The Corinthos Penthouse---The not too distant future
"What the hell do you think you're doing?"
Carly jumped back as Sonny slammed the top of the suitcase shut. She just looked at him, unable to say anything. This decision was already something she was unsure of, seeing him made her question it even further.
"You've been quiet a lot more frequently lately. That's not your style Carly."
She tried to take a deep breath without showing it, she had to speak, she had to compose herself "I need some time on my own. I'm going to take the kids and move into my mom's for awhile."
His eyes were strangely dead, it frightened her "What the hell are you talking about Carly; we're supposed to be moving into our house in two weeks."
She froze for a moment and refused to look at him when she said "I don't want to live there."
He ran his fingers through his hair, "God dammit Carly, it was an accident, I never meant to shoot you."
She turned on her heel and facing him she screamed "No you meant to shoot Lorenzo!"
He laughed, one of those sarcastic little chuckles "You are leaving because of him. I thought you said you didn't feel anything for him anymore."
"I don't know what the hell I feel." It was a lie, she knew what she felt, but she just wasn't ready to admit it yet. She turned not wanting him to see her eyes.
"Oh I think you do," he grabbed her arm and turned her back to him, "You love him. Just say it Carly, it'll feel so good when you say it. Come on say it…"
The fire finally returned to her eyes "Fine, goddammit Sonny, I LOVE HIM. I love him so much I can't breathe, I can't eat; I can't do anything without him being in my thoughts. Does that make you feel better? Did you really need to hear me say that?" She took a deep breath as she waited for him to answer, he was right, it had felt better. Until she realized he had turned his back to her. "Sonny?"
"How many times have you been in love Carly?" He said turning back, she was now afraid of the calmness in his voice.
She blankly looked at him
"Come on let's think about this, how many times have you been in love? Tony Jones"
"I didn't love him, I wanted to hurt Bobbie."
"Oh please if you'd just wanted to hurt Bobbie you would have dumped him well before he dumped you, especially when you landed your chance at a Quartermaine."
She remained quiet, with her arms shut, eyes glaring.
"Oh and Jason, let's not forget Jason…Of course look at what you did to him," he waved his arm displaying himself. "Then me, you certainly claimed to love me or at least that was your excuse every time you did something stupid, like letting us think you were dead."
She started to open her mouth
"Oh no Carly, I get the same information Jason does, he just isn't aware of it. So that's three, how many years have you been in Port Charles? And now the fourth, our local drug dealer." He laughed, "I can't believe it Carly, you're the only person who actually moves down on the level of guys she cares about. You started off with a pillar of the community and now you're down to a drug dealer."
"Don't be an ass Sonny, it's not helping anything. I love him and trust me, I love him more deeply than I could have ever imagined. Do you really think I would let us go so easily?"
"I don't know Carly and honestly I don't care. Do you think you're the only one who knows what it's like to love someone more," he stopped for a moment looking for the right word, "obsessively than your spouse?"
She glared at him, she didn't mean to, but she did.
"We made vows, vows to each other, vows to our children. You don't just get to walk out on them, trust me; I learned that the hard way once."
"How many times have you left me Sonny?"
"I left you to keep you safe!"
"I love him Sonny! I love him so much it tears me apart to think of him ever being with anyone but me and I've never even been with him. When I think of growing old without him, I realize I don't want to grow old that badly."
"When you let yourself slip into a day dream about your future, you see yourself with him and everything has magically all worked out?" Sonny asked
"It doesn't all work out. It never all works out. Maybe he is your true love, but it won't work out."
She stood before him mouth agape "In the cottage, the safe house when you were pretending to be dead, you talked about Luis and his girlfriend, but you weren't talking about them, you were talking about yourself and Brenda." Tears threatened to spill over, she had never realized his love for her was so deep, she always thought she had a chance at winning his heart, "I can't fuckin believe I never realized, I hadn't paid enough attention to your words because I didn't realize she was Brenda."
