Key to her Heart

By Ellie

Jareth's goblins started sputtering about 'the right words'. Oh, bloody hell. Fourth one this week… How are these children finding my books so quickly?! (Apparently Jareth had never head of the Net)

Laby fanfic writers all let out breath of relief

"Sire! King Jareth! We have needs of you Sire! We's to claim another child from above."

Jareth rubbed his aching temples delicately before growling, "Tell me your name."

"Squelch, m'lord."

"Well… Squelch. You have just become my stand in."

"Stand what, Sire? I didna knows I was to stand somewheres…"

Jareth's fingers began to knead into the flesh of his forehead.

Now Squelch knew a bad thing when he saw it and the crystal ball hurtling at his head, was a bad, BAD thing… The crystal hit and in a giant poof of glitter, Squelch was human again. He was also FAR more attractive as a goblin. Jareth looked at Squelch's new form and grimaced before gesturing towards the door, "If any brats ask who you are then tell them that you're 'the Goblin King'. Offer them dreams- if they refuse than you are to return to the castle and let me deal with them."

Squelch nodded fervently before huddling down to scramble away. It was a strange sight considering his new towering height of 6'1.

"For the sake of everything INTELLIGENT in this dank, forsaken castle will you at least stand up straight!!! It is *ME* you're representing!!!"

Squelch obeyed and Jareth grimaced again. He makes one F*Ugly human being. I did his parents a favor taking that one.

Once Squelch was away, Jareth returned to brooding. He didn't know why he did it so much… Fanfic writers all over the world, hold their breath with their fingers frozen above their keyboards... But he figured it was just another part of the job.

They all heave another sigh of relief

He was still brooding about green eyes and "J & S" monogrammed pajamas, Ellie smiles mischievously at her computer screen before returning to her new J/S fic "Honeymooners" ((not a real fic)) when Squelch walked back into the throne room holding a baby of enormous bulk. A girl trailed behind him who looked to be about fourteen and remarkably intelligent… She was keeping a good 10 feet between herself and Squelch. Not only that, but she was holding one of her crutches in a position that would easily allow her to club someone with it. Her darting eyes made Jareth suspect that *someone* was probably Squelch.

He smiled at the delicious image it made in his mind, before clearing his throat and addressing the girl with the crutches: "Did you wish this child away?" Jareth gestured toward the giggling mass that was held aloft in Squelch's beefy arms.

The girl looked Jareth over before relaxing her grip on the crutch minimally. "I did." She admitted clearly.

Jareth frowned at her trust in him. Apparently she found him the lesser of two evils. He loved proving girls like her wrong. Jareth glanced at the girl and smiled wide enough to display the slightly pointed teeth he had decided made him fit the part of an 'evil-child-snatching-Goblin King' ….

(It was hard enough knowing that his family had been cursed with their reign over the goblins ever since great, great, great, great, Uncle Ferment had gotten frisky with someone's wife. And he was positive that it would be even worse if people aboveground knew about it as well so he chose to go along with the whole 'evil façade'. It not only saved time, but he found it extremely funny to see the little lamb's eyes widen when he brought out his leather whip.)

Posted at Marysia: New Thread: Ferment's Shenanigans- the REAL reason Jareth rules over Goblins ((not a real thread))

The girl focused on his teeth and her eyes became unfocused. Ha, thought Jareth, she's probably afraid of me now!!

:::MUSIC IS CUED, AS THE GIRL DRIFTS OFF, DAYDREAMING::::

Just Dre-e-e-e-eam, dream, dream, dream, dream, dre-e-e-e-eam….

Her mouth popped open and the words "My, what nice lips you have." Slipped out.

Dre-e-e-e-eam, dream, dream, dream, dream, dre-e-e-e-eam…

Jareth recoiled in surprise, one hand going to his mouth instinctively. That's not right! She's not supposed to admire my LIPS she's supposed to *fear* my TEETH.

A Laby writer tries to slink away. Ellie detains her. "You just fed her that line!" The Laby writer nods sheepishly. Ellie grins… "Just don't let me catch you doing it again." Laby writer stares blankly, Ellie winks. Laby writer smiles and she and Ellie exchange significant looks.

The girl shook her head in bafflement, "I *meant* to say that you have nice GUMS. Wow, I don't know where *that* came from!"

Snickers ricochet off of computer screens everywhere.

