Society for Nutters Obsessed with Ginny
Potter47

"Welcome everyone," Harry's voice rang through the enlarged Room of Requirement, "to the first meeting of the Society for Nutters Obsessed with Ginny."

"Or," said Colin Creevey, stepping in front of Harry, "as I like to call it, SNOG."

There was a bit of laughter at that.

"Yes, well," said Harry, "the preferred abbreviation, in my mind, would be S.N.O.G."

"Right," said Colin, shoving Harry out of the way, and speaking to the room at large. "We all have come here today, for a common purpose. To help each other, in dealing with our obsession with the youngest Weasley, Ginny.

"I would like to start by saying, I do not blame a single one of you, for your condition. We all have it. Each and every one of us. That's why we're here. To help each other."

"Okay," said Harry, coming back to where he had been standing, "as I was saying, before that rude interruption. Welcome to S.N.O.G. Let's take attendance:

"Boot, Terry."

"Here."

"Creevey, Colin."

"Here."

"Creevey, Dennis."

"Here."

"Finch-Fletchley, Justin."

"Here."

Harry looked at the parchment in his hands, and back up, uncertainly. His eyes were wide.

"Goyle, Gregory?"

A loud grunt was the response, and Harry continued on.

"Hooper, Geoffrey."

"Here."

"Longbottom, Neville."

"Here."

Once again, Harry's eyes widened in disbelief.

"Malfoy, Draco?!"

"Here, Potter."

"Macmillan, Ernie," Harry continued.

"Here."

"Potter, Harry."

He looked around the room, seeing no one.

"Potter, Harry?" he questioned again.

"Er...Harry?" said Colin slowly.

"Oh, right, that's me."

And so it went. Right down to "Zabini, Blaise," who seemed to be invisible, and only responded with an odd sounding grunt.

"Quite a turnout," Colin mused, gazing out over the room.

"Well, once again, I would like to say welcome, to you all," said Harry. "For our first meeting, we have a special guest. The only known wizard who has supposedly, 'got over' Ginny Weasley: I'd like you all to welcome, Michael Corner!"

Harry stepped aside, and let Michael stand in his place.

"Thank you, Harry.

"Hem, hem. Alright, first I'd like to say that Ginny's a great person. I went out with her for nearly a year. But seriously, I think this is a bit much! A club of obsessers?! Do you not find that the least bit creepy? If I were you, I'd just find someone, in my own house, and just get on with your life! Get ove-"

"Silencio!"

Colin spoke once again to the room. "I'm sorry everyone, but our guest is moving a little too fast there. We first need to help each other, with our obsession, and then move on to a possible solution. Most certainly not something for the first meeting!"

"Now," said Harry. "I believe we have covered enough for the first day. Come back, next week, for Lesson One: About Ginny."

"Goodnight, everyone!"

* * *

"Yeah, right," muttered Ginny, at breakfast on Monday morning.

"What is it?" asked Hermione, tearing her gaze from the teachers' table to look at her younger friend.

"This letter. It's from 'A friend.'"

She handed it to Hermione, who read it. Ron was looking interested as well, and tried to look over her shoulder.

Virginia Weasley,

I write this to inform you of a secret society that has been formed within the walls of Hogwarts. It is really none of my business, but has everything to do with you.

It is called 'The Society for Nutters Obsessed with Ginny,' and was founded by a Gryffindor, who shall remain nameless. It's purpose is to teach the dozens of wizards who are obsessed with you to be able to live their lives, regardless of their obsession.

Founder, (nameless Gryffindor) regards this group by the abbreviation, S.N.O.G, while most refer to it simply as 'snog'.

This appears as a harmless group, and it should help its members help each other.

BUT IS IT?

I can exclusively inform you, that the founder of this group, (nameless boy-who-lives in Gryffindor Tower) has an ulterior motive. He designed this group for the sole purpose of helping each of the other members get over you therefore he can finally get up the nerve to take you to Hogsmeade.

How do I know this, you ask?

Simple. My boyfriend is good friends with (nameless Gryffindor) and he slipped this information to me by accident. This will not likely be important to you, as it is not well known that my boyfriend is indeed my boyfriend. For some reason he didn't want it to be common knowledge.

A friend

PS: Just so you know, this is not the only group that (nameless Gryffindor) has founded. A certain ex-girlfriend of my boyfriend helped him with the first.

Both Ron and Hermione looked up from the letter, and, wide-eyed, looked at each other. They burst out laughing.

"Ginny," said Ron. "Do you have any idea who that's from?"

She shook her head.

"Well we're not going to be telling her, are we, Ronald?" Hermione asked dangerously, but there was a certain tone in her voice. It was almost as though she was giving a hint.

"Of course not. But before you go brushing this off Gin, I should tell you. It's a very reliable source." He snorted again, though he seemed to be trying to cover something. A secret. Something was on his mind.

"Right..." said Ginny slowly. She would figure it out. She didn't need their help.

From their attitude, she was sure the answer was obvious.

* * *

"Welcome to our second meeting!" called Harry. "Today is Lesson One: About Ginny.