He spoke matter of factly, "True love doesn't work out. We have a marriage and kids; we can't just let that go. Do you have any idea how much we've probably screwed up Michael, he's always moving or one of us is always leaving and now we have Morgan are we going to keep doing this?"
She ignored his question, she couldn't answer until she knew something "Tell me how you feel about Brenda?"
"I love you, Carly. I really do. Would I ever behave like such an idiot if I didn't?"
"I don't doubt that you love me, just like I don't doubt that I love you. This is different though, tell me."
He looked at her for a moment or two and realized he had no choice. What the hell, she was leaving him anyway. "You remember when you met me? You remember what a mess I was?"
"That was a year after she died, that was me getting better. Until you came into my life with Michael, I didn't know what living was. Everything was a front, everything was a lie. I even tried to replace Brenda with Hannah, when she was in my bed, I could pretend it was Brenda; it was no where near the same, but it was all I had. When I'd wake up and see her figure lying next to me for a moment I could think it had all been a lie and that Brenda was still with me, it was the reason I could continue to live. When I saw Brenda standing there in the rain again"
Carly watched Sonny as he paused, she watched him fighting back the tears and she hated seeing so much love in his eyes.
"When I saw her there I couldn't figure out if I wanted to beat her senseless or kiss her silly. Do you know why I was so angry at her? She left, she left me, she not only left me, she made me suffer, she made me think she was dead and even worse she had been able to stay away, she hadn't needed me as much as I needed her, I needed her like I needed air to breathe. There was a hit out on us and I still had to fight with myself to leave, I still couldn't stay away, I still couldn't keep my hands off of her. I would have killed myself and her just for another kiss and she had been able to leave."
"You would be with her if it weren't for the price on your heads?"
Defeated he answered, "Probably"
"Then why do you expect me to stay?"
"Because whatever stupid asinine thing I would do, I would always know it was wrong, I knew it was wrong when I tried to leave Lily and I knew it was wrong when Brenda came back to town. Just like you know when you think about breaking up our family for Lorenzo Alcazar that it's not the right thing to do."
"What's right Sonny? Who gets to judge what's right and what's wrong? Why is it wrong to be happy, why is it wrong to be your happiest, to wake up in the arms of the one you love?"
"Because too many others would get hurt"
"Just because Lily died doesn't mean it has to be like that!"
"You're a grown woman Carly; I've tried to make your decisions for too long. You always end up doing whatever it is you want anyway."
She started to close the latches on her suitcase, she was leaving now; she could buy whatever it was she hadn't packed. She picked up the suitcase and started to leave, when she turned to say goodbye, she saw his eyes glancing at his nightstand. She never looked in there because she knew a gun was hidden, she wondered for a moment who he was shooting himself or her? She walked over to it, not willing to risk either of their lives. She saw his eyes widen ever so slightly and he turned away.
"Hmmm" she laughed as she opened the drawer, "the pocket watch Brenda gave to you. The moment I walk out this door you're going to her aren't you? You'll show up at her door and take her into your arms, will you be able to say anything more than I love you? Would you want to say anything more than 'I love you?' Apart for five long years? Would you carry her off to a new island? I bet you have a new one waiting for her; it's been waiting for the slightest chance. That would probably work best for you; I can't imagine you'd ever share her with anyone. Could you even manage to share her with kids?"
"Careful Carly, you're sounding like a jealous wife."
"God dammit Sonny, are you going to her the moment I leave?"
"Don't ask me to stay!"
"You have two kids Sonny, what the hell will Michael and Morgan do without you?"
"I need to think Carly, I came home fifteen minutes ago thinking my world was great and now I realize my entire life as I know it is over."
Suitcase in hand she looked at him one last time as she started to walk back out the door "I love you Sonny, please don't do anything stupid."
He laughed "Don't worry Carly, you're safe right now, you're doing something stupid enough for the both of us."