Disclaimer: These characters belong to J. K. Rowling, of course you know that. Wish they were ours, oh well. There will be more of these from different characters in the future. Nice reviews will be greatly appreciated all flamers shall receive a special Fred and George Weasley care package grins.
Authors Note: This is going to be part of an ongoing series of Monologues. As new Characters are created there will be other Monologues posted. For those who don't know, a Monologue is a dramatic (or comic) soliloquy performed by one person as in Shakespeare's Hamlet. So let the show begin………..
TheMischiefMakers are proud to present to you:
The Harry Potter Monologues
The Professor Monologues, Part One
Staring: Dumbledore, Snape, McGonagall, and Lockhart
"All the world's a stage and the men and women merely players."
Halloween night and the feast begins again. Outwardly I smile and joke with the other professors but inwardly my heart fills with sadness. The betrayal of all those years ago still wounds my heart. I try to forget it but as I look down at the students I see him and the memory of that Halloween night returns as if it had only happened yesterday. He has returned and it makes the pain I carry inside all the worse. I see him in the halls or on the Quidditch field and I see not him but James. It's almost like he never left Hogwarts, his mother is still here too. I see her looking out of his eyes when he comes to me asking for advice. His eyes have the same glow hers did and their shared smile still lights up the room.
Harry sits there laughing with his friends at the Gryffindor table and I wonder how he can laugh on this night of all nights. Then I remember that he doesn't really remember what happened that night now several years gone. I look down and see not Harry and his two friends but James and his three. I smile at the memory, thinking of all their pranks and jokes. Harry sees my smile and waves up at me, his bright green eyes shining with life and joy. I wave back but see not his eyes full of life but another pair their light gone forever
It is my secret pain that I've shared with no one. I wonder if there was something more I should have done, something I could have said. My actions or lack of them have left Harry without a family and every time I see him I am reminded of that. I wonder why I didn't know who the true traitor was at the start of all this. I'm usually so good at knowing everything that goes on around me but not on that night. Not with Peter. I made a mistake and Harry and his parents paid for my arrogance. Voldemort must surely be enjoying my pain wherever he is hiding now.
Though I have no answers to my questions, I do hold answers to Harry's. I know the secret of his past, why Voldemort wants him dead, exactly how his mother protected him and what he did to first break Voldemort's power. I will tell him when the time comes and not before. I don't want him to worry about it or to fear for his life anymore than he does now for fear is Voldemort's weapon of choice. Harry must concentrate on learning and developing his powers first and worry about all else later.
I may have made a mistake regarding Harry's parents but I will not repeat it with him. I will give my life to keep him safe and have placed many charms of protection around him. It is all I can do now. Later there may be time for other things. For Voldemort's power is rising again, I feel it in my soul. The pain and guilt I carry is Voldemort's fault and the wound it caused may never truly heal. I laugh at something McGonagall is saying but the pain inside lingers as it does every Halloween night.
The people that we love can never be truly dead and I loved James and Lily as if they were my own children. I will do all I can to aid Harry on his quest. James and Lily live on in him and by helping him maybe my guilt will subside. I will guard and protect him. I have made this promise to myself and to their memories.
Potter, the very name boils my blood. Potter, the new "celebrity." Potter, Lily and James' son. Harry Potter. He's just like his father, if he had known his father he would understand why we say it all the time to him. He would also better understand the hatred I have for him. When I see him it's his father that I see, his defiance and his arrogance. Then Harry looks at me in class, defiance in his eyes, but all I see are her eyes. Lily's green eyes staring back at me. It's unnerving to have her eyes staring at me from James' face. It amazes me how much of both of them are in Harry. Often I wonder if he knows it himself.
I see him in class, in the halls, around the school, and he acts so much like James, so much. Then when he plays quidditch it's like having James here. Except for those eyes, Lily's sparkling green eyes are searching for the snitch. It's through these eyes, her eyes, that he sees life, school and me.
