Faith: 1. Allegiance to duty or a person [LOYALTY] 2. Belief and trust in God 3. Complete trust 4. A system of religious belief
I must have looked that up in the dictionary a hundred times by now. Why? I'm not sure exactly. Trying to figure out her out, I guess. The Slayer.
Not that one you ponce. She's the easy one. You can just glance at her and know what's going on inside her head. 'Woe is me', right? But the thing is, I made her like that. I took a strong woman and broke her into a mewing kitten. But I'm not the bad guy when it comes to her and I. Look at what I was when I hated her. Look at me now. She's turned me into a bloody Angel-clone. A weak, goody two-shoes ponce. She has both him and I (along with all her idiot friends) wrapped around her finger. She's sitting on top of the world but chooses to be-Getting off track, am I?
Back to the subject. The other Slayer. Ya know, the one everyone hates. Buffy's nemesis, the murderer. Faith. Buffy hates her, because she's everything she's not. Carefree, wild, bad. All these things the blond bird wishes she could be, but not brave to become. So she lashes out against her. Damn, I've hit Faith a couple times myself. For Buffy, of course.
But, ya see, Faith is actually none of the things I described. She's insecure, confused, and lost. She can be your friend one moment, your enemy the next. To describe her in one word, impulsive. She doesn't know how to handle affection or play by the book, she just lives by instinct. And everyone hates her for it. They don't believe she has a conscious, or know she can feel. I've been there before, one too many times.
The thing is, no matter how much I love Buffy, I don't. I know that's hard for you to understand, but the woman drives me insane. She can't be worth all the pain she's put me through, but I know she is. I hate her so damn much, but I want to have her affection, her approval. But no matter how hard I bloody work for it, she just can never give it to me. And that keeps me wanting.
So, how does Faith tie into all this? I should hate her, right? After all, Buffy does. But the thing is, no matter how much I love her, I'm not going to do things her way like her idiot Scooby Gang. I don't hate Faith, I'm down the same road she is. And I think I could help her.
She keeps an electric fence around her. Never letting anyone in, intimidating them with her loud, wild attitude. What she doesn't know is that I've snuck in under her electric fence, and gotten into the soft core. Even though I know more about her than anyone ever has, I still haven't opened her up. It's like disarming a bomb. You need to snip the exact right wire to shut it off, or else it will explode. I don't know the right words or gestures to get her to trust me. But she will someday, I know it.
What torment could she be suffering in Europe right now? Are the others pushing her away, treating her like she's a demon they can't slay? Telling her she's not good enough, or to stay the hell away from them? What I wonder is how the hell they think those words don't effect her. Don't they realize they are just making her more into what they hate about her?
The bottom line is: No matter how much Buffy hates her, or I hit her, I don't hate Faith. I want her to open up to me, make me see what's underneath. But, for now, she's the only woman whose a mystery to me and she's keeping up her electric fence, and that keeps me wanting.
A/N: I warned you in my review that it would be Anti-Spuffy (really, Anti-Buffy in general.) I know I made it sound like the Scooby Gang were weak Buffy-worshippers, but remember, this is in Spike's eyes. Flames will be ignored. Next chapter will be Faith's view on Spike.