Disclaimer: You know the drill. I don't own The Lord of the Rings, any characters or places from The Silmarillion or anything else J.R.R Tolkien wrote. Plus, as you might have suspected, I don't own any of the characters or places derived from various ancient mythologies that might be in this story. I do own several embarrassing Mary Sues, however.
Author's Note – Even though the first chapters are spent introducing the first Sue, I assure you that the point of this story is for Gimli and Boromir, the two characters that Sue writers don't seem to understand, can get their revenge on the Sue at least this once. Look out for mythology mangling too, and some surprise allies. This is rated PG for some very minor language and maybe some battle later on.
Tall and fair was she with hair as light and dazzling as a pure beam of the sun's rays and piercing crystalline eyes that could only be likened to the color of an icy pond in deep winter. Her satin dress gleamed as blue as the deepest sea although she was quite unused to wearing such finery. This woman sat bareback upon a fine white stallion as she stared down from the clouds into the green valley of Rivendell below. For she was Vallawen, an elven Valkyrie sent by the great god Odin to aid The Fellowship of the Ring, despite the fact that Odin is a Norse deity who has nothing to do at all with Arda. Not to mention the fact that valkyries have no place in Middle Earth either. But this elven Valkyrie was unique because she was half-Elf, half-Valkyrie; her mother Brunhild had fallen in love with the elf Hindir, and Vallawen had sprung from this virtually impossible union because she was special.
"There it is, Gingus Kahn," she told her magical white stallion – a gift from Freyja, goddess of love and her stepmother. "Rivendell. We must go and make sure Frodo Baggins completes his quest to Mount Doom by the decree of Odin!"
And with a great shout the Valkyrie summoned forth the powers of Ragnarok and the spirits of the dead for no real reason other than to make the author sound knowledgeable about Norse mythology, and her great steed sprang down from the clouds like a mighty gust of wind. Down they swooped, and many un-canonical elf peasants in the fields outside Rivendell were frightened and ran indoors.
"A great hawk sent from the gods to punish us!" they cried. "Hide! It will eat our children!"
Vallawen heard this and called among the winds, "Fear not, good elves! No hawk am I! For I am Vallawen, Valkyrie of Odin, here to save Middle Earth!"
The peasant elves heard her, and there was much rejoicing.
Anyway, the gorgeous she-elf (yes, she-elf) Valkyrie swooped into the Rivendell Council on her magical stallion-with-the-ridiculous-name to the amazement and surprise of all already there. Lord Elrond and Gandalf the Grey both recognized her as they usually do when it comes to such Sues.
"Praise Odin!" Gandalf cried to the others when he saw her. "He has seen our need and sent the maiden Vallawen to aid us in this matter of the Ring. My prayer has been answered!"
Elladan was understandably confused. "Surely you mean Ossë," he said to the wizard. "Or Oromë."
"No! Do not question Gandalf. He speaks of Odin, the mightiest god of them all!" Elrond corrected his son crossly. "He and the other gods in his pantheon are even mightier than Ilúvatar himself." The Lord of Rivendell crossed over to Vallawen and was nearly blinded by her beauty. "Welcome, lady! This is an unexpected surprise!"
Prince Legolas of Mirkwood gasped like a fish out of water when Vallawen and her stallion arrived; never in all his years had he laid eyes on a creature so exquisite. Lately he had grown restless roaming the not-so- spider-infested lush coniferous forests and rolling hills in Mirkwood, bored with hunting and playing manly games with his friends all day long, and he was more than glad when his father had ordered him to go to Rivendell for a council to discuss the fate of the Ring at the bidding of Lord Elrond - even though Elrond really couldn't have bid anyone come to discuss the fate of the Ring because the arrival of Frodo was rather unexpected, and everyone had come for different reasons to begin with. But Legolas hadn't come to tell of Gollum's escape in this story; he was there solely as the Valkyrie's love interest even though he didn't know it yet. But he would soon find out.
"Thank you, my lord," said Vallawen in a divine voice that sounded like icy chimes rustling through the wind on a harsh winter's day. "All I can do to help I shall. Let us return to the discussion." The elven Valkyrie turned to her horse and said, "Go on, Gingus! Find some lush grass to feast upon and leave me to my duty!"
