Letters to Santa

Victim One: Knives

Dear Santa,

I have concluded, through much deliberation, that you cannot possibly be the ugly spider that Rem told me you are. If, indeed, you have the ability to deliver gifts to ever child on Gunsmoke than you must be some super human creature. like. a plant. So I have taken it upon myself to write to you, since you aren't one of those silly spider traditions, like the Thanksgiving incident.

So, for this "Christmas" I would like a new angel arm, world domination, and the destruction of humanity. I know, I know. I don't ask for much, you're shocked I'm so selfless, but since my list is so small it should be easy to acquire all the items on it.

Sincerely,

Millions Knives

PS: If I should find that you really do "see me when I'm sleeping" and do in fact "know when I'm awake" I will make sure you rue the day you were born. I will slaughter you with a spoon. There will be blood everywhere! I WILL-you get the point.

AN: Yes, I'm a horrible person, I couldn't resist. I said I was done, but I've lied. I'm back.