Well, oddly enough I have nothing to say.
Yuna: Yes you do, you just don't want to.
Chapter 14: Disney Music Is Scarring
"Get me outta here! I want out now! You hear me? Don't make me come over there!" I yelled from inside the jail cell.
"You waste your breath" The very pessimistic Auron said. He kinda reminds me of Rube from Dead Like Me.
I plopped down on the ground.
"Wonder what happened with Yuna..."
"She's strong. She'll make it"
Then Tidus went and spoke up to ruin my moment.
"She'll make it? What, so she can die?"
This, by far, was one of the dumber things I'd ever heard. And I know people who play tag with the Tag body spray.
"Why is it... everything in Spira seems to revolve around people dying?"
"I don't know you retard. Maybe they watched Queen of the Damned and realized that's 2 hours of their lives they'll never get back"
"Ah, the spiral of death" Auron sighed "Summoners challenge the bringer of death, Sin, and die doing so. Guardians give their lives to protect their summoner. The fayth are the souls of the dead. Even the maesters of Yevon are unsent. Spira is full of death. Only Sin is reborn, and then only to bring more death. It is a cycle of death, spiraling endlessly"
I paused then needed to add my 2 1/2 cents.
"So this is all some fucked up version of the circle of life..."
Kinoc approached the cage. I felt like a lab rat. Then I realized how freaking slutty my outfit was, not to mention torn. It was then I swore if I made it out of this alive I'd need new clothes.
"Come out. Your sentence has been decided" He said.
"Come out? Like out of the closet? Ha! I knew it, Tidus!"
From a distance I saw Shea being led off in handcuffs.
"Pretz, your immaturity is showing"
There's something about having a retarded sentence forces you to wonder about other people's intelligence. We were thrown into a watery pit... thing. It was freezing cold.
"This water's freezing cold" I said corny-ly.
"It's not so bad over here, Pretz" Rikku said.
"Sorry..."Tidus muttered. Rikku screamed and swam over to me, clinging to me and half drowning me while making weird noises. This was when I learned Lulu's boobs could be used as a floatation devise.
"Think they expect us to give up and die down here" Wakka sighed.
"That's retarded. There's probably an exit in the deep depths of this thing" I moaned.
"How do you know?" Rikku asked while finally getting off me. Wow... That last comment didn't sound sick at all...
"I don't. But that's always the story"
After holding our breath for an unrealistic amount of time we finally immerged. I wheezed as Rikku pulled me out of the water.
"My god, Pretz. You need to go on a diet. Hey, where's everyone else...?"
I looked around. It was true. The only ones there were myself, Lulu, Rikku, Wakka and Tidus. Well, I would be enjoying myself, but since it was Wakka and Tidus I couldn't even blackmail them into yaoi to pass free time. Damn. Well, my boredom didn't last for long. My plotting was interrupted by a high pitched squeal and the word 'Yunieeeeeeee'. I mean, my goodness, sometimes I question Tidus's manhood. So we were reunited with the crazy summoner, the old man, and the kitty man. Something seemed a bit wrong, but I was too tired to do another head count. I'm a bad counselor, I know. Just when things couldn't get worse, the crazy mascara boy appeared with his legion of doom. They were carrying that Kinoc dude. As they threw him on the ground he wiggled a bit.
"I have saved him" Seymour started. He sounded like one of those crazy cult people.
"He was a man who craved power, and great power he had, but he feared losing it. Trembling at unseen enemies, he spent his days scheming petty schemes. Chased by his fears, never knowing rest"
"They have medication for that"
"Now he has no worries. He has been granted sleep eternal. Death is a sweet slumber. All the pain of life is gently swept away... Ah, yes. So you see... if all life were to end in Spira, all suffering would end. Don't you see?"
"Ah, but then would your Farplane not be really, really crowded?"
I had stopped him in the middle of his monologue. He looked so pissed his mascara might have started boiling if it were possible. He broke off a piece of his bad ass hair and charged forward. Now, if you've never been stabbed or shot with an arrow there really is no comparison besides this. He stabbed it into the soft spot on my left shoulder. I blinked and looked at the small bit of blood.
"Bitch! You ruined my cool scar!"
Taking what I had learned from Yuna, I grabbed her staff and beat him within three inches of his life. I couldn't get on with the other three because Auron grabbed me and started running down the path after the others.
"Goddamit! Put me down!"
When he finally dropped me I rolled into Yuna's feet. She and Tidus were talking about something. I only caught this.