To the astonishment of everyone, the stallion spoke back. "Yes, m'lady." And tossing his silver mane he cantered away more gracefully than any mearas and in an instant had disappeared.
Gandalf hugged the woman. "How have you been, child? Have you turned sixteen already?"
"Yes, Mithrandir. My birthday was about a month ago, but you know as well as I that Odin has graced me with the wisdom of a person far beyond my age. You silly old man, you!" She planted a kiss on his cheek.
"Everyone!" Gandalf called the council's attention to the girl once more. "This is Vallawen, my foster daughter. She has been sent by Odin to aid us in our discussion."
Vallawen settled down in a chair next to Elrond and fell silent, studying the members of the council in turn as the discussion continued.
"Bring forth the Ring, Frodo," Elrond ordered, motioning to a stone pedestal in the middle of the circle. And thus began the age-old process of rewriting the Council movie script and simply inserting the Sue at certain points.
A small creature stood up from the extreme left of the group and hesitantly walked forward. After several long moments, the Ring was displayed. Frodo walked back as though a great weight had been lifted from his shoulders. The others stared at the Ring, except for Legolas who only had eyes for the elven Valkyrie sitting across from him.
For her part Vallawen was aware of the keen eyes of Mirkwood's prince upon her but paid no heed. Her attention had focused on a brown haired man to her right.
"So it is true," the brown haired man almost whispered. He stood up and surveyed the circle around him. "A dream. I saw the eastern sky go dark, but in the West a pale light lingered. Voices were crying that doom was near at hand – Isildur's Bane is found. Islidur's Bane . . ." His slowly hand reached for the Ring, and for a moment all was still.
"Boromir!" Elrond leapt to his feet, crying out just before the man could reach it.
Boromir jerked back like one startled out of a dream as Gandalf too stood and began to speak in a strange tongue, filling the air with tremors of sound.
"Ash nazg durbatulûk,
Ash nazg gimbatul,
Ash nazg thrakatulûk,
Agh burzum-ishi krimpatul."
Darkness descended upon the council as the Black Speech filled the air. Gimli the dwarf cried out. Legolas shut his eyes. Boromir retreated several steps. Vallawen sat frozen like a statue.Gandalf's hideous words ceased, and Boromir sat down with a bewildered look in his eyes, but Elrond turned and glared daggers at the old wizard, saying something about how evil the language he had just spoken was and that it was not welcome in Rivendell.
"I do not ask your pardon, Lord Elrond, for the Black Speech of Mordor may yet be heard in every corner of the West," Gandalf simply replied. He glared at Boromir and finished, "The Ring is altogether evil."
"Nay, it is a gift." Boromir apparently still had other ideas about the Ring, and Gandalf turned back to him with a wild look as he continued, "A gift to the foes of Mordor. Why not use this Ring?" The Man stood up and angrily walked the circle. "Long has my father the Steward of Gondor kept the forces of Mordor at bay. By the blood of our people are your lands kept safe."
Vallawen shifted uncomfortably at these words while Legolas studied her again – her long blonde hair, blue eyes, perfect nose, body like an hourglass of tan steel, and exquisitely shaped arms and legs. "Never before have I seen a girl like her before," he told himself, for he knew he was falling in love.
"Give Gondor the weapon of the enemy! Let us use it against him!" Boromir triumphantly looked around, trying to rally others to his side.
Feeling it was time to step in as most Sues do at this time, Vallawen cried, "You fool! What in the name of Skadi makes you think you can wield the Ring?" Her sharp eyes bore into the Man wrathfully, and right then and there the elven Valkyrie decided she despised him. He was evil because he wanted to take the Ring – it was as simple as that. "How stupid can you get?" Her once noble speech had turned into that of a modern day teenager without warning as it tended to do.
Aragorn also jumped in. "You cannot wield it!" he informed Boromir wisely. "The one Ring answers to Sauron alone! It has no other master!"
Scowling, Boromir turned and skeptically studied the two. "And what would a ranger know of this matter?" he snapped, choosing to ignore the woman completely.
Vallawen started to rebuke him but Legolas got there first. "This is no mere ranger!" he cried out, his eyes-that-should-be-gray-but-were-blue shining. "He is Aragorn, son of Arathorn. You owe him your allegiance." He looked from Boromir to Vallawen who smiled gently upon him, making his cheeks turn crimson. Seeing his discomfort, she winked at him and turned away.