Jareth's hands itched to scratch his head, but he forced them to remain at his sides, "I'm sorry, did you say 'gums'?"

She shrugged, "My Mom's a vet and my Dad's a dentist. I see pointy teeth all the time- but clean gums? THAT'S rare."

Jareth looked suspiciously at Squelch. What manner of girl WAS this?! He finally turned his gaze back to her, "As my…. Representative… has *undoubtedly* already told you- (Squelch nodded frantically at the poisonous glare that Jareth sent his way) What's said is said. However, I can give you a pretty bauble that grants you your dreams if you walk out now without Jr. over there."

The girl looked tempted as she watched the baby chew on Squelch's collar, but she shook her head in resignation and turned back to Jareth before saying, "I can't do that. I'm Teeny's babysitter."

Jareth raised both his eyebrows…. Teeny?!

He appraised the child again and noted that "Teeny" was literally the circumference of a barrel and the exact length of Squelch's entire human torso. Jareth shook his head and began the speech: "Ahem, Then you must traverse my Labyrinth and reach the castle in the center of the maze in 13 hours or your employer's *precious* Teeny will be mine forever…"

The girl raised a finger in question; "Does your use of the word "traverse" mean that you expect me to walk?"

Jareth broke away from his brooding looking rather surprised; "Of course it does…" His voice trailed off as she waved her crutch up and down.

"That would be a little difficult since I can't do anything but hobble."

Hoggle pops into room… "Didya call?"

Girl looks confused, "Er, no. I didn't."

Hoggle blinks, "Oh… Well I'm off to kill some fairies."

Jareth looked at the girl with the crutches skeptically. "What is that hideous bulgy thing on your leg?"

She glanced down at the plaster that wrapped from thigh to ankle in a swirl of color and "Get Well Soon" Signatures. "It's just my cast," she shook her head before going back to continue stating her case, "I can't possibly go through your Labyrinth in a cast with crutches and I know that you have to be fair or you don't get to keep the child. So I'm willing to give you a trade…"

Jareth's eyes gleamed, "What sort of trade? What do you have to offer me?"

Ellie sends out the RED ALERT message to all Laby writers. This was their moment…. Their greatest hour!

The Girl's voice became strangely mechanical as she replied, "I know that you love Sarah Williams. Stop. I know that you have sexy legs. Stop. I know that you want to win her heart. Stop. I can help you …..sleep…..with…..win her heart. Stop."

SUCCESS! Ellie smacks the Laby writers that tried to overwrite the message… Mass scolding messages were sent zooming out over the web "Wait for your OWN freaking fic! This is my BABY. You almost BLEW it!!! But thank you for your added support!"

"Where did you come up with that preposterous idea?!" He stammered anxiously while twisting the elaborate lace of his sleeve into a ball.

The girl shook her head and suddenly her eyes were alert… and scared. Her hands wrapped around her own throat as she tried to choke something out…

RED ALERT!!! RED ALERT!! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I REPEAT, NOT A DRILL! BATTLE STATIONS! BATTLE STATIONS PEOPLE!!!!

The mechanical voice emerged: "We are not blind. Stop. We watch you….sitting…sitting….all…..sitting….the…..sitting….time…sitting there. Stop. And we know you brood over her. Stop. Proof: Pajamas. Stop."

Jareth had been leaning very close to the girl, trying to make sure that the terribly blank voice was actually coming from her mouth. At the word 'pajamas' he leaped back.

"Alright. You've got it… Tell me how to win her heart and I'll let you and Teeny go free."

Ellie smirked before pulling out an official looking card and punching in a succession of numbers and codes into a strange machine.

The girl mirrored a familiar smirk before saying in a drawling (and somehow distinct Ellie voice) "I'm going to give you the key to any normal girl's heart…"

Ellie is slapped heartily on the back by fellow authors. She nods graciously before calling out: "SAX! I *know* it was you earlier! My own love for voyeuristic tendencies aside, you took a BIG RISK with my plot out there!" Saxonny grins cheekily, "Love for voyeuristic tendencies? Moi?!" ((Yes, Sax *IS* a real person… Go read her fic, Jareth vs. The Goblin King- GO!))

:::NEXT SCENE IS OF SARAH SITTING IN HER APARTMENT LOOKING BORED:::

Jareth appears in a cloud of glitter. Sarah's jaw slowly drops open. He looks uncomfortable as he starts to sing the song he had been assured was the key to Sarah's heart.

