Disclaimer: Same as always.


Chapter 6, in which Hazana confronts Gollum and starts writing in a different format because apparently writing in script is illegal. Thankyou for bringing that to my attention Legolas's girl 9. (And to answer your other question, the Michael Jackson thing started as an in joke between my friends and I. History became legend, legend became myth and now no one's really sure what's going on there. Not even me.) Anyway I'm reformed from the script thing now. Don't jail me.

Wow... Such a long title...

"Anyway, emergency speech marks have been ordered and we're ready to start the show!" Hazana grins "I'm not good at writing like this and maybe I sound cheesy, but do I care? No, because this is about stopping bad self insert fan fiction and-"
"Methinkses you're adding to the problem precious! Gollum!" Interrupts Gollum.
"He has a point you know." Shrugged Boromir.

"Why are you still here?" Asked Hazana, confused. "Because you deliberately stole my car keys so that I couldn't get home." He replies eyes narrowed. "I've been here for over a week"
"You don't have a car"
"I do!" He protested. "It's a merc!"
"You're from middle earth though!" She whined.
"Then what did you just steal? My horse keys?"
Gollum ahems politely, but immediately after begins to cough and hack, which sort of spoils his good manners. Hazana grudgingly hands Boromir his keys and watches him walk away, trying not to cry, cuddling her Boromir action figure (which is more painful that it sounds. Dumb, hard, plastic. I'll melt you...Yes...). She takes a deep breath and counts to ten before yelling, "Why do you hate me?"

"Gollum! Heses too goods for you!" Sings Gollum. "Too good for nasssty girl who makes us wear pantses!" Hazana chooses to ignore him. "That brings us nicely onto our first question"
"Do you have a problem with running around naked?" Gollum shakes his head slowly. "Better than wearing these stupid jeanses." He stresses the last word with an absolute loathing. He coughs, which sounds rather painful. "Better to be able to move precious, oh yes. To feel the wind on our-"
Hazana promptly cut him off. "What's it like to be Gollum?" She cried quickly. "Hard." He hissed. "Is that anything to do with fan fiction?" His expression changed, and became softer. "We'ses ignored. We'ses the enemy. We'ses always made fun of"
Hazana nodded sympathetically as his expression hardened and he continued. "And Mary Sueses?" He spat on the floor and Hazana tripped over herself to save her john Galliano boots. Who cares if she could never afford John Galliano boots in real life, this is the wonderful world of fan fiction. "Mary Sueses we wants to wring their scrawny necks we does!" He paused for a second. "Because they upset master precious"
"Yeessss, precious."

To be continued