Chibi Soul Reaver Moments

Kain: *Stares at his new computer*

Computer: Welcome! Please press any key to start.

Kain: The foul contraption speaks...and there is no key that says "Any" on it.

Computer: Please press a key.

Kain: Oh well why didn't you say so?

Computer: I did.

Kain: -_- You talk to much. *Presses a key but his claw goes thru the keyboard and he ends up getting electrocuted.

Computer: Error detected in system. Running diagnostic. Please wait.

Kain: *Charred* 0_0 *Breaths out a cloud of smoke*


Dumah and Rahab: *Are dragging the computer to the edge of the Abyss*

Kain: Cast it in!

Rahab: Err this thing is saying something.

Kain: Oh? Last words?...very well what does it say?

Rahab: It says you've got mail.

Kain: I do?

Rahab: Yeah should I open it?

Kain: *Nods*

Rahab: *Sets the computer down and opens up the mail*

All: *Look at the message*

Kain: 0_0 *Blasts the computer and half the cliff into the Abyss*

Melchia: ...Out of curiosity why would anyone think to send you an advertisement about enlarging your...

Other Brethren: *Drag Melchia away before he can say more stupid things*

(Before anyone asks it's a laptop that runs on special non-existential Nosgoth batteries.)

Raziel: *Enters the pillar room for the first time after coming back as the Soul Reaver*

Kain: Raziel.

Raziel: Kain.

Kain: Raziel!

Raziel: Kain!


Raziel: KAIN!

Ariel: -_- Men.

Raziel: *Is standing on the cliff, staring into the Abyss and pondering random ponderable thingies with his mind* (T_T Leave me alone! I stayed up late doing this)

Random vampire: *Attacks him*

Raziel: *Get's mad and throws the vampire into the Abyss*

Vampire: *Gurgle*

Raziel: ^ ^ Ya know that was kinda therapeutic.

-Below the Abyss-

Elder god: *Get's hit in the head with a dead vampire* What the...*Pokes the vampire* Tch stupid kids throwing dead vampires in my yard. That would have hurt if there had been more left of him.

-Above the Abyss-

Raziel: *Is pushing a mammoth stone block over the cliff after the vampire*

Raziel: *Goes over to the lever in Melchia's room* Answer me brother!

Melchia: What is it?

Raziel: Will you please tell me what in the bloody name of Janos Audron possessed you to live in a room with a spiky spinning thing of horrible pain in the ceiling?

Melchia: Feng Shui. It's the latest fad.

Raziel: *Opens up a chest in an ancient tomb*

Elder god: Contained within this chest is an ancient weapon that you can use to decimate your vampire foes.

Raziel: *Takes it out* What's this thing made out of? It looks to colorful to be a weapon.

Elder god: Just trust me on this one ok.

Raziel: Fine but could you at least explain what a Nerf supersoaker is?

Raziel: *Has beaten a vampire to near death* Hmm torches set them on fire, staffs impale them...I wonder what happens if I use the Reaver for the finishing move.

Vampire: *Bleeds and staggers*

Raziel: *Uses the Reaver in the finishing blow*

Vampire: *Blows up*


-What do Kain and Ariel DO with their selves while they wait Eons for random things to happen?-

Ariel: *Is staring at a game of solitair* Wish I could touch physical objects...hey Kain come over here and move that jack to that queen.

Kain: *Flipping a coin* In a minute

Ariel: That's what you've been saying for the last hundred and fifty years! When are you going to stop playing with that coin?

Kain: I have to get it to land on it's edge. My destiny depends on it.

Ariel: -_- Kain have you ever heard of a metaphor?

Kain: No, why?

Raziel: *Walks into Zephons lair*

Random Zephonim vampires: *Attack him*



Raziel: *Re-enters the cathedral with a huge supply of Raid* -_- If anyone makes any ex-Terminator puns I will hurt them badly.

Raziel: *Enters Rahabs room*

Rahab: *Comes to the surface*

Raziel: ^ ^ FISHY!

Rahab: -_- No it's me, Rahab.

Raziel: I always wanted a fishy!

Rahab: Stop calling me a fishy!

Raziel: *Pulls out a huge box of goldfish flakes and shakes it on top of Rahab*


Raziel: *Goes into Dumahs room* . Ok let me get this straight, I need to bring him back to life so I can kill him again?

Elder god: Yup.

Raziel: Couldn't I just fight him in the spectral realm?

Elder god: Nope.

Raziel: Oh fine. *Pulls out the staffs*

Dumah: *Stands up* ^_^ Yay those splinters really hurt!

Raziel: Geez what happened to you? You look like they ran out of character designs and had to hire a reject from DOOM.

Dumah: You don't look so hot yourself blue boy!

Raziel: Yeah but I have fangirls, as annoying as they may be I take solace in that.

Dumah: You still can't beat me. My dad is Kain!

Raziel: Your idiot! Technically he's my father to. Now I'm afraid I'm going to have to beat you up and relieve you of your soul.

Dumah: No you can't do that! I'm stronger then daddy!

-Back in the chronoplast chamber-

Kain: -_- I beg your pardon?

That's all for now. Many many more to come once I can get my hands on SR2 and Defiance.