"I have come to know Ginny quite well over the past couple years," he said. "She is very funny. Very smart. You all know she's beautiful. What is there not to like about her?"

A certain Ravenclaw was tied up in the corner of the room, trying to break through his restraints, and the Muggle tape that kept his mouth shut.

"She's a Weasley through and through. She takes after the twins with her sense of humour, and strongly believes that, and I quote, 'anything's possible if you've got enough nerve.'

"She has beautiful, long red hair, bright brown eyes, and eleven freckles across her nose.

"Ginny used to blush frequently, but in recent years has minimized those incidents to just about none.

"In her first year, Ginny was taken into the Chamber of Secrets, by the Heir of Slytherin. It was a horrific experience, and it would have been fatal for both her and myself, if it wasn't for quite a bit of luck. I believe fate was on our side that day.

"She is the youngest of seven Weasley children, and, in my opinion, the finest of the lot."

* * *

Ginny had made a list of all the Gryffindors she knew, not including Ron, for he would most certainly not start a SNOG club that had anything to do with herself.

She then made a list of all the witches she knew, in each house, since the letter was obviously from a female.

She crossed off all of the persons who had boyfriends or girlfriends that she knew of, as the letter had said it was not common knowledge. And she doubted that the founder of SNOG would be romantically attached.

For a moment, she just shook her head, unable to believe that this actually was real. SNOG? Dozens of members? It just didn't seem probable.

She then remembered hearing the name 'Blaise Zabini,' but was not sure which list that would go on.

Taking out the letter, she searched it for any hints to the identity of the author. The format seemed familiar. As if she had read something similar. But did she?

BUT IS IT?

BUT DOES HE?

That was it! The Quibbler. Every article had something along those lines. She remembered the article about Harry:

Most people agree that the 'boy-who-lived' is no longer the sane boy he used to be. That he makes up stories, just to keep the public's eye focused on him. That he wants nothing more than to be the next Gilderoy Lockhart...

BUT DOES HE?

She laughed at the memory.

So, this person reads the Quibbler. Who did she know who read the Quibbler? It seemed everyone did since Harry's article. But who would go to such lengths as to write a letter in the same format?

Hmm...

Duh!

She knew one person who would do that. Luna Lovegood. One of her best friends, and probably the only person who wouldn't just tell her about this group. What took her so long to figure that out?

She had a boyfriend?

Who cou-no...no it couldn't be!

Ron?

* * *

"She is now sixteen years old, and is currently single," said Harry. "With luck, one of us, may change that."

* * *

Ron and Luna?

Who would've thought?

It had to be. There was no one else Luna had ever showed any interest in. Ever. Since they were three, and Luna had first come over the Burrow. It certainly took long enough...

Hang on...

My boyfriend is good friends with (nameless Gryffindor) and he slipped this information to me by accident...

Good friends? But who was Ron good friends with, apart from Hermione and Harry?

and Harry...

Harry...

No way!

* * *

"Did I mention her beautiful red hair? And her eleven freckles? Counted them myself..."

* * *

It all fit...

I can exclusively inform you, that the founder of this group, (nameless boy-who-lives in Gryffindor Tower) has an ulterior motive.

Boy-who-lives?

How did I miss that?

Ginny smacked herself over the head with her Transfiguration book.

Just so you know, this is not the only group that (nameless Gryffindor) has founded. A certain ex-girlfriend of my boyfriend helped him with the first.

Ron's ex-girlfriend is Hermione...who...helped with the D.A.! Duh, again!

He designed this group for the sole purpose of helping each of the other members get over you therefore he can finally get up the nerve to take you to Hogsmeade.

Oh, really?

* * *

"Hello, Harry," said Ginny, sitting down beside him at the Gryffindor table at breakfast.

"Hey, Gin," Harry said blushingly, trying to hide his face in his toast, which only succeeded in buttering them.

Ron and Hermione looked at Ginny, trying to keep their faces straight. Ginny winked at them.

"So," she said, "have a nice snog?" she asked casually.

Harry spit out the sip of pumpkin juice he had attempted to drink. Ron snorted so loud that Professor Snape looked in his direction...worriedly.

"W-what?" Harry stuttered.

"Oh, sorry," said Ginny. "None of my business what you do. I just heard a rumour about you snogging someone in the Room of Requirement."

"I did not!" he said, clearly having thought that she had discovered his secret. Clearly she had.

"Want to?"

"What?" he nearly screamed.

"Well, since you didn't have the nerve to ask me to Hogsmeade, without first eliminating any and all competition, I decided to take it upon myself, to ask you."

"How...who..."

"Yes or no, Harry? You want to go to Hogsmeade?"

"YES!" He did scream that time.

"Good. Next time just ask." She kissed him on the cheek before walking out of the Great Hall, leaving a dumbfounded founder with an amazed look on his face, and a certain Ravenclaw grinning.

A certain other Ravenclaw was still left tied up in the corner...

~ The End ~

WARNING:
DO NOT TAKE THIS FIC SERIOUSLY! IT WILL HARM YOUR MIND!

Oh, sorry, should have put that at the beginning...

Review: The only payment I get for translating my H/G insanity into words.