Well, here we go. This is my first long Harry Potter fic. . . bear with me. Review and I'll LOVE you!

Chapter 1

"Remus, you need a girlfriend," Sirius remarked, sinking down into a plush armchair.
"Why would you say that?"
"You just DO."
"No I don't."
"Yes you DO. If you had a girlfriend, maybe you wouldn't be such an incredible dork all the time."
"I'm not a dork!"
"Are." James Potter poked his head around the doorframe. "I have no idea what you're talking about, Moony, but yes, you ARE a dork."
"No I'm not! Aren't you supposed to be studying or something?"
"Well, I WAS, but then I came out here because I decided that finding Lily and making out with her would be much more interesting than whatever I was doing at the moment."
"Niiiiiice," Remus commented, grinning.
"I thought so," James replied, dusting a bit of lint off his shoulder. "Well, I'm off. And if I'm gone a long time, don't even bother waiting up."
"Don't worry," Sirius muttered, rolling his eyes. James grinned and bounded out of the room towards the girls' dormitories.
"That right there," Remus explained, pointing his thumb at James, "is the EXACT reason I don't need a girlfriend."
"What, bounding across a room looking like a retarded moose every time you think about macking on her?"
"But it would be so much fun to watch you," Sirius said, stretching out on the floor and giving up. "You know, it's only Tuesday, but I have SO much homework."
"You've had homework all month," Remus said, frowning, and sliding off the couch to sit next to him. "What's that all about?"
"I dunno, man," Sirius muttered, yanking a few textbooks out of his bookbag. "But I hate it. I wish I could have just ONE DAY without any homework."
"Well here. Let me help you."
"Thanks," Sirius said, looking at him and grinning. "You want to write my essay or do my research?"
"What subjects do you have work in?"
"History of Magic. Arithmancy. Potions. Transfiguration. Charms. Herbology. Astronomy-"
"Wait. You have HERBOLOGY homework?"
Sirius groaned and shook his head. "I KNOW. I never have Herbology homework, you know that?"
"Yeah, no kidding," Remus said, taking the papers from him and looking at them. "I don't get it. How did you get all this?"
"Lector and his goddamned remedial potions class."
"Well, do you know when he makes me meet with him?"
"No, when?"
"The first twenty minutes of every class period!"
"Why?" Remus demanded
"I don't know. . . but I always miss the lesson, so I spend the rest of the period catching up and then I have to do all the classwork for homework. It SUCKS."
Remus frowned. "What the hell? Why can't you meet with him after the regular school day?"
"He won't let me! He just goes on about how 'I have things to do too, Mr. Black, and if you'd like anything at all, you'd better come at the assigned times'."
"What an ass."
"I know. So will you help me?"
"Sure," Remus agreed resignedly, pulling a quill and a piece of parchment and beginning to scrawl. "I'm taking notes for you," he informed Sirius, "so that you don't have to turn in anything in my handwriting."
"Thanks," Sirius repeated gratefully. "I don't know where I'd be without you."

"What is he DOING up there?" James demanded to Remus the next day towards the end of Care of Magical Creatures. After arriving twenty minutes late on a pass, Sirius had been at the front of the room for the last half hour while the rest of the class worked on an assignment dealing with grindylows.
"I dunno, but he's coming back," Remus observed. "He looks. . . slightly pissed."
"Okay, I'm gonna lose my mind," Sirius muttered through gritted teeth when he reached Remus and James.
"You know that lab you guys were just working on?"
"Yeah. . ."
"I have to make up the whole damn thing because of course Kiljarney took an eternity to explain the lesson to me. So that's another half hour of Magical Creatures homework tonight. DAMMIT."