"Aragorn? This is Isildur's heir?" Boromir inquired with an amused look.
The ranger raised his head nobly, and Legolas, feeling emboldened by Vallawen's wink, continued, "And heir to the throne of Gondor."
"Gondor has no king. Gondor needs no king."
"And what does Gondor need? An arrogant bastard like you ruling? I think not!" Vallawen yelled spitefully. Long blonde strands of her golden hair had fallen from her jewel-encrusted horned helmet, and she brushed it out of her eyes.
"And who are you? A demon spawned by Sauron to come and set us all against each other?" Boromir sneered, rolling his eyes. He couldn't believe this odd girl – she came barging in uninvited and was now insulting him for no reason.
Eyes blazing, the elven Valkyrie gave a mighty cry. "Who am I? You must not have been listening to Lord Elrond earlier, you fool! For I am Vallawen, daughter of Brunhild and Hindir, sent by the great Odin to help Frodo Baggins on his journey!"
A gasp rang out from the council at her last few words.
Frodo Baggins was stunned. "My journey?" he stammered.
Vallawen turned to him. Ruining the point of the Council of Elrond, she said in her musical voice, "Yes, my sweet Frodo, your journey to Mount Doom to destroy the Ring. Odin has decreed that you shall go with ten companions: Aragorn, Vallawen, Legolas, Boromir, Gimli, Samwise Gamgee, Pippin, Gandalf, and Merry. Now let us be gone!" She raised her great sword Frinwiniel to the heavens and gave another great shout, leaving a stunned council in silence.
"Yes, m'lady!" said Legolas. He stood up and went over to the Sue- I mean, elven Valkyrie and bent down on one knee. "You have my bow!" He kissed her icy hand and cried, "Oh! Your hand feels of ice!" And his great hand covered hers, sending warmth soaring through it. But she gently removed his hand and said, "Be not troubled with me, sweet prince. My heart is destined to be ice for all eternity and nothing can warm it." And her eyes seemed to fill with tears but she brushed them away.
Ignoring the incredibly stupid scene in front of them, Gandalf, Aragorn, Boromir, and Gimli pledged to help Frodo Baggins complete his quest. And of course Sam, Pippin, and Merry raced in, and Elrond declared them all The Fellowship of the Ring. Now if Elrond had been canonical he would have known that Vallawen shouldn't be going along. But in this world of the sue anything went (besides, who cares about nine members for nine Nazgûl but that silly Tolkien and his nerdy fans?).
Pippin gave an excited grin. "Right! Where are we going?"
He is so cute, Vallawen thought with a smile, but that smile faded when she saw Legolas looking sympathetically at her. Oh, no. "Legolas," she said softly. "Do not feel sorry for me and my heart of ice. We have Frodo to worry about now instead." Then she turned and whistled. "Gingus!" she called.
With a burst of dramatic music, her steed flew towards her. With a whinny he asked, "What is your bidding, my lady?" The noble beast looked splendid. His silver mane fell down to his knees, his tail hit the ground, and his snow white body was free of all mud and filth. His hooves were a glittering gold. Not even Shadowfax of Rohan could compare to this horse of Freyja, and Vallawen knew it.
"Sweet, Gingus!" she continued, "you must now carry me along with this brave Fellowship right away. We must be off!" Making sure her many jewel-encrusted weapons were attached to her saddle and belt, she skillfully mounted the horse. "Come, Fellowship!"
Aragorn frowned. "Shouldn't we wait a couple of months so the scouts can inform us about what is going on in the East?" The ranger was wise and knew the risks of immediately heading out from Rivendell; they could all be killed in seconds if orcs were close by and in hiding.
Paying him no heed since she was a Sue and cared not for common sense, Vallawen turned to Elrond. "My sweet king," she told him, "you have been blessed by Odin."
"Thank you m'lady, but I am not a king –"
She interrupted him. "Fear nothing and have faith." The sixteen year old elven Valkyrie kissed the immortal elf's forehead like a mother would a child's. "Now let us be off!" And she galloped away to the gate, followed slowly by the nine true members. If she had truly cared for the well-being of the Ring-bearer, she would have stayed behind, for her very presence jeopardized the Fellowship's mission. . .
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