Chapter 1: FANGIRLS!!!!!

Disclaimer: I think it should be obvious that I don't own lotr, or anything affiliated with it

Scene: Aragorn, Gimli, Legolas, Sam, Merry, Pippen, Gandalf, Faramir, Eowyn, Arwen, and Frodo are all sitting in Legolas's living room, half asleep, sprawled over his various pieces of furniture.

            "This is exciting," said the ever sardonic Gimli, as a loud, collective yawn arose from the crowd.

"What do you suggest we do?" snapped Arwen.

"I know!" exclaimed Frodo "We could…wait…no…I lost it…"

Aragorn sat up "I have an idea!"

Everyone instantly perked up (Aragorn's ideas never fail to please/amuse anyone).

"Let us hunt some orc."

With a collective groan, everyone flopped back down onto the various chairs, couches, tables, bits of carpet and floor, and piano that they had been lying or sitting on.

"The last of the orcs have been hunted down and killed, incase you haven't noticed, genius."

"*!&@^#%$," said Aragorn "There might still be a few pockets of resistance you dingbat!"

"Aragorn son of Arathorn!  Do not call me a dingbat!"  Gandalf rose to his feet with a swish of his robe, gripping his staff threateningly.

Aragorn reached for Anduril, before remembering that Thrandil had confiscated it two days before, when Aragorn had gotten into a fight with Legolas.

Things were beginning to look very dark for poor, unarmed Aragorn, as Gandalf advanced on him, swinging his staff menacingly, when Merry unwittingly saved him by squealing "Ooooh!  I know, I know!"

"What is it Merry?" asked Eowyn, in an attempt to be polite and rescue Aragorn.

"We can go hunt spiders!!!"


"You know!  Those reeaaaally really big ones that Bilbo talks about in There and Back Again!!!"

"Oooh.  Good Idea!" said Frodo.

The suddenly rejuvenated group ran around, collecting various weapons.  Just as they were about to leave, they noticed that Legolas, Pippen, Faramir, and Frodo were all fast asleep, and Merry was about to wake Legolas up in a particularly unpleasant way, involving a glass of ice cold water.

"Some things never change," muttered Sam.

"NO MERRY!!!" Aragorn screamed, tackling him.  "Legolas is not a morning person."

"IT'S NOT MORNING YOU IDIOT!!!" yelled Gimli, who had been drenched with icy water when Aragorn tackled Merry.

Sighing, Aragorn explained "what I mean is that you do not want to be caught dead waking Legolas up, even from a nap."

With just about everyone in a bad mood, they filed out of the door.

Ten minutes later: Rubbing his eyes and yawning, Frodo sat up.

Looking around, he saw Pippen, sitting, cheerful as a lark, on the piano, Faramir asleep in an arm chair, and Legolas asleep on a couch.

"Psst!  Faramir!" whispered Frodo.

"Huuuh?" said Faramir, still groggy as he sat up and rubbed the sleep from his eyes.

 "OOOOO!" said Pippen, pulling a yellow post it off of the door "a note from Eowyn to Faramir."

"Give me thaaaat!" yelled Faramir, diving for the post it.

There was a loud crash as Faramir and Pippen smashed into each other, which woke Legolas up.

"@#$%^&*!" yelled Legolas.

Deciding to get revenge on Faramir, Legolas pulled the post it off of the door off the door and read it aloud.

Dear Faramir,

I have gone with everyone but you, Pippen, Legolas, and Frodo to hunt spiders.

See you soon!



"Well it was nothing personal, Fara…"

Legolas trailed off, looking at Pippen and Faramir, who were staring in a very confused way at Frodo.


Frodo's large blue eyes were bugging out to twice their normal size.  He made a choking, gasping sound.

"They're here…they've come," he said, his eyes rolling up into his head.

They all stared uncertainly at Frodo, until they heard the shrill, ecstatic screams that explained everything.

"FANGIRLS!" yelled Faramir.

"EEP," squeeked Pippen, diving under a couch.

"Oh @#$*$%#!" said Legolas and Faramir simultaneously, joining Pippen under the couch.

"Where are Gandalf and Gimli when we need them?" asked Legolas.

Frodo, however, instead of doing the smart thing, and hiding under the couch, was staring, transfixed, at the doorway.

And then they came.  Fangirls, their high pitched shrieks morphing into sobs upon seeing Frodo.  They instantly encircled Frodo, sobbing, and some of them saying things that I absolutely cannot write if I am planning to keep this fic PG.

Despite his best efforts to keep the fangirls at bay, Frodo was quickly picked up by the fangirls who then disappeared into Mirkwood, and hopped onto their bright pink helicopter that was headed for the USA.

A FEW MINUTES LATER: Aragorn, Gimli, Sam, Merry, Gandalf and Arwen all returned, to see Faramir with his head in his hands, and Legolas, awkwardly hugging Pippen, who was crying into his shoulder.

"Pippen, please don't cry.  Pippen, it's okay.  Pippen!  My shoulder is soaked!!!  PIPPEN!!!  YOU ARE GIVING THE SLASH WRITERS IDEAS!!!!!!"

"What happened?" asked Eowyn.

Faramir looked up.  "Frodo was kidnapped by…by…" he shook his head sadly.

"By who?" Said Aragorn.

"Fangirls," said Legolas, his face stony.

"Why are we sitting around then?"  Asked Aragorn.

"What do you suggest we do?"  Asked Legolas.

"Follow the fangirls and rescue Frodo!  Where did the fangirls go?"

"Well, their accents sounded American."

"USA, here we come," muttered Gimli darkly.

Well what did you think?  Huh?  PLEEEEAAASE review!! #$%^&*!" a loud crash as Faramir and Pippen smashed into eachother, which woke Legolas arm chairashing away the taste of