"You've only got a couple more subjects to go," Remus said encouragingly. He and Sirius were in the Common Room, working on Sirius's homework. James was out with Lily and Peter was playing chess in the library with a Ravenclaw, so the two were left alone.
"Yeah, but it's Potions," Sirius groaned. "And I hate Potions."
Each boy worked on a different worksheet. Remus finished his first, then looked over Sirius's shoulder. "No," he corrected, trying to sound gentle and knowing his didn't, "oak root and wormwood make an aphrodisiac, not a sleeping draught."
"Oh, whatever!" Sirius yelled. "When will I EVER have to know this?"
"N.E.W.T.s next year," Remus reminded.
"DAMN! I HATE those things!"
"I know."
Sirius sighed. "I'm sorry. I just. . . Potions makes me so damn mad sometimes."
They worked in silence for a few minutes longer before Remus cleared his throat. "You know," he began a little shakily, then lost his nerve. "Never mind."
Remus bit his lip. "This is going to sound really weird and I want you to give it a chance before you say no."
"I will. . . what is it, Moony?"
Remus swallowed and set down the assignment. "I was thinking," he began again. "If you got a tutor, you wouldn't have to go to Lector every day, and you wouldn't have to miss so many lessons. Then you wouldn't have as much homework every night AND you'd know your potions better. Follow?"
"A tutor. . . like, a kid, right? Not a teacher?"
"Remus, that's a GREAT idea! There's nothing weird about that! But I need someone. . . no offense, but you're not that great with potions. . ."
"No, I know. . . but that's not who I was thinking about. THIS is the weird part, Sirius. You know who in our year is really, really good with potions?"
"Uh. . . Lily?"
"No again."
Sirius shrugged. "I give up. But I'm to the point where I'd take anyone if they'd help me with Potions."
Remus swallowed. "I've never seen someone as good at potions as Severus is."
"WHAT? You want me to get help with Potions from SNAPE?!"
Remus threw his hands up. "Sirius, let's face it. You SUCK at Potions. And Lector's just about the worst teacher I've ever seen. You know how many times I've proved him wrong about something in a lesson?"
"Well I-"
"With him teaching you about stuff you're already bad at, there's no way you'll pass this semester without outside help. I can't give you that kind of help, and I don't know anyone else who can except Severus."
"Severus? You're calling him SEVERUS!"
Remus frowned. "Why wouldn't I?"
"Since when are you on first name terms with SNAPE?!" Sirius demanded shrilly, his voice rising on the last word.
"Since ever, I guess! I just don't like calling him by his last name all the time. He HAS a name, you know!"
"Well, yes, but I don't think you should be able to be called by a name if you don't earn it."
"Oh, and how does one earn the right to a name with you, Mr. Black?"
"By acting like a normal, civil, functioning member of society!"
"I can think of a few occasions when YOU haven't met your own standards!" Remus shouted back.
"Why are you defending him, Moony? What has he EVER done for you except cause you misery?"
"I'm not defending him personally. I'm defending every human's right to be treated like a PERSON! I am SO SICK of you treating everyone like they're beneath you!"
"I don't treat everyone like they're beneath me! I know they're not! But you. . . every time you get on your little "holy and righteous" spiel it makes me want to pull my hair out! YOU'RE the one who acts like they're better than everyone else! Your head in a book all the time. . ."
"Oh so now because I'm LITERATE I'm above everyone?"
"Remus, shut the hell up!"
"YOU shut up! I'm going upstairs. You do your own damn homework!"
"I will the second you get your damned dirty hands off of it!"
Remus half-shouted, half-grunted in loathing, threw the homework at his friend, and stormed up the stairs.
"What the hell was that all about?" asked a third year named Kyle.
"I don't know. I don't care," a disgusted Sirius replied. "So leave me the hell alone and mind your own business, kid."
"WOW, is Lily a good kisser," James called dreamily when he floated into the common room an hour later. He stopped short when he saw Sirius. "Padfoot, are you STILL doing homework? I thought Remus was going to help you out."
"Lupin can FUCK OFF and go to HELL," Sirius moaned. "Right now all I want is this damn Transfiguration homework done."
"Jesus. I leave for a couple hours and the world falls apart."
"Yeah yeah yeah. Check this worksheet for me."
"This is all right," James remarked, eyes scanning the page quickly.
"Are you sure?"
"Have I ever been wrong about a Transfiguration question?"
"No. Thank you."
"You're welcome. Mind telling me just why Remus should go fuck himself?"
"I said fuck OFF. If you're going to grill me, at least get your terms right."
"Oh, excuse me. Mind telling me why he should fuck off?"
Sirius sighed. "You wanna hear the stupidest thing in the world?"
"Of course."
"Well, he thinks I should get SNAPE to tutor me in Potions."
"I was thinking something along those lines myself, I meant to mention it to you the other day, Padfoot, but I forgot. . . but back to the original topic. . . what are you fighting about again?"
Sirius stared at his friend in horror. "Are you SERIOUS?"
"No, but you are."
Sirius stared at him for a few seconds. "Oh. I get it. Hilarious, James. Hifuckinglarious."
James grinned. "Thank you." Then his eyes narrowed. "Wait. That's not what you're fighting over, is it?"
"Kind of."
"You're fighting because Remus is thinking of ways to help you pass the semester?"
"Well. . . it's. . . it's SNAPE, dammit, and I just. . . he was being so RIGHTEOUS. . . and I couldn't stand it anymore. . . SNAPE! Doesn't that mean ANYTHING to you?"
"I don't think it matters what it means to ME. I think it matters that to YOU Snape means passing the semester."
"Why does everyone think that on my own I would fail?"
"Because right now you've got an insane workload. It's not your fault," James added quickly, catching sight of the venom in his friend's eyes. He sighed. "Look, I'm sure Remus didn't do anything that he thought would upset you. He just wants the best for you. Like me," he added as a sort of afterthought. "You're under a lot of stress, and I don't really think you meant to take it out on him."
"How the hell do you know who I meant to take my stress out on?"
"I know a lot about you, Siri," James replied solemnly. "I've known you for too long to think that you're really as angry at Remus as you think you are."
"Stop telling me what I'm thinking," Sirius said irritably.
"Then tell me that I'm wrong."
"You're wrong."
"Tell me again. Look me in the eye and tell me that nothing I just said was correct."
Sirius sighed. "No."
"Because you're right."
"Shut up, Potter."
"I'm like your therapist. I need to start charging you."
"I'll pay you the second I actually ASK for you to go off on your touchy feely stuff."
"I'm not touchy feely. I'm MENTALLY SOUND."
"Oh. Excuse me." For the first time in over an hour, Sirius grinned.