Lily. Her name still gives me shivers. Lily Weasley. Now you see why I'm so hard on the Weasleys too. Lily is, was their cousin. They too are a constant reminder of her. They're flaming red hair just like hers.
I loved Lily. Ironic isn't it. The Great, Bitter Severus Snape, Potions Master and Head of Slytherin House in ….love? No one would believe it. I hardly believe it anymore myself. But once before I became Potions Master. Before I was Head of the most hated house. I was just Severus Snape, the brightest student in Ravenclaw. A tall, gangly kid without a care in the world. I loved life. I really did. Until…..That Day.
Actually it was two different days, years apart, which changed my whole outlook on life. The first caused me great pain and bitterness. The second shattered me completely. It's still hard to talk about the second, which makes the first day seem so trivial in the scheme of things. I remember each day though as if it just happened. I'll remember them forever.
The first day was when I finally decided to ask Lily to meet with me. I had been debating with myself for weeks. But, finally I was going to ask her. Of course things always have a way of going wrong when I plan them. This plan was no different, James appeared to help Lily as I was about to and they fell instantly in love. I ran away, tears streaming down my face, and asking myself: "Why, why, did everything go wrong? Why did fate have to play her hand?" It was that day that I realized I could never have the girl of my dreams. I was bitter, bitter and angry. Nothing would be right again. Bitter was the worst thing to be, or so I thought, then it happened.
I'm speaking, of course, of the death of James and Lily Potter. Death…actually it was murder. It was this total loss of Lily that shattered me completely. I would never be able to see her again, never. She was lost to me, gone. I'd never again have the chance meeting in the street or the passing "Hello" when she came to see Dumbledore. But all that was gone now.
I came to their funeral. Everyone was surprised by this because of my rivalry with James. But, I came nonetheless, and cried no less then anyone else, perhaps more. I cried for Lily and James too, their perfect happiness had been shattered and I was shattered as well.
I stood there, at their gravesite as the coffins were laid in and wept. Lily, my lily was being put in the ground never to blossom again. I wept so hard I had to raise my hood so no one would think the Great Severus Snape had lost his senses. If only they all knew the real me. Longing for something more but stuck with something less.
After the funeral, when everyone had left, I remained behind looking at the hole that was their grave. I peered over the edge and saw a glint to gold from the casket hinge and polished wood surrounded by dirt. I stood there for a while, just looking I had to fight back the urge to jump in a pull their bodies out. All my bitterness was gone and was replaced by a sadness that I had never felt. Where there was once bitterness there was only a cold, dark void in my heart. I began to cry again as I looked up at the sky. It was then that I whispered the words I had never said. "I love you Lily."
Then I threw two things into their grave. One was a bouquet containing one white rose and a lily. The other was an Amulet of Protection to keep their bodies safe and to protect their grave. Why you're probably wondering. I'm not sure myself, it just seemed the right thing to do, besides there are all kinds of creatures that lurk in the darkness.
To this day the Amulet still protects them I check on it regularly with the binding spell. Also, I visit their grave, everyday and I place my bouquet. A white rose and a lily. For her…..no, for them.
"Try and relax for once"
I say this to myself often yet I am never able to do it. I find myself saying this phrase over and over like some bazaar kind of litany, willing myself to believe I can but fearing to relax completely. I am not the kind of person to relax, even for a moment and I cannot even remember what relaxation feels like. Too much has happened, too many horrible things, within the years that make up my life. The biggest of these things is Voldemort. There I have said the name but don't ask me to again. He is out there somewhere, waiting like a posed snake ready to strike when he rises again. Too many of my family, friends and yes former students have fallen prey to this evil, corrupt man. Because of this every year my job becomes harder. As I look out over a sea of students during the start of term feast I wonder which ones will still be alive at the start of the next year or will even live long after graduation?
All the students say I'm strict and unbending but they don't know the half of it. I know that the statement is true but I can't afford to get to close to them, not even the Gryffindor's whose house I head. My strictness is but a shield between me and them. Of all the Houses, Gryffindor's seems to be the hardest hit. Their list of dead is a long one several rolls of parchment long. I'm not sure whether that's because they are brave and daring to a fault or because He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named hates Gryffindor so. I would suspect both.