"Yuna, wherever you go, I'll follow"
Which brings up an important question: What happens when she has to go to the bathroom? Once again Auron picked me up and ran back towards Kimahri. Why? I have no idea. When we got back Seymour was already pounded to nice, fine pulp and Kimahri was playing with Play-Doh. I shook my head and laughed until Auron dropped me on my hip. That bitch was gonna pay.
We camped in the Macalania Woods for the night. I still hated that place from the LAST time. After hours of sitting around I decided to start to take my revenge on the old man. He looked like he was sleeping when I snuck up to him. I had been working on mostly speed lately and other ninja-like traits so I thought it would be easy. He was just an old man, right? As I reached for the small canteen he always had with him, which isn't the jug mind you, he grabbed my wrist and twisted it so hard I flipped out of the tree and landed on the ground with a thud. He stood up and gave me one of those looks.
"Don't touch my stuff you miniature whore"
I actually flinched. No one had ever called me that in a long time. I couldn't believe it, so I just started laughing. The other losers were being boring as Hell, and Tidus had gone to see Yunie. I just have fun screwing things up. Time to spy!
I climbed through the branches until I was right above them in that watery thing. After a long and boring talk they kissed. It actually burned my eyes. This really romantic music was playing from somewhere too. I started thinking that maybe I was thinking too much. Maybe someone for me was right in front of me and I just couldn't see it. Why did Yuna's white top not become see-through in the water? Unfortunately I didn't have much time to think about it because the romantic music stopped abruptly.
"That's not good" I muttered.
The branch under me gave a loud crack and snapped off and I fell right in between Yuna and Tidus, both of whom kissed one of my cheeks. When they realized what had happened they looked horrified. Using my awesome thinking 5k1ll5 of 56k I held up a plate of spaghetti.
"Have fun! BI!" I ran for my life!
I have a bad habit of doing stupid things. I ran into a tree. The next morning we set out for the Calm Lands. When we set up camp for the night, Rikku and I heard this beautiful singing. Yuna and Lulu were by the fire. We looked in all the tents and as we got closer to the one with the singing it started to sound like 'Reflection' from Mulan. Just on the verse of 'Now I see that if I were truly to be myself, I would break my family's heart' we pulled back the flap.
IT WAS AURON! HOLY FK! Once we saw it was Auron it instantly turned into an old, scratchy voice. We immediately bent over and gagged. He spun around and threw his canteen at me. I smiled. Earlier he had taken what looked like a star fruit from me, saying it wasn't, and squeezed it into here. It was time for a taste. As I unscrewed the cap I felt a hand on my shoulder. I looked up and Shea slapped me. She looked a little beaten up and had twigs in her hair. True I had forgotten about he, but can you blame me? I showed her the canteen and she shook her head.
"Maybe you should test it on Tidus and Wakka first"
"Are you crazy? What if it's like... concentrated Paupu juice and it makes them commit horrible acts of yaoi?"
"There's something wrong with you... really. Give me that" She grabbed the canteen and took a sip.
Her pupils turned a little heart shaped... Do I really need to go any further with this story? The answer is I can't because... well I have a reputation. After a few minutes it wore off and she blinked, and asked why the Hell she was sitting on me. I wished I'd had a camera for the look on her face when I told her what happened. After that she decided to go her separate way. I nodded.
"Not goodbye. We'll see each other again. Spira's not so big"
As she turned around I saw her mouth something that looked like 'Vacuum'.
As I went to sleep that night I sat on something sharp. I looked and it was a Rubix Cube. I always knew those things were evil, but I had no idea until...
FIN. Woo! AWA is over and I can start writing again! I went as Samurai Yuna! Go Me! Next year I'm going as Sakura from Naruto, Yuffie, Winry and a few other. Well, even though I'm still pissed at them I'd like to thank Charli for coming as Shuyin to surprise me. I'd like to that Piper for being a fan of my Auron singing voice. Yes, I actually have that recorded and I'll send it to anyone (3 people from AWA have asked). I feel awful though. My friend Kristina found out something I never wanted her to know. I feel like I betrayed her or something. BUT I watched all of FMA over the weekend. All 25 1/2 hours of it. If you didn't get the vacuum thing that's too bad. But there are 2 ways to look at it.
Why are Rubix Cubes evil? What was that juice and where can I buy some? What's going to happen to Shea? Will I ever stop talking like this? Yes. And the next chapter will have some very special guests. You all know and love them, and if you don't I'm gonna come to your house and make you love them!