"Moony? You in there?" Sirius asked, gently rapping on the door to the boys' dormitories.
"Sirius, if that's you I suggest you either get the hell out of here or prepare for the beating of your life."
"For one thing, I'm not moving until you let me in. For another thing, you know you couldn't take me."
'Like hell I'll let you in', Remus thought to himself on the other side of the door as he crossed the room and locked the door. 'What an arrogant pig.' He sighed and flopped down onto his bed, pulling a book close and deciding to read for the rest of the night. He drifted off around eleven.

"Ugh," Remus muttered two hours later, sitting up in bed, holding his head. He'd been sleeping fitfully, and now the onset of a migraine was on his last nerve. "Ugh," he muttered again, realizing that he didn't know the charm to get rid of it.
He turned a lamp on by his bed, blinded temporarily by the light. Slipping some slippers onto his feet, he unlocked the door and opened it. He stepped out and promptly tripped over something, falling to the floor like a rock.
"AAH! What the hell. . . Oh my GOD, Sirius, you're STILL OUT HERE?"
"I said I wasn't moving."
"What the. . ." Remus sighed and then gave up, lying flat on the hallway on his back. "Sirius, I have a headache. . . please. . . I don't remember the charm. . ."
"Cranius vitrolus," Sirius murmured softly, waving his wand.
"Thank you."
"You're welcome."
"What the hell are you DOING here? I'm done arguing with you." The words were hostile, but Remus spoke them calmly, sounding almost placating.
"I don't want to argue. I'm sorry for arguing with you."
"You're sorry?"
Sirius groaned. "I'm sorry."
Remus's jaw dropped and he sat up. "The almighty Sirius Black is SORRY?"
"You are making this very difficult. You have the head of a goat and the gods spit upon your image."
"I accept your apology."
"Thank you. I'm also slightly sorry that I said the gods spit upon your image."
"What about the goat head part?"
"Nope. Not sorry."
Remus smiled and sank back to the floor. "Then I guess I'm sorry for the things I said, too. Kind of."
"I talked to James," Sirius said softly. "He thinks the Snape. . . Severus. . . thing. . . would be a good idea."
"All my ideas are good."
"I know. I'm sorry."
"God, why are you acting so bananalike?"
"BANANALIKE?" Sirius demanded, looking a little affronted but at the same time looking like he wanted to laugh.
"You know. Soft. Mushy. Yellow. Sweet."
"Bananalike. Nice, Remmy. It's probably because I'm so tired. Rest assured that in the morning, you will not be able to pump anything like this from me without a torture chamber."
"Even then I might not have much luck."
"True," Sirius agreed, then dropped his head. "I'll talk to Sna- to Severus tomorrow."
"Thank you."
"You're welcome." On that note, the two boys in the hallway fell asleep. End of chapter 1