Kain: *Stares at his new computer*
Computer: Welcome! Please press any key to start.
Kain: The foul contraption speaks...and there is no key that says "Any" on it.
Computer: Please press a key.
Kain: Oh well why didn't you say so?
Computer: I did.
Kain: -_- You talk to much. *Presses a key but his claw goes thru the keyboard and he ends up getting electrocuted.
Computer: Error detected in system. Running diagnostic. Please wait.
Kain: *Charred* 0_0 *Breaths out a cloud of smoke*
Dumah and Rahab: *Are dragging the computer to the edge of the Abyss*
Kain: Cast it in!
Rahab: Err this thing is saying something.
Kain: Oh? Last words?...very well what does it say?
Rahab: It says you've got mail.
Kain: I do?
Rahab: Yeah should I open it?
Rahab: *Sets the computer down and opens up the mail*
All: *Look at the message*
Kain: 0_0 *Blasts the computer and half the cliff into the Abyss*
Melchia: ...Out of curiosity why would anyone think to send you an advertisement about enlarging your...
Other Brethren: *Drag Melchia away before he can say more stupid things*
(Before anyone asks it's a laptop that runs on special non-existential Nosgoth batteries.)
Raziel: *Enters the pillar room for the first time after coming back as the Soul Reaver*
Ariel: -_- Men.
Raziel: *Is standing on the cliff, staring into the Abyss and pondering random ponderable thingies with his mind* (T_T Leave me alone! I stayed up late doing this)
Random vampire: *Attacks him*
Raziel: *Get's mad and throws the vampire into the Abyss*
Raziel: ^ ^ Ya know that was kinda therapeutic.
-Below the Abyss-
Elder god: *Get's hit in the head with a dead vampire* What the...*Pokes the vampire* Tch stupid kids throwing dead vampires in my yard. That would have hurt if there had been more left of him.
-Above the Abyss-
Raziel: *Is pushing a mammoth stone block over the cliff after the vampire*
Raziel: *Goes over to the lever in Melchia's room* Answer me brother!
Melchia: What is it?
Raziel: Will you please tell me what in the bloody name of Janos Audron possessed you to live in a room with a spiky spinning thing of horrible pain in the ceiling?
Melchia: Feng Shui. It's the latest fad.
Raziel: *Opens up a chest in an ancient tomb*
Elder god: Contained within this chest is an ancient weapon that you can use to decimate your vampire foes.
Raziel: *Takes it out* What's this thing made out of? It looks to colorful to be a weapon.
Elder god: Just trust me on this one ok.
Raziel: Fine but could you at least explain what a Nerf supersoaker is?
Raziel: *Has beaten a vampire to near death* Hmm torches set them on fire, staffs impale them...I wonder what happens if I use the Reaver for the finishing move.
Vampire: *Bleeds and staggers*
Raziel: *Uses the Reaver in the finishing blow*
Vampire: *Blows up*
-What do Kain and Ariel DO with their selves while they wait Eons for random things to happen?-
Ariel: *Is staring at a game of solitair* Wish I could touch physical objects...hey Kain come over here and move that jack to that queen.
Kain: *Flipping a coin* In a minute
Ariel: That's what you've been saying for the last hundred and fifty years! When are you going to stop playing with that coin?
Kain: I have to get it to land on it's edge. My destiny depends on it.
Ariel: -_- Kain have you ever heard of a metaphor?
Kain: No, why?
Raziel: *Walks into Zephons lair*
Random Zephonim vampires: *Attack him*
Raziel: I HATE SPIDERS!
Raziel: *Re-enters the cathedral with a huge supply of Raid* -_- If anyone makes any ex-Terminator puns I will hurt them badly.
Raziel: *Enters Rahabs room*
Rahab: *Comes to the surface*
Raziel: ^ ^ FISHY!
Rahab: -_- No it's me, Rahab.
Raziel: I always wanted a fishy!
Rahab: Stop calling me a fishy!
Raziel: *Pulls out a huge box of goldfish flakes and shakes it on top of Rahab*
Rahab: WILL YOU CUT IT OUT!
Raziel: *Goes into Dumahs room* . Ok let me get this straight, I need to bring him back to life so I can kill him again?
Elder god: Yup.
Raziel: Couldn't I just fight him in the spectral realm?
Elder god: Nope.
Raziel: Oh fine. *Pulls out the staffs*
Dumah: *Stands up* ^_^ Yay those splinters really hurt!
Raziel: Geez what happened to you? You look like they ran out of character designs and had to hire a reject from DOOM.
Dumah: You don't look so hot yourself blue boy!
Raziel: Yeah but I have fangirls, as annoying as they may be I take solace in that.
Dumah: You still can't beat me. My dad is Kain!
Raziel: Your idiot! Technically he's my father to. Now I'm afraid I'm going to have to beat you up and relieve you of your soul.
Dumah: No you can't do that! I'm stronger then daddy!
-Back in the chronoplast chamber-
Kain: -_- I beg your pardon?
That's all for now. Many many more to come once I can get my hands on SR2 and Defiance.