"Get. Off. Me. Granger."

"I—I can't!"

"I know how incredibly god-like my looks are, Granger, but please. Try to contain yourself."

"No, you stupid git, I mean there's no room!"

"Well, open the stair."

"I've tried that already! It won't move!"

"Try harder."

"I did! Hey—where's my wand?"

"How am I to know?!"

"Do you know where your wand is, Malfoy?"

"Of course I do, idiot, it's right in my—hey, what the—"

"Ow! Don't hit me, you prat!"

"Where did my wand go? What did you do with it, Granger?!"

"Help! Somebody help!"

"Shut up, Granger."

"HELP! I'm trapped in here with Malfoy!"

"Banging on the stair is not going to work."

"HELLO! Somebody get me out!"

"Can't you hear the silencing spell, Granger? No sound can get out of here."


"Hey, you said 'me.' What about me? I need to get out too!"

"For all I care, you can rot in here, Malfoy."

"Heard you were bucking for House Unity, Granger. What happened to that?"

"I'll have House Unity with everyone but you."

"Yeah, I could just see you cozying up to Snape."

"Snape! Oh, no! We're missing Potions!"

"Aw, dammit! This was a really important lesson!"

"I know! We were supposed to learn about Unclogging Potions!"

"I was going to throw a dungbomb in Potter's potion! I had special permission!"

"This is awful!"

"I know!"


"I'm going to act like we didn't just agree, Granger."

"You were going to put a dungbomb in Harry's potion?"

"Heh-heh-heh. Yeah."


"You have to ask? Anyway, I can't believe I have to miss that because of you!"

"Are you implying that this is my fault?!"

"Only because it is!"

"You were the one that fell, Malfoy! And you were the one who grabbed me on the way down!"

"Not my fault you weren't stable enough for me to grab hold of."

"I was thrown off balance by Crabbe's pushing me. On your orders. Or maybe you forgot that."

"Oh, yeah. Still wasn't my fault, though!"

"Fine! Who cares! We still have to get out of here before class—"


"Oh, great. Snape's going to be furious."

"Maybe with you."

"How are we going to get out of here?"

"No idea. Wonder where Crabbe and Goyle went…"

"Oh, if only I hadn't run back to get Potion Ingredients of the Western World! I wouldn't have run into you and this would never have happened! Oh, this is awful!"

"Yes, it is."

"Why were you on the stairs anyway?"

"'Cause I'd snatched that book out of your bag. I was waiting for you to come back for it."

"What?! Why?!"

Shrug. "Bit of fun."

"'Bit of fun'?!"

"I was bored."


"Yes, honestly. Granger, do you know how easy you are to pick on?"

"I don't want to hear this, Malfoy."

"You are so easy to pick on that all I have to do is say 'Mudblood' at you and you're furious."

"Because you're being such a jerk!"

"And do you know why I'm such a jerk?"

"Ha! So you admit you're a jerk!"

"Only to you and your stupid friends. Do you know why?"

"Because you're a terrible person and that's the only way you know how to be?"

"No, because—"

"Shut up, Malfoy."




"Stop breathing on my shoulder, will you?!"

"Well, where else am I supposed to breathe?"

"I don't know! Somewhere besides my shoulder!"


"Now you're just trying to bug me, Malfoy."

"But don't you see?! It's so easy!"

"Just—stop breathing like that. And try and think of ways to get out of here."

"Nothing's coming to me, Granger."

"Well, maybe it will if you actually give it some thought."


Sigh. "What, Malfoy?"

"What if we don't get out of here?"

"Do you see?! This is why you have to think about it!"

"All right, fine."





"Shut up and think, Malfoy."

"Not if you keep hitting me!"

"I'll stop hitting you if you think."

"Fine. I'm thinking."




A/N: So this is how it starts. I'm planning on just having their characters bounce off each other. Each chapter will be titled with a time signature, telling you how long the conversation lasts. Credit for inspiration goes to: Plaidlylush, who has been my partner in writing The Curse That Went Awry, as published under the penname Skittering Hot Magenta. Also, credit goes to the author of a lovely fic out there written entirely in dialogue. Unfortunately, I can't find it again to give that specific author credit, so if you're the author, or know what fic I'm talking about, feel free to let me know who and what it is in a review. And do tell me what you think about the start to my fic, it makes me so happy to get reviews. :D