Mr. Malfoy was now rolling on the floor, a very unbecoming thing for him to do. After almost five minutes, he sat up and wiped an eye. "Hahaha...you look awfully funny as a Pikachu." "Cha..." said Draco, looking back up at the doorknob. Weeks later, summer was no better. Draco spent most of his time asleep, and his father broke out laughing every time he clapped eyes on him. To make things worse, if that was possible, the servants thought it very funny to refer to a Pikachu as "Master Malfoy". Draco wished he could hurt them. BAD. And one day, he shut his eyes and imagined himself blowing up like Mt. Krakatoa and all the servants hitting the roof-literally. Suddenly, he felt a slight pinprick on each cheek. Then a tingling feeling, and then- "CHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!" he suddenly screamed, as two twin bolts of lightning shot out of his-uh, fur-and all the maids and butlers suddenly flew up and landed on the carpet, all sizzling and well-done. One of them got up, shook the ashes off his clothes, and clambered up the stairs to Mr. Malfoy's study. Draco furrowed his brow, and did what anime people call 'facefaulting'-frowning so deeply that half of your face disappears. "Mr. Malfoy..." "Yes?" "Your son Thunderbolted us." "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA"
September Draco was still a Pikachu. His father thought that the ultimate punishment was being laughed at by everyone around him, so he did not keep him home from school or anything. He folded his tiny yellow arms and thought about the story his father told him after he finished laughing that day in June.
"Lucius," said a frigid voice, "what are you doing?" A fifteen-year-old Lucius Malfoy turned around and stared into the steely eyes of his father. "Pi..." he whimpered, backing up and wondering why his father's skin was green. "Pi...ka..."
"Aw, lookit duh wittle pika," said a honeyed voice that Draco knew all too well. "Chu. Go away, Weasley," he said shortly. "Who is it?" asked Harry, coming up next to Ron. "Me, that's who," growled Draco, somewhat proud of himself. It came out a real growl. "OOH! I'm so scared," said Ron, pretending to faint. "CHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!" Ron fainted for real. Draco giggled, and it came out, "Piiiiiiiiiiiiii...pikachapikacha." He slammed a hand over his mouth. "Pika pi pika?" Hermione chose that moment to show up, and unlike the boys, she grabbed Draco around the waist and cooed, "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH you're so cute..." and she showered his little yellow head with kisses. "ARGH, PUT ME DOWN LADY. PIIIIIIIIIKAAAAAA!" he called for help. Crabbe and Goyle didn't recognize him, but they grabbed him away from Hermione and tried to pull his lightning-bolt tail. "CHUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!" he shouted. Crabbe and Goyle sizzled and fell on top of Ron. Some Ravenclaw girls thought he was a female Pikachu and tried to put bows in his fur. "CHUUUUUUUUUUUU" Ginny Weasley squeezed him so tight he thought he might choke. "CHUUUUUUUUUUUU" Marcus Flint stepped on him, thinking he was harmless... "CHUUUUUUUUUUUU"......and so on.
Not wanting to show his face in Slytherin, Draco ran up to Gryffindor Tower, much as he hated to. The instant he followed Neville Longbottom inside, Hermione snatched him up and, this time before he could protest, she started rocking him back and forth and scratching his ears. "Purr..." he curled up and fell asleep in her arms.