I look out over my transfiguration classes and wonder who will live and who will die. I know I shouldn't do it and I really try not to but I cannot seem to stop myself from wondering especially when the Gryffindor's sit before me. Will The Weasley twins still be pulling their pranks? Will Hermione still be scolding everyone? Will Oliver still be keeping goal on some Quidditch field somewhere? Will Ron have a chance to find his place in the world and will Neville even graduate? These questions run in circles through my mind and I have no answers, at least nothing but vague feelings and premonitions. My gift is so often wrong though that I can't tell whether what it tells me is true or not. This is the reason why people who claim to be seers often annoy me. And why I have no patience with divination.
I wonder too about young Harry Potter, perhaps him most of all. He is the last of his line, the Last Potter. Will he die too in the coming battle ending a line that is as old as magic? Somehow I suspect not. He has already survived so much in his life. His father's luck and his mother's love still protect him even now, years after the spells were cast upon him. Maybe through him the others will be spared the horror. This is my hope. Then maybe all my questions will end their never ending spiral. Maybe my thoughts will stop straying and maybe… just maybe I'll be able to relax again.
Me, Gilderoy Lockhart, Order of Merlin, Third Class, Honorary Member of the Dark Force Defense League and five time winner of Witch Weekly's Most-Charming-Smile Award, not that I talk about that much. I Gilderoy Lockhart am about to embark on the greatest quest of my whole career. An adventure of epic proportions. Yes, yes, I know winning the Most-Charming-Smile Award five times is pretty epic, but my quest now is much more impressive. Well, maybe not much more impressive, but just as impressive. What you may ask will I be doing, will I again banish banshees or perhaps destroy vampires or save entire villages from death. No, something much more important then that, not that all those things aren't important because they are. I shall be teaching. Not just anywhere either, but at Hogwarts. I won't be teaching just any subject either I shall have control over the Defense Against the Dark Arts class.
Of course, I am the most qualified for the job. I've done so much study in the Dark Arts and I've prevented so many disasters from happening how else could I be anything but the best man for the job. Did I mention that I've won Witch Weekly's Most-Charming-Smile Award five times. I'm sure I forgot to tell you that. I try not to talk about it much as there are so many things that I have done. For example, I'm an acclaimed author. My books have been best sellers at Flourish and Blotts for weeks now. Not that I'm bragging about it, I don't brag about anything. I'm sure I forgot to mention my award, Most-Charming-Smile Award, Witch Weekly gives it every year and I've won it five times running, but I don't tell everyone about it.
I need to focus all my attention on my new job. Yes, I have much to do. Lessons to prepare. Of course the best books for the class will be my books, naturally. So much information there. I could use my complete set. I mean, it is the most complete compendium of the world of the Dark Arts. Spent years with them all. Excellent books, bestseller, every one of them. All you could ever want to know about Dark Arts and about me of course. There's even a whole section on a disturbance at one of the Witch Weekly Award banquets. Did I tell you, I've won their Most-Charming-Smile Award five times, I'm sure I forgot such a little thing. I don't talk about it much.
I could use my whole set of books and sell it at a discount…no that's a bad idea. Just think they could all end up back on the bestseller list again. The possibilities are endless. Perhaps I could even include a copy of my autobiography, Magical Me, there is a lot of information in it too that's not covered in my other fifteen books. Hmmmmm, perhaps I should include all fifteen of my books, Break with a Banshee, Wanderings with Werewolves, Voyages with Vampires, Gadding with Ghouls, Holidays with Hags, Travels with Trolls, Year with the Yeti, Dinners with Dragons, Basking with Basilisks, Fighting with Fiends, Mornings with the Morrigan, Ravings with Rocs, Breakfast with Boggarts, Waiting with Wraiths and Nights with Nagas. No that might be too much. Too intimidating. Worry about that later, I've more important things to worry about. What should I do for my first class. Wait I know………Cornish Pixies.