~Yeah
You are my fire
The one desire
Believe when I say
I want it that way~

Sarah's eyebrows shot up… WAAAY up. It had been years since she had beaten him and now the Goblin King was in her living room singing her a Backstreet Boys song?!? Was her hot chocolate spiked or something?

~But we are two worlds apart
Can't reach to your heart
When you say
That I want it that way~

She didn't look like she was "melting" as it was so eloquently put... More snickers ricocheting through cyber spaceIn fact, Sarah looked stricken… Maybe he ought to be more into it…

~Tell me why
(Ain't nothin' but a heartache)
Tell me why
(Ain't nothin' but a mistake)
(Tell me why)
I never wanna hear you say
I want it that way~

She had been pinching herself with varying degrees of roughness ever since Jareth had appeared. There was no denying that this was actually happening. And the determined glint she saw in his eyes was 100% stubborn Goblin King. Immediately after the glint he was putting even more gusto into the song and the accompanying dance steps.

Ellie laughed at Sax's look of devilish delight. "Nice touch Sax. If he didn't feel stupid enough SINGING it, he's got to feel even more dumb doing those lame dance steps." Sax takes small bow.

~Am I your fire
Your one desire
Guess I know it's too late
But I want it that way~

How many times would he have to make that stupid little saunter-into-a-spin before this torture would end?

Tell me why
(Ain't nothin' but a heartache)
Tell me why
(Ain't nothin' but a mistake)
(Tell me why)
I never wanna hear you say
I want it that way

She just couldn't understand what possessed him to do this. Was it some sort of trick?

~Now I can see that we've fallen apart
From the way that it used to be, yeah

No matter the distance
I want you to know that
Deep down inside of me

You are my fire
The one desire
(You are, you are, you are, you are)
Don't wanna hear you say, hey
Ain't nothin' but a heartache
Ain't nothin' but a mistake
I never wanna hear you say
I want it that way Tell me why
(Ain't nothin' but a heartache)
Tell me why
(Ain't nothin' but a mistake)
(Tell me why)
(Don't wanna hear you say)
I want it that way
Tell me why
(Ain't nothin' but a heartache)
(Ain't nothin' but a mistake)
Tell me why I never wanna hear you say
(hear you say, yeah) I want it that way
'Cause I want it that way~

With a last spin, Jareth ended the song on bent knee in front of a flabbergasted Sarah.

"Why are you doing this?!?" She demanded angrily.

Jareth was so shocked by her rage that the honest answer slipped tiredly from his mouth: "For you. To show you that I love you."

Sarah's eyes snapped open and she began to laugh hysterically. Jareth felt like someone was systematically crushing his heart into goo, and he turned to leave.

"WAIT! Jareth! I love you too!" Sarah's desperate voice called back to him.

He turned around and saw her standing there with a nervous grin tugging at her lips and her beautiful green eyes streaming with tears. Tears of love. Of acceptance… He took several long strides to her before plucking her up and kissing the breath out of her.

Afterwards, Sarah asked the question that had been burning in her mind. "Who in God's name told you that singing that Backstreet Boys song would show me that you loved me?"

Jareth blushed an angry red as he thought pain-filled thoughts towards the girl with the crutches. Ellie is seen sneaking her crutch-welding pawn into The Underground's Magical Protection Program. "It's the least I can do you see…"

"It was a girl who wished someone's child away. She said that singing that song would give me the key to your heart." He mumbled into her ebony hair sheepishly.

Ellie grinned, "No. But seeing someone make a complete ass of themselves to show how much they care WILL.

Sarah pulled away to look him in the eyes. Tears filled her eyes once more. "I love you so much…"

On second thought, perhaps that girl deserved a special gift…

~FINIS~

A/N) Don't ask me where this one came from. Last night I wanted to write a silly-parody fic about Jareth singing a Backstreet Boys song (Two things that should never be brought together in a serious environment LOL) and this entire thing was spawned somehow between then and now. Blame it on the cold I guess. Grins But this was fun and I'm proud that there actually appears to be a plot after all!!! Not *MUCH* of a plot- but so sue me. Silly fics SHOULDN'T have too much plot- It defeats the purpose!!!!!

SO THERE!

Review if you LOOOVE ME!!!!

(Sorry, still rather sick.. must be the meds… ;) )

~Ellie

Oops! Almost forgot… Song is by Backstreet Boys called "I Want it That Way" NOT… NOT mine. ;)